by Holly Renee
I looked at him but didn’t answer because I didn’t know. What did I expect from him? I knew where we stood. That didn’t mean a girl couldn’t be hopeful. That I didn’t dream about the day he would say something like…
“Did you want me to tell him that I just needed a few more minutes alone with his baby sister?”
There was a sharp inhale of breath, and I realized it came from me.
His hand pressed against my cheek and softly swept the same piece of hair from earlier out of my face. “It just keeps falling, doesn’t it?”
Yes.
I wanted to scream at him.
It falls and falls and falls, and so do I.
There was no use trying to stop either of us.
It was an inevitable drop, the kind that made your heart race and the butterflies in your stomach take off like a tornado, and no matter how hard I tried, it was impossible to stop the free fall.
He leaned closer to me, and breathing was no longer possible. I had thought about this moment for as long as I could remember. His breath blew out against my lips, and I traced my tongue there to try to capture the taste of him.
“Livy,” he breathed out my name and my stomach clenched.
A shrill sound rang through the truck interrupting the moment, and when the two of us looked down at his phone that lay between us, all the butterflies in my stomach came to a sudden halt and the breath I was holding finally escaped.
Madison Smith lit up his screen and ruined everything.
P A R K E R
Present
There was no way my bachelor party could get any more fucked up. When she came out onto the stage, I knew that she was by far the sexiest woman I had ever seen, but I also knew that I had seen her before. I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
My dick hadn’t been that hard since I was eighteen years old and she was begging me to take her virginity. I hadn’t been this furious since the moment she ran away, or better yet, the moment I pushed her away. Every extreme in my life, every high and every low, had a story with her attached to it.
Seeing her like this, with her body on display for all these fucking men, I wanted to kill her or fuck her or God. What was I thinking? I was getting married.
Married.
To a woman I love.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Livy was still standing in front of her brother. She’d crossed her arms over her chest but that only seemed to enhance her breasts rather than hiding them. I searched the faces of my friends. All of them, with the exception of Mason, were looking at her like they wanted nothing more than to devour her, but I would take them all out. I didn’t give a fuck if they were my friends or not. She was mine.
No. She had been mine once.
It was the same thing. They didn’t get to touch her.
She was driving me insane in her tiny black lace bra and panties, and for a moment, I just appreciated her body. The Livy I knew, the Livy I loved, she was so different from this girl standing in front of me. She had always been beautiful. I had never seen a girl more beautiful than my Livy, but this girl was on a different playing field. She didn’t look like the rebellious country girl who used to run around in boots and cutoffs. That Livy would have gawked at the three-inch heels she was wearing now.
Her hair was different. Her body was different. Everything was different, yet, she was the same. I could see it hiding behind the makeup and bravado.
And my chest fucking ached.
I turned from looking at her, trying to get my shit together, and noticed Brandon at my side. I had many friends in this world, but Mason and Brandon, they were my brothers. Nothing would ever come between us. Except if Brandon didn’t quit looking at Livy like that. My hands shook with the urge to knock out one of my best friends.
I turned back to Livy, still fully on display, and pulled my jacket off and placed it around her shoulders. She stiffened when the fabric touched her skin, but I also knew she was thankful for the shield.
Her light brown eyes slid to mine as she pushed her arms in my jacket and pulled the engulfing fabric around her.
Her eyes. They were the same.
She had eyes that could see straight through me, no matter how hard I tried to hide from her, she saw. She always had.
“I swear to God, Livy. I’m not leaving here without you.” She rolled her eyes, but Mason continued. “They will have to arrest my ass before I’ll leave you.”
Atta boy. I could see her resolve weakening.
“Can you at least let me tell my boss that I’m leaving and let me get my things?” She put her hands on her hips but my sleeves hung six inches past her fingertips.
“We’ll be at the car.” Mason pointed toward the illuminated red exit sign. “You have ten minutes, Livy.”
She huffed, and I smiled.
She may have changed, but that spunky, rebellious attitude was the same Livy I had always known.
She marched her way back toward the stage and disappeared behind the curtain that had opened and wrecked my world only moments before.
My heart raced as I watched her vanish from my sight, but I reminded myself that she wasn’t going to run again. She had nowhere to go when we are all here waiting for her. But most of all, I reminded myself that it wasn’t my place to care.
I should be worried about Emily. I was marrying Emily, but as soon as Livy walked back into my world, everything became cloudy. It was harder to see Emily through the fog.
I tried to think about her lips, but Livy’s cherry reds popped into my head. When I tried to think of her laugh, all the moments I shared with Livy came flooding back.
I pulled out my cell phone. I needed to look at a picture of Emily. I needed to get Livy out of my head. I had spent too many years thinking about that girl.
As soon as my screen lit up, I saw a text from Emily.
Don’t fall in love with a stripper. ;) I love you! xoxo
And just like that, guilt flooded me. Emily was perfect. She was sweet and caring, and well, she was safe. I didn’t worry that Emily would get hurt and run. I didn’t worry that I couldn’t keep up with her. I just didn’t have to worry with her.
