by Cora Brent
My defining moment came one sunrise when I arose from bed as if someone had called me out of a deep sleep. Pushing aside the curtains of the private room’s lone window, I stared out at the magnificent green landscape as the sun stubbornly rose over the mountains.
“I don’t want to be here anymore,” I said out loud, and I wasn’t just talking about rehab. I didn’t want to be this person I’d become—this callous, self-hating brat who pissed away everything she’d ever been given just because she could.
My parents accepted me home with wariness. I was lucky they allowed me back into the house at all. By that time I was twenty and they were under no legal obligation to keep me any longer. My sorrow over everything I had put them through the past few years hung over me. They didn’t seem to believe my heartfelt apologies, possibly figuring they were just another manipulative tactic. I didn’t blame them. But I was confident that I’d win them over in time. They were my parents. They loved me, even if sometimes they couldn’t stand the sight of me.
Over the next two years I continued to attend classes at a nearby community college, earning my associate’s degree in business management. William, big brother and eternal champion, was in the audience for my graduation right beside his new fiancée, a pretty brunette named Jennifer who planned to be a psychologist.
William tried to convince me to continue and earn that coveted four-year degree, but I didn’t feel completely comfortable in school anymore. And besides, I’d spent so long in a fog of self-destruction, I wanted to work hard. I wanted to be like my big brother and be worthy of my own last name.
A series of temporary office positions around Phoenix gave me valuable experience, and then my father mentioned how he’d heard the prestigious construction firm Lester & Brown was searching for entry-level project assistants. The speed of my hiring stunned me a little, but I instantly loved the work. It took so much multitasking, so many things to be responsible for. I thrived. For the first time in my life I was actually participating in something that would yield a tangible result. Visiting the completed projects would actually bring tears to my eyes. These buildings all had a purpose. And I’d helped create them.
Shortly after I began working for Lester & Brown, I got my own apartment in Phoenix. My very first night there I wandered around the small, quiet rooms congratulating myself on finally reaching adulthood at age twenty-three. I was resolute. Never again would I allow such self-destructive impulses to consume me. I didn’t expect that it would be easy every day, and it wasn’t. In the beginning I struggled a lot. Sometimes I still did. Sometimes I was tempted to take a bottle of wine to bed and remain there for twelve hours. But I stayed clean. Some alcoholics find salvation in AA meetings with sponsors and sobriety coins. There was nothing wrong with that. I’d even tried going to meetings now and then, although I tended to stay in the back and say little as I wondered what I was doing there. Work was my salvation. Work was my constant when the old demons beckoned. I didn’t turn into a nun, but I did stop drunkenly screwing around with inappropriate partners. Other than the notable—and sober—Jason Roma blunder.
I dated occasionally and even had a few relationships. And if I never fell in love with any of them, then that was all right. I was busy enough with work. Wiser to avoid risking my heart after I’d so carelessly bruised it myself for so long. Even after all this time I wasn’t sure how fragile the thing was.
Now at age thirty I was able to look in the mirror and marvel over my reflection. I was a model employee. A satisfactory daughter, a devoted sister, and a loving aunt. I hadn’t done anything I was ashamed of in a very long time.
In fact, since I stepped out of that luxury rehab facility for the last time, determined to reform, I could think of only one thing I’d done since then that was reckless—a three-week fling with a colleague. It still bothered me because I was pretty sure I’d do it again. Jason had tapped into something basic and primal inside of me. I didn’t love him. I didn’t even really like him. But I still wanted him. Bad. Maybe even bad enough to toss away caution and my career in the process.
I was still stewing about the unexpected surprise that had been delivered at this morning’s meeting when I returned to the office. Lukas didn’t drive me crazy the way Jason did, but seeing him again had caught me off guard, and not in a good way.
Someone had made coffee in the break room, so I paused to indulge in a cup. Helen passed by with a pile of papers in her arms.
“Should I even ask about lunch?” she said with a laugh. “Or will you blow me off again like you have twice in the last week?”
I grimaced as I swallowed the last of the coffee. “I’m sorry. Got a ton of work to take care of today. Maybe next Wednesday?”
“Maybe nothing. Wednesday it is. I’m holding you to it, doll, and if you are nowhere to be found Wednesday at noon, I will enlist Jason Roma’s help to track you down.” She cocked her head and eyed me. “How are you guys getting along? Word around the office is there’s been some tension between you two.”
“There’s nothing between me and Jason,” I insisted. “Nothing but work anyway.”
Helen raised an eyebrow. I had never admitted to her that Jason and I had hooked up years ago, but I wondered how much she suspected.
“Okay,” she said. “But someone might wonder why you spit out the boy’s name like he’s a type of dangerous reptile.”
“I didn’t mean to,” I sighed. “I’m just in a bad mood. Jason definitely isn’t a reptile. And he isn’t dangerous.”
Helen dropped the subject and waved her papers at me before she said she needed to run because the CFO was waiting.
I waited until she was gone and then I crushed the paper coffee cup in my hand.
