She shook her head. This could not be happening.
From the corner of her eye, she saw Matt emerge from his dressing room, twisting the silver cufflinks of his white collared shirt. Again, she was slammed with longing, even after last night in the parking lot, even after she told him to leave her alone. She was still attracted to him. The history was still there. She couldn't deny it. But that didn't mean Matt had any right to punch Negan in the face because he thought for some reason Negan was out to get her or whatever reasoning was behind it.
"Hey." She caught eyes with Matt, rubbing her hands together. Things were tense, she could feel it, but she wasn't about to back down, either. She refused to let either player make her feel like some puck bunny was caught between them. "Can we talk? Alone?"
Matt rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. Katella shot her brow up, surprised at the silent hostility she was feeling because of Matt. Even when he had been annoyed with her, he never treated her this way. What had happened between Matt and Negan? And why was he taking this out on her?
"You know," he said, keeping his voice low so no one could overhear, "in our entire relationship, you never once lied straight to my face before."
It was then that Katella noticed Matt's fat upper lip, a cut that crusted over with dried blood, and a swollen cheek. Katella clenched her jaw and took a breath. She needed to control her frustration with both Matt and Negan. What could have possibly transpired between them for their faces to look like they did? And what did Negan mean, go ask Matt? Clearly, Negan had said something to Matt that caused him to react. Katella's job was finding out what could have been said to make Matt react in such a violent way and to ensure the two teammates could get along well enough to not let their personal feelings get in the way of the team and the team's priorities.
What struck her as even more odd was Matt's reaction to her. Why was he looking at her as though this was somehow her fault? What was he blaming her for? And why? What could she have possibly done to be treated in such a way?
"Excuse me?" she asked, though she did make an effort to ensure she didn't sound as defensive as she felt.
"A liar," he said. At least Katella could be grateful that he was keeping his voice down and that no one could overhear him, even if she could feel Negan's eyes on her back. "You're a liar, Katella."
"A liar?" she asked, cocking her head to the side and crossing her arms over her chest.
"Don't play dumb with me," he told her, narrowing his dark eyes. "It's not cute."
"Stop being an ass and quit playing your games," Katella snapped. She realized her voice had gotten louder than she intended it to be so she pressed her lips together and shot him a look. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm asking you to explain it to me. Can you give me that respect?"
Katella could tell from the way his mouth jumped to from an 'oh', highlighting his cheekbones and pushing up his brows, that he had a problem with her question. Matt was all about respect - she needed to give it in order to receive it. To be honest, he had never been that way before - always laid back and easy going - and now, all of a sudden, he cared about respect and thought she didn't respect him, and the list went on about the problems he had with her. It was one of the main factors of why they broke up.
"Negan told me about you guys," he said. His brow was furrowed so low it rested nearly over his eyes. "You're asking me for respect and you let a guy like that talk to you in front of everyone without considering how it might make you look. First me, then Xander, now Negan? You know how that makes you look, right?"
Katella cocked her head to the side as though she had been slapped and took a step back. Her eyes never left his face. She expected a playful comment like that from Negan but never a comment like this from Matt, especially not since it came out so... mean.
He seemed to realize what he said because regret pooled into his dark eyes and he had to look away.
"Look," he said, clapping his hands together. "That's not what I meant. I just wanted you to know-"
"I know what you meant," she said, her voice sharp but low. "Matt, there are going to be other guys, you know that, right? Just like I expect there to be other girls for you. You don't get to decide who I'm with. If they're all hockey players, they're all hockey players. If you think that makes me a puck slut, then, by all means, I'm a puck slut."
"That isn't-"
"Stop lying," Katella told him. "For once, be honest with me, with yourself, about your feelings."
"You want honesty?" Matt asked, placing his hands on his hips.
Katella nodded. "Yeah," she told him. "I do."
"Okay," he said. "You're not going to like it but that's honesty for you, right? I was never ready to be serious with you but I respected your grandfather so much that I couldn't just break things off with you after a year. So I stretched our relationship out as long as I could. It wasn't a lie because I cared about you, Kat, and I still do. I could see myself being with you if I..." He reached up to cup the back of his neck with his hand almost sheepishly.
"If you loved me," she finished. Her heart started to crack. She had been heartbroken when he first broke up with her but now he was peeling back old wounds. It hurt almost as much as it had the first time, which surprised her in the first place.
"It's not like that, Kat," he murmured.
"It's exactly like that," Katella snapped in a hushed voice. She glanced around, hoping no one was paying attention. When she found Negan's eyes staring at them - an odd look on his face as he stared at Matt - she clenched her jaw and looked away. "You never loved me. Maybe you thought you did but I never met your parents. I never met your friends outside of the team. We never went back to Regina, where you grew up. Our entire relationship was a lie."
"Not the beginning," he said quickly. "And not the feelings I do have for you, Kat. I care about you. I genuinely care about you. That means something."
