by York, Mattie
Luann said it was a problem. She thought that I didn’t know why I was doing it. That I was embarrassed. That deep down I knew society didn’t like what I did and neither did I. She thinks I am constantly trying to prove that I matter, that I am worth something. But I am cutting my foot off at the ankle because today’s society is never going to approve of what I do. But Luann said, that society and its close minded-ness can’t be my problem. I only need to accept what I do myself. And to find my own inner contentment. I know crazy right? But maybe there is something in there. She made a lot of sense when I was listening to her. And I was all excited when I left the appointment. Ok. Think. I have to go over what she said.
First of all, I have to know, to be SURE, that what I am doing is hurting no one. And it isn’t. I don’t think it is. I am up front with the girls. It’s their choice to do it, right? I’m not forcing anyone. Of course, it doesn’t hurt the men. They are only after pleasure. You know, and I think the girls too get pleasure. And of course they get money. So it is helping them get to their goals. To live. To do what they want. So yeah, honestly, I could say that it is helping them. Ok. Some girls do get hurt. But I don’t intend to get them hurt. It’s not what I am doing this for. And anyways, they only get hurt if they are stupid enough to let their feelings in. They can’t think this is about love. But, that is their issue, right?
Luann also did this crazy thing with numbers today. Numerology or something. I don’t know what that means. She tried to tell me that I was born with a number, kind of like my astrology. But the number tells you what your soul wants. What you are here on Earth to do. Well, whatever. Anyways, she said I was a 6. She said I have this soul that needs to help people. That’s my goal in life. To search for love. To be love. And to help others. Ha! She said she found it interesting that I built my business around sex. She thinks I have spent my live searching for love but not finding it because.. why did she say? I can’t remember. Oh yeah. Because she said my soul knows that sex is the way to love. And so I am still searching for love. Just, well not in the right way. I am stuck.
So, get this, she told me to give money to charity. Charity!!! Like I have so much to give away. But Luann said that the more I help other people the better the better I will be. I don’t know about that. I’ll have to think about it.
Ok, but that’s not the best part. Luann found this book for me from Egypt. Ancient Egyptian History and cults and stuff. Like totally pre-Jesus and bible crap. The book says that in the old times, a whore was a respected job. Not just respected but worshipped. Hello!! Worshipped!!!! Let me see if I remember exactly what it said. All over Egypt, there were temples built for whores. ‘Whores’ meant something like reverend or priest. The word whore itself, came from the word horae, which is goddess.
And get this one, even better: the word puta, in old India meant holy and pure. Funny eh? Puta. I always thought it meant ‘bitch’. Well that’s not much better than what society uses ‘cunt’ for. And what about ‘bitch’ anyways? Why does it have to mean a nasty woman? It’s just a female dog. Why are women so disrespected? Anyways, back then, in Egypt, whores were worshipped and admired because they taught men about love, comfort, enlightenment and of course sex. But not just sex for sex. Good sex. ‘How to please their wife’ sex (which a lot of so called modern intelligent men sure could learn about!!!! John!!! Hello?????) And whores taught sex for enlightenment. For salvation. Apparently there was this way of having sex and meditating that sent you to nirvana or something. Oh Yessiree! Give me some of that. That sounds a hell of a lot better than going to confession to cleanse your sins. I’d much rather visit the temple of whores to cleanse my soul. Isn’t that wild? So basically whores, in old times, were prophets of sexual power.
So get this. This is good. There is a story about Lilith. Yeah, I had no idea. But it’s in the bible. Somewhere. So that’s why I didn’t know about it. I sure ain’t going to be sitting down and reading the bible anytime ever. Ha! Could you see me going to church? And I don’t think Luann goes either. I’m pretty sure. Not the way she talks about the spirit and enlightenment and meditation. And the way she talks about the bible. Like the Church is evil. I don’t know if she’s talking about Catholic or Anglican or what. But I guess they are all the same?
