Apparently he’d wandered in the desert long enough and was heading straight for the Promised Land! My response was one part whimper, two parts moan, and a million parts bring-it-on. His hand moved lower, inching slowly across my tummy until he toyed gently with the little cotton bow at the top of my panties.
Bloody hell!
And that’s when I remembered.
Bloody hell was right!
Oh no! Oh no, no, no! Fuck you, Mother Nature! Fuck you and your whole extended family!
“Daniel,” I breathed, trying to guide his hand away.
“No, don’t. Please—don’t think.” He kissed me and eased his hand from my grasp. “Forget logic, forget everything—I want to touch you. I have to.”
His fingers resumed their journey, creeping under the seam at the top of my panties and his slow, sensual kisses almost made me forget myself. One, maybe two more inches…But no, I couldn’t.
I backed away from his kiss. “Daniel, don’t.”
I grabbed his hand again, pulling it up to my stomach, and this time I threaded my fingers through his. He looked at me, his breathing labored, his expression betraying his bewilderment.
“Please stop. It’s—it’s just not a good time. I don’t want you to do this…now. I mean, I do—I just can’t. It’s bad timing…”
I don’t know why I couldn’t just say what I meant. I was dying of mortification. He was poised above me, looking at me with furrowed brows, and then his eyes opened wide as understanding dawned on him.
“Oh, Christ, you have your period?”
“Yes.” I closed my eyes, grateful that at least he could say the words that I’d been unable to spit out for whatever ridiculous reason.
He squeezed my hand and lowered his forehead to rest it against mine for a moment as he tried to calm his breathing. Then he rolled onto his side, facing me, and pulled my bra back into place before bringing the two sides of my shirt loosely together.
“Wow,” he said, resting his hand on my stomach.
“Sorry. I’m so sorry. I completely forgot. I didn’t mean to lead you on.”
“It’s okay. Stop apologizing.” He kissed me gently.
I hooked my fingers into the waistband of his pants. “If you want, I could…”
He took my hand, threading his fingers through mine, mimicking the way I’d retrieved his hand a few moments before. Then he looked down at me, his face awash with emotion.
“This isn’t about wanting to come, Aubrey. It’s about wanting you.”
I gaped up at him, speechless.
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m fucking frustrated as hell,” he said. “I feel like I’m about to explode, but I suppose it’s for the best. This wasn’t exactly how I envisioned things happening. I mean, not here, in Penny and Brad’s spare room.”
“I know. Me either.”
He shook his head, casting his eyes up and down my body, taking in my mussed hair and partially clad state.
“You are so fucking hot. Now I really can’t wait until the weekend.” He cradled my cheek and gave me a sweet kiss. Then he narrowed his eyes. “About the timing—will you be, you know…”
“Will I be done by Friday?” I smiled. “The timing was shitty for today, but I started on Sunday. It’ll be over by Friday.”
“Friday. Right. About that…” He winced.
I pushed myself up onto my elbows. “No. Don’t tell me…”
“I’m sorry, it’s beyond my control.”
“What is? What’s going on?” I struggled to contain my aggravation.
He sighed and tucked my hair behind my ear.
“Martin has asked me to meet him at his office on Friday afternoon. He wants to compare notes and evaluate a few exams together. He said it would be a good exercise to do some comparative assessment.”
“Okay, well, that’s not a big deal. What about afterward?”
He shook his head. “It’s my dad’s last day as dean on Friday, and there’s a reception for him at Vic from five fifteen until seven fifteen.”
“There is?”
“University types, administration, that sort of thing. My family will be there too. After that, we’re going out for a family dinner. I don’t imagine we’d be finished much before ten thirty or eleven. I suggested you might be able to join us, but my mom’s invited Verna and Bruce Atkins. They’re Sabrina’s parents.”
“What? Why would they be there?”
“Bruce is my dad’s best friend.”
“Seriously?”
“They’ve been playing golf together for years. That’s actually how I met Sabrina back in high school. Family get-togethers.”
