by Candy Laine
“Really beautiful, isn’t it?” The unexpected baritone made her jump in fright. She spun around too fast and Arun’s arms went out to support her as she almost lost her footing in the loose sandy soil. She looked into his eyes in the dimly lit garden. He smiled at her.
“Yes, beautiful.” Her words were soft on her lips. His gaze went over her face with an intensity she had not seen before. It was almost as if he were taking a mental picture that he could take out and look at later.
She turned her back to him. Looking unseeingly out towards the water. Very aware of him standing right behind her. She folded her arms around herself and shivered.
“Are you cold?” Arun stepped up close behind her and rubbed her upper arms. She gave a little sigh and leaned back into his warmth. He enclosed her in his arms. Trying to shield her body with his from the breeze. “Do you want to go back in?” he whispered in her ear.
“In a bit.” Shweta stood basking in his warmth. Reluctant to move away. They stood there in silence for a long time. It felt so natural to be there with him. He rubbed her arms as they stood silently. Enjoying the breeze and scenery. At one point she felt as though he kissed the top of her head, but she wasn’t sure.
She was happy just standing with him behind her, enveloping her in his arms, making her feel safe and protected. She wished he could always be with her. She wished things could be different. Then she sighed knowing that was not possible. She decided to just enjoy the little time that they had together this evening.
“Come sit with me on the bench there.” Arun pointed to a cosy corner in the garden where a small wooden bench sat surrounded by bougainvillea on two sides. He placed his hand on the small of her back and gently led her to the bench. The motion broke the surreal effect.
“How are you doing now?” Shweta asked as she sat down on the bench. “It couldn’t have been easy with the death of your father and shifting your mother to Pune.”
“It’s been hectic, but honestly I didn’t really have a very close relationship with my dad.” Arun sat down on her left. “He was a bit of a dictator in our lives. My mother and I were a team but he was always on the opposite side.” Arun turned towards her and placed his arm on the back of the bench behind her.
“I suppose it’s natural. Boys are mother’s pets and girls are father’s.” Shweta thought back to her own father. “My dad used to pamper me silly. I was his princess. Of course my brother was always Mama’s Boy.”
“I didn’t have siblings. So I was kind of the focus of both their attention. Every move was scrutinized and dissected. I had to be on my best behaviour all the time. God forbid someone in the unit found me lacking in social skills.” Arun laughed at a memory.
“My father would usually not care how I behaved, but I always wanted him to be proud of me. Guess that made me behave well all the time. Sameer was not too bothered about what others thought. He was happy if he got to play cricket and not do homework. My mother had a tough time disciplining him when dad would be away on temporary duties.”
“I always wanted my father to stay on temporary duty. Life was a whole lot more peaceful when he was away.” Arun shook his head sadly. “Now he’s never going to be there and I miss him. Crazy isn’t it? We never value what we have till it is taken away.”
Shweta didn’t know what to say. She knew first hand how it hurt to miss a dead parent and she also knew time was the only healer. She took his hand in hers and stroked it lightly.They sat there in companionable silence. Both of them lost in their own thoughts.
“You once told me you wouldn’t have kids. Why would you deprive yourself of that pleasure?” Arun asked the intimate question hoping that it was answered. She released his hand and placed hers in her lap.
“Arun, I studied hard to get my doctor’s degree. So many girls decided to delay their specialization because their parents pressured them to get married. Then they delayed it again to have kids.” Shweta sighed. “Half of them have given up on the dream of completing their studies because they want to look after their kids.”
“So you would rather concentrate on your career than on getting married and having children.” Arun nodded understandingly.
“Yes.” Shweta was relieved he understood. “I have nothing against kids, but I am happy with my life the way it is now. I have control over everything. Control is important to me.” Specially in the light of how she had felt when her childhood was turned topsy turvy after the death of her father. She didn’t have to mention it. Arun could relate to her at a level that she found comforting and frightening. She could really fall hard for him if she was not careful.
“If you could go back to Sikkim, would you?” Arun asked trying to lighten the mood.
“I had a lovely time while I was there. The work was interesting. I got to do a lot of trekking and yes it was beautiful, but I don’t think I would like to go and live there again. It would be nice to go back for a visit though.”
“I’d like to go back for a visit too.” Arun’s thumb was running light circles on her neck. “The pristine mountains, the clear waterfalls. It was so beautiful. Maybe one day we all could plan a trip together. This gang is crazy enough to do it.”
“I would like that.” Shweta’s skin was tingling. He didn’t seem aware of her reaction. He continued to absently rub her neck. “It would be fun to take a trip to Sikkim with everyone.” She wished they could take a trip themselves, just the two of them. Then caught herself as the longing hit her.
“Let’s plan one for next summer. You and I both know what a pain the winter months can be there.” Arun gave a short laugh and Shweta joined him.
“Of yes, I certainly don’t want to freeze my toes off. I can’t remember the number of cases of frostbite we had to treat each winter.” Shweta thought back to the bone chilling winters and the wind that never seemed to quit. Then she yawned.
“It’s late.” Arun said quietly. “Perhaps we should go to bed.”
