by Holly Renee
“Parker’s getting married. He doesn’t have the right to care.”
Brandon dipped me back, and the whole bar went upside down. When he lifted me back against his chest, I couldn’t help but smile.
“Just because he’s getting married doesn’t mean it doesn’t bother him.”
I tried to pull out of Brandon’s hold, but he held me firmly against him.
“So, he gets to parade his fiancée around like it doesn’t fucking break my heart every time I see them together, but I can’t talk to a guy because it might bother him.” I blew out a frustrated breath.
“You’re right.”
“I am?” I asked confused.
“Yeah. You clearly don’t have feelings for Parker anymore.”
I buried my face in his chest, and he pulled me closer to him. “If it helps at all, I think he still has feelings for you as well.”
“It doesn’t,” I murmured against his shirt.
“I didn’t think so.”
L I V
Four years and five months earlier
“What’s wrong with you?” My brother was looking at me suspiciously, and I was worried that he knew about us.
“What are you talking about? Nothing’s wrong with me.”
“You’re,” he pointed up at my face, “all smiley and shit.”
“I’m just happy, that’s all.” I shrugged my shoulders.
“Uh huh.”
I could have told him the truth. I could have told him that I had just had the best night of my life with his best friend, but I wasn’t that stupid.
“Is it because graduation is tomorrow? Nothing really changes except you don’t have to go to school.” He leaned his head against the back of the couch and changed the channel on the TV.
I hadn’t even thought about graduation until he just mentioned it. I had been so distracted by Parker that I really hadn’t thought about much else. I hadn’t even decided where I was going to go to school. I had received a scholarship to the University of Tennessee and another to the University of Georgia.
But Parker made my decision easy. There was no way that I was going to leave him to go to Georgia. There was nothing that could make me make that decision.
“Yeah. I guess it is.” I thought about the cap and gown that hung in my closet. Mason and Parker would be there to watch me walk across the stage in it. I’m sure my mother would be there somewhere as well if she remembered, but she would probably be late and she would probably be on the arm of some man I didn’t recognize.
I spent the rest of the day getting everything ready for tomorrow. I ironed the soft pink dress that I would wear under my gown, and I laid out my shoes. I pulled out the one piece of jewelry I actually cared about, a simple string of white pearls that belonged to my grandmother. I didn’t really know her well since my mother never took us to visit her, but she left the pearls to me in her will, and somehow, they felt special.
When I looked down at my outfit all laid out, I could feel the excitement bubble inside of me. Even though I wouldn’t be leaving this place, I felt a piece of freedom settle into me that I had never felt before. I didn’t know if it was graduation or Parker.
I lay on the floor and stared up at my ceiling. I had text Parker over an hour ago with no response. I felt a little needy, but I couldn’t stand it. I picked up my cell phone and dialed his number.
As more rings passed, the more anxious I felt. Parker always answered my text or calls. Typically, he was the one reaching out first. I didn’t know why but something about him not answering caused a knot to form in my stomach.
I thought about going to his house, but then I talked myself out of it. I didn’t want to seem like a desperate, needy girlfriend. But was I even his girlfriend?
We hadn’t even told my brother. I had no idea how we would tell him because I was pretty positive on what his reaction would be. But I didn’t care.
Parker was mine whether anyone else liked it or not.
I stood from the floor and tightened my ponytail. I needed to see him. It felt crazy not to see or talk to him after everything we shared last night.
When I pulled up to his house, I shook my head in disbelief. Madison’s car was parked in his driveway. I trusted Parker, I really did, but that nagging feeling from before pulled tighter.
I parked my car behind Madison’s and made my way to the front door. As I raised my hand to knock on the door, I saw him. Sitting across from her. Staring at her. She stood from the couch and moved next to him. Her leg touching his. Her hand reaching out for his much bigger one. When their hands connected and she laid them against her stomach, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. All the air was sucked out of me along with every piece of happiness he had given me over the last few weeks.
I pressed my back against the door to hold myself up. What was he doing? Why was she here?
Tears formed in my eyes, but I prayed that I could keep it together at least until I got to my car.
I didn’t know how long I stood there trying to get myself together. But when the door opened behind my back, I completely lost any composure that I had managed to gain.
The door closed quickly after it opened. I took a deep breath and looked up at Madison who was standing in front of me with her arms crossed.
“What are you doing here, Olivia?” Her voice was snarky and matched her face.
“I should be asking you the same.” I stood from the step, refusing to look up to her.
“Olivia, I like you. I really do.”
I rolled my eyes, and she continued.
“I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“Then why are you with my boyfriend?” I pointed toward the house, and I could see the pity in her eyes.
“Boyfriend? That’s funny. He didn’t mention that and trust me, we’ve talked a lot while the two of you were doing whatever it is that you’ve been doing.”
“I don’t trust you, Madison.” I pushed past her. No idea where I was going.
