by Eva Luxe
Now that I was alone, away from Cara, I had some time to think. I had pushed everything away while I was with her, so I enjoyed every moment.
What was I doing? If I carried on like this I was going to be a in a relationship very soon. But it was Cara. It wasn’t just any woman. Was I ready to let go of my untethered lifestyle and step back into something a little more attached?
Apparently so, since I wanted to see her again. I wanted to find out where it could lead, and if that meant I had to take one small step back, why not? With Cara it was still an adventure. It was still exploring the unknown.
Exploring the unknown was my favorite part of all.
Chapter 18
Cara
“Are you awake?” Rachel asked, when she phoned me Sunday morning at ten.
“Yeah, I’ve been awake for a while.”
“Of course, you have,” Rachel said. “I’m getting my hair done. Come with me.”
“On a Sunday?”
“Yeah, Carol had an open space so I jumped for it.”
I agreed to meet Rachel at the hair salon in the city in half an hour and hung up the phone. Walking to the bedroom, I changed from my yoga pants and tank top to jeans and a blouse. I had been doing yoga when Rachel called. I was stressed about the pregnancy, and yoga helped relieved the worst of the tension.
Looking ahead, I wasn’t sure what would happen when I started to show, or if I could still do yoga, but I would cross that bridge when I got there. At this point, I hadn’t even told Greyson about the baby. Even thinking about it all and what I was going to do made me feel sick.
Or maybe it was morning sickness again. That happened all the time now and sometimes it wasn’t restricted to the morning.
When I met Rachel, we walked to the salon and she sat down in the chair, explaining to Carol what she wanted. Carol always did our hair whenever we needed it. We had all gone to school together and she gave us discounts.
“I want something new,” Rachel said. “Short, I think. Spunky.”
“Got it,” Carol said, and I waited at the chair while Carol shampooed Rachel. When they returned and Carol started in with her scissors, Rachel glanced at me in the mirror.
“You look like you’re in a good mood.”
I nodded. “You’ll never guess who came in for a chipped tooth.”
“Tell me.”
“Greyson.”
Rachel looked sufficiently stunned, and I giggled.
“Talk about serendipity,” she said.
“I’m not sure if it counts when we’ve already met.”
Rachel shrugged. “So, are you telling me this as a fact, or is there more to the story?”
“There’s more,” I said, with a grin. I told her about my date with Greyson, where he had taken me and how much fun we’d had yesterday. I could see Rachel burning with questions, but she wouldn’t ask me the super personal stuff in front of Carol. We all knew each other well, but Rachel alone had best friend privileges.
“I can’t believe you went on two dates with him,” Rachel said. “I thought that you skulking away before dawn without saying goodbye meant that it was a one-off thing.”
“It was,” I said.
“Until it wasn’t,” Rachel retorted. I smiled, trying not to blush. Because I wanted to blush about him every time I thought about him.
“Where did you meet him?” Carol asked, so Rachel and I filled her in on our hiking trip a month ago.
“I should try that,” Carol said. “If I had known there were handsome men to be had, I would have picked up hiking ages ago.”
“I don’t think it’s that simple,” Rachel said. “Mine was a bit of a dud.”
We joked about men, about Rachel’s memory of who Perry was and about what relationships meant these days. It was a lighthearted conversation, but every now and then, Rachel shot me a knowing glance. We would be having a serious conversation as soon as we were alone.
When Carol was done, Rachel had a tapered bob that suited her nicely. She paid up and we left the salon, walking to a coffee shop nearby.
“He stayed over, didn’t he?” Rachel asked, when we were on the way.
I nodded. I hadn’t said anything about that in front of Carol.
“And?”
“I don’t think I need to elaborate,” I said.
Rachel chuckled. “I thought so. I want to know everything.”
“You know I don’t give you that kind of details.”
Rachel shrugged, and we walked into the coffee shop, taking a seat at a table in the back. After we ordered our drinks—coffee for Rachel and tea for me—Rachel folded her arms.
“So, what did he say about the baby?” Rachel asked.
“You don’t mess around,” I said.
“You haven’t told him.”
I sighed, shaking my head. Rachel knew me well enough to know that avoiding a question was an answer, too.
“Why not?” Rachel asked.
I looked down, playing with the knife and fork on the table in front of me, avoiding eye contact with Rachel.
“I didn’t want to ruin the night. It was so amazing, Rach. I was scared it would mess everything up.”
Greyson had been more than perfect and I hadn’t wanted it to end. When he had come to pick me up so we could drive together instead of meeting there, I had been skeptical because I expected him to run away when I finally told him. Then the night had turned out to be so amazing, I hadn’t wanted it to end. Then afterward, when we had already slept together, it had seemed like the wrong time to do it.
“When are you seeing him again?” Rachel asked. “Judging by the way you were grinning like an idiot this morning, I know it will be soon.”
I nodded. There was no point in denying it.
Our drinks arrived, and Rachel and I stopped talking until the waitress had left again.
