by Jenna Cox
I went through the process of putting up the bail amount numbly, just nodding and handing things over as required, not even really listening to what they were telling me. Just signing obediently on the dotted line.
And when Brendan was brought out, he barely glanced at me.
“It was Henry’s car,” was the first thing he said, to Justin. “I just borrowed it.”
“And, what? Henry reported it stolen?”
“His mum did. Henry’s in Paris with Sarah.”
We were walking out of the station and down the steps into the drizzly street. I trailed behind them silently.
“Did Henry say you could borrow it?”
“Not exactly. But you know Henry — he wouldn’t give a fuck. And I was barely one street from his house, returning it, when they picked me up. That’s the worst part; I seem like the dumbest car thief in history.”
They were laughing and I was fuming. I wasn’t sure if I was more mad at Brendan or Justin. Neither of them had acknowledged me. No one had said thank you. I was trailing at their heels in the rain like a lost puppy.
And they were talking about getting a beer.
“Right, well, I’ll see you at home, Justin. I should go, make sure Izzy’s not passed out in the kitchen again.”
I was turning without waiting for a response, heading for the bus stop back the other way. The one ahead would have been closer, but I didn’t want to walk another step with either of them.
“Wait up, Kat.” And I hated that my heart sped up with a thrill of pleasure that Brendan was coming after me.
I steeled my face, and turned on him. He pulled up in front of me, looking uncertain in the face of my silent stare.
“Uh. Thanks. For the bail.”
“Yeah. Sure.” I didn’t mean to sound bitter, but it came out that way.
Brendan raised his eyebrows, then his face turned a little stony.
“It’s just a sureity. You won’t get charged as long as I show up again. And I will.”
He wouldn’t look me in the eye, and suddenly I felt bad for him. He was embarrassed and he didn’t know how to face me. And I was being a bitch.
“Seriously, it’s fine. Even if my card did get charged, my parents wouldn’t miss it.”
He gave a short nod, still avoiding my eyes. And he was turning to go.
“And thank you. Or I’m sorry. Or something,” I said. He flashed a glance at me. “I know you… borrowed the car to help me.”
Brendan shrugged. I could see a twitch in the corners of his mouth.
“It was nothing.”
“Ha, right. $2000 worth of nothing.” I paused.
“Only if I miss the court date,” he said, with a small grin. I narrowed my eyes at him.
“By the way, why the hell did you do that? Why not just not offer to drive?”
He laughed briefly, then finally met my eyes. His face sobered a little. “I didn’t want you to miss out on saying goodbye to your mum. If, you know, she was—”
“Oh.” I shook my head. “Seriously, I’m going to kill Izzy for this. What a bloody mess.”
“Don’t even worry. Once Henry’s back, he’ll clear it up. It’s not a big deal.”
“Not a big deal? You were in jail for hours.”
“It’s not the first time.”
I didn’t get a chance to comment on that, because Justin appeared and Brendan’s side. “What’s happening, kids? Are we getting shitfaced or what?”
I rolled my eyes at him.
But then Brendan was looking at me. “Coming? I’ll by you a drink. The least I can do.”
And I found myself nodding meekly. And ignoring Justin’s smirk at me over Brendan’s head.
*-*-*
It took me a few minutes to even realise I was awake. Then a couple more before I could open my eyes. And when I did, I was staring at the back of a male head.
Biting my lip, I slipped backwards out of the bed as smoothly as I could manage, and he stirred but didn’t wake. He just stretched out further on his stomach, filling the empty space. Maybe I should have felt more ashamed of myself, but all I could think was damn, is he fit. I had the urge to run my fingers over his back muscles. I could see the outline of the rest of his naked form under the sheets.
But I couldn’t face Brendan just yet. Not with the furry mouth. Not with the rattled emotions. And so I crept towards the door pulling clothes on as I went. I slipped out silently, and then poked my head into Izzy’s room. She wasn’t there. I couldn’t remember if she had come home with us or not. The room was a mess and the bed disheveled, but it was always that way. I remembered her coming out to meet us, but very little after that.
