“I hope it’s not a disappointment that going to Paris is sort of off the table due to your worsening condition and not having quite enough to cover the trip. So instead, we’re going to Las Vegas. We will be staying at the Paris Hotel, and have reservations at Mon Ami Gabi, the restaurant under the Eiffel Tower,” I tell her, excitedly. My hands illustrate my words, showing just how much alike our mannerisms are.
Mom’s blue eyes fill with tears, but her huge grin says they’re of happiness. “Sweetie, that is a brilliant idea. You’re so clever to have come up with that improvisation.”
“Actually, Willa deserves all of the credit, because she came up with it. I have a few other surprises for the trip but you will just have to wait to find out. We leave in two days.”
“So soon? Oh that doesn’t even matter, I’m excited.” We talk a little more about our Vegas trip until one of Mom’s clients stops by to visit her. I head out to the patio to give them some time to chat.
Flipping my phone over in my hand, I check for new texts or emails under the pretense that it’s for work. Nothing new, and nothing from Talan. Tapping the phone on my leg, I decide to just text him myself.
Me: Thinking about you. Hope work isn’t too crazy.
I wait a few minutes to get a response, and in that small amount of time I imagine a dozen possible things he could be doing to keep him from me. Including Nassim. Between her evil catty-girl act, and my nightmares she had a starring role in, she’s persona non grata in my mind. My phone buzzes, making me fumble the new lock screen to see what he’s said.
Talan: Miss you like crazy. What are you doing?
Me: Just hanging with Mom. She’s visiting with a friend right now.
Talan: I thought of something I can help with.
Of course he did. I can’t possibly accept anything more from him. He’s been beyond generous.
Me: You’ve done enough already, no need for anything else.
Talan: It’s for Lisa’s bucket list. She wants to drive in a fast car, right? Griffin finished his races, and doesn’t leave town until Wednesday. Want to bring her up tomorrow and get her on the track?
Me: That’s a great idea. I think she would love that.
We send a few texts back and forth to work out the details. I spend the evening with Mom, enjoying the precious time she has left. I hope I have enough planned to make her time memorable. I seem to need it as much as she does.
My mom has less than six months to live.
Chapter Twenty-Six
“Hey sleepy head, wake up,” I whisper into Mom’s ear in the pre-dawn dark.
She rolls over, fumbling for the lamp by her bedside. “Bliss? What’s wrong honey? It’s still dark out,” she says wiping sleep from her eyes.
“I know. We need it to still be dark if we plan to see the sunrise this morning,” I tell her, pulling away her cozy cocoon.
She quickly realizes that this is not a joke, and I do indeed have plans. Thirty minutes later we are out the door, piled into my Mini and driving toward our destination. I head East, and wind up a narrow mountain road headed for the Lick Observatory. The giant white domed building sits at the top of Mt. Hamilton, situated in the Diablo Range at the furthest reaches of East San Jose. The sky began lightening faintly as we climb to the top of the four thousand two hundred foot summit. I grew a little worried we would miss when the sun actually crested over the distant horizon. Mom quietly rode next to me, and slowly gets out of the Mini to walk with me around the building to take in what will ultimately be a breathtaking view.
Settling against the safety railing, I put my arm around Mom’s shoulder and think of my life with her. She leans her head against me, focused on the rays of the sun as they break the horizon and play across her face. A face that is as familiar to me as my own.
This little woman made sure I was always taken care of. I was provided for. Loved. I wanted for nothing. She made sacrifices to ensure I had everything I needed. She often worked longer and harder than seemed humanly possible, and set aside her own wants in the process. How often did I have new clothes, when she wore the same wardrobe for years? How many times did I have spending money for trips and outings when she barely had enough to pay her bills on time? My heart swells with love and thankfulness. Pride and respect.
You never appreciate what you have until it’s gone.
Screw that, I'm appreciating my mother now. Again, I find something about her cancer that allows me to be thankful.
Soon the sun is up for the day, bathing the valley below in beautiful light that promises a warm day. We grab breakfast at a small cafe before I get us back on the road to carry out more bucket list items.
