by Mj Fields
I shake my head, fighting against the pleasure already building inside me. “This is going to hurt, but only for a moment. I promise. Are you ready?”
As soon as she opens her mouth to answer, I ram my cock inside her and kiss her hard at the same time. My tongue delves into her mouth, filling hers completely. She bites down, her entire body shaking.
I hold myself still, waiting for some of the tension to leave her body. As soon as her hips move, even slightly, I feel the pressure building and know I am going to come soon.
“Forgive me,” I groan, embarrassment stealing some of my pleasure. For some reason, I feel ashamed at not giving her more, better, even if it is our first time together. The words spill out of me, before I can stop them. “Luciana, I promise this will get better for you, mi amore. But right now, nothing compares to the feeling of being inside your pussy, of being inside you. Fuck...it’s—ah, dio mio!”
I hold her head to my chest, crushing her against me as I pump in and out, as my cum fills her.
I collapse on top of her. We are both trembling, panting. I feel her heart beating in unison with mine. I cradle her head in my hand as I bury my face in her hair. She smells different now. Still sweet, but she also smells of me.
I feel an overwhelming amount of emotion swelling in my chest. A sense of ownership, almost, and it scares me. The protectiveness I feel frightens me also. Along with those, there is the weight of responsibility, and that is a feeling I don’t welcome.
I immediately push myself off her, away from the bed. I step into my pants, grab my shirt and throw it over my head. I try not to look at her but I see her out of the corner of my eye. She hasn’t moved.
I pick her clothes up off the ground and set them on the bed next to her. Then I turn away, to the mirror. I pretend to fix my hair, until I can see her sitting up.
“Sabato?” Her voice quavers.
“I have somewhere I need to be.”
“Now?”
“Yeah, so you need to leave.”
“I—I what?”
“Look, I have to tell you, Luciana.” I turn and face her. “I’m not the guy you think I am.”
“I know who you are.” There is no question in her voice. But she is wrong.
“No, you don’t. The blood that courses through my veins is not the right—”
“Don’t you dare.” She stands up, pulling her shirt on as she comes towards me.
I hold my hand up. “Let’s just not do this, okay? Let’s skip the tragic break up between two young people who finally let passion take over. We fucked, Luciana. It was great. Now we’re done.”
She looks so hurt, and it kills me, but I tell myself I am saving her from a deeper pain. She’ll thank me, someday.
“Right.” She holds back a sob, turns it into a laugh. My gut twists painfully. Silently, she finishes dressing.
“So...thanks?”
She’s walking towards the door. “Oh, no. Thank you, Sabato.”
“Oh....” I hadn’t really meant it, when I thought she might thank me one day. “For what?”
I try to sound unaffected, but I am the opposite.
She shrugs. “I guess I should say thank you, on behalf of...whoever. You know. The next man I give myself to probably won’t have to work as hard to have me. Thank you for showing me I was saving something that wasn’t really worth saving at all.”
Not worth saving? That’s not what...I can’t believe she would think....
“Luciana, I—”
But before I can say anything else, she is gone. I am left cold and raging inside, but I deserve it. I deserve pain, anger, death, and destruction.
The one thing I do not deserve, is Luciana.
So Much for the Afterglow
I stare blindly out the window of my room, which I haven’t left in three days. To say that I am twisted up inside would be the greatest understatement of all time. The weather mirrors exactly what I feel. It has rained nonstop for the entire three days, and the world is now a cold, gray bucket of suck.
I haven’t slept...at all, really.
Now, I am waiting for the rain to clear so that I can go into town. I want alcohol. No, I need it. It’s the only thing that can give me a reprieve from the pain. And yet...I need that, too. The pain is the only thing that makes me feel. Pain is my fate, it seems.
When I can’t withstand my fate any longer, I just need it to go the fuck away for a while. I crash down the back stairs and out the door to the parking lot, past Thor’s running vehicle. The windshield wipers are going like crazy and I see him hugging a girl, inside the car. As I get closer, I recognize the girl. Luciana’s words echo inside my head, the same way they have since she first said them to me.
The next man I give myself to probably won’t have to work as hard to have me.
My eyes are glued to the ground, fists balled tight as I pass the car. In that moment, I promise myself that I won’t look at her, not ever again. I am almost past when I hear Thor yell, “Sabato!”
I keep walking, but then I hear, “SABATO, you fucking pussy!”
Well, that sounds like an invitation to look. I turn and move toward him, blood boiling, my heart beating wildly. His hands form fists and he advances on me faster. My fist connects with his face just as one of his jabs into my side.
“NO!” I hear her scream, and suddenly she is beside me. “Leave him alone.”
Her hands are on my arm, but I easily pull away. I push Thor to the ground and land on top of him, putting fist to face, blow after blow, like a machine made for only one purpose.
Luciana is screaming, crying hysterically.
“Enough! Break it up!”
I look up and in the direction of the voice. Fuck, it’s Father Donnelly. I jump up and take a step back, holding my hands in the air.
“Are you two about finished?” Father Donnelly looks at Luciana, his white eyebrows like twin jet streams rocketing towards the sky. “I hope you realize, girl…this is your fault. Young ladies these days have no—”
“Watch the way you speak to her!” I snap at him, no longer fearing his wrath.