“Next weekend,” I said.
“Do you know what you’re doing yet?”
I hesitated. “He’s taking me to Seattle.” I stirred sugar into my tea.
“What? That’s a big date.”
I shook my head. “It’s where he’s from. He wants to show me.”
“Already going home to meet the parents, huh? Maybe he should know about the baby before you’re picking out furniture.”
I laughed, more from nerves than humor. Rachel was nailing me with the hard stuff. She was being a concerned friend, but I wished she would lay off a little. I sipped my tea, wishing she would talk about something else.
“We’re not meeting parents, he wants to show me the restaurant where he worked. That’s not such a big deal.”
“Going to another state for your second date sounds like a big deal to me.”
I shrugged. Rachel was right, of course. It was a big deal. But I wanted to go. I didn’t want to turn Greyson down, and the idea of a whole weekend with him was amazing.
“I like him, okay? And he likes me.”
Rachel gave me a look and she didn’t have to say the words for me to know what she was thinking. He liked me now, but what about when he found out I was pregnant? Would he still like me then?
I shook my head. I usually leaned on Rachel, but this time she was being harsh about it. She was nailing me with questions and not even trying to sugar coat it. I stared at my tea, starting to feel sick. I didn’t know if it was from the tea or because Rachel’s questions made me nervous.
“You should tell him, Cara,” Rachel said. “He deserves to know.”
I nodded. “I know. And I will. It’s just not that easy.”
“The longer you wait, the harder it’s going to be,” Rachel said. “He’s going to question why you kept it from him if you wait too long.”
“I know that,” I said, and I had thought about that. It was part of why I’d been doing yoga when she called. I had been so panicked about not telling him last night, I hadn’t known what else to do to calm myself down again. “I just don’t know how he’s going to react.” I swallowed hard. “What
if he hates me?”
“Then he’s an asshole,” Rachel said. “You didn’t make that baby alone. He can’t be a dick about it. You’re being nice by including him in the first place.”
“I can’t exclude him,” I said. “That wouldn’t be fair.”
“Exactly. Just like it wouldn’t be fair for him to be a dick about it.”
I nodded. I knew what Rachel was getting at, but saying he shouldn’t react badly was something very different from his actual reaction.
“Do it sooner rather than later,” Rachel advised.
“I’ll do it when we go to Seattle,” I said.
“Do you really want to do it when you’re on a trip and forced to be together?”
“Maybe that’s what I need to push me to do it.”
If I was with him for long enough, we had to talk it through. If I forced myself into the situation, I had to get through it and maybe then I wouldn’t back out.
“It would have been better if you’d told him last night,” Rachel said.
“I know that, okay?” I was getting angry. “But I didn’t, so now I need to take the next step.”
Rachel raised her eyebrows.
“I’m sorry,” I said. I knew I was taking my nerves out on her. “This is so hard. I’m so scared.”
“I know,” Rachel said. “And I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I know I’m on the outside looking in, but I’m just trying to help.”
I nodded. I knew she was trying to be there for me, to encourage me to do the right thing. I wished I wasn’t in this predicament at all. It would have been perfect if I hadn’t been pregnant and we could take this whole dating thing one step at a time. But that wasn’t the case. Nothing was ever perfect. There was always something wrong. I just had to deal with it.
“Tell me how you feel about it by now. About having the baby, I mean,” Rachel said.
Suddenly, I felt like I was going to cry. It had to be pregnancy hormones. I never felt this close to crying unless it was a big deal. Except, it was a big deal, wasn’t it?
“I don’t know what to think or feel,” I said. “This wasn’t supposed to happen. It was never part of my plan.”
“It’s going to be okay,” Rachel said. “Sometimes we have to make new plans.”
I nodded, knowing I would have to revise every plan for my future I had ever made. But I couldn’t do that before I spoke to Greyson about it. I didn’t know what he wanted, and his involvement would change everything. If he didn’t want anything to do with me, I would have to go about the whole thing differently than if he wanted to raise the baby with me.
Why would he want to do that, though? I didn’t know why he would want to stick with a stranger. We barely knew each other. Expecting him to merge his future with mine seemed ridiculous.
“I don’t know what to do,” I said.
“The only advice I have is to take everything one step at a time.”
I nodded. Rachel was right. She had been hard on me with her questions, but she had my back no matter what and she would be there with her best advice whenever I needed it. I appreciated her so much.
When I headed home, I felt marginally better. I wasn’t as panicked as I had been before, but my stomach was still a tight fist of nerves. I had to tell Greyson about the baby, and soon.
There was no doubt that it was his baby, but I had no idea what he was going to do with the news. After we’d had such a good time together, I was scared that he would push me away. That would hurt, I knew it would. I didn’t have another option, though. I had to push through and do what needed to be done.
I hoped he wouldn’t freak out. Even if he wasn’t happy or didn’t want to be involved, I hoped he would let me down easy. The worst would be if he caused a big scene. I didn’t think I could handle that.
