"At this time, we would like to take a moment to pay tribute to the lives lost this year."
The violins began and the movie screen flickered to life, showing faces, names, and dates, briefly mentioning all the gay lives lost that past year due to harassment—the known ones. It went on and on, so many teenagers and young children. Gabriel saw at least four boys under the age of ten.
How could people stand for this? How could people allow this inhumane cruelty to continue? How could people do this to another human being?
Ariel reached for his hand and squeezed it. She had tears in her eyes.
The video lasted far longer than it should have, and when it ended, white words came across the black screen. We Will Never Forget You.
Gabriel swallowed hard. There was a burning in his throat, his chest, his eyes. He wanted to sob hysterically, curled up in a ball somewhere where no one could see him. He wanted to cry until the sadness, the sickness, the pain, went away.
"C'mon," Ariel whispered, wiping her eyes with a tissue and tugging on his hand. "That's our cue to get ready."
He followed her backstage, sitting listlessly through hair and makeup. He felt so helpless, so lost. All over the country, all over the world, people just like him were dying. They were being tormented and harassed until the only way they could see to end their suffering was to kill themselves. And their murderers were walking free to kill someone else. Why was no one stopping this? Somehow, he'd always managed to remain apart from the community. Sure, he liked guys, but no one had ever bothered him over it, not really. How had he been able to turn a blind eye to his fellow humans for so long? How was the world able to turn a blind eye still?
Michael caught his eye more than once, and amidst all the pain he saw there, Gabriel saw a determination to fight.
As he pulled on his new wardrobe—sans wings—he thought about all the people who would watch his performance. He thought about the kids and teenagers at home waiting to see this show. They had to be feeling the way he felt, if not more so. They were probably scared, wondering if they were going to be the next victim. They probably knew someone who was.
Gabriel tugged on his boots with a new ferocity. He was going to give these kids hope, something to look forward to. He was going to give them a show to remember.
He saw long legs come into his field of vision and looked up to see Michael standing in front of him. "Ready?"
Gabriel stood up and finally, the hard glint in his eyes matched Michael's. "Let's give them something to believe in."
Michael's eyes dilated for a moment, and then he nodded once and took his place on stage behind the curtain.
Flames erupted. Gabriel could hear them and feel their searing heat as the curtain pulled back. As the band played, Michael sang, and the dancers writhed. Michael and Gabriel were involved in their own song and dance, circling each other, reaching out to each other and then pulling away. It was a tease and a promise, a desperate wanting of something they shouldn't want.
Gabriel didn't hold back. He stroked Michael's chest before twisting away, got up in his face when Michael came too close. He didn't back down. And when they kissed, it was fireworks and magic. It was a colossal explosion of lust and passion and need, and Gabriel couldn't remember his own name, just the taste and feel of Michael all around him.
When they broke apart, the crowd erupted in screams and cheers. The curtain closed and over the din; Gabriel could hear the closing sentiments. The show was over.
Backstage, Michael cornered him and whispered, "There's an after party the rest of the band is going to. What do you want to do?"
Gabriel looked into those lust-filled blue eyes that seemed to look into him, and when he could breathe again, he hoarsely said, "I want to go home with you."
Michael took him home.
They had cooled down a bit by the time they arrived at Michael's hotel room and they sat slightly awkwardly. Finally, Michael asked, "What did you think of it?"
Gabriel didn't know what to say, so he just shook his head.
"What?"
"It was just … so fucking much, you know?" Gabriel replied. "All those people who spent years of their lives fighting for equal rights, all those people who were bullied and harassed but overcame it. All those people who didn't."
Michael nodded. "You've never watched the GSAs, have you?"
Gabriel shook his head.
"It's a lot to take in. You saw Ariel—and she's been going since before she joined the band."
"I see why it was so important to you, why everything had to be perfect. After I saw that video—I knew that everything had to be perfect. Those kids deserve it."
Michael nodded. "That show is the biggest thing I do."
