I hesitated.
“No pressure. I just thought if it was someone from the community she’d be less likely to slam the door in their face. You know how she gets.”
I did know how she got. I’d seen Nancy’s great-aunt dancing in the yard one night, totally naked, singing loudly and out of tune to “You’re So Vain.” But still, money was money.
“Okay,” I said, “I can give it a try.”
She turned to smile at me, then shifted her eyes back to the road. “You’re a real sweetheart you know, Ava. An angel.”
* * *
Nancy dropped me on Collins Street before she swung down into the underground car park beneath the bank offices where she worked. Pulling up my hood, I walked down toward Swanston Street, the main drag, where all the trams went up to University of Melbourne. I always liked this part of the city. It still had the hustle and bustle, the women in heels and the men with briefcases, but it felt cleaner up here. It was where all the fancy clothing brands had their stores: Chanel, Givenchy, Armani. “The Paris end,” was what it was called, but I quickly put that out of my head. It made me think of Mel.
Once I reached Swanston Street I was met by the grease and grime I was used to. Kebab stores, the lingering smell of last night’s vomit, the yells of someone off their meds wandering in front of trams. All of these were normal. What was different were the tents that had been set up in City Square, the area usually reserved for the gaudy Christmas tree that came out once a year, or the occasional market. There were a few police lingering around too. I ignored it all and clambered onto my tram. If I hurried, I’d still make it in time for Theodore’s morning cigarette.
I wasn’t watching Theodore because I was in love with him—I need to make that clear. It was almost the opposite. I found him repellent. Watching him smoke that cigarette, I wasn’t consumed by the desire to be the girl in bed with him. No, my desire was to take that cigarette out of his mouth and stub it out on his eyeball. But I won’t say that. It doesn’t matter what I wanted to do, only what I really did.
I’d stuck around for a few college parties. I was the right age, I blended in well enough and I was hoping Theodore would get drunk enough to let something slip. Something about how he was really making his money. But I was too afraid he’d recognize me to do it often.
You see, I wasn’t the only liar. He’d told his mum he was waiting tables, but I’d never seen him with an apron on. He had cash though. A lot of it. His wallet made the back pocket of his jeans bulge. I knew he was doing something, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. It was in the way he’d whisper into the phone sometimes, the way he closed the blinds when he was in the chemistry lab alone, the way other guys would catch his eye and he’d immediately get up and follow them to the bathroom.
At first I thought maybe they were having sex, but sometimes he’d be in there for less than thirty seconds. Even for a guy like him, surely that wasn’t enough.
* * *
I walked behind him and his friends as they left the college dining hall after breakfast.
“But it’s a fact, man,” Theodore was saying. “There’s no such thing as race.”
“That’s so ridiculous.” The guy next to him seemed irritated. I wondered how long this argument had been going on.
“It’s true. Race is not a biological reality. It’s a myth!”
“Okay, sure. But you can’t say that it means there’s no such thing as racism.”
“It follows though, right? If there’s no race, how can there be racism?”
“You know, man, that’s kind of offensive.”
“Fuck, don’t be so PC.”
“I’m not.”
They came to stop outside Theo’s building, and I kept walking slowly past them, staring down into my phone.
“I’m just stating a fact,” the guy went on. “If you say this shit people are going to get offended.”
“I don’t think you get it. Anyway, there are no facts, only interpretations,” Theodore replied. “Or do you think Nietzsche isn’t PC enough either?”
He said bye to them smugly—I guess he thought he’d won that one—and went into his building. I stayed where I was, leaning against the wall, staring at the blank screen of my phone. For a moment I had no idea what I was doing there, hanging around a place I didn’t belong and giving all my attention to such a jerk. It felt pointless. I should have been with Bea. But I reminded myself that she was why I needed to be here. I wanted to live an honest life, to really focus on her, to be there for her. But first I had to finish what I’d started. If I was going to stop doing this, I had to do it right. I had to humiliate Theodore like he had done to me. I’d put so much time into it, spent so many hours watching and listening. If I was going to stop, first I had to do something. Something that would really leave a mark. I just hadn’t figured out what.
Still, I couldn’t shake the frustration. I stayed where I was, leaning against the wall outside the building, rather than going around the back and peering in through his window. There had been a girl in his bed this morning, one of the recurring visitors. I’d heard her crying to him one morning that he didn’t want to date her because she had no thigh gap, not because he didn’t believe in labels like he kept saying.
I put my phone in my pocket and stretched my arms up above my head. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him. Theodore, sprinting out of his building. He pushed his way through the heavy wooden door of the next building, and it slammed against the wall loudly. I followed, trying to walk quickly without running.
Inside the building, I could hear his footsteps echoing on the cement stairs above me.
“Move!” he yelled at someone on the next landing. As I reached it I saw it was a wounded-looking first year staring up after him.
