by Jenna Cox
He scanned the room. And then his eyes came to rest on me and his face broke into a grin so wide it must have hurt. All his bruises and cuts were healed now. There was nothing but clear face, wide lips, deep eyes. He looked better than I remembered. And I was grinning too, rising on shaky legs as he came towards me, slipping out from behind the table so that I could fall into his crushing greeting. His mouth found mine before we’d even said a word, and the whole coffee shop could have been staring for all I cared.
It had all been worth it. I’d made the right decision. From that moment I didn’t care what happened next, as long as I got to kiss him like this every day.
“I missed you,” he murmured by my ear when he broke away and hugged me tightly.
“Me too,” I said. We pulled back and grinned at each other for a few moments.
“You want to stay here? Or you want to come see my place?” he said, glancing down at the table then back at me.
“Your place, of course!” I reached down and gathered up my notebook and purse, and chucked them in the no-brand backpack that I carried in place of designer handbags these days; I’d sold most of them. I followed him towards the door. I shrugged into my coat as we went, but still, the frigid Scottish air hit me like I’d walked into a blast chilled freezer. It whistled up the narrow street like a wind tunnel.
Brendan noticed me shiver and put his arm around me, tucking me close. “It’s not far,” he said. We looked at each other for a moment longer, taking each other in, and then set off down the street.
“How have you been?” I asked him.
“I was on the phone with you last week. It’s not like we haven’t talked in all this time,” he said, looking down at me. It was a little awkward trying to walk so close together, but neither of us were willing to break the contact.
“Hardly, though.” We’d only had brief conversations when we needed to, and on other people’s phones to be safe. But it wasn’t just that. “It feels different,” I said. “I haven’t seen you.” My heart was still thudding, making me feel out of breath. “God, Brendan, the last time I actually saw you, I was shouting horrible things—” And that was the last time I had seen his face; the last look in his eyes had been pain.
“I know. I know, it is different.” He stopped abruptly and turned me to him to kiss me again. I backed up against the wall, and he crushed me there between the stones and his body, kissing me until we were both breathless. “And that was a horrible day, even if it did go according to plan,” he murmured.
“I know.” I shivered.
“Come on, let’s get home.” He gripped my hand and pulled me faster now, and we gave up talking to concentrate on jogging. He led me to a little row of terraces, and upstairs to a small flat. We shrugged off our coats as we entered.
“Well, this is it,” he said, stepping through into the kitchen-diner that was most of the house, and spreading his arms out. If they were a little longer, he probably could have touched both walls of the kitchen at once. “This is what I call home.”
“It’s—”
“Tiny, I know. But it’s all I can reasonably afford at the moment.”
“I was going to say it’s nice. It’s warm. And it doesn’t smell of smoke.”
“I made Becca quit. Pretty sure she still does when she’s out, but at least she doesn’t do it inside anymore. Baby steps.” I smiled at him.
“And Oli and Sam?” His brothers. We had never talked about them much over the phone. It had seemed too hard to bring up until we were face to face.
“They’re good. It’s…we’re getting there. Getting to know each other still, I think.” Brendan pressed his lips together for a minute. “It’s hard, and this place is a tiny dump really, but it’s good. It’s better than it’s been in a long time.”
My eyes welled; I moved to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. “I’m glad.”
“They’re all at school at the moment.”
“Even Becca?”
“Yeah, even her. As far as I know. But…I just meant—”
“What?”
“Well, if we want time alone we’ve got to make the most of it. I share a room with Oli and Sam.”
“Oh,” I said. And then, “Oh. I see.” I lifted my face from where I’d buried it against his chest and peeked up at him. He was grinning. I unwrapped my arms and slid them up to his neck, lifting on my toes to reach his lips.
Brendan gripped my hips and lifted me, and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me through the small kitchen to a smaller hallway, and into the bedroom. Three single beds were crammed into the space, and we fell down onto his. I sighed as the weight of his body pressed into me, as his tongue grazed mine, and the scent of him engulfed me. He was already fumbling for the button on my jeans.
“I promise it will be more romantic next time,” he murmured against my mouth as I shimmied out of my jeans. “We just don’t have much time.” I just moaned as he slid his hand under my top and cupped my breast. “And I just want you so badly.”
I laughed and then groaned again. “Me too.”
He was slipping out of his jeans and underwear at the same time; I ripped off my top and bra, then opened my legs to wrap them around his bare hips. He pressed against me, pulsing and hard, but I still had my underwear on. He reached between us and gripped the thin fabric, then tugged it. They ripped as easily as paper.