Greyson didn’t seem like the type of guy that would do something like that, but I didn’t know him well enough to know what to expect.
Not knowing made everything that much worse.
Chapter 19
Greyson
I picked Cara up on Friday morning. She was dressed and ready when I knocked on her door, and honestly, she looked amazing. She wore faded jeans and ballerina flats. Her red blouse made her eyes more striking and her blonde hair was up in a ponytail. I stepped into her apartment and gave her a chaste peck on the mouth. She smiled at me.
“Ready to go?” I asked. Cara nodded, though she looked a little nervous.
We walked to the cab that I had asked to wait for us in the road. I carried Cara’s bag for her and put it in the trunk along with mine.
“How are you feeling?” I asked. We had spoken since last weekend, but when I had seen her last, she’d been feeling under the weather.
She looked at me, surprised by my question.
“I’m alright,” she said. “I just don’t know what to expect.”
I smiled at her. “You can expect a lot of fun.” I took her hand and the cab pulled out, heading to Magic Valley Regional Airport. We arrived on time to check in our luggage and move to the waiting lounge. There was still half an hour before we could board our flight.
“Have you ever been to Seattle?” I asked.
Cara shook her head. “I haven’t been to a lot of places outside of Idaho. Oh wait, I haven’t been to a lot of places in Idaho, either.”
I smiled at the joke and was pleased to hear that she hadn’t seen Seattle yet. I wanted to be the first one to show her what the city was all about. I could show her the town the right way and take her to the places that mattered. All the memories she was about to create would be with me. It sounded like a selfish thing to think, but I wanted her to think of me when she thought about Seattle.
“All I know about it is what I’ve read in books or heard from other people.”
“And just what have you heard?”
“That it rains a lot,” Cara said, and chuckled. “It actually sounds quite grim.”
I shook my head. “Seattle is a lot better than people make it sound. It rains often, but because of it, everything is always green and beautiful. I’ll just have to show you and change your perception of it.”
“That sounds good,” Cara said, smiling at me.
We talked about other things. I asked Cara how Rachel was doing. After she told me that Rachel was doing nothing at all, which was exactly what she loved to do, she explained how they had become such close friends.
“Rachel and I practically grew up together. I can’t remember a time when we weren’t friends. We’ve always been there for each other.”
“She’s very different from you,” I said.
Cara nodded. “She always says opposites attract. Maybe she’s right and that’s why we’re such good friends.”
“Or maybe it’s just because you’re you.”
Cara laughed. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that you’re a great person, so who wouldn’t want to hang around you.”
Cara laughed again, her cheeks slightly flushed. “You’re just saying that to get me to like you.”
“Is it working?”
“Yes,” Cara giggled. “But I liked you before you started dishing out cheesy compliments.”
I laughed and put my arm around Cara, pulling her against me. We sat together like this, with my arm around her shoulders, until the boarding call.
When we were on the plane, the flight attendant ran through the safety procedures before we took off.
“This is amazing,” Cara said, looking around. I had booked us first class seats, wanting to treat her to a nice trip. Cara sat next to me, looking out the window. I’d given her the window seat and found her excitement adorable.
“Have you flown before?” I asked.
Cara looked at me, shaking her head. “I told you I haven’t traveled much. All the places I’ve been to were close enough to drive.”
I smiled. She wasn’t scared, and I loved that about her. I was starting to learn things about Cara, just by s
pending time with her. She was very organized and she liked to plan everything precisely. At the same time, she was adventurous, and willing to take risks and try new things. It was an interesting combination.
When the plane took off, I watched Cara and she looked like she loved it. She stared out the window, commenting on how the world was shrinking beneath us.
When we were in the sky, the beverage cart came by. I offered her a drink but she shook her head.
“I’ll take fruit juice, please,” she said. Because she wasn’t drinking, I decided not to, either.
The flight was an hour and a half long and I really liked just spending the time together.
When Cara tired of looking out of the window when the view wasn’t changing anymore, she leaned toward me and laid her head on my shoulder. I dropped a kiss on her hair before I leaned my cheek against her.
Though we didn’t know each other well, I was starting to develop real feelings for her. Cara was different than anyone I’d ever met, and the more I got to know her, the more I felt that way. I kept hoping for the bubble to burst, for something to happen to prove to me that she was just like the rest of them. I’d waited for her to do something disappointing.
It hadn’t happened. Technically, we hadn’t spent enough time together for me to know that it would never occur, but I was starting to get the feeling it wouldn’t. Honestly, I was starting to fall for her. I had always told myself I wouldn’t fall for anyone, and until now, I hadn’t been in danger of it. But with Cara, I couldn’t help it. I was feeling things I’d never felt possible.
The best part was that it didn’t scare me the way I’d imagined it would. On the contrary, it felt great.
When we finally landed, we had one of those rare sunshine days when everything was splashed with gold, and it was like a fairytale. It was as if the city wanted to show off to Cara after I’d assured her that Seattle was better than what she had heard.