Gabriel looked away, but Michael prodded him to continue. "It's just … they've done so much. They've given up their entire lives fighting for this. And I …"
"You what?"
"I'm not doing anything!" Gabriel said desperately, trying to explain everything he was feeling, trying to get it off his chest so he didn't feel like he was drowning in it all. "I'm not fighting for rights or going to parades or anything. I don't even consider myself a gay artist—I'm just an artist."
Michael moved closer. "That's a good thing, Gabriel—even the most important thing. We don't need to fill the world with gay artists. We need gay people who are just like everybody else, who aren't dancing around in rainbow thongs or wearing rubber suits. People need someone to look up to, someone living a normal life. We're not going to be activists forever. One day, we're all just going to be normal people living normal lives. I'm so inspired to see you up there doing what you love and not calling attention to your sexuality, not flaunting it around or using it as propaganda. I love that about you."
Gabriel simply looked at him. The moment drew out, both of them holding the other's gaze and watching as their eyes changed.
Michael was the one who finally gave in, who kissed Gabriel long and hard, sweeping his tongue into Gabriel's mouth, coming up for air and then going back for more. Gabriel melted against his body, running his fingers through Michael's blond hair to play with the hairs at the base of his skull. He tugged on them enough to break the kiss and then began mouthing at Michael's neck, feeling Michael's pulse beat beneath his lips. For the first time, he marked Michael instead of the other way around, and when he pulled back and saw his handiwork, he was filled with an intense feeling of pride and possession that the world would see that Michael was his.
Gabriel slid Michael's jacket off his shoulders and tugged off his shirt, and finally, he could touch those plains of bare skin that he'd only looked at before. He ran his hands across Michael's firm chest, over the tight peaks of his nipples, down the lines of his abs.
"You're gorgeous," he breathed without thinking.
Michael grinned. "I wanna see you." He tugged on Gabriel's shirt, and Gabriel helped him get the contraption off.
Then Michael's lips were on his skin, mouthing across Gabriel's collar and chest, licking, sucking, and biting tiny marks into his skin. Gabriel shivered uncontrollably, clutching onto Michael's shoulders, never wanting him to stop, but at the same time wanting to touch and see more.
He tugged at Michael's shoulders. "C'mon. Take your pants off."
Michael pulled back without question, and they both wrestled out of their remaining clothing. Gabriel swallowed hard when he saw Michael's hard cock, dark and thick. He himself became even harder as he watched Michael run a hand over it and pump it a few times.
"You see something you like?"
Gabriel just nodded, eyes dark.
"You wanna suck it?"
God, did he ever. He didn't even answer, just bent double to swallow down Michael's impressive cock, making Michael cry out in surprise and pleasure even though he'd just invited Gabriel to do it. Gabriel pulled back, sucking on the head, licking over the slit, tasting the salty taste that was Michael alone. He moved down, exploring Michael's cock with his lips and tongue, feeling
each groove.
Before he was close to satisfied, Michael pulled him off and pushed him back on the bed, lying on top of him to kiss him soundly as he stretched for something. Gabriel heard a bottle cap pop, and in the next instant, a slick finger slipped inside him. He moaned into Michael's mouth as Michael pushed the finger in and out, slicking him up. Then Michael slid two fingers into Gabriel's ass, and Gabriel broke the kiss, tossing his head back with a desperate gasp. It felt so good having part of Michael inside him.
Desperate to have more, Gabriel surged up to kiss him hard and needy. He clutched Michael's shoulders, rocking on his fingers, kissing him as if his life depended on it. In that moment, it did. He was sure he would die if Michael didn't fuck him.
"Michael," he moaned. "Michael, please."
"What?" Michael looked at him with dark, wild eyes, his hair a mess and his face pink. "What do you want?"
Gabriel moaned. He could barely comprehend thoughts other than broken ideas like fuck, cock, and ass. "Michael." He was begging. Gabriel could hear it in his voice, but he didn't care. He needed Michael to fuck him, needed it like he needed air to breathe. More, at the moment. He'd gladly give up breathing just then to have Michael inside him.