“Sabato, do not be disrespectful to me. I am charged with looking after the moral well-being of our students, as well as the discipline of—”
“Get in the fucking car, Luciana.” When I yell at her, she jumps.
“She’s with me now, Efisto.” Pulling himself up off the ground, Thor grabs her arm and yanks her toward him. “I’ll take her home now.”
He turns away, spitting a mouthful of blood on the ground.
“Luciana,” I call after them. “Make your choice now. You go with him, and I will never even look in your direction again. I promise you that. So, if that’s what you want, to never be with me again, go with him.”
I have drawn a line. Thor is now my enemy. If Luciana goes away with him now, so is she.
She looks at me over her shoulder as he drags her behind him. Tears are mixed with the rain on her face. Suddenly, I feel panic. I close my eyes and try to calm myself and I turn away. I unlock my car and get inside. My hands are shaking, and it takes me three tries before I start it up. As I reverse, I turn to look behind me.
That’s when I see her running towards my car. In that moment, I find it very hard to breathe.
Thor is following her, his face desperate as he tries to warn her away from me. Hastily, I get out of the car, just in time to catch her as she jumps into my arms.
“Don’t you ever do that to me again,” she sobs, into my shoulder. “Do you hear me? Don’t you ever try to break my heart again.”
I want to promise her everything. I always did, even before, when I hurt her. Now, I realize that’s exactly why I did it. I wanted to promise her that I would love her, protect her, and never let her go. I wanted to be able to tell her that, but my fear was always stronger than desire. Until this moment.
Maybe the thing that changed was she chose me. She had other choices, other people who would love her. She had other places she co
uld go, and even then, she chose me.
No one has ever chosen me, not like this. Not my father, not anyone in all these damn different schools, not even the fucking teachers when they’re asking a question in class. I’ve been ostracized, whispered about; dangerous. And still, Luciana chose me.
What is the only thing stronger than fear? As it turns out, hope. In this moment, I feel hope, for the first time. I can finally be whole. I can imagine a life where I can’t wait to wake up in the morning. A life where I can forget...everything but the moment I’m in.
“I won’t,” I say, pressing my face into her hair as hard as I can. “Fuck, Luciana, never again. I promise.”
“Don’t break another promise to me either.” With that, she cries harder, and holds me tighter.
“Be patient with me. Please.” My lips slide across her face, seeking her lips.
She pulls back, and that’s when I realize that Father Donnelly is still standing there, arms folded in disapproval just a few feet away from us.
Luciana smiles. “Please, get us out of here.”
I glance at the priest weighing the mix of frustration and anger on his face. I know he can’t do shit to me. He knows it, too.
Thor is glaring at us from behind the wheel of his car, and I can tell he is waiting for her to change her mind. I despise him now, more than I ever did before.
“Kiss me,” I demand.
“Sabato....”
“Kiss me now, prove to me you love me.” I can’t tread lightly, here, or if I can then I won’t. Thor needs to see. They all need to see that she adores me, that she believes I can be something I desperately want to be: her eroe.
Even if the world doesn’t get it, the fact that she does...it will be enough.
I pull her against me, and my lips smash against hers. I force my tongue deep into her mouth. She only fights for a few seconds, and her heart isn’t in the fight. I open my eyes to make sure my display of ownership has an audience. I don’t pull away until I hear Thor’s car driving off, wheels peeling out on the wet pavement. Reluctantly I pull away, then turn and open the door for her.
I am in the drivers seat. I am in control, yet suddenly I don’t know what to do first. I have her now. I want to keep her. I want to touch her, love her, fuck her, and treasure her.
Her hand reaches out and rests on mine. I turn my hand over, lacing my fingers through hers.
“Talk to me,” she says. “Tell me what you want.”
“I just want you and me.”
“That’s all I want, too.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, you already know that. I already….”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, how much I wanted you. Not just how much I wanted you to want me. I was afraid of how you made me feel, Sabato. I was afraid because you made me feel...desperate.”
She leans over the console and rests her head on my shoulder. “I felt like I would never breathe again.”
I smile bitterly. “I wished I stopped altogether.”
“And now?”
“I want to be everything I can be for you and more,” I tell her, honestly, surprising myself. “So fucking much more.”
Her hand tightens around mine.
“I don’t want to bring you back here. I want to take you away from here, away from everything. I want it to be just you and I, Luciana, and fuck the rest of the world.
Surprising me even more, she smiles. “Okay, let’s go.”
***
The hotel is over an hour outside of town, secluded but nice. When we get into the room, Luciana starts acting nervous again. Her hands are shaking.
“Luciana.” I take both her hands in mine. “Are you still afraid of me?”
She shakes her head, no.
“Why are you shaking?”
“I’m cold.”
I look at her wet clothes and then at mine, then I burst out laughing.
“Well, then. We should shower.”
“Together?” Her voice squeaks.
“Yes, together.” I take her hand and we go to the bathroom. Inside, I pull her in front of me and turn her to face the mirror. “Do you know how beautiful you are?”