He grimaced, and I flopped back onto the pillow.
Don’t over-react.
“My mom thought you might be uncomfortable if they were there, and I was inclined to agree. Was I right?”
I tried not to pout. But really, did I want my first public appearance to take place in a room with Sabrina’s mother and father? Not really.
“Please don’t be upset,” Daniel said, pulling me back to lie on his chest. “I’ll pick you up first thing Saturday morning. I know it’s hard to take after all this waiting, but my hands are tied. You understand, right?”
I ran my fingers aimlessly through his chest hair, maneuvering myself so that I could take advantage of the opportunity to feel the warmth of his body against my bare skin.
“Yes, I understand,” I said grudgingly.
What I understood was that the world was one big cock-blocking asstard, but I kept that opinion to myself.
“Can we sneak in a visit on Thursday afternoon? Technically that is after exams.”
He shook his head. “There’s somewhere I need to go on Thursday. It’s important. There’s no other time I can do it.” In response to my inquisitive look, he swept my hair back off my face. “And no, I can’t tell you. It’s a surprise.”
There was no point fighting with him. His week was mapped out.
“All right,” I said. “You win. Saturday it is.”
“I didn’t win, sweetheart. This isn’t about winning and losing. Just circumstances, that’s all. Now can we try to enjoy our time together? I distinctly remember you once telling me you’d be happy to sit and watch paint dry with me. We could do that right now. There’s some very fresh paint in here.”
“I did say that, didn’t I?”
“You did. So, what do you say? You up for it?”
I could either sulk like a petulant child, ruining whatever time we had left together, or I could enjoy the time we did have, even if we could only lie in each other’s arms.
“Absolutely.” I snuggled up to him as he ran his hand inside my shirt, rubbing my back gently. “Mmm, that feels nice.” I sighed, pressing myself against him, the heat of his skin warming my bare tummy. I tried unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn and felt him chuckle.
“Am I boring you?” he asked.
“No, I’m just so comfortable, and that music is relaxing. What’s this song called?” I asked, nestling my face into his neck.
“It’s a remake of The Beatles’ song ‘Golden Slumbers.’”
“Mmm, slumbers,” I mumbled.
“You tired?” he whispered.
“A little.”
“You can take a nap if you want.”
“No, it’s okay.”
“I don’t mind. I’ll even let you drool on me.”
I smiled and tucked my right hand into his side, wrapping my other arm around him. “You must love me.”
“I do. I love you more every day. Please don’t feel bad if you fall asleep. You’ve been going non-stop.”
“I am tired, but if I go to sleep I might miss something.”
He brushed his lips against my forehead. “I promise not to do anything fascinating while you nap. You sleep, my lovely. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”
I wanted to object, but I couldn’t. With Daniel rubbing my back like that, I was fighting a losing battle. I gave in to the
feeling, relaxing with a contented sigh.
Daniel sang to me quietly as his fingers moved in gentle circles on my back. I was floating—hovering in that warm place between sleep and wakefulness. Then I crossed over, slipping into a lovely dream. Daniel and I were sitting under a tree in the Vic quad. He was kissing me, and we were both oblivious to the people walking past and staring.
We were in love, and neither one of us cared who knew the truth.
Chapter 25
Love and Honesty
I know thou’rt full of love and honesty,
And weigh’st thy words before thou givest them breath,
Therefore these stops of thine fright me the more…
(Othello, Act III, Scene 3)
ALONG THE PATHS THAT CRISSCROSSED Queen’s Park, squirrels busied themselves among the gnarled roots of the trees while people jogged, walked, or stood talking in groups with friends. I passed all of this feeling entirely disconnected.
I was finished with university.
Now what? For the past four years, I’d had a purpose, a goal to achieve when I’d woken up every morning. What was my goal now? To bed Daniel on Saturday and then continue to do so as frequently as possible thereafter? A fabulous plan, but not exactly a career prospect. Talk about feeling aimless.