She was beautiful, she loved me, and I needed to fucking remember that.
Instead, I slid my phone in my pocket and watched Livy as she made her way out of the strip club carrying a small gym bag. She looked upset, and I was immediately on alert.
But when I started stepping toward her, her brother did the same, and I remembered that it wasn’t my place to comfort her.
She was dressed in a pair of ripped up jeans and a simple black tank top. She still looked hot as fuck, but she looked more like the girl I used to know.
“Well,” she held out her arms, one of which was carrying my suit jacket, “I guess I’m all yours since you got me fired.”
Mason scooped her up in his arms and held her tightly against him. I had never been more jealous of my best friend, but Livy wasn’t looking at him. She was staring at me but looked away the moment I noticed, and the vulnerability I saw there completely fucked with my head.
She threw my jacket to me when he finally put her down then wiped her palms against her jeans. “So, what are we doing? This is a bachelor party, right?” Her eyes flicked to me, but then a fake ass smile formed on her face. “Let’s go have some fun.”
It was my bachelor party, and I was pretty sure I was the person having the least amount of fun. Livy had all my boys eating out of the palm of her hand as she told jokes and entertained them with memories of her and her brother. She seemed careful not to bring up stories that included me, and fuck if that didn’t hurt.
We had been at some club for the last hour. I didn’t even know the name of the place. I was too busy watching her as she linked her arm with Brandon’s and walked in the door. She had always known how to push my buttons, and it seemed that she hadn’t forgotten.
So instead of enjoying my time with my boys, I was sitting in a booth with a glass of whiskey in my
hand as I tracked her movements like a stalker.
“What’s up, sour puss?” Brandon fell into the seat beside me, and I gave him the death stare when my liquor spilled out onto my pants.
“Really, man?” I wiped at my pants with a napkin, little white rolls of paper sticking to the fabric, and listened to him chuckle.
“What’s gotten into you tonight? You look like you’ve either seen a ghost or like you really wish that ghost would come dance on your lap again.”
I smacked him in his chest, and he laughed before rubbing the spot with his tattooed hand.
“What the hell was that for?”
“You know what it was for, asshole.” I took a large drink of my whiskey and reveled in the burn.
“She’s the one who got away, huh?” He nodded his head toward Livy where she was laughing at the bar after downing another shot.
“Something like that.”
“What are you going to do?”
“What do you mean ‘What am I going to do’?” I finally turned my gaze from Livy to look at my best friend.
“Well we both know that Mason isn’t going to leave here without her. How are you going to handle it?” He was watching me. The usual jokester Brandon was gone, and he was being serious. He was worried about me.
“I’m going to go home to my fiancée and forget about Livy like I’ve been doing for the last four years.”
He scoffed at my answer, and I narrowed my eyes at him.
“You can try to fool everyone else,” he said before sipping his drink, “but I can see through you. You haven’t forgotten about that girl for one second.”
“I don’t care if you believe me because it’s the truth. The moment Emily walked into my life, I forgot all about Livy.”
His face was forming into this stupid ass grin that he always did when he thought he was being really funny or that he had an epic plan. It was a look that made me fucking nervous.
“Well here’s your chance to prove it,” he spoke against the rim of his glass before looking away and trying to hide his smile.
“Hey, Parker.” My name was slightly slurred, and when I looked over at Livy swinging her legs on the booth across from me, it was easy to tell that she was well on her way to hammered.
“Hey, Livy.” I cleared my throat.
“Ugh.” She rolled her eyes. “Don’t call me that. I go by Liv now.”
“Whatever you say, Livy.”
She narrowed her eyes at me and I smiled. I missed this. The back and forth. The push and pull.
“So, am I going to get to meet your fiancée when I get back?” She had her brave face on, but I could see the vulnerability in her eyes. I had always been able to see it.
“If that’s what you want.”
“What’s her name?”
I started to answer, but she held up her hand to cut me off.
“No. Wait. Let me guess.” She tapped her index finger against her chin playfully, and I felt each beat against my chest.
“Veronica. No. No. Jasmine?” She watched me for a reaction, but I didn’t give her one. My best friend though, that asshole was chuckling at her antics.
“It has to be something exotic. I mean only the best for Parker James, right?” She was making a fool of herself, but I was letting her. This was the most she had spoken to me in four years. Four fucking years.
“Please tell me it isn’t Francesca.” She put her hand dramatically against her chest.
“It’s not Francesca,” I said calmly.
“Well I give up. What’s her name?” She leaned forward like she was really interested, but I doubted she truly was.
“Emily.” I almost choked on her name. “Her name is Emily.”
She closed her eyes briefly. She probably thought I wouldn’t notice, but she had been drinking and she was showing more of herself than she normally would.
“I’m surprised.” She opened her eyes and looked straight at me. “Emily is a good girl name. You never really had a thing for good girls.”
“Didn’t I?” My gaze didn’t waver from hers, and I could tell she was getting nervous. She probably had some grand plan in her head before she made her way over here, and it wasn’t going quite like she thought it would. “You were a good girl, weren’t you?”