Luann said that it was because of the church that whores, well women in general were mis-treated and looked down upon. The church made Mary Madagelene out to be a whore. When she wasn’t. So Mary Madagelene was Jesus’s girlfriend in the bible. But the bible made her sound like a prostitute. Luann said that she was actually married to Jesus, officially, and they had two sons. And she was a priest or something just as educated as Jesus was. I don’t know about all that. Why would the bible lie about Mary’s job? Like, really, what would that matter? And maybe they didn’t lie. If whores were priests or worshipped or whatever back then, maybe she was a whore? But wow! What a story, eh?
Oh yeah, we were talking about what a whore was. And Luann said there really wasn’t much difference between a whore who has sex for money and a whore who marries someone she doesn’t love for security or money or something else. Of course the married woman becomes esteemed in the world and the escort is well, not. The whore is treated with disgust. It’s all basically the same thing though. Exchanging women wiles for what we want. Princess Diana, god bless her soul. Oh what a shame. She actually said once that she was the highest paid prostitute in the world. Because there is no way that she could actually love that big eared Prince Charles. Ha! And how did he choose that horse face Camilla over Diana? That blows my mind. Diana was gorgeous. Oh well. She had fun enough with that polo guy I suppose. Oh and that sexy Dodi. Yeah. I wouldn’t mind cruising along the Caribbean with him. What a shame, that lovely lady.
Anyways, so apparently, in the bible there is this story. Well, I don’t know if it’s in the bible now. Because Luann has some really crazy books and she is definitely not a bible thumper. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s a witch or something. But she said it was real history. Adam was married first. Before Eve. So I don’t know how that works with the Garden of Eden and Eve being born from his rib. Anyways, Luann told me, Adam married Lilith because he became bored of fucking sheep. Ha! Ha! Ha! That is in the bible! Fucking hilarious!!!!!!
Anyways, so Adam and Lilith were having sex and Adam wouldn’t let Lilith on top. He only wanted to have sex the missionary way. With the god damned man on top. In power. Getting off the way he likes it without a thought for the woman’s pleasure beneath him. Ain’t that just like a man. But Lilith. Man, I like Lilith. She just stood up said ‘fuck you’ to the only other human being around and left him to go live by the Red Sea and have sex with the Devil. Ha! And that’s when he had to make Eve. Guess he made her from his rib so that she would have to be subservient and always be underneath him. Literally. Luann said that Catholic’s still believe that man should always be on top of women. That any other position except the man-superior position is sinful. Isn’t that ridiculous? Like God cares how you have sex? Anyways, Lilith is like this huge star now. You know with that Sarah McLachlan and Lilith fair. And in the bible even, she lived for a long time, having sex with demons or the devil (which was probably so much better if you think about it… bad boys are so damn sexy…) and giving birth to one hundred children a day.
Now, I’ve been thinking about what Luann said. And I think it might be true. I think. I mean I knew, deep down there was a reason I was doing this. And it’s not just for the money. But I think Luann has a point. About society. I don’t know if they are ever going to see what I am doing as good. But I do think, sometimes, we do help men. Even if they don’t see it as that. We help them to de-stress. And make their lives happier. More exciting? I don’t know.
But I do know, that I see so many lost and dumb girls come in and out of this room. Ok, maybe not dumb. But certainly naïve. At first, they think this money is going to help them. That they’ll be rich. But then they just spend it all, throw it all away. So, maybe I can help them?
I think I will start an investment club with these girls. I know they make enough money. And I can educate them on investing. Using their money to help them in their life, in their future. Give them something good and positive to do with their money.
I thought I was helping the girls, by making sure they are safe. And giving out those kits and explaining what they would expect. And calling and listening to them. But you know what? Luann is right. I do feel better when I’m helping. And if I teach my girls how to save their money and make more money, maybe they will begin to respect themselves and start helping themselves?
Ah….Angela, you clever helpful lady, I love you.”
36
“Where I can buy just one egg?” Mrs. Chan asked.