And I remembered keeping my distance from Brendan at the start, but that obviously hadn’t lasted.
I used Izzy’s bathroom, then ventured to the kitchen. Justin was already there waiting in front of the kettle.
“Morning, Sunshine,” he said, after glancing at me.
“Shhh. Not so loud,” I winced. He just laughed. Loudly.
“Because of your head or because you don’t want to wake lover-boy?”
“Both.” I slid onto a stool and slumped against the bench. “I didn’t mean to do it again.”
“You never do.”
“I was trying to play it cool. What happened?”
“Tequila shots happened. Then you were all over him. It was disgusting.” Justin was grinning, but I just groaned.
“Fuck. And where’s Izzy?”
“She went home with some guy. I think the one she met at the Salsa thing last week.”
“Well, at least it was someone she knows this time. And what about you? What would I find if I took a look at your bed?”
I tried to smile, but even that facial movement made my temples throb.
Justin shrug. “Nada.”
“She’s gone already?”
“No. There was never anyone in it.”
I was stunned into silence.
“I’m meeting Steph for lunch today.”
“Like a date?”
Justin just shrugged. He was scooping a large spoonful of instant coffee into his mug and had his back to me. I could see his ears going red, so I pressed my lips together and tried not to react. I didn’t want to ruin it by drawing attention to the bloody miracle that was occurring. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to stop myself commenting, though, when the door into the kitchen opened and distracted me.
Brendan was there in the doorway, shirtless, and scratching the back of his head with one hand. He looked like some kind of underwear model in that pose and suddenly all words died in my throat. And when he smiled at me, I had to concentrate really hard to remember how to breathe and blink.
I slid off the stool and went to the kettle to make tea, hoping no-one had seen how red I’d gone. What was wrong with me?
“All right, lad? Want owt to eat?” Justin was saying, doing his best impression of a northerner, I guessed as a dig at Brendan, though Brendan’s accent wasn’t even that strong. I could hear the fridge opening.
“What is there?”
“Sweet FA.”
The fridge shut again. I was jiggling my tea bag up and down in the mug, when I felt an arm snake around my waist, and Brendan’s hand came to rest on my belly. He bent and kissed the side of my neck. My skin tingled.
“Morning.”
“Morning,” I managed to mumble. My insides had turned to mush. “Do you want tea?” I was already reaching for the tea bags and another mug, because it was something to occupy my mind and hands.
“Yeah, sure.” His arm slipped away, and he turned and leant back against the bench beside me. Fortunately he was looking at Justin, and I could breathe again. “Fuck, man, what a night. What happened to that girl who was hanging off you? Was she asking you to bench press her at one stage?”
Justin laughed. “Oh, shit, yeah. I forgot about that.”
“She wanted you to bench press her?” In my incredulity, I forgot to be awkw
ardly silent.
“Yeah. Or like, lift her over my head or something.”
“Were you boasting about your awesome guns again?”
“Probably.”
“Yes,” Brendan said. Justin grinned, and he flexed his biceps.
“Some people will do anything for attention,” I said.
“Me or the girl?” Justin asked.
“Both.”
“Says the girl who was dancing on the bar,” Brendan said, and I snapped my head towards him.
“I was not. Was I?” I looked between him and Justin, and until I saw one of them crack. And then I gave Brendan a dig in the ribs with my elbow. He made an exaggerated expression of pain, but he was laughing. And so was I. Some of the ridiculous tension I had been feeling broke.
“There’s not much I’m not capable of, but I draw the line at dancing on the bar,” I said. I went to the fridge to get the milk.
“But dirty dancing in the corner, totally fine,” Justin said. I glared at him, but I didn’t have the energy to feel embarrassed anymore. So when I handed Brendan his tea, I met his eyes and just kind of laughed.
“I’ve got no problem with it,” he said, and grinned.
“I’m sure you don’t.”
