by Eva Luxe
Even though the hiking trip with Rachel had been fun, and something I hadn’t realized I would enjoy it as much as I did, it had been enough for me. I didn’t feel like doing any more vacations any time soon. It had been nice to break away for a while, but generally, I hated spending time that didn’t bring me a return in one way or another. It was an outlook that Rachel didn’t understand, and one of the few things we never spoke about because we only disagreed. Rachel believed that spending time relaxing and doing nothing was just as necessary as being productive. The reward, she said, was focusing on yourself.
Maybe I would have believed her if she practiced what she preached. But instead of being as productive as she was lazy, alternating her plans and her use of time, Rachel was only lazy. On the flipside, I was only productive.
I had to admit that being away for a while and killing time doing very little had been an interesting experience. But I was back home now, and this was where I felt safe and comfortable.
Chapter 11
Greyson
My alarm woke me, pulling me out of sleep. I turned onto my back and stared at the tent, wondering why I set an alarm at all. Usually, when I was on a hiking trip, I slept until I woke up naturally. I went to bed when the sun set and I woke up on my own, usually at dawn.
This time, I hadn’t gone to bed when the sun had set. In fact, I stayed out with Perry, Rachel, and Cara. I had wanted to spend time with Cara before she left.
Suddenly, I remembered why I had set my alarm and hurried to get dressed. I wanted to help them with their things before they left. But mostly, I wanted to say goodbye to Cara before she left my life for good.
I tripped over Perry twice in my attempt to get ready as quickly as I could, and he groaned, complaining about waking him up. I didn’t pay any attention to him. As soon as I was ready, I unzipped the tent and stepped out into the morning air.
My heart sank when I saw the empty space where Cara’s camp had been. They had already left. I’d really wanted to help them pack up and see them off. The fact that Cara had left without saying goodbye hurt the most. I knew we wouldn’t have become more than we’d been in that tent together in the rainstorm, but somehow I’d thought it meant more. Obviously, she hadn’t felt the same and it pissed me off. I didn’t mind that she felt the way she felt, but I hated that I’d gotten emotionally invested in something that offered no return. Of course, I’d been the idiot thinking there was more to it than just the fucking we had done.
It had been a great afternoon. Cara had been incredible in bed, but that had been it. I shouldn’t have thought there was anything more. But she was something else. She was the kind of woman that made me think there could have been more. But I pushed those thoughts away. They were gone and she hadn’t even said goodbye. That told me everything I needed to know.
When I glanced at the time, I wondered if they had left so early on purpose. They must have gotten out of here before dawn; I’d set my alarm really early and they were long gone. Had she tried to avoid me on purpose?
Whatever the reason for their speedy departure, I seemed to be the only person awake in the campground. I zipped up my jacket, feeling the chill in the air now that I’d paid attention to the weather. I could go back to bed, but I doubted I’d be able to fall asleep now. I was irritated with myself for letting a woman get into my head. I was happy alone. Why mess with my system? I didn’t need a woman in my life.
Finally, I climbed back into the tent because there was nothing else to do. Perry sat up.
“Oh, you’re awake,” I said.
“There was no way I could sleep with you kicking around like that,” he said. He sounded like he was grumpy about it.
“Sorry,” I said.
Perry shrugged. He climbed out of his sleeping bag and pulled on a pair of jeans and a jacket. He would change into hiking clothes after breakfast. Perry and I had done enough hiking trails together for me to know his routine.
We started a fire and made scrambled eggs and bacon. Camping as often as we did had taught us how to make great meals over a campfire. I remembered the cans of baked beans and sweetcorn I had eaten at first, because I hadn’t known how to do anything else without a stove. Now, I was certain I could make a gourmet meal out in the wild.
Perry and I ate our breakfast together. He glanced over at the space where Rachel and Cara’s tent had been pitched and frowned.
“The girls are gone,” he said.
I nodded. “Apparently, they left before dawn. I woke up early to help them and they were already gone when I climbed out of the tent.”
“How do you feel about that?” Perry asked. I wasn’t sure if he could tell by the tone of my voice that I was unhappy about it or what, but I wasn’t going to let him know how much it had bummed me out.
With a shrug, I continued, “I guess they were eager to leave. Rachel didn’t look like she enjoyed the wild outdoors much.” I was careful not to say anything about Cara not saying goodbye. I didn’t want Perry to pick up that it bothered me.
“Well, I’m kind of glad they’re gone,” Perry said.
“Why?” I’d thought Perry and Rachel had hit it off most of the time.
“Look, Rachel seems like a nice girl and all, but while you were on your hike with Cara, she just wouldn’t shut up. She talked the entire time. At one point, I was thinking I should just fuck her to get her to be quiet, but obviously, that’s not the point of the game. Needless to say, we never got around to doing anything like that, either.”
I laughed. “It sounds like you’re upset about that.”
Perry shrugged. “You know, it’s always good to get some ass. A man should never run dry for long. But honestly, there are exceptions. Now, we can do our hike today without interference.”