"So I should feel lucky that you feel the same way my dog feels about me?" Katella asked. She shook her head, a darkly amused smile on her face. "Matt, let me ask you a question: why are you so concerned about me and Negan if you never loved me at all? What makes you think you have any right to hit Negan for running his mouth? And before you tell me that you were protecting me, save it. You weren't there for me when my grandfather died. You were there for yourself. You showed up. You fought for him when your opponents talked shit on my sister and my grandfather. But you never fought for me. And now that we've been broken up for over a year, you decide now is the time you want to be there for me?"
Matt opened his mouth but no sound came out. She wasn't surprised. Matt had never been the sort of person who dealt with conflict well unless he was put in it on the ice. He was sweet and quiet, had a dry sense of humor and loved Star Wars and Simpson reruns. They rarely fought because Matt didn't want to fight about anything and Katella was afraid that by starting conflict - even if it was well-deserved - would scare him off and he wouldn't want to be with her anymore.
Which, looking back, was shit.
There were a lot of things she could have brought up that she felt needed addressing: how often he would cancel their plans last minute, the fact that he never complimented her, the fact that she drove everywhere. There were things he could have brought up as well - although she molded herself to be his perfect girlfriend. When he called, she jumped. She was seeking his approval, which she never got because he didn't like to compliment her. In fact, he never really labeled their relationship as serious. He never called her his girlfriend. They had just been dating for two years until it stopped.
If that was the case, why did it hurt so badly?
The potential was there. For the longest time, Katella knew she could fall in love with him at any moment, if he could just show her that he cared about her. She had thought she had always loved him, but now, she realized, that wasn't the case. She hadn't loved him, either.
And that was okay.
It was enough for her to finally ge
t her to move on.
"Listen, Matt," she said, her voice not as biting. She softened her gaze as she took in his face and bit her bottom lip to keep from crying; Negan got him good. "Don't let Negan get to you. He's an asshole. What's great about him, though, is he never once pretended to be anything but an asshole."
With that, she spun around and headed back to the players, making sure their tuxedos fit them, making sure everything was in line. She wasn't completely over Matt - there was too much history to disentangle herself from - but she had taken a step in the right direction.
Chapter 6
Katella drove straight for Sea Side instead of driving home. She was the last one to leave Nordstrom’s, needing to go over paperwork, sizes, fittings, alterations, and to take care of the final bill before the tuxedos could be picked up Saturday. She managed to focus on the task but her heart was hammering against her chest. She couldn't make sense of Negan and Matt, and part of her didn't want to. She was pissed, frustrated that Matt would believe Negan, more frustrated that he even cared in the first place. He didn't have that right, not anymore.
And Negan - what the hell was wrong with him? Why was he spreading lies about the two of them together? Just because she had had a serious relationship with Matt and had messed around with Xander did not mean she was allowed to be a target for Negan to spread rumors about her. Especially not to her ex-boyfriend. It was like he was using her as a way to get to Matt, and that pissed her off even more than anything Matt could do.
Why would Negan involve her? What were his motives? Matt didn't care about her anymore. He broke up with her and came back to the team, not to her.
She parked in her reserved spot and grabbed her gym bag from the trunk. It was a Sunday with no game scheduled which meant the Ice Palace should practically be empty. She walked through the doors using her badge and headed down below the rinks to the basement floor where the locker rooms and the gym were located. She quickly changed and threw her clothes and bag into a locker before grabbing her iPod and heading out to the treadmills. She stuck her earphones in, listening to blink-182, hopped on a treadmill, and started running. She needed to clear her head, shake things off. She needed a fresh perspective.
Katella had no idea how long she had been running. It was one thing she loved to do. It was an individual physical activity that helped her refocus and assisted organizing her priorities. Seraphina had her soccer league, Katella had this. She was just grateful her grandfather invested in a state of the art gym for the players she had access to.
"What are you doing here?"
The voice behind Katella caused her to lose her balance, and if she hadn't grabbed onto the handrails of the treadmill, she would have fallen face first in the machine. A familiar chuckle erupted behind her and she clenched her jaw, jabbing on the end button. Once it was safe to place her feet on the machine, she stopped her iPod, pulled out her earphones, and spun around, shooting Negan a look.
"What do you want?" she asked, not bothering to hide her annoyance.
He didn't answer right away because he was laughing so hard. Her green eyes watched as his entire face lit up, as the skin around his eyes crinkled because it was being pushed up by his lips spreading out into a smile, revealing straight, white teeth - a rarity for a hockey player. His dusty brown hair was messy, matted with sweat, and he wore a grey muscle shirt and white basketball shorts. She hadn't realized how built he was, how muscled his arms were, how tall he really was, even out of his skates and in a pair of Nikes.
He was breathtaking.
Her heart jumped in her throat and she had to bite her bottom lip to keep a groan from slipping out. She had come to the gym specifically to get away from Negan and Matt and to clear her mind. But that was impossible with Negan standing in front of her, sweaty and smiling, looking like some kind of god.
"To sweep you off your feet," he replied, when he finally calmed down.
She rolled her eyes but there wasn't as much bite in it as there had been. She hopped off the treadmill so she could be more level with him and took a swig of her water.