I’d seen Theodore smug, I’d seen him irritated, I’d seen him joyful and bored and angry, but I’d never seen him panicked. The footsteps stopped. He’d run down the third floor. I rushed now, running myself, until I got to the carpeted corridor. I looked back and forth, having no idea where he had gone. A door opened to my right, and a girl in a pink dressing gown smiled sleepily at me, a toothbrush in her hand. Then I heard it, faintly, coming from the laundry room.
“I’m sorry!” It was the voice of the girl who’d been in his room this morning.
I approached slowly, trying not to let my tread make any sound.
“I just wanted to wash my clothes,” she was saying. “You spilled your beer all over my dress last night, remember? I didn’t think you’d care.”
“Well, I do mind, you fat bitch.”
“But it’s only laundry detergent! Why does it matter?”
“At least you didn’t put the fucking water on yet.”
I risked a peek around the door. The girl was standing next to the washing machine, wearing Theodore’s T-shirt and shorts. He was trying to scoop the laundry powder out of the machine and back into its little sachet. I stood there, staring. I’d seen those sachets in his room; I’d thought of it as being sort of weird that he bought the single-use packets rather than a full box. I’d even noticed a bunch of them in a plastic bag after he’d come out of the chemistry labs alone one time. I thought he’d just gone to the shops.
“What?” the girl said, glaring at me with tearstained cheeks.
I ducked away before he could turn around and see my face, see my smile.
9
When I walked through my front door that afternoon, I could hear a man’s voice. Reaching the top of the stairs, I saw Aiden standing at the bathroom door. Bea was with him, and she was laughing. Not her real laugh. A light, soft giggle, her hand over her mouth as though she didn’t want him to see inside.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hi! Look what Aiden’s done.” She pointed toward the bathroom door. It was almost back to normal, except the color of paint he’d put on to hide
the repair was a slightly brighter white than the rest of the door.
“Least I could do,” he said to me, although he was still looking at Bea. “I was the one that broke it.”
I wanted to say how stupid that was, but I held my tongue. He picked up his toolbox and the tin of paint.
“See you both soon, then,” he said, and nodded to me as he passed.
“Huh?”
“Bye!” Bea said, grinning at the back of his head as he walked down the stairs.
I watched him walk out the door, then turned to Bea, eyebrows raised.
“I invited them over for dinner.”
“What? Fuck, do I have to come out of my room?”
“Yes,” she snapped, the grin instantly disappearing. “We have to say thanks.”
“Is Mum going to be here?”
“No, she’s working.”
“Well, I’m not cooking.”
“I didn’t expect you to!” she said, the grin coming back as she went down toward the kitchen.
“He’s not hot!” I called after her. “Plus he’s like ten years older than you.”
“He’s a babe!” she called back. “And Evan’s not too bad either.”
“What?” I leaned over the railing to look at her. “You know, he listened to me pee through the door yesterday. It was so weird.”
“Well, he’s coming over too. In an hour. Be ready!”
I sat in my room in a huff for a bit, but ended up going down to help Bea cook in the end. I still felt so fizzy with exhilaration. Finally, things were going right. I was going to get Theodore. Tomorrow I was going to sneak into his room and I was going to steal one of those sachets of whatever drug he was making. I was going to prove what a bad person he really was. Spending an awkward evening making polite conversation wasn’t my idea of a celebration, but Bea looked happy.
It was rare that both of us were happy at the same time. More often than not, neither one of us was happy. But that night we were both distracted, both thinking of men but in very different ways.
“Crap, crap, crap,” she said, as she chopped up the tomato. “How can pasta take this long?”
I shrugged, adding a bit more salt to the boiling water. “You’re the one that wanted to do the sauce from scratch. We have that bottle of it in the cupboard. Anyway, I’m sure they won’t be right on time.”
On cue, the doorbell rang. I emptied the bag of pasta into the water and went to get it.
“Hello again,” I said as I opened the door.
“Thanks again for having us,” Aiden said, passing me a bottle of red wine. Evan stood next to him, his hands in his pockets.
“Wow,” I said, “I didn’t realize we were having such a fancy evening.”
I stood back to let them in, noticing that Aiden had changed his shirt since he’d left.
“Hello,” Aiden said as he entered the kitchen. He went to give Bea a kiss on the cheek, which she misjudged as a hug, and he ended up kissing her hair.
I caught Evan’s eye. We both smirked.
“Sit down,” I said. “I don’t think we’ll be eating for a while.”
“Actually, it’s not too far off.”
I looked from Bea to the frying pan, which was now filled with red sauce. I opened my mouth to laugh—she’d sneaked in the premade stuff while I wasn’t looking—but her expression made me shut it again.
“Everyone in for a glass of this?” I said.
“Oh.” Bea looked at the bottle. “I shouldn’t, because of. You know. Still not feeling quite right. But you guys enjoy!”
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it,” Aiden said, turning pale. “That was really insensitive of me.”
“It’s fine,” she said, “honestly.”
“I’m not really a wine drinker anyway to be honest,” he said. “Just thought, you know, since you’re cooking.”
“Well, I’ll have one,” I said, taking out a glass.
“Me too,” Evan said.