I reached Jackman and stood in the front hallway of the apartment for a moment, listening for signs of life. Nothing. I was alone. I sighed and made my way to my room, kicking off my shoes inside the door. A flash of color across the room caught my eye. There was a huge bunch of tulips and daffodils arranged in a cut-glass vase in the center of my desk. How beautiful! Two envelopes rested against the vase, along with a Post-it note in Matt’s writing.
Jeremy dropped these off this afternoon. I’m at Sarah’s. Talk to you later...or tomorrow. Oh, and congrats on being done. ~Matt
Jeremy had dropped off flowers for me?
I picked up the envelopes. “Thursday” was printed on one, and the other one read, “Open on Friday, May 1st.” I opened the smaller envelope to find a handwritten letter from Daniel.
Aubrey,
I know you’ve already opened a card from me today, but I had to mark this special day in some way. Remember Patty’s story-how she’d received a bouquet of roses from my grandfather on the day she graduated? Waiting until June is not an option, so I chose to acknowledge today with flowers. And yet, thirty-one days ago, I made you a promise. I curse that promise every day, but I’ve taken such pains not to break it.
These flowers are from Penny’s garden. I hope they lift your spirits and make you think of me. To plunder again…this time the words of Alfred Lord Tennyson: “If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my garden forever.”
As you read these words, I would hazard a guess that I’m at Martin’s office, having just returned from my day’s “outing,” and I’m now preparing to take home exams which I must mark my share of tonight. And you have just finished writing your exam-the final exam of your undergraduate career. Congratulations, my love. I’m sure you did well. I suppose I’ll find out shortly, won’t I?
I’m taking the evening to finish my course responsibilities, but I’ll see you soon, sweetheart. Enjoy the flowers.
All my love,~D
xo
“Thank you, Daniel,” I whispered, immediately comforted by his reassuring words.
I picked up the other envelope. Another homemade card? A late addition in light of the fact that we wouldn’t be able to be together tomorrow night as we’d originally planned? I would wait to open it—maybe save it for Friday evening when I was feeling sorry for myself, unable to join Daniel and his family at their celebrations.
I placed the envelope on my bookshelf, slightly bitter that I’d been left out of the entire evening’s events. I paused again to look at the pictures on the front of the other cards.
As the week had progressed, the photos had continued to represent the places we’d been together, places that held significance, but today’s card was my favorite—the fallen tree log in the woods in High Park where we’d first admitted that we loved each other. I needed to read it again.
When you open this, our time together will be mere hours away, so let me try to zero in on the thoughts that I know will occupy my every waking moment by quoting Gustave Flaubert: “I will cover you with love when next I see you, with caresses, with ecstasy. I want to gorge you with all the joys of the flesh, so that you faint and die. I want you to be amazed by me, and to confess to yourself that you had never even dreamed of such transports…”
Good Lord! How badly I wanted that! Amazed by Daniel? So far, all indications pointed to the fact that fainting was a very real possibility. From the very first time we’d brushed knees, to our first hug under the Gatehouse Arch, to our recent encounter at Penny’s house, there was no doubt that we had incredible chemistry.
A good fainting spell would certainly be in order.
When I arrived at the office the next morning, the sight of Dean Grant’s piled-up boxes almost brought a tear to my eye. I’d been trying to block his impending departure from my mind, but now there was no avoiding it. On Monday morning, I would have a new boss.
I gritted my teeth and crossed to my desk, ready to get to work. As I reached over to turn on the computer, I found an envelope addressed to me perched on the keyboard. I opened it quickly and pulled out an invitation to that evening’s cocktail party to celebrate Dean Grant’s years of service to the college.
I sat down, contemplating this turn of events. Why was I just receiving this invitation now? And did Daniel know about it? At that moment, Dean Grant came out of his office carrying a box which he deposited on the front counter. He turned to look at me, resting his hands on his hips. He was wearing Dockers and a golf shirt—his version of a slobby packing outfit.
