She pushed away and looked up into Angus’s face.
‘Did you just say that you loved me—back when Bobby was born?’
Angus nodded, a ghost of a smile on his lips.
‘So much I was afraid I’d have to tell you when I saw you in pain—have to say the words that could send you away from me! But how could I not love you, Beth? You were light, and sunshine, and colour, and everything that was ever good that had happened in my life!’
Beth frowned at him. It sounded wonderful, but surely she was missing something here.
‘You thought all that and didn’t tell me?’
He nodded again, looking less hopeful now—the smile gone.
‘And you still feel something for me? This scolding and the cucumbers—that was love?’
Definitely no smile now. In fact, he was looking distinctly uncomfortable.
‘It’s how I could show you my feelings. Talk is difficult—we’d established that.’
Beth waved away that pathetic excuse.
‘Just tell me,’ she said, folding her arms across her chest, needing to get everything out in the open.
He paused, moved his shoulders uneasily, then said, ‘I love you, Beth.’
She smiled.
‘No hug?’
Angus didn’t move.
He couldn’t.
Tension held him rooted to the kitchen floor, cucumber skins scattered around his feet. He looked at the woman—the second in his life to whom he’d said ‘I love you’—and wondered just how big a mistake he’d made in saying it.
Was he too late?
Had there ever been a right time?
He waited until the waiting became impossible, then took a gamble.
‘You’re supposed to say it back,’ he said, surprising himself at how firm and strong his voice sounded, considering the jelly-like mess he was inside.
‘Nuh-uh!’ his ex-wife said, shaking her head with a great deal of determination. Defying him, his usually biddable Beth! ‘Not until there’s a whole lot more talk going on. For instance, if, as you say now, you love me, why the business of not having an affair?’
‘You should know that,’ he said, recovering slightly, wondering if the slightly less reddened skin on her shoulders meant the cucumber had helped.
Ha! That was his mind escaping from the talk he found so difficult—science didn’t need a lot of talk.
‘Well, I don’t,’ she told him. ‘It doesn’t make sense to me at all.’
He took a deep breath, moved closer, put his hands on her waist and, holding her, looking down into her wide-open eyes, he tried to explain.
‘What you were suggesting—an affair, holiday romance—that’s not what I want with you, Beth.’
He felt the tremor that ran through her body and longed to draw her close, but drawing her close would lead to kissing and kissing would lead to bed, and that’s how they’d got into this impossible situation, making love instead of talking, thinking their unspoken communication—body language in its truest form—was enough.
Beth waited, her body aching for closer contact, her head filled with rosy light. Angus loved her—but sex and rosy light weren’t quite enough. More words had to be spoken—dragged out of him if necessary.
‘What do you want, Angus?’ she asked, then wondered if she’d gone too far—tempted fate just that fraction too much.
‘I want you,’ he said, his eyes holding hers, telling her things she’d never seen in them before. ‘I want you in my life, for ever. I want to wake up in the morning with you in my bed, in my arms, and I want to go to bed at night with you beside me. I want you sharing all my joys and triumphs and my lows and disasters, and I want to share yours. I want to marry you and stay married to you for ever because without you my life is empty and meaningless.’
He kind of smiled, an expression so uncertain it tugged at something in Beth’s chest, then he added, ‘Will that do?’
Would it?
Not quite—in spite of the tugging.
‘Not quite.’
She said the words this time and saw his startled reaction.
‘Beth?’
Her name was a plea but she waited. He was intelligent, he should be able to work it out.
Except that this was all new territory for him, talking about emotions as foreign to him as Icelandic. In fact, knowing Angus, he probably knew some Icelandic.
‘Don’t you want to know how I feel?’
His face paled and his hands tightened on her waist, then dropped as he turned away.
‘You don’t love me? Of course, why should you, after the way I treated you, the way I wasn’t there for you when you needed me, the way I walked away at the end? Of course! How stupid can a man be? Standing here babbling on about wanting you for ever, embarrassing you no end with all of it, expecting you to say you love me. I’m sorry, Beth.’