“I don’t have the room key and I don’t feel like asking Ashima for it.” Shweta confessed.
“I’ll get it for you.” Arun gallantly got up and offered her a hand. She hesitated just a few seconds before she took it.
o0o
19
Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
o0o
How well I know what I mean to do
When the long dark autumn-evenings come:
And where, my soul, is thy pleasant hue?
With the music of all thy voices, dumb
In life's November too!
Robert Browning
Shweta’s mobile beeped. Heralding the arrival of a text message. Since it was exactly nine at night, she had a fairly good idea who sent it! It had been two weeks since Arun and she had been exchanging messages. It had started with the pictures on the beach. The next day it was more images from the road trip. When they returned to Pune he texted her to thank her for coming along on the trip. They ended up messaging for ten minutes after that.
Now Arun was back in The Valley and Shweta was glad to continue their nightly texting. Over the last two weeks they had been getting to know each other. The conversation followed their likes and dislikes, moved to dreams and hopes. The only thing they were not chatting about was their relationship. Neither of them was touching that white elephant. And yet, Shweta had to admit it had been fun.
The message had a picture of a beautiful hill with the sun setting on the side. The sunset reminded me of you.
She looked at the image then texted back. It’s a beautiful view.
He responded. Guess it’s mine for the next two weeks.
She knew he could not tell her where he was each time he headed out on patrols, but it felt nice being able to see where he was. She sent him a picture of the book she was reading.
Thanks for the book. I got it yesterday. I still want to read your poems.
Arun was glad she had got the book. You’re welcome. You’ll enjoy these poems more. Mine are terrible.
Why don’t you let me be the judge of that?
Arun had to admire her persistence, but he wasn’t sharing his poems with her. Not yet anyway. He decided to divert the topic. How was your day?
Shweta huffed in exasperation at his abrupt change in subject. What would it take for Arun to share one of his poems with her? Vishal had told her he wrote beautifully. Why was he so against sharing them with her?
My day had a lot of sick people in it. Occupational hazard!
He sent back a smiley face.
Send me a poem, pretty please?
He couldn’t refuse her anything. Maybe one of the more generic ones will do for now. Okay, I’ll mail you one. I’ll let you go now. I bet you have an early start tomorrow. Goodnight.
Goodnight.
Shweta’s thumb hovered over the kiss emoticon, then she shook her head and put away the phone. It would really shock him if she sent him that. She was still smiling half hour later when she went to bed. She had just read the poem he sent her. He said it was inspired by the view from his room.
Dawn
The dawn breaks out in the sky,
That’s visible from my window.
The streaks of light do night defy,
Tall trees flirt with light and shadow.
I sit in my sleeping bag,
And look out into the haze.
I feel the mattress sag,
Sunlight meeting my lazy gaze.
Pink, yellow, gold and then blue,
Over darkness light wins it’s coup.
How quickly the sky will change its hue,
I leave the warmth, the sleeping bag askew.
~~~
The next day Shweta was waiting for the text message at nine, but it didn’t come. She was a bit disappointed. He must be busy, he’ll message later. She dismissed it and went about winding down for the day. By nine thirty she still didn’t have a message. She was worried now. He must have been out on patrol today. She hoped he was alright. She sent out a little prayer for him and switched off her room’s light.
Shweta tossed and turned for a couple of hours. Checking her phone screen every now and then. Waiting for a message that would not come. As the hours ticked by and night moved into dawn, she was numb with worry. She dressed on automation and tried to act normal for her mother and brother at breakfast.
“Are you expecting a call?” Sameer asked her when she checked for a message the third time at the dining table.
“No, not really.” Shweta forced herself to put the phone down and focus on her toast.
“Is everything alright, Shweta?” Urmila Karkare wondered what her daughter was hiding.
“Yes, Ma.” Shweta swallowed her orange juice after stuffing the last of her eggs and toast in her mouth. That’s when the phone rang. It was Rahat’s number. Shweta’s stomach knotted up.
“Good Morning, Rahat.”
“It’s not that great a morning, Shweta.” Rahat’s voice was husky and cracked. Almost as if she had been crying.
“What’s wrong Rahat?” Gagan was Arun’s cousin. If anything had happened to Arun, Rahat would know by now. Please let him be alright.
“I’m pregnant!” Rahat’s voice was low and miserable. Not exactly the joyous announcement one would expect from a happy mother to be.
“Why that’s wonderful, Rahat.” Shweta tried to make up for her friend’s lack of enthusiasm. Even as she was relieved it had nothing to do with Arun. “Congratulations to both you and Gagan.”
“My life is over and you are congratulating me?” Rahat was obviously not ready for the big news.
“Umm, why don’t we meet up this evening after work and talk about this?” Shweta eyed the clock and realized she was going to be late.
“Okay. Chinese Room. Seven okay for you?”
“Yes. I’ll be there. See you this evening. Bye.”
“What was that all about?” Sameer wanted to know.
“Rahat is pregnant and she’s not happy about it.”