“Good morning, Aubrey.” He gestured to my hands. “I see you’ve found your invitation.”
I held it up and nodded. “Yep.”
Feeling like little more than an afterthought, I couldn’t bring myself to smile. He must have sensed my disillusionment, because he sighed heavily.
“I can’t blame you for feeling slighted. I haven’t handled everything as gracefully as I should have over the last six weeks or so. I’m genuinely sorry. I should have given you the invitation to the reception on Monday when I first received it. I’m the one who requested you be put on the guest list in the first place, but every time I imagined you there with Daniel, surrounded by university administrators, knowing the way you two are when you’re together…”
I suppose I could see his point, but did he really think I was so immature that I wouldn’t be able to conduct myself appropriately? I frowned, perching my chin on my hand as he struggled to explain himself.
“I spoke with Daniel, and he indicated that not inviting you to tonight’s gathering would be a terrible insult. He’s right, of course.” He paused for a moment. “I understand how difficult the last few months have been for you. I’ve tried to give you your space, tried not to lean on you too much.”
He looked at me for confirmation. I nodded. This was true. He really had backed off.
“I won’t put you on the spot today by asking how much contact you’ve had with Daniel over the last few weeks, but I have an inkling you’ve not been entirely incommunicado. All we can hope for now is that your conduct together hasn’t raised any eyebrows.”
I crossed my hands in front of me and tried to speak calmly. “I’ve done my best to live up to my promise to you, sir. I hope you know that. By the same token, Daniel and I have very strong feelings for one another, and it would have been impossible to brush those feelings under the rug completely—”
“Or to cut off communication entirely?” he asked.
I breathed deeply. “We have been in touch, but I assure you, we’ve been exceedingly discreet. Thankfully, the semester is over now.”
He looked steadily at me, processing my words. “I assume that means full st
eam ahead?”
I smiled up at him. “Don’t worry. We’ll still be cautious on campus. At least until after graduation.”
“Thank you.” He returned my smile, gentleness settling into the creases around his eyes. He walked around the desk behind me to look out the window as he spoke. “May I ask a favor, Aubrey? Something for you to think about this evening at the reception?”
“Of course,” I said, regretting the words as soon as I’d spoken them. What unrealistic promise would he wring from me now?
He turned slowly, regarding me wistfully.
“Gwen and I are thrilled that Daniel has found someone who cares about him as deeply as you do. I hope you know that. The disappointment I feel knowing you’ll no longer be working for me is tempered by the fact that I’ll see you a great deal, regardless.”
“Thank you, sir,” I said, touched by his words, but aware that he hadn’t asked for his favor yet.
“Can you try to remember that there are some incredibly opportunistic people in this world? People who would go to great lengths to ensure their own gains, even if it means destroying someone else in the process?”
I sighed and rested my hands on the arms of my chair.
“This Nicola person at Oxford did a horrible thing,” I said. “I can’t begin to imagine the misery she inflicted on your family. But with all due respect, that was a year and a half ago. I think it’s time for Daniel—for everyone—to look to the future and try to seek closure.”
“I agree,” he said. “I’d love nothing more than to forget the whole incident happened. Unfortunately, it’s not quite that simple.”
“You do know Daniel didn’t do anything wrong to elicit those accusations, right?” I couldn’t believe I was saying this to him, but I couldn’t help myself.
He perched on the edge of my desk, folding his arms across his chest.
“Whatever did or didn’t happen over there, he obviously put himself in a position where he could be taken advantage of by getting far too close to her. That’s his nature. In time, he’ll learn to maintain a distance. I don’t think he’s mastered that quite yet.” He smiled at me knowingly. “But I wasn’t referring to Nicola when I mentioned opportunistic people. There are a vast number of them in this world—a good deal of them right here at this university. I hate to be cynical, but my advice to you is to develop a healthy skepticism. It’s lovely to try to see the good in all people, but not always realistic.”
Better Deeds Than Words (The WORDS Series) Page 26