Her face turns a darker shade of pink.
“I know how beautiful you make me feel when we’re alone.”
I immediately feel like an asshole for ever letting her think—even for a second—that she wasn’t.
“From now on, it won’t be just when we are alone. It’ll be every day, every minute, every second.”
Her eyes light up, meeting mine in the mirror. “Promise?”
I hold up my necklace—the one I put my mothers cross from her rosary on—and kiss it reverently. “I swear to Christ.”
After that, I kiss each of her now pink cheeks, then go to the shower and turn it on. I go back for Luciana, pulling my shirt off as I do. My pants are next, and I don’t like underwear, so that’s it.
I watch her eyes widen as they take me in, from my feet to my cock. Her eyes stay on it and she licks her lips. I harden even more than I did the first time she looked at me like that. Her eyes dart to mine and I know she knows I saw her looking. Her blush deepens.
“You like the way my body looks.” She doesn’t have to answer. I know she does. Even my female professors—some of which are nuns—often look at me with lust. Lust is second best to love, though, as I have learned.
“I like the way yours looks, too. Let me take off your clothes.”
“I can do it.” She grabs the hem of her shirt and lifts it, up over her head.
I lean back against the counter and take myself in my hand, slowly stroking up and down. She watches me as she unclips her bra. Her eyes get that hazy look in them. Desire, dio mio, how I love desire.
I stroke myself until she turns around.
“Can you unzip my skirt?”
When my finger touches her bare back, I see goose-bumps rise across her skin. It’s sexy as hell, and I am immediately hungry.
While unzipping her skirt, I adore her body with my lips, rousing more goose-bumps. Provoking more whimpers. Baiting more desire.
“I want to be inside you again, Luciana,” I murmur against her skin. “Do you want me to be inside you?”
I kiss my way down her soft, round ass.
She trembles and gasps as I slide my tongue between her legs from behind.
“Yes,” she gasps.
I kiss back up her body and turn her so she is facing me.
“I am going to fuck every in—”
“No. Make love to me, Sabato,” she whispers. “Show me you love me.”
I hadn’t said the words out loud in eleven years. But I have now heard them again. I have heard them come from the girl who has promised to give me everything.
But I don’t say them, not yet. Instead, I nod. “Lets begin.”
I lead her into the shower. There are two heads and several jets of hot water. I position her under one, and she moans as the hot water falls on her skin.
“Does that feel good Luciana?”
“Wonderful.” She pushes her hair back so the water flows over it.
I watch her face soften, and she seems comforted. I want to be the one who makes that look wash over her. I take the shampoo, squeeze it in my hands, and rub them together. I reach out and touch her head. She jumps a little and opens her eyes.
“I will wash you.”
She smiles and reaches for the shampoo and does the same thing. “Then I will wash you too.”
“No Luciana, I want you to enjoy my hands on you.”
“I want to do the same for you.” She tilts her head to the side and reaches for me.
I don’t like that she appears apprehensive. It bothers me that she is still wary of me. I don’t want her to fear me. I want her to love me.
“Okay, but then I get to adore your entire body with my hands, my mouth, my tongue, and my cock.”
“Adore?” A smile curls her lips. “I like that.”
Gently, I use my hands to wash her body, but I don’t spend too much time on the areas I crave the most: her tits, her lips, her ass. And I totally avoid her pussy, because as much as I want to show her I can spend as much time on the rest of her body and adore all of her, I am painfully erect.
My hand cups between her legs, and I slide a finger inside. Her mouth opens and her gasp of surprised pleasure tickles my face. Her hand finds my cock and I tense up.
“I want to feel every part of you.” I push my finger deeper inside her silky, hot folds.
One of her hands grab my shoulder and the other squeezes me, hard.
“Oh, god.”
While she grows accustomed to my touch, she strokes me with one hand and keeps herself in place with the other. I respond by pushing another finger inside her, until she can’t hold on anymore.
Both hands are on my shoulders now, to keep from falling as I twist my fingers and push them in and out of her. Slowly, at first, then quicker and harder. Her sounds of excitement fuel my need. But I don’t just want her to moan and gasp. I want her to scream my name, so I fuck her pussy with my fingers, as hard as I would with my cock. Her moans grow louder, her hips begin to gyrate, and within moments I hear my name echoing against the shower walls. So do the neighbors, I am sure of it.
Her head falls against my shoulder as her body shudders in orgasm.
I pull my fingers out and rub them against my lips. She is a taste I will always crave.
I reach behind her and turn off the water. Then I help squeeze the excess water out of her hair before lifting her by the ass.
“Wrap your legs around me,” I hiss as my cock settles between her legs. I reach down and align us, seeking the connection I crave most.
Luciana’s eyes once again hold fear. “Sabato, please don’t....”
“Don’t what?” I am immediately on guard.
“Don’t make me leave this time. After, I mean. Please, don’t break your promise”
“I wont, not ever again.” I lay my lips against hers. Our breaths are heavy and heady. Our tongues touch at the same moment I ram my cock deep inside her tight, wet pussy.
“Love me,” she cries out. “Oh, yes! Please!”