"Matt told me what you said about us," she said once her mouth was clear. She made sure to narrow her eyes, to keep them locked on him, looking for any facial inflection, any tell that might give him away. But there was nothing. It almost seemed as though he thought he hadn't done anything wrong. Which was more frustrating that he did it in the first place. "Was there a reason you did that?"
"You should be thanking me," he told her. "That guy was an asshole and I told him as such."
"You what?" she asked. "Who do you think you are? You think you have a right to meddle into my life like that?"
"Are you telling me you want Peters back?" Negan asked in a growl.
"It's none of your business either way!" Katella exclaimed, frustrated that she had to explain herself. "What makes you think he even wants to get back with me? You know what, no, I don't care. I can't have you saying things that aren't true just to get a rise out of people, Negan. Especially not your teammate. You know there are lines. You can't just cross them because you feel like it."
"What is that, the hockey code?" Negan asked, furrowing his brow. "Bros before hos and that bullshit? I'll play with him because I have to play with him and that's it. I don't have to like the guy and I don't have to pretend I do." He took a step toward her, invading her space but not as close as they had been in the dressing room. "And don't try to force me to be nice, either."
"Then you're going to have a problem with your team," Katella told him, serious. She clenched her teeth together, trying not to get emotionally invested in the lecture she was giving him, but it was difficult to do so. This conversation caused her to flashback to her time with Matt and how he always put the team first. Even now, he was concerned about her possibly being with Negan after being with both him and Xander. As though he was afraid his reputation was going to be tarnished because of her present behavior even though they had broken up over a year ago.
Negan was the anti-Matt and she wasn't sure how to handle him.
"I care about my team," Negan clarified, his voice curt, his eyes hard. "But they don't mean shit to me the way a partner would." He wrinkled his brow. "The fact that after all Peters has done to you, you're still here defending him, is pathetic."
"You're calling me pathetic?" Katella asked, her temper flaring.
"Did I stutter?" he retorted. "You've been in love with someone who will never love you back. Who uses you. Who wants to control who you're with even though he can't give you what you deserve. Yeah, I'm going to fucking say something to him. He's a piece of shit."
"I don't need you to defend me," she told him.
"You think this is about you?" He raised his brow. "You're a cocky thing, aren't you Hanson? This had nothing to do with you and everything to do with Matt."
"Why does Matt bother you so much?" She placed her hands on her hips, cocking her head to the side so her bangs were out of her eyes. "Is it because he was talking back to you at the meeting yesterday? Or is it because he managed to hit you first?"
"I don't give a shit about fighting," Negan told her and she believed him. "I could actually respect him a bit for having the balls to hit me in the face when I deserve it. But the guy is a little bitch crawling back to a team with his tail between his legs. He thinks he's God's gift to hockey and he can't even extend his one-year contract with Toronto. Toronto, who's so desperate for centers." He rolled his eyes. "Then he comes back like he's doing us a favor, and your sister signs him to train. Throwing him a bone. Peters doesn't do shit and things happen for him."
"Please don't tell me you're jealous," she said.
"Don't even joke about that, Hanson," Negan told her, his eyes flashing dangerously. "I've worked my ass off to get where I am. I don't give a shit about other people. But when Peters thinks he's on the team and he can talk to people however he wants, I'm going to say something. I'm going to have a problem."
"In his head," Katella explained
, "he was defending me."
"You think I give a shit about what goes on in Peters' head?" he asked, his face filled with incredulous disbelief. "Why are you even here, Hanson? I saw you arguing with him before you finished up at the store. Did you realize what an asshole he was? Did things get real for you? Did you need to jump on a treadmill and work through your issues?" He rolled his eyes. "Like I said, you're pathetic."
"Oh, right, big guy who cares about women," Katella said before she could stop herself. This was a bad idea; they were both angry and they both had fiery tempers. If one of them didn't walk away now, things would definitely get ugly. She knew this. Logically, she knew this. And yet, she couldn't bring herself to stop. In fact, she took a step towards him, her eyes clashing with his, not willing to be the first one to look away first. "You're a knight in shining armor, aren't you? Please don't pretend to be a savior when you're just like the rest of them! It's no secret that you cheated on your wife, Negan. If that's not pathetic, I don't know what is. You run your mouth about being tough and respectful but you don't practice what you preach. If you really wanted to leave your wife, if you didn't want to be with her anymore, you get a divorce. You don't go behind her back like a fucking coward and fuck some other girl."
Negan's eyes got darker than before and Katella wasn't sure if it was because he was angry or if it was because of something else. She felt her insides respond to that look and she had to clench the walls of her pelvis together, to stop the desire from spreading any further, because there was no way in hell she would be okay with jumping into bed with James Negan.
Okay, maybe she would be okay with it a little bit.
"I didn't realize what a filthy mouth you had on you," he told her.
"Does that offend you?" Katella asked, crossing her arms over her chest. "I don't give a shit one way or the other. I don't live my life based on what you think is appropriate. I am my own person, okay? You can't tell me what to do. Do you think I'm less of a lady now because I like to say damn and shit and crap and fuck-"
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