He wanted to. He wanted to hold his wife again. The guilt would pass, but he needed to work through it. He wanted to see Luna fall asleep in Scarlet’s arms. He’d promised Jay that he would give Luna the best possible upbringing. Didn’t that mean having a mother who would love and care for her more than anything else?
And if he did choose to be happy, if he did want Scarlet back in their lives, was it a decision come too late?
Mason turned his back to the window and walked over to his desk. It was overrun with paperwork now instead of the kitchen table at the beach house. On top was the divorce paperwork with Scarlet’s signature still on it. Mason hadn’t signed. She probably thought that he’d signed and filed the paperwork the next day, but he hadn’t. He couldn’t make himself do it. That was admitting failure, and if there was one thing that made Mason more uncomfortable than guilt, it was defeat.
And if he refused to be defeated, he had to try to win Scarlet back. He sat on the edge of his bed trying to think about what he could do to woo his wife. The years had taught him that flowers, jewelry and the usual items were appreciated, but not particularly Scarlet’s style. She was the kind that was impossible to shop for, the one who wanted something thoughtful and from the heart.
What could he possibly give her?
He would think of something and give it his best shot. If Scarlet wouldn’t take him back, there was nothing he could do about it. He’d made his bed and now he had to lie in it. But he at least had to try. When he left before, he’d done it because he wanted her to have the family she really wanted, instead of believing that what she really wanted was him. He’d worried this time that Luna wouldn’t be enough for her, but those doubts flew out the window the day he came home to the mural in progress.
Scarlet might not want to take him back, but that was a risk he’d have to take. He would march into the house with his heart on his sleeve and see what happened. Either way, he knew in his heart that he couldn’t take Luna from her.
Wait...that was it.
Mason walked back over to his desk and started shuffling through the papers until he found the folder of adoption paperwork. He had been named Luna’s physical and legal guardian prior to Jay’s passing, but now they were starting the process of legal adoption.
Even when they were giving things a second try, Mason had been loath to have Scarlet adopt Luna right away. He could always do it himself, then have Scarlet do it down the road when Luna was a little older. All it changed, really, was the name on the birth certificate, nothing more. Luna wouldn’t love Scarlet any less and vice versa. Given the discussions she’d had with her attorneys, it made sense to wait.
But now he knew he couldn’t.
Mason had never been able to give her the biological child she wanted. He hadn’t been able to do what was necessary to keep their adopted son. He’d basically taken Luna from her the same way. But he could fix this. He could offer Scarlet the chance to adopt Luna now. That way, neither of them could take the child from the other. Scarlet could feel secure. Mason would know that if they stayed married, it wasn’t just to keep Luna in her life, and Scarlet would know that he wasn’t just keeping Scarlet around because he was afraid to parent on his own.
It was perfect.
Flipping through the pages, he found the number of the family attorney handling the adoption. It took a few minutes for him to explain what he wanted. Since his lawyer was aware of the separation, he knew it was an odd request, but he was adamant about it. In the worst-case scenario, Luna would still have two parents who loved her, and that was the most important part. That was what he’d promised Jay.
The updated paperwork would be ready tomorrow for him to pick up. Once he had it in hand, he would go straight to the beach house. Hopefully, in the next twenty-four hours, he would figure out just what to say when he got there.
Mason hung up the phone and merrily took the stairs two at a time until he very nearly collided with Carroll at the bottom. “Sorry about that,” he said, flattening against the wall out of her way.
Carroll looked at him suspiciously. “Are you okay, Mr. Spencer? You seem different. At least, different since we’ve moved out here.”
“Well, I’m trying to work on something that might change everything.” Mason didn’t want to tell the nanny too much and get her hopes up. Of course, she might abandon him to go live with Scarlet and Luna if given the choice. He hadn’t been the best boss or roommate lately as he skulked around the house.
“Well, I hope what you’re working on is a big, fat apology to Mrs. Spencer so she takes you back.”
Mason couldn’t help being curious about her response. “Why is that?”
She looked around the house and held her arms out. “It’s a perfectly nice house in a good neighborhood. I’m sure you paid a fortune for it. But I don’t like it here. Luna doesn’t like it here. I daresay that you don’t even like it here. I don’t know what happened between you and Mrs. Spencer, but I hope that whatever has you smiling all of a sudden is going to fix this mess and we’ll get to move home.”
Mason grinned and patted her on the shoulder. “I hope so, too, Carroll. I hope so, too.”
Twelve
Scarlet was going stir-crazy.
It had been two weeks without a word from Mason. Surely by now he’d filed the divorce papers, but not even her attorney had called. She was going to go insane from the deafening silence of the empty house.
She’d tried to get away from it. Despite April’s protests, she’d gone into the office every day. Her work there wasn’t impacted by her broken heart. That was at the core of her creativity. Until she was healed, the brushes were useless. She might as well work on spreadsheets and inventory so she could be productive in her grief.