“Where are we going now?” Mom asks from the passenger seat as I turn onto the freeway.
“More bucket list items to check off. This is a big week for us.” I glance over at her before returning my eyes to the road.
She’s quiet for a minute before hesitantly clearing her throat. “Are you afraid I’m going to die before I get through the list?”
Guilt crushes me into my seat more effectively than any seat belt. I am afraid. So afraid that her life will end without having accomplished everything she wants to, or allowing her to live as much as she can while she has the time.
Time.
That limitless entity that can be stolen from you in the blink of an eye. Often it seems like you have all the time in the world when, in reality, from the moment you are born you are already on a heading toward the end. I know that very soon, she will be bedridden, unable to breathe easily, suffocating within her body because her lungs can’t hold out with the weight of the tumors crowding her chest. She will be so sick from her own body fighting itself, losing the battle to the mutated cancer cells that somehow have taken over her petite frame. I know that the simplest of tasks will soon be insurmountable. Debilitating. As difficult as bench pressing her own weight.
So yes, I am fucking terrified she won’t be able to do all of the things she has singled out for her list.
She doesn’t get the rest of a long life to live out these things. She’s had to pick the few that seemed achievable and most important. No one should have to make that choice—find the few things they want to have happen when they should be able to have it all.
I sigh. I’m feeling less hopeful and optimistic about the plans I have for this week. “I just want you to have everything you’ve ever wanted. You have always made that a reality for me. Now it’s my turn to repay a lifetime of debts.”
“Bliss, sweetie, you don’t owe me anything. I’ve only done what any proud mom would.” She strokes my hair lovingly. “I know this bucket list seems really important to you, but I just made it as a way to help me cope. To find a way to narrow down what I think would be fun to do before I die.” Her voice chokes up a bit, but she clears it and continues. “You don’t have to bend over backwards to make everything happen. It won’t be the end of the world to me if I don’t accomplish everything.”
I nod and swallow the lump in my throat. It’s about time we move this sad talk elsewhere.
“You should know me better than that. I want you to have it all, even if you weren’t serious. Now get happy, we’re doing fun things today.”
“This is why I love you. You’re my little ray of sunshine. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Blissy.” Mom leans over and kisses my cheek, making me smile.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“Ahhhhhh! Oh. My. God!” Mom screams as the Supra swings past us once again.
She’s been screaming almost nonstop since Griffin peeled out onto the track at Infineon Raceway in Sonoma. I can’t believe I can hear her over the screeching tires. Griffin has given her an even better ride than the one I received last week. My cheeks hurt from smiling so hard at her obvious delight.
“Thank you for this. You have made her so happy.” I turn my head slightly to where Talan is standing behind me. “I’m really glad you could take a few hours away from work. I know it’
s busy right now.”
“Anything for you.” He pulls me into his arms, moving my hair out of the way to kiss my neck. His breath sends a shiver through my body, his lips heating me instantly. “I seem to have a weakness for giving you anything you want.” He runs his teeth along my skin, nipping my earlobe. “This was easy enough. I just had to make Griffin do something he loves. No real work involved.” His lips skate back down my neck, sending my pulse racing. “Keeping you supplied with orgasms as promised seems to be a little harder to fulfill. Too bad stupid things like work and distance get in the way.” He rests his chin on my shoulder, his day-old scruff rubbing delightfully across my neck when he speaks. “I wish you could stay up here with me tonight.”
It feels ridiculously good to be in his arms again. There’s no way to stop my physical reaction to him. He can play me so well, knowing exactly what will get me hot and bothered.
“As much as I’d like that, you know I can’t. I have to get Mom back to San Francisco tonight. We leave for Vegas tomorrow.” I can feel Talan pout against my neck, his arms pulling me tighter against him.
“I’m a little jealous you get to go have fun in Sin City, while I’m stuck here working. I’ll only allow it because I know it’s for your mom, so you have to. But I don’t have to like it.”
“Why wouldn’t you like it?” I ask, rubbing my face against his cheek while I watch Griffin spin the car around in circles.
