by Nathan Long
“What do you look at? Did I not say I would not go? I will rouse Ormolu, as someone must.”
Gaer-Zhau laughed like a rusty gate. “Come, Sei-Sien. How many times have we heard you say that you wished to bring our message to the rest of Ora? The disparate cells of discontent must unite, you said. A rebellion against the church will not work, you said, unless all rise up as one.”
“Yes, but—but this….”
“This is the most perfect opportunity you will ever be given.” Shal-Hau patted Sei’s arm. “You claim great skills as an orator, pupil. Here is your chance to test them. Here is your chance to shine.”
Sei-Sien opened his mouth like he was going to whine some more, but then he stopped and his eyes went all dreamy and far away. “Yes. Yes. Shine.”
It was like watching Dr. Evil as a teenager, suddenly having the idea that he could be a super villain. Holy crap, Shal-Hau had just created a monster and he didn’t even know it. It made me realize why all revolutions end up being just as bad as the governments they replace. ’Cause guys like Sei-Sien are always at the head of them, and they like hearing the sound of their own voice way too much.
Lhan turned to the Aldhanan. “We have our four, my Aldhanan. We are ready.”
“Excellent.” The Aldhanan clapped his hands like a camp counselor getting everybody out of bed for calisthenics. “Now come. Don your disguises. Aur-Aun’s ship is to sail within the hour.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
SUSPICIONS!
Considering the luck I’d had with disguises on this stupid planet, I was afraid that dressing up like a priestess of Laef was gonna mean climbing into some kinda burlap gunny sack with a Darth Vader helmet stuck on my head. But no, once we split up and the Aldhanan’s maids brought me to some kind of dressing room, they handed me something that actually looked half-human—and all female!
Of course, I still had to get painted up so I didn’t stick out like the big pink freak that I am, but the Aldhanan had thought ahead, and the maids had already whipped up all the fixings they needed to turn me purple. So, after a half-hour getting sluiced and splashed and massaged, I was the color of a ninth-grader’s fingernail polish from head to toe. Even my hair got the treatment—my white-trash red hidden under a coat of goth-chick black. After that came the priestess’s duds, and I have to admit they looked better than anything else I’d worn so far on Waar. The bottom half was the usual loincloth bikini thing in a dark maroon, which the maid said was the Waarian color of love, and which draped all the way to the ground in the front and back. The matching top had long sleeves, but was cropped just under the boobs like those sari tops Indian gals wear, and laced up the front like a ren-faire bustier. It pushed everything up, together and out, which was kinda overkill in my case, but why not? At least nobody would remember my face.
Actually, they wouldn’t anyway, ’cause I also wore a headdress and a flimsy pink veil, like a nun and a harem dancer all wrapped up in one—which I guess it what a priestess of Laef was supposed to be, right? The other thing I wore… well, let’s just say I finally figured what to do with Lhan’s balurrah. I tied it around my neck and wore it like a necklace, right in the cleavage where he was sure to look.
And he did. In fact everybody did. Well, Shal-Hau giggled, but everybody else absolutely unhinged their jaws as we all stepped out of our dressing rooms.
Lhan swallowed. “Y-you look… magnificent, Mistress.”
I gave him a look. “Is that some kind of code word for large?”
“Not at all. You—you are the very image of Laef. You—” He saw it, right between my tits, and his face went lavender white. “Is that…?”
I gave him an innocent look. “Is that what?”
He flushed as maroon as he had been white a second before, then turned away. “Nothing, Mistress. Nothing.”
Shal-Hau didn’t seem to have noticed the exchange. He clapped his hands. “You will have men falling over themselves in the streets.”
“Thanks, professor. But, uh, is that a good thing? I’m still six-one. Even with all this on, ain’t people gonna recognize me as ‘The Giantess’ from all the wanted posters?”
Shal-Hau coughed. “It is possible, but priestesses of Laef are known for being… How shall I put this.”
“Fat?”
“Er, strapping, I think, is the word I would have chosen. They are outsize women with outsize appetites. Your height may cause comment, but taken with the rest of your, er, attributes… I… I….”
Fortunately for him, the Aldhanan and Aur-Aun entered just then and said it was time to go, and Sai and Wen-Jhai came to wish us luck and say their goodbyes.