“Oh!” Sameer was quiet as their mother came back from the kitchen to clear away some more dishes. Then he got up and kissed both of them goodbye. Shweta ran to get her bag from her room and caught up with him outside the lift door.
“Do you need a ride today?” Sameer asked as the door opened and he put out his hand to allow her to enter before him.
“No, thanks. I’ll just take my car. I don’t know how late I will get at dinner with Rahat.” Shweta pushed the ground floor button as he entered the lift. “Cover for me with Ma, please.”
~~~
Rahat was waiting for her when Shweta entered the restaurant. She looked about as miserable as she had sounded that morning. Shweta gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and took a seat opposite her.
“How are you doing?”
“Not so good.” Rahat dug out a tissue and blew her nose into it. “I had a fight with Gagan. This was not supposed to happen so soon.”
“Honey, I know it seems like the end of the world to you right now, but it can be a beautiful thing.” Shweta put down her bag on the seat next to her. “At the hospital I see couples who are going crazy trying to conceive and having no luck for years.”
“It’s not like I don’t want a baby ever. I just don’t want to have one right now. I had so many plans for Gagan and me. Now we can’t take that trip to Europe in the summer. I’ll be too bloated to fly. And then no Goa at Christmas because I’ll be too busy changing diapers. My whole life is about to change, Shweta. And I’m really scared.”
“You’ll do great, Rahat. There is nothing to be scared about. Your baby is going to have the best Mommy in the whole wide world. You are going to love that little life to bits. I know it. And I’m sure Gagan will help out all that he can.”
“Can I take your order?” The waiter asked.
“Could you give us a minute...” Shweta opened her menu.
“I’ll have a sweet corn soup, the drums of heaven, hakka noodles and shredded lamb in schezwan sauce.” Rahat rattled off. Then she looked at Shweta and smiled, “I can eat all that I want now that I’m eating for two.”
“Just add a manchow soup to that.” Shweta looked relieved. At least it wasn’t going to be a weepy dinner.
“So tell me what’s happening with you and Arun!” Rahat perked up.
“What?” Shocked was a mild word. “There’s nothing happening there. Why would you ask such a thing?” Did Arun say something to Gagan? Was he texting her because he believed there was still something possible between the two of them?
“Hey, I saw the two of you together in Ganpatipule. I might have been distracted by Sameer and Ashima, but I couldn’t help but notice the two of you making eyes at each other.”
“We were not making eyes at each other. We barely spoke.” Shweta spluttered.
“Yeah. The two of you were so careful to avoid each other around us, I was rather surprised to see the two of you come in together from the garden that night.”
“I was just taking a break from all the drama and getting some fresh air. He followed me out there.” Shweta was quick to defend herself.
“Yes but once he came out there, you didn’t seem to mind his company. In fact I think you enjoyed being in his arms considering that you barely moved once he put them around you.”
“You were watching? How? You had already gone to bed when we got back.”
“Our bedroom balcony overlooked the garden. It was quite a romantic picture the two of you made with the water in the distance. I’m not sure if he kissed you. It was too dark to tell.”
“No he didn’t kiss me. It was just a quiet moment between friends. That’s all.”
“So you would be alright if he stood like that with Ashima too?” Rahat burst out laughing as Shweta could not control her horrified expression fast enough.
“Did he do that?” Arun didn’t come across like a player, but then she had given him no reason to be with her. In fact she kept insisting that they were nothing but friends each time they met.
“Not a chance. Arun’s only got eyes for you, Shweta.” Rahat wiped her tears on the tissue. “Gagan says he’s never seen him so smitten with a girl, ever.”
“If he’s that smitten, why didn’t he text me last night?” Shweta asked in a low voice.
Rahat’s eyebrows rose, “You have been texting Arun? For how long? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Sort of. Since that night. It’s been light and fun. I’m enjoying getting to know him.”
“And he didn’t text you yesterday?”
“No. Maybe he’s not really interested in anything. I mean I told him we could only ever be friends.”
“Why? Why can’t you be more? When did you say this to him?”
“At your wedding.” Shweta would not look at Rahat as her fingers started straightening the cloth napkin in front of her.
“He said he was interested way back then? And you said no? And he’s still texting you? Of course he’s interested in you. I’ve seen the way he watches out for you. His eyes light up when you enter the room.” Rahat was brimming with excitement.
“Really? I think I like him too. I just don’t want to get involved with him because he’s an army officer.” Shweta sounded a little lost, like she wasn’t sure what to do.
Rahat’s tone softened, “Not all of them die and leave their families behind, Shweta.”
“Logically I know that, Rahat, but he had a bullet wound the first time I met him. If that’s not a reminder of how dangerous his job can be, what is?”
“Suppose he had a fatal condition. One of those weird named diseases that your books name. Would you not get involved with him?”
“That’s different. I would help him get the best treatment he could. I would help him heal. How do I cure him of a dangerous job?”
Dinner was served and they moved on to speak of other things. Rahat was looking a lot more relaxed about having the baby. They made plans for a baby shower. Shweta ended up having a good time and was reluctant to go home. She was driving back when the phone beeped with a message at nine o’clock. The smile on her face returned when she saw the message.