After breakfast, Perry and I changed into our hiking gear and headed towards the visitor center. We chose a different direction than we’d taken the first day and started our hike, just the two of us again. I preferred it like this—I enjoyed my hikes with Perry. He was a good friend and we were lucky that we shared the same interests. It meant I got to see him a lot more often than I saw any of my other friends.
“So, you never told me how your hike was with Cara,” Perry said, when we had been walking in silence for a while. “I mean, I know you guys got rained out, but the way she looked at you last night suggested you may have managed more than just taking her for a walk.” Perry winked at me when he said that.
I chuckled, “Well, you know.”
Perry blinked at me before he broke out into a grin. “Did you fuck her?”
I pulled up my shoulders in a shrug. I wasn’t saying yes, but it definitely wasn’t a no. Perry hooted. “That’s my man,” he said. “At least one of us had fun. What was she like?”
“She’s not like any woman I’ve ever met before,” I said. “I don’t know if you noticed.”
Perry shook his head. “When I asked what she was like, I didn’t mean her personality. Come on man, details. Was she good in bed?”
Right. Of course, Perry wanted to know the dirty details. It was what we usually spoke about, after all. Somehow, it hadn’t been about that with Cara. It was only more proof that she was different. With any other woman, I would have known exactly what Perry was asking for, and we would have discussed her sexual appetite, her body, and her stamina, in detail. Somehow, I didn’t want to do that with Cara. She was more than that and I wanted to respect her.
“Looks to me like she did a number on you,” Perry said, when I didn’t want to answer his questions.
“Don’t be stupid,” I replied. He was right, but I wasn’t going to admit that.
“If you ask me, she was smart.”
“Why do you say that?” I asked. Of course, I had noticed that Cara was very intelligent. Not only that, she was on top of things. She looked like she had a handle on life. But I was pretty sure that wasn’t what Perry was referring to. He hadn’t exactly noticed that she was different than other women—maybe she was exact
ly the same to him. He hadn’t spent time with her, after all. And our tastes differed.
“Because she didn’t give you her number,” Perry said, and laughed at his own joke. I rolled my eyes, not thinking it was funny at all. I should have known he would mock me about that. I wouldn’t let it get to me, though. At least, I wouldn’t show him that it was getting to me. He would only tease me about her even more. Besides, even though I had a great time with Cara, it was over now and maybe that was better. I didn’t need a woman to tie me down, especially now. I’d been given a chance to live my life to the fullest, able to break away from work and relish my freedom. All because of the money Caden had given me. If I got involved with a woman now, I would only be settling down again in a different way.
We walked in silence for a while. Sometimes, Perry pointed out something and rattled on, and I just quietly enjoyed being out in nature. This was the life. This was what I wasn’t willing to give up to settle down with a woman. Maybe one day, but I doubted it. Whenever I thought that, my mind drifted Cara and I wondered if she was the kind of woman I could share this with. She had enjoyed the hiking and camping, even though it had been her first time.
The moment I thought about her, I pushed the thoughts away.
“Would you ever settle down?” I asked Perry.
He thought about it for a moment. “I don’t know. Maybe, one day. Not now, I like being alone. Imagine me having to ask permission to go hiking with you whenever I felt like it. No thank you.”
I nodded. That was how I usually felt about relationships and love. There was a time and place for everything, and I didn’t have the time or space for love. At least, that was what I’d always believed. How was it possible that a chance meeting with one woman could make me question everything? Maybe the sex had really just been that good.
“If it’s meant to be, it will be,” Perry said.
“Now you sound like a fortune cookie,” I quipped.
Perry shrugged. “Maybe. But I can see you thinking about that girl again. I just don’t think it was meant to be or there would have been something more, right?”
“I don’t know, man. It just seemed different.”
Perry shook his head. “That’s the trouble with women. They have a way to fuck with your mind and make you think they’re the only one for you. But the moment they leave, you can think straight again, and you realize they’re all the same. Mark my words, man. There are a million Cara’s in this world.”
I nodded in agreement to get Perry to climb off the topic. While I wasn’t willing to argue the point with him, I didn’t fully agree. I’d always thought that women were all the same, but something had been different about Cara. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but I wasn’t sure that what Perry said was true. I wasn’t at all sure there was more than one Cara in this world.
Chapter 12
Cara
One Month Later
Everyone seemed to hate Mondays, but I liked them. The idea of a fresh start and getting off on the right foot from the beginning appealed to me. With the whole week ahead of me, I felt like there was potential.
This Monday was the same. I arrived at work early after a yoga class. I had started making it a regular habit and it worked for me.
At nine, my first patient to prep was an older woman I didn’t particularly enjoy working on. I didn’t know if she actually ate a pack of Oreos before her appointments every time, but it sure seemed like it, because cleaning her teeth for James to work on was something just short of a nightmare.
Still, when Mrs. Duval walked in, I greeted her politely as always.
“It’s so good to see you again,” I said, with a smile.
“I wish I could say the same, dear, but this is a wretched place that causes me nothing but pain, and I’ve come to associate you with it.”