“Or with bar dancing, if you ever change your mind on that.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. Then my eyebrows flicked up briefly. “Maybe later.”
“Alright, alright,” Justin said, rolling his eyes. “Now, what are we doing about this food situation. I’m starving.”
“We could go out,” I suggested, taking the milk back to the fridge. I stared into its empty depths, confirming that there was indeed, sweet FA in the way of edible substances.
Justin shrugged, but Brendan was hesitating.
“I think I spent all my cash last night,” he said. He was looking into his cup of tea as he took a gulp.
I opened my mouth to say that I could pay for him, but Justin shot me a shut-up look.
“I’m going out for lunch soon, anyway. Don’t really want to go for breakfast too,” he said, stretching and scratching his stomach nonchalantly. But I could tell he was saying it for Brendan’s benefit. Justin never turned down food.
“Do you even need breakfast, then?” I asked, shutting the fridge in defeat, finally.
He stared at me like I had suggested cutting off his man parts. “Yes.”
I raised my hands. “Right. Sorry.” And then my eyes brightened. “You know what? Damien just went shopping,” I said, and I approached the cupboard that contained his food.
Some things in the kitchen were shared, but we each had a space for our own shopping. Justin, Izzy and I were pretty share and share alike with everything we had, but Damien jealously guarded his store. And so I paused with my hand on the handle and looked at Justin.
Even he looked nervous.
“I was going to go to the supermarket today, anyway. I’ll replace anything we take before he gets back tonight. He’ll never know.”
“He’ll know.”
I bit my lip. “We can blame Brendan?”
We both looked at him.
“Oh, sure, now I’m a car thief, you think you can just pin everything on me,” he said. I pouted and pretended to tear up in supplication. “Fine. Go on.”
“Great, thanks,” I said and opened the cupboard. “He might not even have— oh, fucking jackpot!” I yelled — too loudly and made my own head throb again — and pulled a packet of pancake mix off the shelf. The kind that you just add water and shake.
“Yes,” Justin said. “I will brave Damien’s wrath for that.”
And we did. We shook and fried them, and then ate them with lemon juice and sugar — the sugar also from the bag in Damien’s cupboard. We hoped he didn’t weigh his food.
And then Justin disappeared, conveniently before the dishes could be done, to meet Steph.
“Who is Steph?” Brendan asked. “I haven’t heard of her.”
“He hooked up with her twice before the Christmas holidays,” I said, around the last piece of pancake I’d just shoved in my mouth. “That, itself, is a marvel.”
“What, twice with same girl?”
“Yeah. And now a date?”
“Well, blow me. Our boy is growing up.”
I sat back against the wall and laughed. We just looked at each other for a few moments across the table. Then Brendan’s bare foot found mine; I slid my foot over his, up his leg a little way, and had a sudden hot and heavy flashback of the previous night. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking, I couldn’t tell.
Then Brendan started stacking the plates and standing up.
“It’s okay, you can leave them. I’ll clean up later.”
“It’s no worries. I’m the only one who does it at home. I’m pretty much a master dish washer.”
I returned his smile and then got up and followed him as he took the plates to the sink. I stood in the middle of the room behind him, chewing on the inside of my mouth.
“I’m sure you are,” I said. “But I meant, I’ll do it…later.” The intonation on my final word made him pause, and by the time he turned around, I was stifling a grin.
“Ah. You have some other use for me in mind?”
I shrugged. “I’m sure I’ll think of something.”
He was approaching me slowly. “Yeah? What do you need? Light bulb changed? Fix the plumbing? I’m pretty handy.” Said hands slid around my waist.
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah. Don’t you remember last night?”
“Not really,” I said and grimaced.
Brendan laughed. “Me neither, actually. But I’m sure it was amazing.”
I feigned shock. “Huh. Well. I think I’m gonna need proof of that. Brandon, was it? I forget.”