I poured it into two water tumblers; we weren’t really winos either. It smelled great through, spicy and rich.
“Cheers,” I said to Evan and we both took sips as we leaned against the table.
“So how are you feeling now?” Evan asked Bea once he’d swallowed, sitting down and spreading himself out in the seat.
“Fine,” she answered, “just a bit wobbly. Honestly though, thank you both so much. Really.”
“Don’t thank me. I didn’t do anything. Apart from banging up my shoulder and proving what a weakling I am.”
“You should see Bea’s shoulder,” I said, setting the table in front of them.
“Is it bad?” Aiden asked, sitting down awkwardly next to Evan.
“Show them,” I said.
“It’s not that bad.” Bea looked embarrassed.
“Bea, they’ve seen your naked bum. Don’t be ashamed to show them your shoulder!”
“What?” She whirled around. “You said they didn’t!”
“Fuck,” I said.
“Only for a second.” Aiden was coloring now. “Honestly, it was a blur.”
“Well, I for one saw your entire unblurred arse, and I have to say your sister is right—you have nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s a very fine buttocks.”
“Evan!” Aiden kicked his brother under the table.
The kitchen was totally silent for a second.
Then, I couldn’t help it. A snort of laughter escaped me. Bea looked at our faces, then started cackling too, although her cheeks were still flushed. She put the pasta in the middle of the table and sat down.
“Fine,” she said, and slipped down her sleeve to reveal the mottled blue-and-black skin of her shoulder.
“Wow, that’s a good one!” Evan said.
“That must be really painful,” Aiden said.
“Could have been worse.”
I sipped my wine and ate my food and realized, at some point, that I was actually having fun.
Although I didn’t see either of them move their chair, Aiden and Bea seemed to be somehow shifting closer and closer together as the evening went on. I stood up to take the bowls up to the sink and Evan followed me. He rinsed and I stacked the dishwasher.
“Yours is still working?” he said. “Ours died almost as soon as we moved in.”
“You probably did something to it.”
Another of those girlie giggles came from Bea, and Evan caught my eye. He cocked his head toward the door and I nodded reluctantly.
“Me and Ava are going to go for a stroll.”
Bea looked at me over her shoulder. “Are you sure?”
“Yep.”
“I think she’d prefer even my company over watching you guys try to flirt.”
Aiden moved away from Bea like a shot.
“True,” I laughed. I was starting to warm to Evan and his weird sense of humor. “See you guys in a bit.”
I grabbed my coat from the hook and opened the door, but Evan was loitering.
“The wine,” he mouthed at me.
I nodded, and went back into the kitchen. “Yoink,” I said, grabbing it from the table. Aiden looked at me disapprovingly, which I thought was a bit rich. He was the one that had brought it.
The sun had set during dinner, and the air had turned chilly, like rain was coming. I pulled my jacket collar closer to my neck as Evan closed the door behind us and we walked out onto the road. I had gotten used to the quiet out there. How it heightened everything, the crunch of our feet on the asphalt, the faintest of winds, my breath and his.
In the darkness, the four occupied houses seemed to glow. Sometimes it felt like we’d been forgotten by life out here. The streetlights near the bottom of the estate had never ended up being installed at all. No one had bothered since there were no occupants down there.
Even though it felt like the top of the hill was under a dim spotlight compared to the rest, I didn’t mind it. The darkness made the stars so much clearer.
Evan and I walked slowly and aimlessly, passing the wine bottle between us and talking quietly. We both looked straight ahead, but every so often I stole a glance at him. The cold light made his eyes look like they glittered when he smiled, which was often.
Eventually, he asked me about Bea’s condition, and I liked that he stopped smiling then. I ended up telling him about how worried she was about money, and what Nancy had offered that morning in the car.
“She says she’s going to pay me the rates of a qualified nurse, so it’s a pretty great deal,” I said. He passed the wine bottle to me; I took a sip and gave it back to him.
“Are you sure that’s what you want to do? I hear that old bat screaming blue murder some days.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. But if she’s Nancy’s aunt, she can’t be all bad.”
“Great-aunt, but yeah, Nancy’s the best.”
“You know, I’d sometimes camp out in that house—” he pointed to one of the houses without glass in the windows down the street “—and I think she saw me one morning. I woke up and there was a torch shining in and I was sure I was going to get in so much trouble. But the next day, she’d left all these snacks there. It was just when I’d decided that all of humanity was shit too, so it was good timing.”
I almost blurted out the truth, but managed to hold it in. Instead I asked him why he would camp out there. I’d wanted to know that for a while.
“After fights with my old man,” he told me, “I used to enjoy storming out of the house. But it’s not like there’s anywhere around here to storm to.”
I stopped walking and he turned to look at me.
“Your old man? As in, Aiden?”
“Yeah.”
I looked away, not wanting to gape. “I thought he was your brother.”
“Nah, but don’t worry. Lots of people think that.”
I couldn’t get my head around it. “But wait, how old are you? I thought you were my age?”
The Spite Game Page 5