She caught his hand and pulled him back towards her, moving so she stood in front of him and now she put her hands on his waist.
‘For such an intelligent man, Angus, you are incredibly stupid. Tell me something, why did we get married?’
‘Because you were pregnant?’
‘Exactly!’
‘So, what are you getting at?’
‘How do you think I felt?’
‘About getting married?’ Angus was guessing here, the conversation having gone far beyond his understanding, probably due to lack of practice in this type of conversation.
‘Yes,’ Beth confirmed, and Angus tried to think. They’d both been happy, he was sure of that. They’d found a marriage celebrant and asked her to marry them in the children’s ward, Beth wanting the kids to share the event, he happy because it had been where they’d met.
‘I don’t know,’ he finally admitted, wondering if he’d failed some test, although the vibes between them still seemed as strong as ever.
‘I felt guilty, Angus,’ Beth whispered. ‘So guilty. As if I’d trapped you into something you didn’t want—had never wanted. You were so complete in yourself, or so it seemed to me, that you didn’t need anyone else. The only thing I could do, I thought back then, was not compound the problem by making silly declarations of love—declarations I was certain would be unwelcome to you.’
‘You loved me then?’ Angus asked, but even as the words came out he knew the answer. Of course she had, showing him in a hundred ways every day just how much she’d loved him, and he’d accepted it as Beth simply being Beth.
But that had been then and this Beth was someone he didn’t entirely know or understand.
‘And now?’
She smiled and he felt his heart stir in his chest, expanding to a point where he felt actual pain.
‘Of course I love you, stupid. Always have and always will.’
He moved closer, enveloping her in his arms, wrapping her close to his body, finding her lips, kissing her, hands roaming over her satin-soft skin—
‘Ow! My sunburn!’
He stepped away from her, searching through the strewn cucumber skins for an unused one.
Beth stopped him with a touch of her hand on his arm.
‘I’m sure there’s some cream at the medical centre that might work better than cucumber skins,’ she said, then she smiled, ‘And as the condoms ended up in the bin we may as well go up there and find it.’
He dropped the cucumber skin into the sink and took her hand, drawing her close and kissing her, not touching her sunburnt skin at all…
CHAPTER TEN
THE medical centre was quiet. The press who had come in with the lifting of the quarantine had lost interest when the story turned out to be about mosquitoes, not bird flu. Entomologists had also flown in, suggesting to the rangers that the mossies be controlled with sprays for the moment and people warned to wear repellent at all times.
Luke had discharged Robbie after lunch, and although Sam had been admitted for observation overnight, according to Marcia, who was the nurse on duty, he’d eaten a good dinner—a f
illet from the fish he’d caught—and was now sleeping peacefully.
Ben and Mr Woods had both left that morning, but Susie remained, giving Beth, now sensibly clad in long shorts and a checked shirt, a total of two inpatients.
‘Huge caseload!’ Angus teased, as Beth led him into the small pharmacy.
‘More like what I expected to have,’ Beth told him. ‘The medical centre is necessary as support for the camp, and the resort owners put in money as well, because they like to be able to assure their guests there are medical facilities close at hand. But no one ever foresaw anything like the panic that happened this week.’
‘And now?’ he said, repeating the question he’d asked earlier.
Beth had found the cream and Angus had pushed her shirt off her shoulders so he could rub it into her skin.
And now? she pondered as his fingers spread the cream, bringing relief to the still tingling burn.
‘What do you want?’ she asked, her nerves tensing as she realised that for all their talk nothing had been settled. Oh, they’d sorted out the past, but what of the future?
‘I’ve told you what I want,’ Angus replied. ‘I want you, with me always. I realise you have a job here, and obligations, and I know you have to think about it—think about our future—but it’s clear in my mind that I want us to be together—always.’