Wen-Jhai gave Lhan and I a hug and a kiss each. There were tears in her eyes. “Bring my father back safely.”
Lhan bowed to her. “We will guard him with our lives.”
Sai gave us a formal bow with crossed wrists. “And protect each other as well. You are both as dear to me as my own heart.”
Lhan and I gave each other uncomfortable looks.
Lhan nodded. “But of course.”
I gave him a little salute. “Sure, bro. And you guys take care of yourselves too. It might get rough here with your dad away.”
Sai raised his chin. “We will be strong. We promise.”
As they went to say goodbye to the Aldhanan and Aur-Aun, I saw Aur-Aun take Wen-Jhai’s hand and kiss it, which Sai didn’t seem to take well at all.
I leaned in to Lhan. “What’s up between Wen-Jhai and old Iron-Jaw over there? Some kind of love triangle thing going on?”
Lhan smiled sadly. “Aur-Aun has been part of the Aldhanan’s household for thirty years, and has known the Aldhanshai since her birth. I believe he has always loved her, and she him, though unfortunately, she loves him as an uncle, while he….”
“Yeah, got it. Though I guess Sai didn’t get the message about the Uncle part.”
Lhan shrugged. “Aur-Aun has known Sai since his birth as well—as Sai’s father has always been at court—and seen him grown from child to… what he is now. He does not think Sai worthy of Wen-Jhai’s hand.”
I looked at Sai, with his long hair and slim hips, looking more like Wen-Jhai’s sister than her husband. “Now that you mention it, I’m kinda surprised the Aldhanan did.”
“He let Wen-Jhai follow her heart.”
I smiled. “He’s a good guy, the Aldhanan.”
“Aye. An Oran gentleman of the finest sort.”
***
An hour later at the Imperial Naval Base, Lhan, Shal-Hau, Sei-Sien and me walked up the gangplank of Aur-Aun’s warship with the Aldhanan and Captain Anan and their men, just as the sun peeked over the mountains to the east, and a chilly morning wind flapped the guide sails on the balloon. We upped anchor soon after, and what a lift off! We seemed to rise up at the same speed as the sun, and got to see it spread its gold and pink and orange all over the roofs of the city below us. It looked like it was pouring honey over the world. Everything glinted and gleamed and looked as fake and pretty as something on TV. The only thing that ruined it was the Tower of Ormolu sticking up out of the middle of the city. Its gigantic shadow cut across all the golden goodness like a big black “Censored” bar across the good parts of a girly mag. Or maybe I was just biased.
When I finally turned around from watching the sun rise I saw that everybody on the deck was staring at me, just like they had in the Aldhanan’s apartments. Being the big pink freak on a planet of shrimpy purple types, I was pretty used to lookee-loos by now, but this was a different kind of staring. Before it had been like, “What is that?” This was more like, “Who is she?”
That I wasn’t used to. Even back home it took a special kind of man to find me attractive. Usually it was either big burly guys like Big Don who wanted a woman they wouldn’t break in half, or it was little squirrelly guys with some kind of amazon fetish, who wanted me to crush their heads between my thighs or some other ick. Average, ordinary guys didn’t usually give me the time of day. They ei
ther ignored me completely, or turned away and made gagging motions when they thought I wasn’t looking. That’s what I was used to.
These guys were looking at me like I was Christina Hendricks and Beyonce all rolled into one. It was a weird feeling. On one hand it felt pretty hot knowing that everybody on board wanted to fuck me. On the other hand it felt kinda terrifying. I felt like a rabbit at a wolf convention. It looked like they might tear me apart any second. And pretty girls got this all the time! Christ! How did they stand it? No wonder they all came off like such cold bitches.
I could hear Lhan growling beside me, like he was about to challenge the whole ship to a duel to defend my honor. I whispered to him out of the corner of my mouth.
“Do we all have a private cabin downstairs somewhere?”
It broke his attention. He took a breath. “I certainly hope so, Mistress. Or there will be dead sailors before our next port of call.”
