by Coleen Kwan
He stood up and drew in a breath. He could still do it. He would go visit Hannah and talk to her and make her see how crazy in love with her he was. And if she still rejected him, then so be it. At least he had tried.
“You’re right,” he said to Otto. “I’m going to talk to Hannah right away.”
“Hannah?”
“The Willmett girl.”
“Right.” His grandpa nodded. “Glad to see you’ve found your cojones.”
Cojones? Grandpa’s full of surprises today.
Chapter Eighteen
Hannah felt so ill at work that she was forced to go home early, which didn’t endear her to Vera. But for once her manager’s acid comments made no impact on Hannah. She was just glad to drive home. Her lower back was killing her, and her whole body felt achy and cramping. After her night of confession with Amber and her brother’s morning visit, she couldn’t stop thinking of Derek. He was leaving Pine Falls tomorrow. She had to tell him how she really felt about him, but not right now, when she was so out of sorts.
When she arrived home, she took a hot shower, hoping it would ease her achy body, and then slipped into bed for a nap. She woke up an hour later. Her bed linen still held Derek’s scent, and she buried her nose into the sheets, longing for him. She would go and see him now, she decided, even though her body was still sore. She hauled herself out of bed and hunted through her closet for something suitable to wear.
Not jeans. She needed something more feminine and confidence-boosting if she was going to face Derek and confess she was in love with him. She poked through her clothes and pulled out a dress from the back of her closet. It was a clingy, wrap-around, moss-green cocktail dress, a gift from Amber that she’d never worn.
She eased the dress on. Her breasts had grown, but her stomach was still flat, and the stretchy fabric accommodated her new figure. A fancy dress like this needed makeup and styled hair. For the first time in weeks she lavished attention on her dark blonde locks and used eye shadow and liner to highlight her green eyes.
Eventually she stood back and inspected herself in the mirror. She almost didn’t recognize herself. Was that really her in that slinky dress with hair fluffed up and smoky eyes? Maybe it was too much. Maybe she looked like a ridiculous cougar.
Unable to decide, she went to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of ginger tea. Her nerves must really be shot because the nausea had returned along with dull stomach cramps.
She pressed a hand to her belly as her uneasiness mounted. She needed to use the bathroom. Sometime later, she staggered out of the bathroom, her whole world turned upside down.
She was bleeding, and the baby that had caused such upheaval in her and Derek’s life was now in jeopardy.
She was surprised at how outwardly calmly she was. Inside, she was a quivering mass of fear, but somehow she managed not to break down in tears. She had to get herself to the ER. If it was a miscarriage, there wasn’t much doctors could do, but she ought to go to a hospital as a precaution.
In her current state she shouldn’t drive herself to the hospital. She tried calling Amber and then Caleb, but neither were picking up. So she decided to call her dad. Frank sounded relieved when he answered. They hadn’t spoken since she’d dropped her pregnancy bombshell a few days ago. It seemed he had calmed down since then because he agreed to come to her place. She didn’t tell him about the emergency, though, figuring she didn’t want to freak him out too soon. She would tell him when he arrived.
Hannah eased herself into a chair at her kitchen table and prepared to wait. Ten minutes later, a vehicle pulled into her driveway, and someone got out. Footsteps sounded on her front porch, followed by a light tap on her door.
Hannah straightened her aching back.
“Come in,” she called out, surprised by how normal she sounded. “It’s not locked.”
The door opened, and moments later Derek walked into the kitchen. She’d just taken a sip of ginger tea, and she almost spit it out when she saw him.
“Derek! How… What are you doing here?”
He wore his usual jeans and T-shirt, but he looked uptight and anxious. “Is this a good time to visit?”
“Uh…” Her lips moved, but she couldn’t form a single word. Pain gripped her, but it was the emotional agony of looking at the man she was in love with, who didn’t love her.
“Maybe not. You look like you’re all dressed up to go somewhere.” His gaze wandered over her dress and hair. His mouth fell open. “Wow…”
“Yeah, okay, I got the message.” She frowned, her courage disappearing like water down a drain hole. Stupid cocktail dress.
