by Tillie Cole
The boy with no voice who miraculously found words in my presence. The boy who kissed me on my lips, blessing me with the foreign concept of hope . . .
There was no miracle this time. Mae was finally becoming mine. Standing up in front of Hades, my club, and maybe even God, I wouldn’t be able to tell her what I wanted. That I fucking loved her, and the bitch had changed my worthless fucking life. That I was the luckiest motherfucker to ever walk the Earth. Because I had her. Because I fucking had her.
She’d look at me, in her white dress, with those ice-blue eyes smiling, and I’d be a fucking mute. And Mae being Mae, she’d already told me she wanted me to sign our vows. That it was okay. That she understood I couldn’t speak in front of all those people.
Shit, I could almost hear my old man laughing at me from the fires of Tartarus. “Fucking retard,” he’d be hissing, laughing at his pathetic mute son, who could kill a man with one lethal punch but couldn’t man the fuck up and utter a few fucking words out loud.
“Shit, brother.” The voice caused me to sigh loudly in annoyance. “Mae refused you her pussy or her mouth on your cock or some shit? You look ready to top yourself.”
I flicked my middle finger at Ky without looking at him, and he sat down beside me in the spare chair. When I opened my eyes, he was watching me with a smirk on his face. “Let me guess,” he taunted. He removed a beer from the six-pack in his hand and ripped off the cap with his teeth. Leaning forward, he continued. “Could you not get it up?” He shrugged like the fucking prick he was. “Heard it can happen to the best of us. Not me, of course, my dick is ready to rock at all times. The fucking Energizer bunny in my pants.”
Too pissed to reply, I lit up another smoke. I snatched a beer from his pack, ripped off the top, and downed half the bottle; then I tipped my head back to stare at the night sky.
This time, when I glanced at Ky, his eyebrows were pulled down. “What’s wrong?” There was no humor in his voice. His head tipped to the side, studying me. “Is it AK, has something gone down with the Klan?” Ky practically jumped to his feet.
I grabbed his arm and forced his ass back down on his seat. He watched me, confused as fuck. I put down my bottle and signed, “Ain’t gonna be able to do this marriage shit.”
Ky stared at me like I was a fucking alien or some shit. “What the hell are you talking about?”
I downed the rest of the beer, threw the fucker across the garden, and watched as it smashed against a nearby tree.
“What the fuck!” Ky exclaimed. I got to my feet and pushed my hands through my hair.
Facing my best friend, I wrapped my hand around my throat—a choking gesture. I signed, “Can’t fucking speak. Mae is all jacked up about this marriage, this fucking ceremony, and I can’t get out a fucking word.” I shook my head. “Can’t even speak to you now. One of the only two people I can speak to in the world, because the thought of talking aloud in front of anyone else has fucking stolen all my motherfucking words.”
“No one expects you to speak, dumb fuck. We all know you’ll sign.”
I curled my fist and slammed it into the post holding up the porch. I stared out over the trees and worked on getting my breathing under control. Eventually I turned to see my VP sitting back, relaxed, in his seat. He was used to my outbursts. He’d seen me lose it over my defective voice a million times. Leaning against the porch rail, I signed, “I wanna speak. I . . .” I paused. “I wanna fucking speak on that day, Ky. Just for once, I wanna fucking speak right.”
I ignored the flash of sympathy in Ky’s eyes. If I acknowledged it, it’d just fuck me off even more. Ky got to his feet and stood beside me at the rail. He offered me another beer. “Then we get you to fucking speak. Piece of piss.” He shrugged like it was nothing.
When I raised my eyebrow and looked at him, the fucker was smirking. I shook my head, but I couldn’t help smirking back. I lost focus as I stared down at my new beer. The door opened and Mae stepped onto the deck, her long hair mussed by sleep. She yawned, hand cradling her swollen stomach, then smiled so fucking big when she saw me.
“I thought I heard you out here.” She darted to me. She slipped her arms around my waist, her bump nudging my stomach. She laughed when she could no longer get as close as she once had.
I kissed her head and she pulled back. Folding her arms and watching Ky and me suspiciously, she asked, “What has you two so lost in thought?”