He narrowed his eyes at me and gave me a squeeze. I slid my hands over his chest to link them at the back of his neck, grinning. “Oh, right, Brendan. My bad.”
He dipped his face and pressed his lips against the hollow of my shoulder and I shivered.
“I like it when you say my name,” he murmured there. And there was no more frivolity in his voice. I swallowed.
“I like saying it,” I murmured back. “And I like you, Brendan.” I could feel my whole body flushing as I said it. I hadn’t planned to. It just came out, and I froze as I waited for his reaction. He brought his face in front of mine, just far enough away that we could see each other without double vision. His eyes seem to glow amber from the inside, and I could see the flecks of gold and brown in his irises.
He didn’t say anything. He just searched my face for a moment, then kissed me. Hard. And lifted me with his hands on my backside, my legs wrapped around his waist, and carried me back to bed.
*-*-*
“Where is home?”
“Huh?”
“You said you do the dishes at home. It just made me think that I don’t even know where you live.”
“I live at home,” Brendan said. I tilted my head to peer up at him from where my cheek rested on his chest.
“Ha ha.”
“There’s not much to know. I’m from Leeds originally and I’m still here, living at home.”
“I’m from Leeds, too, ” I said. And rested my head back on his chest, watching my fingers trail over his stomach, down the line of dark hairs from his belly button to where the sheet covered him, and back up. “Could have gone anywhere. In the world probably. But here I am.”
“Why didn’t you? Go anywhere in the world, I mean.”
“My mum had a fit when I mentioned going somewhere else. And my dad does whatever she wants, so they refused to pay if I went anywhere but here.”
I stopped trailing my fingers and inspected the nude coloured shellac on one finger nail. There was a jagged edge, and I bit it. So occupied, it took me a while to notice that Brendan was silent. And strangely still. I lifted myself on one elbow and looked down at him. The bare skin of my breasts brushed against him, but he didn’t even seem to notice.
<
br /> “What’s up?”
“I’ve got to go in a sec. I’ve got work.”
“Oh, right. Where do you work?”
“In the student union, at the cafe. That’s one of the places, anyway. That’s where I’m going now.”
He sat up and picked up his jeans from where they lay crumpled on the floor.
“Do you want me to iron those first?” I said, and then I clamped a hand over my mouth.
Brendan’s forehead crinkled as he stared at me. “Iron them?”
I shook my head vehemently with wide eyes. “No. Forget it. Forget I even said that. Oh, God, I just sounded so much like my mother I think I’m going to be sick.”
Brendan just laughed and went back to putting his clothes on. “I didn’t even know people did that.”
“What, iron jeans? Yeah and sheets and underwear, if you’re my mum. Or my mum’s housekeeper, I should say.”
From the side, I saw his eyebrows raise, but he kept a straight face. I wasn’t sure if the reaction was in response to the ironing or the housekeeper.
I sat up a little in bed, pulling the duvet up to cover my chest. “How many jobs do you have?”
“A few. Maybe one less after yesterday, since I never showed up.”
“Oh.” I was chewing on my lip and watching him, with a little regret, put his T-shirt on. “Take a shower if you want,” I said.
“Why, do I smell?” He grinned and leant over me, wrapping me up and kissing me.
“You smell good to me. But a little like alcohol.”
Brendan kissed me into silence, and I got lost there for a little while. My fingers skimmed his skin where his shirt met his jeans.
“Don’t tempt me. I’m already late,” he said, and jumped up again. “So I’ll just have to go smelling like the tequila you spilled on me.”
“I did not. Or did I? That one is entirely possible.”
He just grinned as he pulled his jacket on and zipped it up to his chin. He glanced out the window. “Fuck. Is it snowing?”
“Is it?” I scrambled out of bed and ran to the window, dragging the duvet with me and trying to wrap myself in it. “Oh my God, it is.” I was beaming like a fool, and I glanced at Brendan to share my glee. But there was a strange, distant look in his eyes. He was just staring out the window, but clearly looking at something else far away, not the drifting flakes.