“I fucking missed having you next to me in bed last night. I don’t want you to go away for another couple of nights,” Talan bites out. It sounds like he almost doesn’t want to admit it.
I laugh, rolling my head back against his shoulder. “I wouldn’t have imagined you to be the cuddly, cohabiting type.”
“Neither did I, until I woke up next to you a few times and realized I liked it better than waking up by myself.”
“I think you will be just fine without me for a few days. I promise you can have me as soon as I get back. It will give you something to look forward to. Like really extended foreplay.” I raise my hand to run my fingers through his hair.
Talan groans, burying his face in my neck as Griffin slides to a stop in front of us. “You’re the worst, but I think I’ll keep you.” He kisses my cheek and lets me go to help Mom release the complicated harness. He jokes with Mom while helping her out of the car. I’m not sure how I lucked out finding a decent guy.
I guess I’ll keep him.
“I want you ladies to come to the winery for lunch. I can show you around, give you some of the good wines. You know, perks of owning the place,” Talan says as I walk over and meet him and Mom at the car.
“Sounds good to me. Hopefully that works for you, Mom?”
“Oh sure, honey. As long as I get a chance to sit and rest for a bit when we get there. All that screaming took it out of me,” she says, holding a tissue that she probably had to use while in the car. “Griffin that was amazing. Thank you.”
“Sure thing Lisa. Hopefully it wasn’t too much for you. Unlike your stone-cold daughter, you gave me a fun reaction. Makes my job cooler that way,” Griffin says, wrapping Mom in a side hug and sticking his tongue out at me. “I hope you have a very good day. Now, you’ll have to excuse me. I’ve got to take this beautiful beast in and get everything loaded up so we can head out for the next race.”
I walk over and hug Griffin tightly. I’m so grateful for his part in helping me make Mom’s bucket list shorter. “Griffin, you’re awesome. Thank you for this. Let me know if you ever need anything, I owe you.”
“Well now, if you’re just handing out favors, I’m going to have to take one, Bliss. Here I thought I was just doing a good deed,” Griffin replies, a big smile lighting his face. “Now get out of here. You have better things to do than hang out on a smelly racetrack with a gearhead.”
“That was so much fun, thank you. Good luck on your race next week, wherever it is.” Mom waves before heading back to the car with me.
“Talan is full of nice surprises.” Mom’s comment sounds innocent enough, but I can see right through her.
“Wanting to help, you mean?” I drum my fingers on the steering wheel as we follow Talan on his Ducati. She’ll get around to whatever it is she wants to say soon enough.
“It seems like there’s a lot going on with him that you don't see on the surface,” She replies.
“What are you getting at, Mom? You have more you want to say.”
“Well, you thought he was just going to be a fun fling you didn’t have to see again. Now you’re seeing him exclusively. And you seem to really like him. You thought he was a bartender when you met him, but he turned out to own the whole winery. What other layers do you still have to reveal?”
I roll my lip with my teeth in thought. I hadn’t thought of it that way, but Mom is right. Talan likes to surprise me.
I hate surprises.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
We pull into the parking lot at Villa Sonoma with the weight of the unknown still hanging over my head. We follow Talan around the winery, touring the banquet area, the rustic barn that is a huge draw for weddings, and walk through the closest vines learning about the varieties of grapes grown on the property. We finally end up in the cafe and tasting room.
“How you doing, Lisa?” Talan asks, pouring us a Sonoma County Viognier I find myself quite fond of.
I sip my wine and wonder the same thing. She’s looking a little pale, and definitely tired. Thankfully her coughing has been at a minimum today.
“I could definitely use a break. I’ll sit here and sip some of this delicious wine, and let you kids have a little fun for a bit. I’m sure there’s more of the winery to see, but this works just fine for me.” Mom happily sips her wine and gets cozy on her stool.
I shrug my shoulders at Talan, knowing Mom is allowing us to have a little one-on-one time. She’s precious. And so transparent.