“Jason’s only as dangerous as the devil,” I muttered, still troubled by the private knowledge that I remained extremely attracted to him. I didn’t want to know what I’d be risking by going down that path again.
Maybe nothing.
Maybe everything.
I fired the cup at the wastebasket on my way out.
CHAPTER SEVEN
ED: You are late.
I groaned when I saw the text come through. I didn’t need El Diablo to remind me that I was late. After checking my mirrors, I’d floored the accelerator on the freeway, hoping to make it by the end of the brief groundbreaking ceremony. Unfortunately, a motorcycle cop with a handy radar gun caught me doing eighty-five in a sixty-five-mile-per-hour zone and took his time writing out a ticket.
By the time I got to the courthouse site, the groundbreaking ceremony had ended and everyone was packing up their cameras and retreating to their expensive vehicles. None of the press or preening politicians cared to hear what the behind-the-scenes project staff had to say, but I was expected to be present. I’d planned to be. But hints of a late materials delivery obliged me to drive clear across town and personally remind one of our suppliers of their contractual obligations.
As I eased my way through what was left of the crowd, I tried to appear nonchalant, as if I’d been right here all along. I saw The Man shaking the hand of a longtime business associate of my father’s. He’d been to my parents’ house a number of times when I was a teenager, but when I attempted to catch his eye as he walked briskly to his car, he looked away and didn’t appear to recognize me. Or maybe he did and that was the problem.
“Think you need this more than I do.”
I jerked my head around at the sound of his voice and caught the small silver object flying my way. It was a watch. It was Jason’s watch.
“You know why I was late,” I said, my face growing hot.
Jason was chewing gum. I could smell the spearmint from here. He appraised me from behind his dark sunglasses. “Yeah, you needed to go on a wild goose chase out to Glendale.”
“It wasn’t a wild goose chase.” I tossed his stupid watch back to him. “Breckel was making noises about not being able to make the delivery tomorrow even though they charged us a fortune for expedited ship
ping. I said since everything is just sitting in their warehouse, they’d better move heaven and earth to get it on-site tomorrow morning as planned.”
Jason chewed his gum some more and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his light gray trousers. He lowered his voice. “We could have dealt with that on the phone, Audrey.”
“I didn’t want to take any chances,” I said with a sniff. “It’s imperative that we stay on top of things at all times.”
“And all I’m saying is that I’m perfectly capable of helping the team stay on top of things. That way you don’t have to go tearing around the valley at breakneck speed and show up late, with your hair looking like something a sparrow might lay eggs in.”
I scowled and touched my head. A few loose hairs had escaped the clip, but I’d be willing to bet no bird would find it nest-worthy. Jason was just being Jason. I should be getting used to him in our parallel roles. Yet somehow he always managed to get under my skin. As far as splitting up the job tasks more equitably, I didn’t mistrust Jason’s abilities. On the contrary. I’d observed him long enough to understand that even though he seemed to fly by the seat of his pants half the time, he always came out ahead.
As much as I would like to chalk all of his success up to luck, I had to admit that wasn’t the case. Jason possessed a blend of magnetism and managerial prowess that fit the job perfectly. He trusted that when he handed down an order it would be followed, and it was. Contractors and colleagues wanted to please him. Clients loved him. It galled me. But the man got shit done.
“How was the ceremony?” I asked.
He took off his sunglasses. “It was fine. Relax, Audrey. No one was searching for a photo op with you.”
“Always a charmer,” I muttered.
“A man can be honest or charming,” Jason said. “Not both.”
I scowled. “You steal that from a fortune cookie?”
Whatever blazing retort Jason planned on firing back was cut off by The Man’s sudden appearance.
“That went well,” he said. “Did you two get to meet the mayor?”
“He looked pretty busy,” Jason said. “And we were standing all the way in the back.”
“Right, we didn’t want to get in the way,” I said, glancing at Jason and wondering why he chose to cover for me.
The Man didn’t seem to care. “Well, kids, I’ll be in the office this afternoon for the obligatory project kickoff meeting now that the labor is about to begin. From this point forward everything will be in your capable hands. And I expect it will all go smoothly.”
He walked away without saying goodbye.
“That sounded semi-ominous,” Jason said when he was gone.
“There’s a lot at stake here. The reputation of the firm. Our careers.” I yanked my hair clip out since it was loose anyway. Jason watched as I ran a hand through my hair.
“Take it easy,” he said. “I understand all that.”
“Good. Then I guess I can count on seeing you at the meeting this afternoon.”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be there?”
“I don’t keep track of your plans, Jason.”
“I’ll be there,” he said firmly.
“And I don’t know about you, but I plan on being here at five a.m. tomorrow when the crew shows up.”
“I have similar plans,” Jason said. He put his sunglasses back on.
“Glad to hear it.” I started digging around in my purse to locate the car keys I’d hastily tossed in there.
“Hey, Audrey.”
I looked up at the sound of my name. “What?”
Jason leaned in. “You’re not the boss. We’re partners here.”
I rolled my eyes. “I am well aware of that.”
“Are you? Then how about you quit snapping at me every chance you get? And learn how to delegate the small things or it’ll take us a decade to get the damn building up.”