“You look incredible.” His eyes were wide.
“I…do?”
“Yeah. But you always look incredible to me.”
She couldn’t breathe. She stared at him, and he stared back, and she could swear the connection between them was real and concrete. But then another spasm stuck its pitchfork into her back and tossed her back to reality. It didn’t matter what she felt about Derek or what she had meant to tell him. Not now.
She pressed a hand over her belly. “Derek, I’m bleeding.”
“What?” His face altered like ice shearing off a glacier, and she cursed herself for not warning him first. “You’re…bleeding?”
She waited for the spasm to wear off. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to spring it on you like this.”
“When?” he got out. “When did it start?”
“A-an hour ago? I’m not sure.”
His throat worked as he swallowed several times, clearly battling with his emotions. “How bad is it?”
She hesitated, unsure how much detail to give him. Even though she was suffering, she didn’t want to shock him too much.
“Tell me,” he urged.
“At first it was a few spots, but it’s suddenly gotten heavier.”
His gaze froze on her. “Oh, Jesus. But why are you all alone? Haven’t you called anyone?”
“My dad’s coming.” She sucked in a breath to steady herself. “But listen, Derek, if I’m going to miscarry, then there isn’t much to prevent it. I hope you understand that.”
“Miscarry—” He tugged wildly at his hair and cursed under his breath.
Hannah’s heart ached for him. He wasn’t ready for this. If only he hadn’t dropped in, then this would be over without him needing to witness the grisly details.
“It’s okay,” she tried to soothe him, even though everything was far from okay.
“Hannah, we’re here.” Her dad’s voice sounded from just outside.
Seconds later, both Frank and Rosalind entered the kitchen. They glanced from Hannah to Derek.
“Hi, Derek. Didn’t expect to see you here.” Frank threw him a puzzled look.
Derek’s shoulders were still heaving, and his face was haggard. “Hannah’s bleeding. We might lose our baby.”
His outburst threw Frank and Rosalind into complete confusion. They gaped at Derek and Hannah, before exclamations flew around the small kitchen.
“Hannah’s bleeding?”
“Oh my Lord!”
Frank marched up to Derek and grabbed him by the shirt. “You’re the one who got my daughter pregnant?”
Hannah gasped at the sight of her loveable father so enraged. And then she saw Derek’s face blanched to the bone, and couldn’t breathe.
“I-I’m sorry…” Derek stuttered, his lips pale with shock.
“Frank!” Rosalind squawked. “What are you doing?”
He paid his wife no attention as he shook Derek. “I never would’ve guessed it was you!”
“Dad, please, don’t,” Hannah groaned out, sickened by the antagonism swirling around her.
Derek tore himself free from Frank’s grip and hunkered beside her, offering her a hand. “I’d better get you to the hospital—”
“No!” Frank barked. “I’ll take her.”
The nausea threatened to overwhelm her, and she squeezed Derek’s hand. “It’s okay, babe,
” he murmured, stroking her hair. “I’m here for you.”
Closing her eyes, she clung to his hand, finding comfort in his strong grip and soothing touch. Derek seemed to know what she needed. She could lean on him, depend on him. Maybe she’d underestimated him. Maybe he was up to this.
When the bilious wave receded, she opened her eyes and exhaled gingerly. Her father was still glowering at Derek, but Derek, standing tall, was gazing steadfastly back, looking like he wasn’t going to back down an inch.
“Mr. Willmett, I know you want to punch my lights out, but now’s not the time. I’m the father of Hannah’s baby, and I’m taking her to the ER, and that’s final. You can bawl me out later, okay?” The sight of Derek, shoulders squared, ready to fight for her, brought a sudden lump to Hannah’s throat.
Frank pushed out his jaw as if prepared to argue, but Rosalind grabbed his arm. “Lordy, Frank, calm down.” She nodded at Derek. “You go ahead.”
Derek moved to stand in front of Hannah. There was a determined set to his lips as he helped her to her feet.