“Come on Bliss, I’ll show you the barrel room.” Talan leads me by the hand out of the tasting room and to a warehouse sized building next door. We enter the cool, dark space and walk through row after row of barrels stacked up to the ceiling. The low lights and temperature controlled setting feels so good after traipsing around the property in the hot sun.
“You guys have a ton of wine barrels in here. When does this get bottled?
“Anywhere from six months to three years, depending on the variety of wine being made. Come check this out—we have our reserve collection in this room.” He leads me out of the main barrel room, down some steps and into a stone cellar with a much smaller number of barrels. “These are our best wines, the ones we keep on reserve, and don’t give out for tastings to the public.”
“Who gets these once they are bottled?”
“We make these wines available to our wine club members only. The club is full of collectors and enthusiasts, mostly, so we like to offer them a little something extra special for joining,” he explains. He takes me into his arms as I stare around at the oak barrels and stainless steel vats. He kisses my neck, diverting my attention back to him.
“This is all very fascinating, Talan,” I manage as he nibbles at my ear. “But did you bring me down here for a wine education, or to make out?”
“Baby, I don’t even care if you like wine right now. I just miss your sweet body against mine. I’ve missed the taste of your skin, how soft you are, how good you smell,” he replies between kisses. A smooth finger slides the strap of my tank top off my shoulder, following it with his lips.
My head rolls back against his shoulder as his hands wander, squeezing my breasts and rubbing the heat at my center through my jeans. He spins me in his arms, capturing my lips with his, teasing and tasting them apart. His warm tongue invades my mouth, filling me with his taste and igniting my hunger for him. We’re all hands and lips as he pulls my top over my head, throwing it behind us. I work his shirt out of his pants and let him pull it off while I work on his button. His warm skin against mine sends shivers of longing racin
g through me, desire dampening my panties in anticipation.
“Wait, baby I don't have a condom,” Talan groans into my neck, where his head is resting as he stills my hands and breathes heavily. “Fuck. I didn’t think this through.”
“It’s okay, I have an IUD. It’s constant birth control, and I’m clean,” I tell him, raising my arms to his hair, gripping and pulling his face back to mine for more kisses.
He holds back, infuriating inches from my mouth, his hands splayed out against my back. “You sure about this? It’s kind of new still. I don’t want you uncomfortable with anything later, just because we’re in the moment now. I can wait.”
He’s actually more of a gentleman than he claims, but I want him to be a little less right now and just take me. “No, I’m sure. I want this,” I reply, my hands dipping into his waistband and fisting his erection.
His answering groan reverberates through my throat, tickling and exciting me more. His hands are back on me, pulling my jeans and underwear down my legs. He helps me out of my pants, staying on his knees to kiss and lick me where the heat from my desire has gathered and leaves me on shaking legs. His mouth feels so good, but leaves me wanting as he stands, bending me over the nearest barrel. His pants are pushed down and he’s behind me, slowly forcing his way inside my slickness, filling me completely in a way no one has before. Having no barrier between us lends an intimacy to the urgency. It makes me feel closer to him even as we are driven by lust. I look over my shoulder at him, buried to his balls inside me, and feel my insides tighten.
He stills and rubs my lower back gently. “This feels so fucking good. I don't think I’ll be able to last long with you gripping me like that. I’m sorry, baby,” he says, his voice strained as he works to hold still within my slick, tight heat.
“I don't need anything but you fucking me, Talan,” I reply, arching my back and driving my hips against him. I hold the edges of the barrel as he slides out almost all the way, leaving me with an emptiness only he can fill. He grabs my hips tight as he slams back into me, forcing a cry from my mouth before he starts a punishing rhythm that leaves me breathless and hits me just right. I feel the pressure building as he slides over my spot again and again with delicious friction and heat. My grip slips slightly, forcing my chest down onto the barrel. He has a new angle which sends me right to the edge, moaning his name and seeing stars. Fireworks fizzle behind my eyes, clenched shut tight as I am rocked by my orgasm and his continued thrusts that have taken on an irregular rhythm.
A Taste of Bliss Page 18