“Brendan!” I gasped. “Don’t do that. I really can’t afford to buy more now,” I panted, but I was quickly becoming distracted again, by his hands roaming my body, and the tip of him against my heat.
“I’ll buy you some. From Poundstretcher.” I laughed, and then gasped as he thrust into me in one fluid motion. And then all words were gone as we moved together, my hips rising to meet him as he pressed deeper, pulled back and then possessed me again, over and over. I wanted it to never end. I clung to him, my naked breasts crushed against his hard chest, digging my fingers into his back, tangling them into his hair to keep his mouth on mine. And then we were panting sharply, our movements intense and rhythmic, and as I cried out and was washed away on a wave of heat, he dropped his face to my shoulder and groaned into me. And we seemed to flow into each other like melted stone.
As we cooled, we’d be inseparably joined.
I wondered if he’d say it then, finally. I hadn’t realised I’d been wondering it, until the moment came and went and he didn’t say anything, even thought that word, the L word, was burning on my tongue and in my heart. But I couldn’t be the first to say it again. I wasn’t sure I could take that step, after everything. It must have been clear how I felt, so I need him to be ready to say it too before we went there again.
I didn’t blame him. I didn’t resent him for it. Love was a tricky, screwed up concept everywhere we looked, and I didn’t want to get it wrong. So I just held him close, tangled in his small bed and grinned like a loon. Nothing would get in the way of this happiness.
We lay in glowing silence for a while, and I felt like I could go to sleep. But I knew it was coming to the end of school time, that we didn’t have time right now to bask for long. I took a deep breath and made to move, but Brendan’s arms tightened, and he held me to him.
“Stay a bit longer.” I didn’t take much convincing. I smiled.
“We’ve got plenty more days ahead of us to do this now,” I murmured.
“You’ve heard?”
“No, not yet. Not officially. But I told Izzy to check my mail for me while I’m gone and call me the second I get anything from Edinburgh Uni and I’m sure… I have to get in, right?”
“Yeah. ‘Course.”
“I mean, nursing is easy to get into, right?”
“Yeah.”
“But it is a competitive course. Edinburgh’s ranked top for studying nursing, so—”
“Kat.”
“Yeah.”
“It’ll be alright.” I sighed against his skin.
“Yeah. I know. I just…this is the one part of the
plan that hasn’t fallen into place yet.”
“It’ll be alright. I promise.” I nestled closer into him, still feeling a blooming warmth through my body. “You trust me, right?”
I grinned. “‘Course. But isn’t that what I said to you?”
“And I have. But you can trust me, too.”
“I’m working on that.”
“On trusting me?”
“On trusting everyone. Like my mum.”
“Is she still on board?” There was a slight edge of panic in his voice, and I nodded quickly.
“Yeah. Yeah, surprisingly she’s shown no signs of cracking. She must really hate my dad these days.”
“Or just still really love money.”
“True. I’m paying her enough of it.” I sighed. It wasn’t that I missed the money — since my dad was diddling her out of as much money as he possibly could, my mum was particularly amenable to the plan; I’d pass on to her most of what my dad had made available to me out of my trust fun each month, and she’d cover for me to him — but I did sometimes wish I could rely on her to do this for me, even without the incentive. And I wasn’t sure that would be true.
“She loves you too,” Brendan said quietly. I shrugged.
“Maybe.”
“And your dad?”
“I haven’t spoken to him still. And I don’t plan on it. He doesn’t suspect anything, or one of us definitely would have heard from him by now.”
“What do you think he would do?”
“If he found out that we’re together?”
“If he found out any of it. That you never stopped seeing me, that you’re planning to move to Edinburgh, that you’ve quit uni in Leeds already?”
“He won’t find out.”
“But if he did — there’s no money left. I couldn’t pay him back. I’m still in no position to provide for his little girl,” Brendan said, with more than a hint of bitterness. I chewed on my lip for a minute.
“I don’t know — maybe he’d be proud of me.”
“What?” Brendan shifted, and I could tell he was staring at me. I gave a small smile.
“There aren’t many people who have ever got one over on him,” I said, staring up at the ceiling. That confirmed one thing — that, perversely, he did love me in his way. There was no other explanation for his blindspot when it came to me. It had been surprisingly easy to play out this ruse. Even with the help of my friends and my mum, it wouldn’t have worked without the fact that Dad was willing to believe every word I said. I sighed and rose up on my elbow to look down at Brendan. “Anyway. Let’s not think about that now. We’ll cross that bridge if we ever come to it.” I trailed my fingers over his bare chest, and then across his lips. Only a faint scar remained there. “I just want to focus on us now. Our future.”