Beth turned to look at him, but he was concentrating on the tube of cream, carefully putting the cap back on it.
‘Just the two of us?’ she asked, forcing the words out through the tightness in her chest.
He looked up and half smiled.
‘I’d like to have another child with you, or children, but that’s up to you.’
He drew closer, touched her cheek.
‘Another child wouldn’t replace Bobby, not in my heart or mind, and not in yours, I’m sure. Another child would be just that—a person in his or her own right. But think about it, Beth, think what an opportunity it would be for you and me to have a child or children to whom we could give all the love we both missed out on in our childhoods. I sometimes wonder if it was partly that—our own child¬ hoods—that made us love Bobby so much—and made his death so hard to bear.’
Beth rested against his chest and felt his arms enfold her, low down around her waist, pulling her close, holding her safe against his chest—against his heart, which he’d now pledged to her.
Another child?
A child to shower with love?
A child she didn’t have to give back when camp finished?
Angus’s child!
Or children…
‘I was so afraid,’ she whispered. ‘It hurt so much when Bobby died, I didn’t think I could ever live through that again. I didn’t want to have to.’
Angus felt her anguish and held her closer.
‘And now?’
It was becoming a refrain.
She eased far enough away to look up into his face.
‘And now…’ She smiled. ‘With you beside me, loving me, I—’
‘Hey! Oh, I’m sorry! Didn’t know I was interrupting anything, but I was looking for you, Beth. Sam woke up, he wants the dog, and I wondered—’
Beth pushed away from Angus, heat in her cheeks rivalling her shoulders for redness.
‘It’s okay, Marcia. Angus was just putting cream on my sunburn.’
‘Exactly!’ Marcia said, grinning from ear to ear.
‘But Garf!’ Beth continued, hurrying her words to cover her embarrassment. ‘I don’t think we can have Garf in the medical centre.’
‘Not Garf,’ Marcia explained. ‘The dog in the top hat you gave the camp kids. Sam says it will make him happy while he goes to sleep.’
Beth considered that, then shook her head.
‘I don’t think we can do that. If one child starts to take camp things to help him or her sleep then they’ll all want to. I know he’s in hospital but it sets a precedent. Oh, dear…’
‘I think I’ve got an answer.’
Beth had been trying to forget that Angus was there, but his voice made her turn.
‘An answer?’
He looked very uncomfortable.
‘In my things,’ he muttered. ‘I’ve got a dog just like it. I could lend it to Sam overnight.’
His eyes met Beth’s and she sensed his embarrassment, then he shook his head and shrugged his shoulders.
‘You’ve got his little chair, I noticed,’ he said defiantly, and she had to smile, although inside she felt like crying to think that all this time Angus had held on to Bobby’s toy—not only held on to it but travelled with it so he, too, always had a little memory of his son.
‘Tell Sam we’ll be with him in a moment,’ she told Marcia, and as the other woman walked away Beth turned back to her ex-husband and put her arms around him, drawing him close.
‘Of course we’ll have other children,’ she whispered. ‘We’ve far too much love to not be sharing it.’
All the characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of the author, and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all the incidents are pure invention.
All Rights Reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. This edition is published by arrangement with Harlequin Enterprises II BV/S.à.r.l. The text of this publication or any part thereof may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, storage in an information retrieval system, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.
This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the prior consent of the publisher in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
® and ™ are trademarks owned and used by the trademark owner and/or its licensee. Trademarks marked with ® are registered with the United Kingdom Patent Office and/or the Office for Harmonisation in the Internal Market and in other countries.
First published in Great Britain 2008 Harlequin Mills & Boon Limited, Eton House, 18-24 Paradise Road, Richmond, Surrey TW9 1SR
© Meredith Webber 2008
ISBN: 9781408902493
Table of Contents
Cover
Excerpt
About the Author
Title Page
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Copyright
Children's Doctor, Meant-To-Be Wife Page 15
