by Rue Allyn
“Sorry, I don’t kiss and tell.”
Con gave his friend a long stare and decided to leave it at that. Mike and Ava were adults and could work out their own problems.
****
Ava must have gotten a grip on her temper, because she greeted both Con and Mike cordially. She asked questions about their riding experience, then assigned mounts. Susa was allowed to take the lead across the pasture. Once they hit the trails, Tam insisted their daughter ride between herself and Con. That left Ava and Mike at the front of the line. They stopped from time to time to take in the view or watch some animal that Ava’s sharp eyes spotted. Soon Susa was caught up in the hunt for critter sightings. That’s when Con made an excuse to turn back.
“But we’ve got three more hours of daylight left,” protested Ava.
“I haven’t seen a coyote yet, Mommy, I don’t want to go back.”
“I’d go by myself, but I’m not certain I could find my way,” said Con.
“I’ll go with you,” Tam spoke up. “Ava do you and Mike mind finishing the ride with Susa?”
“No problem.”
“It’d be my pleasure to have these two lovely ladies to myself.”
A scowl flashed across Ava’s face, but Susa preened.
“Will you help me find a coyote, Uncle Mike?”
He placed a hand over his heart, as if pierced by an arrow. “I’m reduced to being an uncle? I thought I was your boyfriend.”
“I’m too young to have a boyfriend, so you gotta be an uncle.”
“Not even a kissing cousin?”
“Is that why you kissed Ava, ‘cause you’re cousins?”
“Uh-oh,” said Con to Tam. “Much as I’d like to see how Mike wheedles his way out of that question, I think you and I better leave while the leaving’s good.”
She smiled, turning her horse with his. “What kind of friend are you to desert a pal in trouble?”
“Whatever trouble Mike has is his own fault. I’m not about to get involved.”
“I’m with you on that. I might be worried about what he’d tell our daughter, if Ava weren’t handy to keep a lid on things.”
“I’m not as confident as you about Ava’s ability to handle Mike. She might well have met her match.”
“You don’t know Ava like I do.”
“One thing I do know. Mike will be careful around Susa or he’ll answer to us.”
“That sets my mind at ease.”
“Something else I know is that I can’t wait to get you back to the stables and the hayloft.”
“Sounds like a prickly proposition.”
“No worries, I stashed a blanket up there just after we got here this morning.”
“Hmmm, a hayloft, a blanket, a warm day, and a man who thinks ahead. Sounds pretty perfect.”
“Race you?”
“I thought you didn’t know the way back.”
“That was for Susa’s benefit, and to get you to come with me.”
“Last one there has to strip first.” She kneed her mount into a ground-eating lope.
Con galloped after.
He managed to bring his mount to a halt in front of the stable and leap to the ground before Tam.
She pouted as she slid off the horse and in to his arms. “A gentleman would have let the lady win.”
Con kissed her ear, hugging her closer. “Is that the kind of lover you want? A gentleman?”
She turned her head and kissed his mouth. “Now that you mention it, a gentleman isn’t exactly what I had in mind. Some gentleness would be welcome from time to time.”
He burned to touch her, but he managed a grin. “From time to time, but not right now. Let’s get these horses back in their stalls. I want to be in that hayloft in five minutes.”
They made it in four.
While Con spread the blanket, Tam stripped.
He sat down, turning to look at her. “No fair, I wanted to watch.”
“No one said anything about watching. The deal was for the loser to strip first. I held up my part of the bargain. Now it’s your turn.” She perched her bare bottom on a corner of the blanket, propped herself with her arms behind her, and stretched out her legs.
In all his life he’d never seen, never expected to see anything so beautiful as Tam sitting surrounded by hay and dusty sunlight. Her red-brown curls gleamed like spun copper. Her eyes sparkled. Her nipples tightened as he watched, and a flush rose at her neck. She licked her lips. God, how he wanted to taste her.
He stood, tore off his T-shirt, and fumbled with the zipper of his jeans. His too-eager cock made the denim a tight fit.
“Here, let me help.” Tam rose on her knees.
He backed away. “I won’t last a minute if you touch me. However, I do have something for you to hold.”
He handed her a dozen condoms.
“Oh my. Do you really think we’ll use all of these in two hours?”
“Ah,” he’d finally gotten his pants and boxers off and stood before her in all his male glory. “I have no idea, but you like a man who thinks ahead.”
“Ah indeed.” Impatient she reached for his twitching cock. “Looks like something else is thinking ahead.”
“Not yet. I need a little time to get control of myself.”
She pouted. “So what do we do while you gain control? Sit here and make love with our minds?”
Want glittered in his eyes. “We aren’t waiting for anything. Just lay back and relax. Let me make love to you.”
Relaxing was easier said than done with all of Con’s luscious maleness standing inches away. “All right, but only because you asked so nicely.”
Dropping the bunch of condoms near to hand, she lay back. Beneath the blanket the hay rustled and shifted.
“Spread your legs a little.”
She complied, imagining a dozen different things he might do.
Before she could decide which was most likely, he knelt between her legs. “Now close your eyes and don’t open until I tell you.”
“I want to see you.”