Instead of answering him, I stalked away. On the walk back to my car I caught a glimpse of Lukas Lund, who must have been here for the groundbreaking ceremony as well. Since he was on the other side of the street, I thought he didn’t notice me, but he raised a hand in greeting. I stopped at the intersection and waited for him to cross at the green light.
“I looked for you this morning,” he said as he stepped onto the sidewalk.
“Sorry, I was running a little late. Did you need something?”
Lukas leaned against the light pole. His eyes matched the color of the sky above. “No. But I’d love to buy you a cup of coffee.”
When I hesitated, Lukas raised an eyebrow and clarified. “To discuss the project, Audrey. I’m just interested in hearing about what happens now on your end.”
“Oh. Right.” I had a million things to do back at the office. This afternoon Jason and I would be standing in front of management, laying out the timeline. Tomorrow morning a crew of fifty construction workers were going to show up and begin work. Several enormous material deliveries were taking place overnight. But suddenly all I wanted to do was sit down for a few minutes and recharge with some caffeine.
“Sure,” I told Lukas. “I’d love a cup of coffee.”
He smiled.
A few yards away was a small, independent place called Brewer’s. I deliberately stood in line before Lukas because I didn’t want him offering to pay. Since that awkward early morning encounter weeks earlier I’d seen him a few times, but we hadn’t had much reason to chat one-on-one. Our communications took place mostly via email.
I was already seated and sipping my iced coffee when Lukas approached with his drink in hand.
“I knew I’d get you with coffee,” he said.
I raised the cup as if I were offering a toast. “My one vice.”
Lukas set his cup down and briefly drummed his strong fingers on the table. “Audrey, do I make you nervous?”
“What? No, not at all.” I fidgeted, wishing I were somewhere else, anywhere this conversation wasn’t happening. There was too much going on right now. I didn’t need complications like sexy, possibly dangerous exes who wanted to rehash the past.
Lukas didn’t blink. “You’re still a terrible liar.”
I smiled. “Is that really a character flaw?”
“No.” He sighed, and for a second he looked sad. “I know why you didn’t want to see me anymore.”
“I was busy with work.”
“I scared you.” His mouth was set in a grim line. “That night when we argued.”
“You apologized.”
“But it wasn’t enough.”
I squirmed again. “No, it wasn’t.”
“I’ve thought about you, Audrey. I’ve thought about you a lot over the last two years.” His hand grazed mine. “No pressure, but I’d like another chance.”
I picked up my cup of coffee and took a drink, partly to hide my face and partly to remove my hand from Lukas’s reach. His touch wasn’t unpleasant. Just the opposite. In spite of everything, I could still be wildly physically attracted to him if I let myself. But I wouldn’t.
“Well, Lukas, the thing is, I’m crazy busy right now with work. I’m not seeing anyone and I don’t anticipate that changing anytime soon.”
He sat back in his chair. “You were always ambitious,” he said a little wistfully.
“I still am,” I told him. “And this is a huge opportunity for me.”
“You’re right,” Lukas said.
My phone buzzed.
ED: Where the hell is the materials spreadsheet?
Lukas kept his eyes on me while I read the text and then read it again. The spreadsheet Jason was searching for was on the common drive in a folder labeled Courthouse. It would only take me a few seconds to answer his text and be done. Instead I saw an opportunity to escape my current situation, so I tossed my phone into my purse and stood.
“I’m sorry, Lukas, there’s an urgent work matter I need to deal with.”
Lukas didn’t ask what it was. The corner of his mouth tilted for a split second
as if he were amused, and I recalled his accurate observation that I didn’t know how to lie very convincingly.
“All right,” Lukas said. “But I still need to ask you for a small favor.”
I looked at my wrist as if I were checking the time. Unfortunately, I wasn’t actually wearing a watch, so it probably looked odd. “What’s that?”
He got to his feet slowly, came around to my side of the table, and set his hands on my waist, reminding me how tall, powerful, and absurdly hot he was.
“Think about it,” he whispered. “Think about giving me another chance, Audrey. I don’t need an answer tomorrow. But think about us. How good we were together.” Then he kissed me on the forehead in a move that was somehow both sweet and erotic.
Then I shut my eyes for an instant and remembered the flash of fury on his face when he hurled my phone into a wall.
I remembered the way my heart had leapt into my throat that night when I realized we were alone in a dark parking lot and I had no idea what Lukas might do next.
“I can’t,” I whispered.
Lukas took a step back with a sigh.
I did not say a word or look him in the eye again before I ran out of Brewer’s.
CHAPTER EIGHT
“Did you submit that purchase order?” I demanded.
Jason looked up from across the office we were now sharing since management decided to use our partnership to free up an office for Davis Brown, of course, whenever he dropped in.
He’d been staring at his phone, probably playing Mortal Death or whatever kind of video-game crap people like him entertained themselves with, while I scoured the approved purchase orders for the one I needed.
“What purchase order?” he asked in all innocence.
I gritted my teeth. “The one I told you to submit on Wednesday before you took off early. Where the hell did you go anyway?”