I took another sip of my whiskey, and I watched as her anxiety morphed into anger.
“You didn’t have a thing for me, Parker. I was nothing more than your dirty little secret.” She stood from her seat, and I watched her movements as she came closer to me. Her hand landed on the back of the booth behind my head and her face was only inches from mine. I could smell cranberry juice and vodka on her lips, and I wanted nothing more than to lean forward and taste it as well.
I felt intoxicated by her proximity, the whiskey having nothing on her, and it made me forget everything. I forgot that I hurt her, that she hurt me, that she ran, but more than anything, I forgot that I wasn’t hers anymore.
She stared into my eyes as she spoke the next words, but my gaze bounced between her eyes and her full lips.
“I may have been a good girl then, but you destroyed every piece of her. I actually feel bad for Emily, because you, Parker James, are where good girls go to die.”
Her words sank into me as she pushed off the booth and turned her back to me.
They settled into my chest, taking root exactly where she wanted them.
“You are so fucking screwed.”
I looked over at Brandon. I had completely forgotten he was there, but he was right, I was completely fucked.
P A R K E R
Four years and five and a half months earlier
I couldn’t stop thinking about her.
She had been avoiding me for two weeks, and it was driving me insane.
Every time Madison walked by, I compared how she looked to Livy.
Every time she spoke, I thought about how much more Livy and I had in common.
It was shitty. I knew that, but I couldn’t stop.
And I tried, believe me, I tried everything.
I thought that maybe I could fuck her out of my mind.
When Madison wouldn’t stop talking about some girl she hated, I just kissed the shit out of her to get her to shut up. But instead of thinking about her lips against mine, I imagined they were Livy’s. Madison’s lips tasted like strawberries and were sticky from some crap she put on them. I imagined that Livy’s were soft and smooth.
When I grabbed Madison’s hips, I thought of the curvier ones that belonged to Livy.
It worked for a while. Replacing Madison in my mind with the one I really wanted. I knew what kind of dirt bag that made me, but I couldn’t help it.
Madison was into it too. At least, she was into me. Because it was the most I had ever been into her.
She clung to me like she never wanted to let me go, and when I thought about Livy doing the same, I had never been so turned on in my life.
But that all went downhill.
Because Madison ruined it. Fuck. I ruined it.
With just three little words. Words that typically meant nothing when you’re nineteen-years-old, but as soon as the words left her lips, I knew I couldn’t go any further. I may not have loved Madison, but she didn’t deserve what I was doing to her. She didn’t deserve to be replaced with someone else in my mind.
So instead of repeating her breathless words back to her, I gripped her arms softly and pushed her off me. I could see the rejection in her eyes staring back at me, and it hurt, but not as much as when I saw it from Livy.
When Livy jumped out of my truck after our almost kiss, it gutted me.
I didn’t even feel a fraction of that for Madison, and that’s how I knew that I couldn’t continue this any longer.
“What’s wrong?” Her words were broken, and I hated that I was hurting her.
“I can’t do this anymore, Madison.”
“Is it because I said I love you? I can take it back. I didn’t even mean it.” She was scram
bling to save what we had, and I could see the desperation in her eyes.
“It’s not that. I just can’t do this anymore.” I rubbed my hand over the back of my neck and tried to avoid looking at her, like a coward.
“This is about her. Isn’t it?” Her voice was no longer soft and broken but full of fire and venom.
“Who?” As soon as the word left my mouth, I knew it was a mistake. Both of us knew exactly who she was talking about.
“What are you going to do, Parker?” She paced in front of me, venom spilling from her lips, the real Madison making an appearance. “Ruin your lifelong friendship over some piece of ass.”
“She’s not some piece of ass, Madison,” I sighed. “I’m sorry. Okay? I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“No. It’s not okay.” She pointed her perfectly manicured finger at me. “You will fucking regret this, Parker. I promise you.” And with that she stormed out of my room and out of my house.
When I emerged from my bedroom, my mother was sitting on the couch with a book in her hand. She had a sly smile on her face, and I could only imagine what was coming next.
She set her book down softly in her lap and pushed her dark brown hair out of her face. When her green eyes that perfectly matched mine looked up at me, I could see that she was trying her hardest not to give herself away.
“Let’s hear it, Mom.” I plopped down in the chair across from her.
“What do you mean?” She placed her hand on her chest in mock innocence. “I was just going to ask you why Madison ran out of here crying. What did you do to that poor girl?”
“I broke up with her.”
And just like that, my mom’s face lit up.
“Oh, thank God.” She slumped her shoulders. “I didn’t know if I could fake being nice to her for one more day.”
“Mom!” I laughed.
“What? It’s the truth. All that fake laughing and fake tan. A mother can only take so much.”
“Mom, you get spray tans too.” I pointed out stupidly.
“Yes, but I have a wonderful soft glow about me.” She ran her hand down her arms like she was modeling gloves. “That girl is orange.”