"Tell me what you want." Michael tugged on Gabriel's earlobe with his teeth. "Tell me what you want, Gabriel."
Gabriel moaned brokenly, whimpering when Michael wiggled his fingers inside Gabriel's ass. "Please, Michael. Fuck me. I want you to fuck me."
Michael didn't say anything, simply reached for the bottle of lube, and the next thing Gabriel knew, Michael was slowly pushing his way inside him. Gabriel tossed his head back, a brief scream slipping out. It was so intense. It was too much and not enough; he never wanted that moment, that building pressure, to stop. "Michael, Michael, Michael."
"Fuck, Gabriel. You're so fucking sexy. So fucking hot." Michael groaned as he bottomed out in Gabriel's ass, and Gabriel cried out again.
"C'mon," Gabriel hissed, his voice tight and needy from the concentrated pressure threatening to explode inside him when Michael didn't move. "C'mon, Michael." He thrust his hips a few times, getting a little friction but not what he was looking for. He grabbed Michael's head, forcing him to look at him, and when he had the full attention of those lusty eyes, he ordered, "Fuck. Me. Now."
Immediately, Michael pulled almost all the way out and slammed back in. Gabriel screamed for real that time. Michael kept it up, pumping his thick cock deep in Gabriel's body and Gabriel clutched to him. He felt like he was coming apart; he felt like he was going to explode into a million pieces all over the walls.
Michael ducked his head to kiss him hard. They could barely get enough air as it was, but they needed to kiss each other more than they needed to breathe. Gabriel felt like Michael was marking him as his from the inside out, as though, if anyone saw him they would know he belonged to Michael.
"Oh, God," he moaned, his voice breaking. That pressure had built so high and strong that the explosion was inevitable; he was coming apart. "Michael, Michael, Michael!"
"That's right, Gabriel. Say my name. Say my name, baby."
"Michael. Oh, Michael. Yes." Michael groaned, fucking him harder and faster. "Oh—oh, Michael. Michael … I'm gonna … I'm gonna come," Gabriel gasped out, his voice breaking as he choked on pleasure.
"Yeah, that's right. Come for me, baby. Come for me."
Gabriel screamed, tossing back his head and arching his back up off the bed as he came hard between long, intense pulses that wracked every nerve in his body, setting off little explosions everywhere.
He hadn't finished and Michael was coming too, deep inside him. He really was marking Gabriel inside and out as his.
Michael shivered as the aftershocks coursed through him, and then he pulled out and collapsed beside Gabriel. Gabriel could feel the heat radiating from both of them as they gasped for long-abandoned air.
"Holy shit," Gabriel gasped. This had to be the cloud nine feeling everyone talked about. He felt like he might grow wings and fly away at any moment. He wanted more.
"That was amazing."
Gabriel grinned and rolled on top of Michael, straddling his hips. He kissed him soundly and then whispered in his ear, "Then let's do it again."
TRACK FOUR
Michael and Gabriel were cuddled on the couch after the following night's show when Michael got the phone call. He looked down at his phone, frowned at the ID, and excused himself to his bunk. What the hell was he calling him for? Michael realized he didn't have to answer, but with all the history between them—not to mention the fact that they had been bandmates for years before their personal relationship—he answered the call.
"Zadkiel?"
"Hey, Michael."
Michael hesitated, but when Zadkiel didn't continue, he awkwardly asked, "So, what's going on?"
"What are you doing, Michael?"
"What do you mean?"
"I've seen you and your new bass player. Gabriel? You named him Gabriel?"
Michael sighed. "That's what he is."
"You don't even know him. He doesn't know you. Not like I knew you."
Michael sighed again. They'd had this conversation a million times, and he wasn't in the mood to have it again.
"Look, it's not like that," Zadkiel soothed. "It's just—what are you doing to him, Michael?"
"What do you mean, 'what am I doing to him?' I'm not doing anything to him."