“Use your imagination. It won’t be hard.”
“It better be hard, or I won’t like it,” she muttered and let her eyelids drift shut.
She waited for what seemed like an eternity but was probably less than thirty seconds. Then she felt a cool dribble of liquid trail across her lower belly, up to form a circle around each nipple and back to the juncture of her thighs.
“I would have shaved,” she offered. “If you’d told me…”
“Shh.”
Two fingertips pressed against her mouth silencing her. The aroma of oranges filled her head.
“You’re perfect just as you are. Now don’t talk.”
Don’t look. Don’t talk. Any more don’ts and she wouldn’t be able to participate. She was about to protest when the fingers left her lips and trailed through the now warm liquid, spreading it across her chest and massaging it into her breasts. Everywhere he touched her skin tingled and kept on tingling. Then he swiped one nipple with a lick of his tongue and the tingling there became a needle of pleasure. Heat shivered through the rest of her body. She couldn’t restrain a groan of delight.
“Like that do you?” His voice smiled. “If you want more you’ll have to be quiet. I’ll stop the minute you make another sound.”
She opened her mouth to object.
“Think carefully before you say anything.”
The pleasant twinge at her breast had eased to an ache of want. She kept silent.
“Good girl, for that you get a reward.” He tapped her nose. It began itching.
The itch disappeared when he assaulted her breast with his mouth, licking and sucking, taking her nipple into his damp heat and torturing the bud with agile strokes.
She arched her back giving him more of herself, wanting more from him.
Too soon, his hands set her breasts both twitching and aching with want.
The fiery massage continued across her ribs, around her belly and hips
, and down, where her thighs sheltered her femininity. That shivering heat followed in the wake of every stroke and press of his hands and fingers. Still she was unprepared for the shock of his touch on her hidden treasure. He dipped his finger once, twice, and more, each time circling but not touching the knot of nerves that pulsed, eager for his attention.
He paused to lick at her nipples, forcing the shivering heat to greater intensity.
He was torturing her. She hoped she wouldn’t die of pleasure before she got her hands on him, before she told him how she felt and heard him give his feelings in return. Love was a terrible thing. It welled and expanded and, along with his touch, made breathing difficult. She didn’t want him to stop. Not yet. Shouting her love would have to wait.
His fingers slid over that lonely nub he’d so deliberately ignored earlier. All thought fled. Tam gasped. Her back arched, and her thighs clenched on his hand. He stopped his exquisite stroking. Her thighs relaxed.
She felt her legs lifted over his shoulders. His head bent. His silky hair tickled the sensitive skin of her inner thighs. Her body waited for what she knew was coming. He paused just long enough to allow her a small doubt. Then his tongue dipped, licked, swirled around her pleasure knot. His teeth scraped a small irritation that his sucking lips soothed. Heat washed through her. Desire burst like flame under every inch of her skin. The pressure grew and rose until her heart kissed the stars. Distantly she heard his name echo. Had she called out for him? Suspended in that sparkling eternal bliss, she couldn’t tell.
Gradually her senses returned. She cracked an eyelid to see Con stretched out beside her, head propped on one arm, watching. A satisfied smile rode on his face and fire lingered in his gaze.
She smiled back and reached out to fondle him.
“Think you could handle a little more?”
“Con, I’ll take everything you’re willing to give.” There was only one item she needed, but she wouldn’t ask for it. He either loved her enough to tell her without prompting or he didn’t.
“Good. Would you do the honors?” He handed her one of the condoms she’d dropped.
They used half before Con called a halt and fumbled in the pocket of his discarded jeans. “We don’t have much time before Susa and the others get back.”
“So you’d be fishing for more condoms because?”
He straightened with his hands behind his back. “Not more condoms. This.”
The smile left his face, and his mouth formed a straight serious line. He placed a flat black velvet box on the blanket between them.
She hesitated, needing the words more than she needed the symbol.
“Marry me, Tamsin. Make us a family.”
Her heart broke. He wasn’t going to tell her he loved her. The one thing she needed, and he didn’t have it to give.
“My guess this isn’t a ring.”
“We can choose a ring together. Open it.”
She took the box. Inside was a ruby-and-emerald-crusted pendant shaped like a chili pepper. The platinum chain formed a vine with tiny leaves. “The guy with the chili pepper tie in the hallway.”
“You remember that?”
Unable to speak, she nodded. She remembered every detail, every precious moment of being with Con. That kiss was one of the most mortifying and most thrilling moments of her life. How could she not remember? Finally she choked down the tightness closing her throat. “It’s beautiful, Con.”
“I thought of you the minute I saw it.”
“I can’t accept it.” She extended the box to him.
Shock showed on his face, and he took the box automatically. “You’re certain about this?”
Throat dry, she swallowed and nodded. She was certain, but she couldn’t get the words past the lump that strangled her speech.
“Why?”
She pleaded with her eyes for his understanding. “I can’t tell you, Con. All I can say is that I believe this is best for both of us. You can have your lawyers contact me about joint custody for Susa. I won’t fight you. Of course, we’ll have to tell her that you’re her father. Perhaps we could do that later tonight or tomorrow before you leave.”