“You’ll be more comfortable if you change before we go.”
He followed her to the bedroom, where he helped her change into sweatpants and a T-shirt. At his suggestion, she threw some spare clothing and toiletries into a gym bag. He would have carried her out to his truck if she hadn’t insisted she was fine to walk. He tossed her gym bag onto the backseat, then jumped behind the wheel. Frank and Rosalind were right on their heels, Frank still thunderous.
“Don’t worry,” Derek said to Hannah as he revved the engine. “I’ll take care of you.”
But as they set off, her cramps weren’t her only source of misery. Without the baby there was no reason for Derek to remain in Pine Falls. No reason for him to stick around with her. No reason at all.
In all his life, Derek had never been so petrified. Fear clawed at him as he steered his SUV toward the hospital. He was so caught up, it took him a while to notice the flashing police car on his tail. In disbelief, he pulled over on the side of the road, and his old pal Officer Grady appeared at his window.
“Why am I not surprised?” the officer sighed. “You failed to use your turn signal at that intersection back there, and you’re speeding.”
“Just give me the damn ticket and let us go,” Derek burst out. “I have to get Hannah to the hospital.”
The policeman’s attitude altered as he took in Hannah’s hunched form in the passenger seat. To his credit, he didn’t waste time on unnecessary questions. “Follow me. I’ll give you an escort.”
Thanks to Officer Grady’s flashing police car, they arrived at the hospital in double quick time.
“Hope everything works out,” the cop said.
“Thanks, Officer,” Derek replied before helping Hannah into the ER.
It can’t have been very long before she was admitted, but it seemed to take forever. Sometime later, they were all in a treatment room, and Derek watched the ER nurse hook Hannah up to a drip. The nurse was very calm, and Hannah was deathly silent and limp as if paralyzed by fear, but Derek wanted to yell and beat his fists and rage against the unfairness of what was happening. But when he looked at Hannah, he wanted to cry. Her dark blonde hair tumbled around the ashen oval of her face, and her eyes were like dark pools. His heart tumbled over. Did she know how much she meant to him?
He felt a tap on his arm and realized Frank was standing in front of him. “We should talk,” Frank said.
Damn. Frank’s face was set into an ominous scowl. He’d always thought Hannah’s dad liked him, but not after the way he’d reacted back at Hannah’s house.
“Can it wait?” Derek couldn’t tear his gaze away from Hannah. “I can’t leave…”
“It won’t take a minute. And Rosalind’s here. Hannah won’t be alone.”
Crap. He really didn’t want to leave Hannah, but he didn’t want Frank giving off bad vibes at her bedside, either. With a sigh he followed Frank out of the treatment room. They faced each other in the corridor.
“Look, I know what you’re going to say. I’m a jerk for taking advantage of Hannah, and you want to punch me, and I don’t blame you.” Derek waved impatiently. “Is that about it?”
Frank gave him a hard stare. “Yes, I guess that sums it up.”
“You can punch me later. Can I get back to Hannah now?”
“Derek, wait.” Frank rubbed his jowls. “I can see how worried you are.”
“Of course I’m worried!” Derek gulped, his anxiety spiking even further.
“You really love her, don’t you?”
“I—” Derek heaved out a breath. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”
Frank nodded, and to Derek it seemed he was giving his approval. “If she doesn’t know that already, you make sure to tell her, son.”
Unable to wait a second longer, Derek hurried back to the cubicle. The nurse had gone, and Rosalind was holding Hannah’s hand.
“The nurse said the doctor will be here soon,” Rosalind said to them with a weak smile.
“Uh, Rosalind.” Frank beckoned to his wife. “Why don’t we let Derek and Hannah have a few moments alone?”
“But…” Rosalind frowned before she appeared to register something in her husband’s expression. She squeezed Hannah’s hand and left the cubicle with Frank.