We started for the door to the cabins, but one of the staring guys broke from the pack and crossed to intercept. He was pretty nondescript—bland face, wispy hair, chin beard—and didn’t look any older or wiser than the rest, but he had a fancier uniform so I guessed he was important.
“Priestess.” He bowed and crossed his wrists to me. “I am Ku-Rho, your captain. We are honored to be allowed to carry you on your holy rounds. Please, if there is anything that I can do to make your time aboard more comfortable, do not hesitate to ask. And I and my officers would welcome your company at our table for dinner if you would deign to sit with us.”
We’d already arranged it so that I wouldn’t talk. One word out of me with my Dixie accent and the the gig was up. Lhan knew what to do.
“The Priestess Le-Cir has taken a vow of silence until the rains come once more and the land awakes. It is her personal supplication to Laef. She thanks you for your hospitality, but regrets that she must keep to her cabin and maintain her regimen of meditation.”
“Meditating on your cock, most likely,” said somebody in the background. “Lucky bastard.”
The captain shot the speaker a vicious look and turned maroon around the ears. “Of course, Priestess. We understand completely. But as I say, if there is anything you need.”
Lhan bowed for me. “You are most kind.”
We stepped around the captain as he bowed again, and Sei-Sien and Shal-Hau followed us below decks. Our cabin was a four-bunk job, which meant that, even if Lhan and I had still been hooked up, we still couldn’ta hooked up, since the two Flames would’ve been hanging around cluttering up the place. I wanted to scream. Here I was the living embodiment of an honest-to-god love goddess, and I wasn’t going to be getting any! Irony sucks.
Just as I was pulling off my headdress and veil a knock came on the door, and I scrambled to put ’em back on, but it was just the Aldhanan, popping his head in.
“All well?”
Shal-Hau laughed before Lhan could speak. He really was a merry old fucker. “Mistress Jae-En has enraptured the whole crew. I fear no trouble on that score.”
I rolled my eyes. “Captain Ku was drooling on his gold braid.”
The Aldhanan grinned. “I fancied it would pass thus. Excellent. Well, it should not appear we know each other, so I will take my leave. Good voyage to you. We will meet again just before Rivi to discuss plans, aye?”
“Aye, Aldhanan,” said Lhan.
The Aldhanan scowled at him. “That is not my title.”
“Er, forgive me, Captain Zhiu. Until Rivi.”
It wasn’t until he closed the door and Lhan, Sei-Sien, Shal-Hau and I all looked around at each other that it really hit me that I was going to be spending more than a Waarian month shut up in this cabin with these guys. And no TV or iTunes to distract me. Not even a magazine.
“So, any of you guys know Twenty Questions?”
***
It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It was worse! All day every day in a room the size of a walk-in closet with a pompous ass and an old man who giggled and hummed to himself twenty-four hours a day, even in his sleep! And the whole time Lhan’s just sitting there all delicious and untouchable on the opposite bunk? It was torture. And I don’t even want to go into how much I learned about the personal grooming habits—or lack thereof—of middle-aged professor types on Waar. Actually, you know what? I won’t. I’d rather forget that part anyway.
What made it even more fantastic was the fact that Lhan and Sei-Sien kept sniping at each other. They may have teamed up to fight the church and take the message to the people, but they did not like each other—at all.
One morning we were all sitting around in the room, eating our breakfast mush and trying to come up with a plan B in case it all went wrong, and Lhan was saying we could lay low at his father’s estate if we were caught in Rivi or Lamgan, which were the first two stops on the tax tour.
“He may be a villain in many things, but he would never betray his family or friends to the church. He—”
Sei-Sien cut in. “Unlike his son.”
Lhan looked down into his bowl of slop. “Thank you, Sei-Sien, for bringing my cowardice up once again. Master Shal-Hau and Mistress Jae-En no doubt find the stating of it just as edifying and illuminating this thirtieth time as they did the first.”
Sei-Sien sneered. “Sarcasm, Lhan? Do you then suggest I should say something new this time? Perhaps tell your Mistress Jae-En the facts of your cowardice? Would that be more illuminating?”
Shal-Hau looked up. “Enough, Sei. Enough.”
I was ready to smash Sei in the distinguished profile, but before I could do anything rash, Lhan put down his bowl.