Ky shrugged. “Just needed a beer. I escaped Grace as she attempted to put fucking makeup on me. I mean, I know I’m fucking hot as all hell, and could pull off a deep mauve as much as the next guy, but fuck that shit. Left Lil’ Ash to take my place. That little fucker’s gonna look like a two-bit whore in no time. He’d brought Madds up to spend the night with Li and Grace. That was my fucking cue to leave and remind myself I actually got a pair of balls.”
Mae’s loud peal of laughter soothed my fucking mood like a damn balm. She threw her head back and caught her breath. “Do you mind if I go and see them too? I would very much like to witness all of this.”
“N-N-No,” I managed to push out. Her eyebrows dropped with suspicion. I hardly ever stuttered in front of her these days. It was an indication that something was wrong. But she let it go. For that I was thankful.
“I will make you dinner before I leave,” she said and looked at Ky. “Would you like to stay for dinner, Kyler?”
“Does a bear shit in the woods?”
“I . . . well . . . I . . . pardon?” Mae’s fucking nose was twitching, destroying me on the spot. “Was that a real question? I do not know if bears do that . . . in the woods.” She paused. “Maybe . . . yes?”
“You got it, sweetcheeks,” he declared with a wink. I almost punched the asshole for playing with my bitch this much. He knew all the cult bitches—including his own motherfucking wife—were still clueless about a ton of things.
“Okay,” she replied, somewhat lost. And that was it. Before she turned to leave, I grabbed her arm and pulled her to me, being careful of her bump. I smashed my lips to hers and sank my tongue into her mouth. Mae moaned as I locked her in place with one hand behind her neck. When I pulled back, her eyes were glazed and her lips were swollen.
“Don’t fucking mind me. Always up for a live porn show, kids,” Ky said. This time I slugged his bicep when Mae’s face beamed crimson.
“I . . . I shall go and prepare dinner,” she whispered.
I watched her go. When the door was shut, I inhaled deeply. “I-I . . . n-need t-t-t-to sp-speak.” I paused, swallowed, wet my throat with beer, then finished. “I f-f-fucking n-need to, Ky.”
I gasped in exhaustion when I’d managed to speak through my anger. When I’d managed to speak at all.
A small victory these days.
Ky’s hand came down on my shoulder. “Then we’ll get you to speak. Don’t know how, but we’ll do it.” He nudged me, then stood straight and said, “How about I just hide behind the altar and speak for you? You just move your mouth in time with my words and boom, bitch! You’ll motherfucking speak!”
I grumbled a laugh, and Ky couldn’t help but laugh back.
Asshole.
“Let’s finish these drinks. Then open that fucking twenty-year-old bourbon you got hidden in your bar and eat whatever the fuck Mae cooks us. Then we’ll work on operation Styx Speak, yeah?”
I nodded and Ky and I sat down. Silent moments passed before Ky said, “You think the Psycho Trio and Cowboy are okay in that ghost town?” His voice was too low for Mae to hear anything in the kitchen.
I shrugged and checked my cell. No messages, no calls from Hush at the motel. I signed, “Fuck knows. Right now they’re on their own.” Another thing that was on my mind. My men in a fucking Klan haven without the rest of us. No contact. No fucking peace until they were back.
Ky sat back. But I knew the brother was thinking about Lilah’s sister, Phebe. AK, Vike, Flame, Cowboy, and Hu
sh too. More shit to deal with.
Then there was the wedding. My voice. And now the motherfucking Klan. Just more shit to pile on my plate.
So for now, we would drink and get fucked off our face.
And that’s exactly what we did.
My words still didn’t come.
It was nothing new.
Chapter Two
Mae
“Mae,” Bella whispered as I walked from the changing room and stood on the elevated plinth opposite my friends and sisters. The mirror was behind me, but I did not yet dare look at my reflection. I glanced at Bella sat beside Ruth, her mother-in-law and Rider’s mama. Her eyes were filling with tears as she stared at me. Her hands were in front of her mouth.
“Do you like it?” I ran my hand over my pronounced stomach.