Derek shuffled over to stand next to the bed. He hesitated a second before clasping Hannah’s small, cold hand. She didn’t say anything, just lay there, uncomplaining, while he couldn’t stop the spinning inside his head. Her quietness began to alarm him. Maybe, deep down, a part of her would be relieved if the baby was lost. She’d be able to go to nursing school full-time, her life wouldn’t be turned upside down. Pain overwhelmed him. But when he looked at her more closely, he knew he was wrong to suspect that. Hannah was as frightened and hurting as much as he was. He could sense it in the faint quiver of her bottom lip, the lines of worry pulling at the corners of her eyes, the death grip she had on his hand.
He searched for something reassuring to tell her.
“I’m buying a house,” he blurted out. “It’s just a few blocks away from you.”
“What?” She shook her head in bewilderment.
“It’s got a big barn that’s just right for my equipment.”
“Derek, what are you talking about?”
“I’m moving back here. I don’t care about my TV career. I’ll have to finish this season, but after that I’m done.”
Hannah struggled to sit upright. “This is crazy. You’ve obviously lost your mind.”
“No, I’m very sane. I’m making a crib for the baby. I’ll show you the plans later.” Now that he was talking, he couldn’t seem to turn off the tap. “When the baby’s older, like a year maybe, you can go to nursing school part time, and I’ll look after him or her.”
Hannah just gaped at him. Clearly she thought he was nuts.
Desperation and desire crashed over him.
The emergency department was noisy and busy, with people constantly hurrying past the treatment room. The drapes around the bed didn’t give them much privacy, while the fluorescent lights and antiseptic smells were hardly what you’d call romantic. But he couldn’t wait. This was the crucial moment to open up and bare his soul, no matter how excruciating that was.
He went to lower himself, intending to sink down on one knee, but found his head butting against the metal railings of the bed. Damn, too low. Shuffling back to his feet, he hunkered down until his face was just below Hannah’s. She was gazing at him in bemusement.
“Is something wrong with your leg?” she asked. “Do you have a cramp?”
“No, my leg’s fine.”
“It’s okay if you feel queasy, you know. I’ve seen plenty of big men fainting in hospitals. You should sit down before you keel over.”
“I’m not going to keel over.” Oh God, what a brilliant start this was. Shifting forward, he took her hand in both of his and swallowed against the sudden lump in his throat. “
Hannah…” His mouth was dry and raspy with nerves. “Hannah, before the doctor arrives, I have something very important to ask you. Will you—” Goddammit why did his voice keep breaking up? He took a deep breath. He’d bombed two proposals already, but third time’s a charm, right?
“Hannah, sweetheart, will you marry me?”
Her hand lay very still in his. Her eyes darkened, and she drew her hand away. “Derek, you do know what’s going on, don’t you? It’s likely I’m going to lose this baby, and if that happens then there’s no need for you to marry me or to turn your life upside down.” She spoke calmly, but he could detect the pain pulsing behind each word, the effort it cost her.
“Which is why I’m asking you now before the doctor comes. Because whatever happens with the baby, I know one thing for sure. I love you, Hannah. I love you with—with every single drop of blood in me. I had a crush on you for ages, but that’s nothing to what I feel for you now. I’m crazy deep in love with you. I want to be with you all the time. I want to marry you, whether we’re having a baby or not. I want to build my life with you, share whatever I have with you, laugh with you, cry with you, grow old with you. It doesn’t matter if we have kids or not, because you are all I need. You mean the world to me. You’re—you’re everything to me. I know I’m sounding like a clichéd love song, but it’s the truth.”
He reached for her hand again, trembling and bursting with the feelings that had to come out. For better or worse. This was it. He’d lay it all on the line for her.
“I love you, babe. It’s always been you, only you. From the first moment I met you when you walked into the kitchen and pulled that pecan pie out of the oven. When you got married and moved away, I tried to put you out of my mind, but that didn’t work. And when we met again, I fell in love with you for real, forever.” He firmed his grip on her fingers. “I know I messed up those first two proposals, and you deserve more. You deserve rainbows and unicorns and sky writing, but what’s here in my heart won’t change.” He gulped. “Well, Hannah? Do I…do I stand a chance with you?”