It was Sunday, however. April told her that if she showed up today, she would change the alarm codes on her and all the alarms would go off when she tried to get in. That threat, albeit hollow, was enough to keep her home today, at least. She didn’t really want to deal with the police and explain to them why her own employee had basically locked her out of her building.
Scarlet settled for sitting on the deck, watching the ocean. The roar of the waves was a soothing white noise that allowed her to simply disengage. That was the best she could hope for at this point. Eventually, she would pick up and move on, but not yet. She was allowing herself the grace to get through this in her own time so she could heal. If she could heal.
The sound of the doorbell echoed from inside the house. Scarlet frowned as she got up from her chair. She wasn’t expecting company.
She whipped open the front door and froze in place when she saw Mason standing on her welcome mat. He was wearing his favorite blue jeans and his worn brown leather jacket he’d had since they started dating. She blinked her eyes twice to make sure he was real and not her imagination conjuring the Mason of her past. He was still there. Scarlet bit at her lip, unsure what to do now. She hadn’t been prepared for this at all, and it probably showed.
“Hello, Scarlet.”
Mason gave her a soft smile that threatened to undermine her resolve to stay strong. She wasn’t sure why he was here, but she knew she shouldn’t get her hopes up. He probably forgot his laptop charger or something and had to stop by and pick it up. He didn’t even have the courtesy to bring the baby with him for the visit. Maybe that was for the best, though. Space would help. She hoped.
“I wasn’t expecting you today,” Scarlet said, skipping the pleasantries. “I wasn’t expecting you ever again, actually. Did you forget something at the house?”
Mason shook his head. “No, Scarlet, I just came to talk to you.”
To talk? “About what?” she asked.
He looked around the front stoop awkwardly and shuffled on his feet. “Can I come in?”
As much as she knew she shouldn’t, Scarlet was d
esperate for someone to be in the house other than herself. Without replying, she took a step backward and allowed him to enter.
He brushed past her as he stepped into the house, smelling like leather and his favorite cologne. She tried not to breathe it in but had to draw in a breath before she turned blue. “What can I do for you today?” she asked as she casually led him to the couches in the living room. She thought about offering him a beverage but decided she was being hospitable enough as it was.
She sat down in a chair, forcing him into the couch across from her. Mason settled into his seat looking as uncomfortable as she felt. “Luna is doing well,” he offered. “I think she misses you.”
Scarlet gritted her teeth together. It was bad enough that she was miserable; she didn’t want to know that Luna missed her. She’d already lost too many people in her young life.
“I miss you, too, Scarlet.”
She froze in place, her breath held captive in her lungs. She didn’t know what to say. Was it better to be honest and admit she missed him as well, or to be stoic and let him think she was over him? “Divorce is hard,” she said, opting for another tactic: avoidance.
Scarlet watched as his blue eyes searched her face for something. He hunched over in his seat, gripping his hands together between his knees. He appeared to be considering his options. She wasn’t sure what those options could be, or why he was even here, telling her these things. Could he really be missing her? Could he be here trying to reconcile and she was stonewalling him?
“I miss you, too,” she added quickly.
A bit of hope appeared in Mason’s eyes, but it didn’t make it to his smile. “The other day, when you signed the divorce papers, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want a divorce. I was happier than I’d ever been with you and with Luna. It was the last thing I wanted.”
“You didn’t seem happy. You were distant and moody. You completely withdrew from everyone.”
“I know. And I’m sorry. I was having trouble reconciling my happiness with my guilt over my brother losing everything. Being without you these few weeks has helped me realize that Jay would want me to be happy. He would want a loving, joyful home for Luna, and I was letting my grief ruin it for everyone.”
“So, what...you want to come home?” Her brain warred with itself over what the answer would be if he said yes. Fool me twice...she didn’t want to be a fool again. And yet, a part of her would always be a fool where Mason was concerned.
“Yes, I would. We all would. But before you say yes or no, I want to give you something.”
Scarlet hadn’t noticed anything in Mason’s hands but a manila envelope. She presumed it had something divorce related in it. It certainly wasn’t flowers or something like that stashed away. Not that she was a fan of flowers.
“Scarlet, when we got married seven years ago, we wrote our own vows. Do you remember?”
That was a silly question. Who forgot their wedding vows? “I do.”
“And do you remember the part where I vowed to do anything to make you happy? That I’d give you the moon if that was what you wanted?”
Scarlet felt the prickle of tears in her eyes at the mention of that moment. He’d looked so handsome, his hands trembling slightly as he read his handwritten vows to her. She had no doubt in that moment that he loved her more than anything on earth and he would give her the moon if she asked for it. Young, idealistic love. “I remember. But that was a long time ago, Mason.”
He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter how long ago it was. It’s as true today as it was seven years ago. I know what you want, Scarlet. More than anything. You want a baby. No, not a baby. You want Luna. And I’m going to do whatever it takes to make that happen.”
Scarlet flinched. He couldn’t be serious. “Are you offering her to me in the settlement?” she joked.