“Then would you like to feel?” I turned my eyes back to her and stared at her hands wrapped around her flat stomach. “It hasn’t been kicking yet, but I can still feel our baby in there.”
I jolted backward as if I had been kicked. I couldn’t wrap my brain around what she was saying. I couldn’t believe her.
I looked from her to the window, praying that Parker would come outside and tell me this wasn’t true, but the door never opened.
“I’m still early,” Madison continued to talk. “Only a couple of weeks.”
My eyes flew back to hers, and I mentally did the calculations. She had to be further along than that because he had been with me. She covered her mouth with her hand and inhaled sharply. “Oh shit. You didn’t know that we were still sleeping together while you all were hanging out.”
I wanted to put my fist through her face, but I couldn’t punch a pregnant girl no matter how badly I wanted to.
I didn’t say another word to her. I didn’t knock on Parker’s door and demand that he explain himself. Instead, I ran. I ran straight to my car and flew out of his driveway all while Madison watched me. The tears poured from my eyes and clouded my vision as I made my way down the street.
My phone rang from the seat beside me and when I saw Parker’s name light up the screen, I cried harder. I didn’t answer. I couldn’t talk to him.
Instead, I went home, buried myself in my blankets, and prayed that this day was nothing more than a cruel damn joke.
P A R K E R
Present
She was driving me fucking crazy. When I saw her standing there with Neil, I thought I was going to lose my shit on him. Neil was a good guy. I had known him for a few years, and we had actually become pretty good friends.
The thought of Livy talking to him, laughing at the stupid shit he was saying, it made me feel like I was coming out of my skin.
I watched her dance on the empty dance floor with my best friend, and when I saw him turn the scowl that I had put on her fac
e into a smile, I felt insanely jealous.
It wasn’t right, I knew that, but it didn’t change anything.
I spent the night tossing and turning in my bed while Brandon snored in his. It wasn’t thoughts of my fiancée that was constantly clouding my vision and making it impossible to have a clear thought. It was a girl that I should have forgotten about years ago.
I tried to focus my thoughts on Emily, but no matter how hard I tried, I kept coming back to Livy. It was always fucking Livy.
I got up out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweats. If I couldn’t sleep, I could at least go work out some of my built-up aggression. I made my way to the gym, passing by the indoor pool, and I caught a glimpse of her swimming laps.
I quietly made my way through the door; the only sound in the room was the splash of water as she glided through it. I took a seat in one of the pool chairs, and I watched her.
She finally came up for air, pushing her wet hair out of her face, and I watched as the rivets of water made their way down her body.
“Couldn’t sleep?”
She jumped at the sound of my voice. Her hand flying to her chest. “You scared the shit out of me.”
“Sorry.” I chuckled. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
She twirled her long hair in her hand, wringing out the pool water. “What are you doing down here?”
“The same as you, I suppose. Couldn’t sleep.”
She nodded her head in understanding and ran her hand through the water causing ripples in the otherwise calm pool.
“I’m sorry about earlier.”
She looked up at me in surprise.
“I shouldn’t have been a dick about you and Neil.”
She searched my face, looking to see if I was being honest I suppose.
“You were being a dick.”
“I know.” I ran my hand through my hair.
“Why?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Our voices were barely a whisper, out of fear that we’d wake our memories.
“I don’t get you, Parker.” She climbed out of the pool and sat down next to me. “What do you want from me?”
“I don’t know.” I traced a drop of water with my finger until it disappeared at the crook of her elbow.
Her breathing was rushed, the loud inhale and exhale echoing off the walls and matching mine.
“I just…” She hesitated. “I… Goodnight, Parker.”
She stood from her chair and again she hesitated like she had something more to say, but instead, she wrapped her towel tightly around her and left the room.
P A R K E R
Four years and five months earlier
I had called her phone six different times, and she didn’t answer. Not once. My insides were in knots after talking to Madison, but not talking to Livy was worse. I felt like I was falling apart.
It was her graduation day so I knew she was probably busy getting ready for her big day, but I still felt like something was wrong.
Hell, everything was wrong.
I had tossed and turned in bed all night. I thought about what I should do. How I would tell my mom. How I would tell Livy. How the hell I was supposed to take care of a baby.
I wanted to ask Mason what she had been up to all day, but I knew he would be suspicious of my sudden interest in his sister. Instead, I sat quietly in the seat beside him as we waited for them to call her name.
After boring speech after boring speech, they finally called her name, Olivia Mae Conner. Mason and I jumped to our feet and screamed for her. Most of the graduates got a few cheers and claps, but not our Livy. We yelled as she walked across the stage looking gorgeous, but she didn’t smile. When Mason blew his air horn that I was sure would get us kicked out, she didn’t even laugh.
We sat down as she descended the stairs, and I didn’t take my eyes off her. Some guy I didn’t recognize put his hand up in a high five as they took their seats again, and she slapped it with a fake smile on her face.