Bella nodded. “You are perfect,” she whispered. Ruth nodded in agreement.
I looked at Maddie. “Madds?”
She smiled warmly. “You are beautiful, Mae, this dress only enhances that. But this gown could not suit you more if you tried.”
“Styx will love it,” Lilah said and held Grace tighter on her lap.
“You look like a Disney princess,” Grace said.
A hand came down on my arm. I turned to see Beauty behind me. “You ever gonna look in the mirror, darlin’?” She smiled. This boutique belonged to a friend of Beauty’s, and Beauty had practically organized my wedding for me. I was clueless where to even begin.
“You look good, Mae.” I smiled at Letti as she sat uncomfortably on the couch. She had told me she was here to support me, but she had no opinion in such matters as wedding dress shopping. Or anything girly, she’d said affectionately.
“Turn, honey,” Lilah said and I nodded my head. I had no idea why I was so nervous. I knew that Styx loved me and I loved him. I felt as though I had been waiting for this day my whole life. That I had been waiting for the day I finally cemented him as mine. Forever mine, and me forever his.
Closing my eyes, I turned, allowing Beauty to guide me. “You ready?” she whispered. I pulled up the image of Styx in my mind. Me in his arms as we lay in bed. His large tattooed arms holding me close as we spoke. His voice gruff and deep. Then I pictured us laughing. The infamous Hangmen Mute of the Hades Hangmen, so different with me than with anybody else. To others he was aloof, silent, and menacing. But to me, he was loving, caring, and the most beautiful soul in the world.
The other half of my heart.
“I just want it to be perfect,” I said quietly, confessing the words more to myself than to anyone else.
“Then you will be pleased beyond measure,” Bella said.
I smiled as my sister’s comforting words sailed into my ears. I took in a deep breath then slowly opened my eyes and looked at the woman staring back at me. I quietly gasped as I saw her, blue eyes bright, black hair pulled back off her face. Radiant white material almost heavenly against her pale skin.
“Well?” Beauty stood beside me. I wanted to meet her eyes, but I could not remove my gaze from the girl in the mirror. “It is perfect,” I whispered and ran my eyes over my reflection from head to toe. The dress ran, like a waterfall of silk and lace, to the floor. The pristine material hugged every inch of my body. My hands smoothed over the roundness of my stomach. “I like this,” I said and had to fight back the tears in my eyes. “I like that my little girl or boy will be present as I wed their father. I like that people will see the product of our love at the altar along with our spoken, eternal promises.” Then my eyes continued their journey. The bodice ended above my breasts, leaving my arms free. They were covered in the finest lace, which fell off my shoulders.
I next looked at my hair, which was swept off my face. Delicate diamond leaf clips sat against my black hair like stars glittering in the night sky. Diamond earrings sparkled in my ears.
“One last thing.” Beauty stood behind me. I watched through the mirror as she placed a floor-length lace veil in my hair. Beauty fanned the material around my shoulders, and I had to wipe a stray tear from my cheek.
“I could not have asked for anything more,” I whispered and turned to face my sisters, Letti and Ruth.
Bella, Lilah, and Maddie were crying too. I stared down at my sisters with unrivalled relief that they were here. Bella rose from the couch and stood before me. She took my hands. My fingers ran over her wedding band. She must have seen the happy smile on my face because she smiled too. “It will give you a kind of peace you could never imagine,” she said and lowered her eyes. I knew in that moment she was picturing Rider. And she was right. I had witnessed them together. They fit, each the perfect complement of the other.
At peace.
“I know you have that with Styx already. And some would argue that a marriage could not strengthen what was already a solid foundation to begin with.” She shrugged and met my eyes. “But something will shift in your heart, a spiritual embrace in your soul. And it will change you. Forever.”
“It is true,” Maddie said and came to stand beside Bella. My shy, reserved sister blushed. “Having them vow to love you forever will change you irreversibly. Both of you. Styx too, as it did Flame.”
Lastly Lilah came to stand on Bella’s other side. “After everything we have experienced, it will simply fill you with calmness. Such a heady calmness, Mae. Such beautiful serenity.”