Mason smiled. “No, of course not. She’s not a vacation home, she’s a child. But I am offering you the chance to be her mother. Legally. Forever.” He held up the envelope. “I’ve had the paperwork drawn up for both of us to adopt Luna. When this is finalized, you will have just as many rights to her as I do. You will be her mother in every way that counts and no one, including me, is going to take her away from you. No matter what happens with us.”
Scarlet’s jaw dropped open the longer he spoke. He was dead serious about this. When he was done, she held up her hand. “Wait, you’re saying that you’re willing to do this even if I still want the divorce? That we’ll share custody of Luna no matter what?”
“Yes.” He looked as serious as he had when he said I do.
“Why?” It was all Scarlet could say. He didn’t have to do this. It wasn’t her baby. She wasn’t related to Luna by blood. If he was doing this, it was because he knew how much it was hurting her to lose another baby. “You don’t have to do any of this.”
“I’m doing it because Luna deserves a mother who loves her as much as you do. What kind of father would I be to her if I took her away from you?”
Scarlet covered her face with her hands as the tears started pouring from her. She couldn’t stop them. After a moment, she felt his hand on her knee. When she opened her eyes, he was kneeling in front of her, holding a handkerchief.
“Here,” he offered.
She took it, dabbing at her eyes and drying her cheeks. “Thank you” was all she could say. For the handkerchief, for the adoption papers...for everything. “I appreciate it, even if I don’t understand it.”
“To be honest,” Mason said, “it’s not entirely selfless on my part.”
“How is that?”
“Well, I don’t just want a mother for Luna. I want my wife back, too.”
* * *
Scarlet looked at him with puffy, red eyes, making it hard to gauge how she really felt about what he’d said. He waited a moment to let the words sink in before he continued. “I screwed up. I did the one thing you were afraid I would do. I wasn’t sure how to cope with everything, so I retreated when I should’ve held my ground. I don’t want the divorce, Scarlet.”
She shook her head. “I don’t want it either. But how do we stop it? You’ve already filed, haven’t you?”
“Nope. I actually never even signed the papers.”
Scarlet sat back in her seat, stunned. “You didn’t? I thought for sure after I signed and you moved out that you would’ve pressed forward with the process.”
“You’d think so. But I couldn’t. They’re sitting on my desk just as you left them, as I flip-flopped back and forth on what to do. I rationalized, as I did before, that you might be happier with another man who can give you everything you want. I know that I can’t give you the family you hoped for. Luna is the only child I will ever have. But I’m willing to share her with you, no matter what. That’s why I wanted to tell you about the adoption first. I didn’t want you to say yes to taking me back just because of Luna. You will have her in your life. I want you to want me because you truly want me as I am. I just hope that I’m enough for you.”
Scarlet covered his hand with hers. “You’ve always been enough. I just couldn’t convince you of that.”
Mason sat back on his heels. “You really mean that? You’d be happy just you and me and Luna?”
Scarlet nodded. “Absolutely. I know you might find this hard to believe, Mason, but I love you. Even when I signed the divorce papers, I loved you. I was just trying to make the smart choice for me.”
Mason’s excitement dulled. “What do you mean?”
“We’ve talked about this before, Mason. You run. I told you how hard it was on me the last time and you did it anyway. I knew it was coming, and that’s why I tried to push you away. I was trying to protect myself and make our breakup my decision this time. But it didn’t make any difference in the end. You were still gone and I still felt horrible.”
“And
now?” His heart stilled in his chest as he waited for her answer. Just because she loved him didn’t mean she would take him back. Perhaps he’d screwed up too much. He would understand if she was afraid to trust her heart to him again. He wasn’t sure he’d believe himself if he promised not to run again.
“And now, I still worry, to be honest. If we’re going to raise a child together especially, I need to know I can count on you to be there, Mason. Bad things are going to happen. I can guarantee it. You need to learn a better way to cope with disappointment and pain. I need you to turn to me instead of running away from me. I need you to tell me when you’re feeling overwhelmed so we can work through it together like a couple should.”
Mason heard her words and he understood. His parents had never been much of a team. His father handled the office and his mother managed the home. Mason had tried to do both and got overwhelmed when it didn’t work out perfectly. “You’re right. I just have this feeling like I have to do it all on my own. But that’s not what a marriage is about, is it?”
Scarlet shook her head. “If we’re going to do this, we have to both promise to do it together. You and me and Luna against the world. Can you promise me that?”
“I’ll promise you that and more. I promise I’ll love you more than any man has ever loved a woman. I promise that I’ll do anything to make you happy. All you have to do is ask. Remember, I promised you the moon and I’ll find a way to climb up there and snatch it from the sky if you asked.”
“And if you start to feel overwhelmed or stressed?” she pressed.
“I’ll talk to you about it. Maybe I’ll try a fishing trip in Tahoe or something to clear my head the next time. But I promise to always come home to you. I mean that.”
Scarlet’s dark eyes surveyed his face for a moment before her lips softened into a smile. “I love you,” she said before lunging out of her chair and into his arms.
The Baby Favor Page 14