He shuttered his gaze. “I think you owe me an explanation, but I can’t force you. My flight leaves in the evening. We’ll tell Susa in the morning. That way, I’ll have most of the day to assure her that she and I will be together often and soon.”
“I’ll wait for you and Susa at the car. Could you make our excuses to Ava for leaving early?” He dressed quickly, gathered the blanket and other things he’d brought and left.
Tam dressed more slowly and was descending the hayloft ladder when Ava, Mike, and Susa led their horses into the stable.
Mike showed Susa how to care for her pony, distracting the six-year-old.
Tam had a short conversation with Ava.
“I’m sorry you have to go,” said her friend. “And even sorrier things didn’t work out with you and Con.”
“Me too. I’ll bring Susa back in a few weeks. I may have to get that puppy.”
“He should be ready to leave his mother just about July Fourth. We have fireworks down by the pond. Why not spend the day?”
“Sounds like a plan.”
“Mommy, can I go visit with Terry?”
“Just for a minute. Con needs to get back home, so we have to leave soon.”
“We aren’t staying for supper?” Susa’s lower lip trembled.
“Not this time, but we’ll come back for the Fourth of July.”
A smile chased the quivers away from Susa’s lip. “Will there be fireworks?”
“Absolutely,” assured Ava.
“Goody.” Susa bounced. “I love fireworks. I’m gonna go tell Terry all about them. I bet he’s never seen fireworks.”
“Thanks.”
“Any time.”
The hour plus ride home felt like an eternity. Tam’s life stretched before her long and lonely. Susa would be with her for a few more years, even if she did have to share her daughter with Con. Seeing him whenever custody changed hands would be hard. With time and luck she might get used to loving him and not having him love her back.
Chapter Nineteen
After they broke the news to Susa the next morning, she alternated between manic elation because she finally had a daddy and deep doldrums because that daddy was leaving before she even got to know him. She spent time with her friends in the neighborhood but kept coming back to talk to Con and show him some found treasure, a flower, a leaf, a brass screw. What didn’t seem to matter; she just needed an excuse to disturb him while he packed.
Tam too couldn’t recover her spirits. The thought of Con leaving saddened her as much as his failure to tell her he loved her.
How could he not know that she needed the words? They’d lived together a full year. She knew he was emotionally reticent. At the time it hadn’t mattered. It still didn’t, not really. If she believed that reticence was the only problem, she’d have found a way to deal with it.
No, her greatest fear was that Con didn’t really love her. That his determination to achieve a goal would blind him to other more important needs.
Con stayed in the room he’d been using. Aimless, he gathered his belongings and gradually packed his suitcase. He wished Tam would change her mind, walk through the bedroom door, order him to unpack, sit down and set a date for their wedding. He waited through lunch, claiming he wasn’t hungry when Susa came to tell him the meal was ready. A good two hours before he needed to leave he keyed open his phone and called his office to put them on notice that he would try to depart Phoenix early. He couldn’t turn around here and not have his heart crushed by the thought of leaving. He’d just as soon get it done.
He ended the call and heard a quiet sniffle behind him. He turned to see Susa standing in the doorway, the antique doll he’d given her held tight to her side. Tears brimmed in her eyes. How much had she heard?
“You’re leaving early. Don’t you want me and Mommy? I thought y
ou loved us.” The tears spilled over, and Susa fled.
Cut to the heart, Con dropped onto the bed. His throat tightened with the effort to restrain his own tears. He failed. Fat drops leaked from his eyes.
Then he heard the soul deep sobs of his little girl. How could he and Tam do this to Susa? He had to try once more to get Tam to see that he loved her and Susa, that they belonged together.
****
Tam sat staring out the window, not seeing a thing, when Susa barreled into the living room wailing. She was so upset she dropped Florie in the middle of the floor. Tam leapt from her chair, closing her arms around Susa and hugging her tight. “Are you all right? Tell me where you’re hurt.”
Setting a little space between them, Tam grabbed a tissue and began to mop tears. She ran a hand over Susa’s face, pushing back straggles of hair, then checked Susa’s limbs for injury.
Their daughter continued to weep.
“I can’t find anything. You have to help me. Tell Mommy where it hurts, so I can fix it.”
“Here.” Susa pointed to her chest.
“Your heart!” Can a six-year-old have a heart attack? Why isn’t she lying crumpled in pain? “How long has it hurt?”
“Since I heard Daddy say he was leaving early. He doesn’t love us, Mommy, or he’d want to stay as long as he could.”
“Oh, Susa.” Tam clutched her daughter. “That’s not true. I’m sure Con loves you very much.”
“No he doesn’t. He wants to go away.”
“Sometimes we have to leave people we love, but we come back. I do that when I go to work. I leave you, but I always come back. You leave me too.”
“I don’t.”
“Yes, you do. Every day you go to school, you leave me, but you always come home.” Susa’s tears slowed, and she scrunched her face while she thought that over.
“I guess, but we come home. Daddy’s home isn’t here it’s in that ‘cago place. It’s far away, and he has to take an airplane to get there. How can he come back?”
“He’ll take another airplane.”
“When?”