“No, Master, Sei-Sien is right. Out of shame I have kept from Mistress Jae-En the most shameful episode of my life, and I would not have our friendship built on any false perceptions she might have of me. It is time I told the truth of it.” He raised his eyes to Elf-Cheeks. “And I am sure Sei-Sien will be kind enough to correct me if I leave out any details.”
Sei bowed from his seat. “It would be my pleasure.”
I sighed. “Come on, Lhan. You don’t have to do this.”
“No, Mistress. I must. Indeed, I have left it too long.”
“And you leave it longer every second.” Sei waved a hand. “Begin!”
Lhan swallowed, then nodded and looked up at me. “It was when I was with the Flame of Truth. I—I allowed a fellow Flame named Bedu-Bas to be arrested. I might have saved him, but was afraid, and did nothing. He died.”
“Aw, Lhan.”
“We had found a man willing to sell us a rare, forbidden volume of church history, and so went to buy it, wearing masks to hide our identities. There was no book. It was a trap, set by the priests. We escaped, but Bedu-Bas was wounded, and we hid within a nearby sword school, splitting up and disguising ourselves as students.”
Sei-Sien raised his voice. “Now tell her what you did when the priests entered and noticed Bedu’s blood seeping through his fencing jacket.”
Lhan hung his head. “Nothing. I did nothing. I might have attacked the priests and freed him. I wore a sparring mask, so they would not have seen my face, but… but I was known at that school, and feared the masters would recognize me, and so, though the priests beat Bedu-Bas and asked him where I was, I—I only stood and watched, even when they dragged him away.”
Sei-Sien folded his arms. “If we had only had Lhan-Lar’s courage to rely on, we would have all been exposed, but Bedu-Bas showed true bravery, and, rather than betray us under torture, he threw himself under a cart as the priests led him through the streets. He did not let his friends die to save himself.”
I stared. “He killed himself?”
Lhan covered his face in his hands. “As I should have done. You see now, Mistress? I will never forgive myself for my cowardice.”
Sei-Sien was giving me a smug look, like he was expecting me to join him in the “Let’s all hate Lhan” club. It just made me want to punch him in the face even more. I turned to Lhan.
“You think I’m any better? I’ve done shit that eats at me every day. I killed a man for touching me. If you think this is gonna make me change my mind about you, you got another think coming. I don’t care, Lhan. I—”
“You should care!” Lhan jolted up and stepped to the door. “I am without honor! If you had any of your own, that would matter to you!”
And with that, he slammed out of the cabin and left me staring at the door, feeling like the gal who didn’t know it was loaded. I had to check my fingers to make sure he hadn’t bitten any off.
Sei gave an “I told you so” look, but Shal-Hau patted my knee.
“I hope you can forgive him. He is a good man at heart.”
“I do forgive him! I want him to forgive him!”
Shal-Hau pursed his lips. “You may wait a long while for that, I’m afraid. Regret is a very large rock. Lhan has been pinned under it for many years.”
Sei-Sien snorted. “If only it had crushed him.”
I jumped up and pulled back a fist, and he curled up like a pill bug, arms up in front of his face.
“No! Please!”
I just sneered at him. “Now who’s the coward, asshole?”
I shoved out of the room and headed up to the deck, looking for Lhan.
***
I found him leaning on the rail, and looking like he was thinking of throwing himself over it. I leaned next to him.
“Lhan, listen. I—”
“You forget yourself, Priestess. Have you not taken a vow of silence?”
I looked around at the crew. They were all looking at me like they always did when I came out on deck, but I was wearing my veil, and they were all far away, so…
“Yeah, but I never took a vow of not throwing you over the side.”
That at least got him smiling. “Then do it, and free me from my misery.”
“Come on, Lhan. All I was trying to say down there was nobody’s perfect. You’re not perfect. I’m not perfect. Not even the Aldhanan’s perfect. That’s why you gotta give everybody a break—even yourself.”
He shook his head. “But without honor—”
“Hey, I’m not saying honor isn’t a good thing to shoot for. It is. But if you think you gotta be perfect to be loved, or—ha!—you think I gotta be perfect to be your lover, well, you’re gonna be lonely a long damn time.”