I glanced at Sarah in reception who rolled her eyes. Mrs. Duval had a reputation here at Twin Falls Dental, and James was the only dentist willing to take care of her with her sharp words and dramatic flares.
“Let’s get you ready for Doctor Cordon,” I said, walking with her to the examination room.
“I dread this, I hope you know that.”
“It won’t be so bad,” I assured her. “This is just a consultation, after all. No pain, this time.”
“That doesn’t make it any better,” Mrs. Duval muttered as she sat down in the dentist chair. She arranged her skirt, fussing with it for a couple of minutes. She was stalling, but I let her. There was no point rushing her.
“How have you been?” I asked, making conversation while I waited.
“Fine, thank you. I would always be fine if I didn’t have to come here. I hate coming to the dentist.”
“I know,” I said. Every time she came in, Mrs. Duval reminded me how horrible it was to come here. I didn’t understand why she came so often if she hated it so much, but some people enjoyed being upset, and they made a point of being upset all the time. Mrs. Duval was one of those.
When she opened her mouth, I started cleaning her teeth. They weren’t nearly as bad as they’d been before. I hoped to be done in no time at all, but Mrs. Duval was fussy and claimed to have a sensitive mouth.
Every now and then, she yelped. When she tapped with her hand on the chair, I stopped. It was her signal that she wanted to say something.
“Are you in a bad mood today, Cara?” she asked.
“No, ma’am.”
“You’re quite heavy-handed, don’t you think?”
I sighed. Mrs. Duval opened her mouth again and I continued. It took another two tap-and-scold routines before I was able to get her cleaned up completely for James to start his consultation.
He seemed to be running late today, though I didn’t blame him.
My stomach turned and I felt sick. I had woken up nauseous, but after I’d had breakfast it had gone away. I had thought it was because I’d been hungry. It was unusual for my stomach to be upset and when it turned again, I felt like I was going to throw up.
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Duval, you’ll have to excuse me. I’ll be right back.”
I left the examination room quickly and made a beeline for the bathroom. By now, I knew I was going to throw up. My stomach twisted heavily and I got shivers.
I barely made it into the staff bathroom, pulling the door closed behind me, then threw up. I was on my knees, hugging the toilet bowl as I emptied my stomach contents of everything I had eaten and drank this morning. My stomach contracted and after I had nothing left to throw up, I dry-heaved for a while. My eyes watered, my nose was runny and my head pounded from the pressure of throwing up. I hated it. I had always hated it.
When it was finally over, I blew my nose with a bit of toilet paper, wiped my mouth and flushed the toilet. I stood and looked at myself in the mirror. My skin was a little pasty and the bit of makeup I had put on for work was now smudged beneath my teary eyes. I ran a finger beneath each eyelid to try to fix it.
After I washed my hands and drank some water, I finally stepped out of the bathroom. James was in the staff room, getting himself a cup of coffee.
“Are you alright?” he asked.
I sat down on a chair, feeling miserable and drained. I hated throwing up.
“I’ll be okay,” I said. “Mrs. Duval is waiting for you in the exam room.”
“I know,” James said. “I went in and greeted her before coming back out for coffee. I can’t handle her without you.”
“We should probably head back, then.”
“Are you up for it?” James asked. “You look pale.”
I nodded. I didn’t feel too hot, but it was probably something I’d eaten, or else a stomach bug. It would pass after a day or two, I was sure of it.
“Or, are you pregnant?” James joked. I forced a laugh and shook my head, but my stomach twisted at the thought.
That couldn’t be, right?
“Come on, let’s handle Mrs. Duval and get it over with. What a start to the week.”
I followed James into the exam room. I felt sick again, but this time it was panic and nerves. There was no way I could be pregnant, was there? That requires having sex.
But I did have sex. With Greyson. It had only been once but we had used protection. Was it possible that the condom could have broke? Was the condom old? Condoms are like ninety-nine percent effective, but I suppose there is always still a slight possibility of them failing and getting pregnant. I suppose I’m that one percent.
I had to focus on my dental assistant duties, but I struggled to concentrate. My mind kept drifting to the idea that I might be pregnant. Mrs. Duval was snappy and difficult, but I was distracted enough today that it didn’t bother me.
Finally, Mrs. Duval left. We had one more patient at eleven, and then I was off for lunch. And today I was meeting Rachel, thank God. I needed to talk to her, urgently.
I met Rachel at the bistro where we usually had lunch together. She was already there when I arrived, sipping a coffee she had ordered while she waited.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, when I hugged her. “You look stressed.”
“I’ve had the worst day,” I said.
“What happened?”
“I missed my period.”
Rachel looked at me for a moment without saying anything.
“Did you calculate it?”
I nodded. “This morning. I didn’t pay attention to it because you know, I usually don’t. But I threw up this morning.”
“Morning sickness?”
I covered my face with my hands as if hiding from the facts would make them go away.
“I don’t know,” I said, speaking through my fingers. “I only slept with Greyson, and it was only that one time.”