I watched her the entire graduation, the entire ninety minutes, but she never looked my way. When it was time for them to throw their caps, she didn’t throw it high in the air with no worry about where it would land, she just tossed it up, catching it a second later.
When she finally made her way to us after the ceremony, she instantly walked into her brother’s arms. She didn’t look at me. She just buried her face in his neck. When he finally let her go, I pulled her into me, not giving her a choice.
“Congratulations, Livy.”
“Thanks,” she said stiffly, her body just as stiff.
“What’s wrong?” I whispered into her ear, but she didn’t answer me. She just pushed out of my hold and faced her brother again.
“You’re going to help me pack tonight, right?”
“For sure.” Mason nodded his head.
“Pack for what?” I was starting to panic. What was she doing? Why wouldn’t she talk to me?
“Our little Livy here got accepted to The University of Georgia on a full scholarship. She’s been talking to her advisor, and she’s decided to get an early start with summer classes.”
“You’re leaving.” It was the only thing I could say, but there were a million thoughts running through my head.
I knew it was probably the best thing for her. As badly as I never wanted her to leave, I knew I would be toxic for her if she stayed.
“Yeah.” She nodded her head. “I made the final decision last night. I move into my dorm this week.”
All the air in the room seemed to disappear as she spoke. She didn’t seem happy about her decision, she seemed determined. Determined to leave maybe. To get away from me.
“Congratulations, I guess.” I felt more lost in that moment than I did when Madison told me I was going to be a father. I could handle a baby, I knew I could, but I wasn’t sure if I could handle anything without Livy in my life.
“Congratulations to you too.” She smiled, a fake smile that I fucking hated. “Madison told me the news.”
I jolted back as if I had been hit. Madison told her? That bitch. I had been home all night worried about how I would tell Livy, and Madison just went and told her. The look on Livy’s face was pure hatred, and although I thought she would be upset, I never expected that sort of reaction from her.
“What news?” Mason asked, completely forgotten.
“Oh, you didn’t hear.” Livy looked at her brother. “Parker is going to be a father.”
L I V
Present
I never expected so many people to be at this convention. The place was busting with people, and our booth seemed to be one of the most popular. Everyone was eager to meet Parker, Brandon, and Staci, but especially Parker.
People lined up and waited for hours for a chance to shake his hand and talk about a tattoo idea that they’d love for him to do. We had his portfolios laid out on the table of tattoos he had completed and drawings that were waiting for that perfect person.
Several people stopped on the photograph of my tattoo. After Parker made me lift my shirt up about ten times to show it off, Staci tied my white t-shirt up under my breast so it was on full display.
It made me feel a little uncomfortable considering the number of gawking men there were at the convention. Parker seemed uncomfortable with their staring as well, but more than that, he seemed proud to show off the work he had done on my skin.
We spent roughly eight hours at the convention, me passing out business cards and scheduling appointments. By the time we made it to dinner, we were all dead on our feet.
“I’d say that was a successful convention,” Brandon said as he cut into his steak.
“For sure.” I nodded. “We booked almost fifty appointments.”
“You did good today, Livy. Especially for your first convention,” Parker was smiling at me, a genuine smile that I hadn’t seen in a while.
A smile that made me feel things that I had no business feeling. It made me feel things that were too good to resist. It
made me want to forgive him.
I wasn’t mad at him because he got Madison pregnant. I could have lived with that. I would have supported him. But knowing that he cheated on me while I was falling so deeply in love with him killed me. It completely gutted me.
We finished dinner and made our way back to the bar. The place was packed again but we found a booth in the very far corner and the four of us piled in. Shots were poured and thrown back, and before long, I found myself giggling at everything Brandon had to say.
“Now that you have your first tattoo maybe Parker will loosen the reins a bit and let me ink some of that skin.” Brandon winked at Parker, and Parker just rolled his eyes.
“I don’t know, Brandon.” I held my hand over my mouth to hide my chuckle. “Did you see the piece of art Parker put on me? I’m not sure if you can compare.”
“Ouch.” Brandon shook out his hand as if he had been burned, and Parker held up his hand to high five me.
We slapped hands, and Staci pulled Brandon’s head onto her shoulder to comfort him.
“It’s okay, Brandon. She’s just saying that because she thinks Parker’s hotter than you.”
Brandon pulled his head off her shoulder and looked at me in shock. “You think he’s more talented and hotter than me?”
“I didn’t say that.” I held up my hands in surrender.
“But is it true? Who do you think is hotter, me or Parker?”
Parker scoffed as if the question was preposterous, but I was tipsy enough that I didn’t care.
“That’s not a fair question, Brandon.”
“Why not?” He crossed his arms.
“One,” I held up my finger for emphasis, “he has those eyes.” I motioned toward Parker’s face. “Two, he has that bad boy thing going for him that girls can’t seem to resist.”
“What?” Brandon asked, irritated. “I’m just as much as a bad boy. I’ve got more tattoos than he does, and I can drink him under the table.”