“I’m sorry?” Ms. Macdonald asked
“This morning,” Mrs. Chan explained, “I want to buy two eggs. Ok, my son’s wife, she does shopping, she buys the food on Sunday. We have a list. But today, morning, I want to make my fried rice. But she don’t want me to use the eggs because she want to use them for fried fish.” Mrs. Chan rolled her eyes. “So, no matter. I stop in the store after I visit to my friends. I take two eggs from the box and then the shopkeeper he get angry at me. He call me crazy!” The class laughed as Mrs. Chan shook her head. “But I don’t need to buy all the eggs. Then my son’s wife know I buy the egg. And then she is angry. I am not crazy, la. The shop near to my house, ah, Loblaws, it is crazy!” She turned to the rest of the class. “So big and noisy and so much food! Yes? Aiyi! Too much food. No wonder so many people here so fat,” Mrs. Chan shook her head, looking around the room for others who agreed with her.
“Oh, Mrs Chan,” Ms. Macdonald laughed, “that is a good question. Yes, many of you have probably noticed that it is hard to find food that you are used to. And every country does package food its own way. Usually, Mrs. Chan, here in Canada, we do not buy just one egg, you must buy the full dozen. Of course, you may be lucky and find eggs in groups of six. That is a half dozen.” She paused and walked over to the board, writing down grocery shop, dozen, half dozen.
“But if you want to find a small market that is more Chinese, have you been to Chinatown, Mrs. Chan?” Miss Chan shook her head no. “Well you can go shopping there. It is downtown on
Spadina street. Do you know where that is? You take the subway, to the Spadina station. It is on the corner of Spadina Street and Dundas Street.” Ms. Macdonald wrote Chinatown, Spadina Station and Dundas Street on the board. “Yes, Mrs. Chan, I know you will find everything you are looking for in Chinatown. And,” Ms. Macdonald smiled, “there are many grocery shops there that will let you buy just one egg, I am sure.” Ms. Macdonald paused as the class wrote down the new words from the board. “Wonderful question, Mrs. Chan. Thank you. And I hope someday, you will make your fried rice for us?” Mrs. Chan nodded her head and wrote down the words Miss Macdonald had explained in her notebook. “Now, does anyone have a question about a word they heard and they didn’t understand? Or how to say something?” Ms. Macdonald looked around the room, but everyone had their heads down writing in their notebooks. “Anyone? Ok, let’s move on and if anyone thinks of any other questions, please raise your hand.”
“Now today, we will start with some idioms.” Ms Macdonald turned around to write the world Idioms on the board. She underlined it then underneath wrote go bananas and apple of my eye. Chieko yawned. Idioms again? She wished she had stayed home today. Right now, she could be curled up on her couch watching Y&R. Who said ‘go bananas’ anyways? Chieko wondered when would she ever need to tell someone that they were the apple of her eye?
She wished Ms. Macdonald would teach them something more useful. Like what to say to the man who followed her down the street yelling vulgar things. Or what to say when someone called you a stupid chink on the subway and pushed you out of the way. Or what to say when two young boys thought it would be fun to surprise their escort by raping her. What do you say in English to that?
Chieko sighed, and watched the other students scribbling down the idioms in their notebooks. She looked at Jay who was sitting beside her and smiled. If she had stayed home today, she wouldn’t be able to see Jay. She did like seeing Jay. She didn’t know why she had been so stupid before. Jay was a real live boy who talked to her and was interested in her. Douglas was, well nothing. He was just a client.
Miss Macdonald was talking to the Filipino girls so Chieko rested her head on her elbow and watched Jay. He was drawing something on the top of his note book. A small Asian girl with big eyes and sexy curves. Chieko watched fascinated as the girl began to come to life and then Jay added wings. “Fairy?”
Jay shook his head. He coloured in the wings black and then added a long curving tail and pointed horns on top of the girl’s head. Then he drew flames of fire shooting out from her fingertips and surrounding her. “Ah,” Chieko whispered, “a devil. Sugoi. She is beautiful.”
“She is Devi,” Jay leaned his head close to Chieko, “a fire spirit. She can put anything on fire with her” he pointed to the tips of her fingers.
“Fingertips?”
“Chieko?” Ms. Macdonald walked over from across the room. Chieko blushed and lowered her head while Jay turned his notepad over. “Can you use the idiom in a sentence?”
“Ah,” Chieko stammered trying to guess which idiom the class was discussing.