I had vowed to wed Styx only when my sisters were safe. And here they were, all happy and free before me. “I cannot wait.” I had to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall. “Now,” I said and released Bella’s hands. “We must see you in your bridesmaid’s dresses.”
Grace stood beside Lilah, and I stroked her face. “And you in your flower-girl dress, little miss.”
“Yes!” Grace said and followed Beauty to the changing rooms. My sisters followed, and I watched them go. Maddie, Lilah, and Grace would be my bridesmaids. Bella would be my maid of honor.
I turned and studied my reflection again. I wondered what Styx would think the moment he saw me at the end of the aisle. I wondered what would be going though his head.
Then my smile fell when I thought about him of late. Thought about how he was signing more, even when it was just the two of us. Shutting down and sitting alone on our porch. Troubled. Styx was troubled. But I did not know about what.
I prayed it was not the wedding . . . that it was not me . . .
“Heads up, Mae,” Letti said from the couch.
My sisters and Grace were coming from the changing room. I could not help but smile widely when I saw them. All of them were wearing identical ice-blue dresses. I had wanted to pick Styx’s favorite color: the color of my eyes. Their hair was down, and delicate white flower garlands crowned their heads. Grace was dressed in white, a basket in her hands. On the wedding day it would be filled with petals. My sisters gathered around me on the plinth, and we all stared into the mirror.
“Your father will be very proud to walk you down the aisle, Mae,” Ruth said. I turned to face her on the couch, my heart swelling at the thought of Stephen giving me away to Styx. We had all become very close to Stephen and Ruth of late—Bella, Maddie and even Lilah and Grace. Ruth was affectionate and considerate. Stephen was kind and gentle. And he was very proud of the women we had become. I knew by the teary expression on Ruth’s face, that Stephen was just excited about this day as me.
Turning back to the mirror, I looked at all of us in our dresses. I took a deep breath, letting happiness fill my lungs. “I adore it,” I said and my sisters’ faces lit up. “It is exactly as I always dreamed.”
“As is your groom,” Bella said and I caught her eye. “Your dream. The boy you met behind the fence.”
“Yes,” I said and smiled.
The boy who gave me my very first kiss.
Chapter Three
Styx
I opened my cabin door to see Ky on the deck. “Phebe?” I signed.
“Not yet,” he replied and glanced in the general direction of AK’s cabin. “He texted me saying she’s pulling through. He’ll let me know when she’s good. And I hope it’s fucking soon. I can tell Li smells bullshit when I tell her nothing’s on my mind.”
I nodded then signed, “Why are you here?”
Ky put his hand over his heart. “Fucking wounded, Prez! Can’t your best friend just come to say hi?”
I raised an eyebrow and he laughed, flicking out his motherfucking tongue like he was licking Li’s pussy or some shit. I blew out a breath, and he said, “Fine. I’m here ’cause your stuttering ass is coming with me.”
“Why?”
“Just get your fucking cut and let’s go, asshole.”
I grabbed my cut, threw on my boots, and went to my Harley. Ky pulled out first and drove up the dirt track to the clubhouse. I pulled in beside him and followed him inside.
“Prez.” Vike sat at the bar, a slut in his lap. Smiler sat beside him, along with Tank, Tanner, and Bull. The last three got off their seats as we entered and followed Ky and me into church.
I remained standing as Tank, Tanner, and Bull took their seats then turned their confused asses to Ky. He handed me a sheet of paper and took a seat on his usual VP chair. I glanced down at the paper and saw the same old bullshit generic wedding vows Ky had spoken at his wedding to Li. And just like that, I felt the blood drain from my face. When I looked to Ky, he smiled, pointed to a real confused Tank, Tanner, and Bull, and informed me, “We’re your test dummies. Practice on us.”
I glared at my VP. When I looked to Tank, Tanner, and Bull, the fuckers were shifting in their seats uncomfortably. At least I wouldn’t have to murder them as well as my asshole best friend for setting me up with this shit.
“Fuck, Ky,” Tank muttered as he shook his head. “This is why you called us here?”
“Don’t look like the prez wants to put on a fucking show today.” Bull stood up to get the fuck out.