Zadkiel sighed. "Listen, Michael. You want to fuck him. I get it. That's great. I bet he isn't complaining. But years from now, he won't be thanking you for ruining his big break."
"I don't—"
"This is his big break," Zadkiel cut in. "He was a nobody before you discovered him. Now, he has two more weeks to show the world what he's made of. Bands will be into him after he's done with you. He could have a career. But if people think he's a fuck toy for you, they're not going to care about his playing. They're just going to see a fuck buddy. No one will respect him; no one will hire him. You're going to throw his career out the window. Is that what you want?"
"No—of course not."
"Then think about it, Michael. Don't fuck things up for this kid. If you care about him, back off."
The line went dead. Zadkiel was right. Gabriel was temporary; it wasn't long before he'd be gone for good. He had a future ahead of him, and Michael couldn't be selfish and ruin Gabriel's reputation when he was just getting started. He couldn't ruin any more lives.
Michael hesitated for a minute before going back to sit with Gabriel—a bit farther apart than before.
*~*~*
Gabriel cornered Michael backstage after the show, intent on kissing him breathless and maybe blowing him on top of it all. For a minute, everything was going according to plan—Michael's hands were all over him, his mouth was hot and demanding against his skin...
And then Michael turned away, his breathing shallow.
Gabriel took a step back. He was being rejected? But why? Surely they were past all this "want you but can't have you" nonsense. "Michael?"
Michael shook his head. "We can't."
"What? Why?" Why did Gabriel feel like the pit was dropping out of his stomach?
"It's just …" Michael shrugged, not meeting Gabriel's eyes. "It's not good for you, or for me. The band, you know?"
Oh. Gabriel could understand that. "But all this time …"
"I know." Michael hung his head. "And I'm sorry for leading you on. I just couldn't help myself. But we can't be together like this when we're in the band together. If you weren't my bassist, things would be different. But we can't do this. For the band."
Gabriel nodded. His eyes and throat burned. He felt like crying. Why? It was just sex. It wasn't like he and Michael were a thing, a couple, like there were feelings involved … right?
"Maybe after this is all over, you know?"
Gabriel just nodded. He knew a gentle let down when he heard one.
"I still think you're amazing."
"I still think you're amazing, too," Gabriel said thickly and left quickly before he actually cried. All the while, the evil little voice inside was telling him, I told you this was too good to be true. Maybe he'd known all along this was going to happen and had naively ignored it, somehow managing to fool himself into believing this time, things would be different.
*~*~*
When Gabriel woke up the next morning, the bus was still. Blurry neon numbers told him it was only 6:13, but he knew he wouldn't be able to fall back to sleep. As quietly as he could, he got dressed and slipped off the bus.
It felt nice to be outside and to simply be able to breathe, to have nowhere he needed to be and nothing he needed to do. There was no rush. The sun was slowly rising around him, and he felt good.
At the gas station, he bought a coffee and then a bag of licorice on impulse. It was the breakfast of champions for sure. The breakfast of rockstars, maybe.
Gabriel sipped his coffee slowly on the return trip, hoping the morning air would cool it. When he got back on the bus—coffee in one hand, licorice in the other—he stopped so suddenly his coffee lurched toward the edges of the cup. There was a tiny blonde girl with pigtails and glasses sitting on the sofa, a giant book in her lap.
"Umm … who are you?"
The little girl looked up at him with big eyes and pushed her glasses up higher on her nose. The rims were pink, he noticed. She cocked her head to one side, studying him. "You're Gabriel."
"Uh, yeah. Who are you?"
"I'm Ana. Ariel's my mom."
"Ariel—oh. Woah."
Ana nodded. "It's complicated. Mom was dating this guy in high school, back before she was okay with being a lesbian. She got pregnant and then realized she liked girls. I live with my dad most of the time because she tours so much." Ana said this all very matter-of-factly, and Gabriel gaped a little.
"How old are you?"
"Seven and a half."
Rocking Hard, Volume 2 Page 6