“Excuse me, Ms. Macdonald,” Jay interrupted, “I have a question.”
“Oh, really?” Ms. Macdonald smiled at Jay. “Wonderful. What is it?”
“What does ‘eh’ mean?”
“What does what mean?” Ms. Macdonald leaned on her desk.
“Eh.”
“A, you mean the first letter of the alphabet?”
“No,” Jay shrugged, “I don’t know. I hear it a lot. People say eh after a sentence. Maybe like, my name is Jay, eh.”
“Oh,” Ms Macdonald laughed. “Ok, I understand. Yes, yes we do.” She looked at the rest of the class. “Has anyone else noticed this?” All the students nodded their heads. “Yes, I guess it does sound different for you. I never really thought about it. Do you know why?” All the students shook their heads. “It is something that Canadians say. Um,” she paused to think. “Ok, I guess it means, well it is used after a question. How can I explain? Ah, I know. It means you want a response.” She looked around the classroom at the blank faces. “Ok, like, if I say nice day, eh? What I am really saying is, it’s a nice day, don’t you think so? Yes, that’s it,” Ms. Macdonald walked over to the board. She wrote down Eh = don’t you agree? “When someone says eh, they are really saying don’t you agree. Like, English is difficult, eh?” The class laughed. “So you agree? Ok,” Ms. Macdonald turned to Jay, “do you understand? Can you try it?”
“Ok,” Jay looked over at Chieko and winked. “Chieko is pretty, eh?”
Chieko’s face turned beet red and she slunk down in her seat as the rest of class laughed. “Yes, that is right,” Ms. Macdonald laughed. “Ok, someone else?”
“Canada is cold, eh?” One of the Filipina girls shouted out and giggled.
“Really? You think so? Already? But it’s just August. Wait until December.”
“I am a good cook, eh?” Mrs. Chan said. The two Filipino girls looked at each other and rolled their eyes.
“Yes, good. Wonderful,” she smiled and walked back over to the board, “Ok, now let’s read over the new sentences. Repeat after me class. I like you. You are the apple of my eye.” The turbaned man put his hand up. “Yes Mr. Rashad?”
“The time is up, eh?”
Ms. Macdonald looked up at the clock and laughed. “Yes, yes, you are right, Mr. Rashad. Very good! Ok. Remember to use your new words this week. And to write your sentences. Also, please do pages 38 and 39 in your work book. Oh, and try to bring some more good questions next week. Ok. Good bye.”
As the class said good bye, Chieko grabbed her bag and darted out the door. “Chieko, wait,” Jay called after her. Stuffing his books into his bag, Jay r
an down the stairs after Chieko.
“I’m sorry, did I embarrass you in class? I was just joking. Well, no, not really, I mean, you are pretty, but I…”
“Oh no. No, you didn’t embarrass me. It was nice, what you did, what you said.” Chieko looked up at Jay and smiled. He was standing close to her, staring down at her with his big kind eyes. Chieko looked away, hoping Jay didn’t notice how flushed her face just got.
“I was, well,” Jay paused. “Chieko, I want to ask you something.” Chieko kept still, afraid to breathe, afraid to do anything to ruin the moment. “Would you, I mean, would you care to, do you want to go out? For dinner or to a movie or a coffee?”
Chieko smiled. “Are you asking me out on a date?”
“Yes, do you want to go?”
“Yes,” Chieko laughed, “yes of course I want to go.” As they walked side by side down the street to the TTC, Chieko couldn’t stop smiling. Finally! A real date! All those weeks of talking and flirting, dreaming and wishing, Jay had asked her out.
As Jay’s hand reached out, intertwining his fingers with Chieko’s, her mind raced ahead. She could see them, as a couple, walking down the street, holding hands, laughing and talking. They would go to Mar’s Deli and share French fries and milkshakes. They’d stop at Starbucks and sit in the window sipping tea and examining each other’s fingers. Maybe they would go to a movie and touch fingers in the popcorn. He’d wrap his arms around her shoulders and she’d snuggle close to him. They’d call each other all the time, texting, chatting. They would stay up late, talking on the phone, laughing, and giggling. They would tell each other all their hopes and dreams.