He grinned, and reached out to tuck my hair gently behind my ear. He’s going to say it, I thought. His lips twitched like he was going to speak, but then he just turned his face away and reached down beside the bed. He sat up slightly to grab his jeans and fish in the pocket. He pulled out a scrap of newspaper and handed it to me.
I took it and peered at it in the darkening room. “What is it?”
“A distraction,” Brendan said, and when I looked up from the piece of paper, he was holding something else between his fingers. It glinted at me. I gaped silently, my eyes wide.
“Brendan—”
“This is not a proposal. It’s not an engagement ring,” he said, watching the shock cross my face. “So you can relax.”
“I wasn’t—” But then I saw him grinning.
“It’s just a gift.”
“Brendan, it’s beautiful.” It was a simple white gold band set with a unique pattern of little diamonds. “But it’s too much. It must have cost so much! You shouldn’t have spent so much of the money on me.”
“I didn’t.”
“Oh.” Maybe it was cheaper than it looked. Maybe they were cubic zirconias and not real diamonds. Not that I cared, it was just that they looked real — I took it an put it on my middle finger, even as I was convincing myself that we were going to have to return it and get the money back. It was too much.
“I got this for you before any of that happened. It’s—it’s made from your earring.”
I looked up from staring at the winking gems to stare at him instead. “You sold that.” He shook his head.
“No. I got it made into this ring.”
My throat felt constricted. “What for?”
Brendan laughed shortly. “What do you mean, what for?”
I laughed and shook my head. “Sorry. I just… sorry. It’s amazing. “ I twisted it on my finger to look at every facet. “I love it.”
“I love you.”
I held my breath for a few heart beats, then took his hand and brought it to my lips. “I know.”
Brendan laughed at my grin over his hand. “Oh, do you.” And I grinned wider, but at the same time my eyes filled with tears. My casual comment was an pitiful attempt to conceal the overwhelming feelings that were rushing over me. Brendan saw the wetness and gently ran his thumb under my eye. “Sorry I didn’t say it sooner.”
I shook my head, too choked up to speak right away. Then kissed his hand again. “I love you too.”
“I know.” I slapped him on the arm and he laughed and pulled me down to kiss me properly for several long moments.
“And the other piece of paper was actually something,” he added eventually. “A listing for a flat. I thought we could look at it tomorrow. I know you wanted to wait till you knew for sure about the nursing program and all, but — I want you here. I wish I could help you, like with money, until you found a job and stuff, but—”
“You want to lend me money.”
“I would if I could. If it got you here with me sooner.”
I grinned and kissed him again. The light in the room had faded to a watery glow, but I had hardly noticed. I was swept up in Brendan’s eyes and skin, and I never wanted to leave. He had no idea how much he had done for me already, things that went far beyond money. He had opened me up to life. Finally, because of him, I’d found the courage to be myself — or at least to start to find out who that was. I had no idea if my idea of studying nursing was the right one, or what I would do with myself from here on out, but I didn’t care.
My parents had been afraid of me losing my way because of Brendan, some boy who was after my money and leading me astray. But in reality, he was the only one who had really seen me. And I would do anything to stick with him.
I shook my head. “I don’t need you to lend me money. But I do want to look at that flat. I don’t need as much as I always thought I did, and I don’t really care how all this turns out. As long as I’m with you.” I kissed him. “I’d live in poverty, if that was how I could live with you. Anything.”
“Careful what you wish for,” he said, with a grin, but there was uncertainty in his eyes. “I’m back at zero now that all the debts are paid and I’ve moved here. And you’ve effectively disowned yourself, and given all your money to your mum. ”
“It will be okay,” I said, and kissed him again. And I believed it. I rose up and climbed on him, straddling his hips. I could feel him stirring to life beneath me. “And besides, if I ever need money, I can always sell the ring.” I wiggled my finger at him and grinned. He rolled his eyes and sighed.
“God. You’re such an opportunist,” he said with a grin.
Then he pulled me down and kissed me deeply and I loved him hard. Just some boy I’d almost ignored, and now he had my heart.
Thanks for reading!
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Xx
Jenna
Also by Jenna Cox
Hearts on Fire Series
Elle doesn�
��t want to stay. Kye doesn’t want to leave. But the accident that almost killed her brother — his best friend — will throw them together and make them confront everything they are running away from. Especially their hearts.
It’s never just sex.
Ignited (Book One)
Burned (Book Two)
Ablaze (Book Three) Coming Soon
Seared (Book Four) Coming Soon
Consumed (Book Five) Coming Soon
