by Laura Dower
Our chairs were positioned so close to the screen, I figured we could practically see the actors’ nose hair. Obviously, that was the best way to view any Bs. The closer, the grosser, the better the B! I remember reading that somewhere once in an old issue of B-Monster Galaxy magazine. It sounded like a cheer.
As the lights inside the screening room faded to a pale glint, a face popped up on the screen.
Oswald Leery!
“Welcome to my castle, Jesse, Stella, Damon, and Lindsey. I am sorry that I cannot be with you today,” Leery said.
His voice echoed. I glanced around. I could barely see in the darkness, but I knew the four of us had the same exact facial expression: freaked. Leery was up there, saying our names and talking directly to us!
“My friends, our beloved town of Riddle is in grave danger,” Leery continued. “Back in the days before my family started making movies here, Riddle was a simple town. No one worried much about danger or horror. But when I invented B-Monster Vision, something strange happened. Riddle changed. Everything changed. For all these many years, I have guarded a deep secret.”
I sank down into my chair. Secret? I loved secrets!
“Let me start at the beginning,” Leery said. “I want you to understand a little bit about my world.”
Grainy old photos of Desmond and Lucas Leery projected onto the oversize screen. We saw photos of old movie sets and actors dressed in all sorts of funny costumes. Then we saw grown-up photos of Leery directing on the very same movie sets we knew. Photos from Crabzilla, Tuskadon, and Bog Beast flashed on-screen. The B-Monsters looked fun and fake, of course, just the way they always had.
“I grew up on movies,” Leery’s voice narrated as the photos faded one into the other. “My father and grandfather before him were masters of cinema. I spent all of my time on movie sets and learned the tricks of camera work, makeup, and more from them. When I got older, I started to make movies on my own. That’s when I started using the filming process my grandfather and father had invented. I gave it my own name: B-Monster Vision.”
I pressed the small of my back into the chair as I listened and watched the photographs flashing before me. I thought I knew everything there was to know about Leery, but I only knew very little. There was so much to learn!
“One day,” Leery went on, “I realized that my B-Monster Vision was causing problems on the sets of my movies. Things began to disappear. Sets were destroyed by mysterious rain or even slime . . .”
“Slime?” Lindsey gasped. I couldn’t see, but I knew that was her voice in the dark. My eyes fixed back on the screen.
“My colleagues and I realized that the unthinkable was taking place right here at B-Monster Studios. Somehow B-Monsters were being made real by the very camera I had used to put them in the movies.”
I grabbed the edge of the cushion on the chair where I was sitting. This has to be a joke, I told myself.
“My young friends,” Leery continued. “Not only are B-Monsters real, but they are trapped in the original copies of the movies. So, each time an original copy of a film is screened, that B-Monster comes alive again.”
“For years, I tried to fight these Bs,” Leery continued. “I tried swords and armor and even acid. I tried chants and spells. But nothing—nothing—has worked. Just when I think I’ve stopped a monster, it comes back again. Or a new monster strikes . . .”
My stomach was in knots. I wanted to run, but I didn’t even know where the ground was under my seat! Leery was still talking.
“My crew and I were able to contain the damage, but only for short periods of time. I began making sequels to my greatest movies to put the real B-Monsters back to work. It kept them contained—for a while. The public loved the sequels. So I just made more and more movies.”
I laughed aloud. He put monsters to work. This was too much!
“However, as time passed, I grew tired,” Leery said. I could see the tiredness in his eyes up on the screen. “B-Monsters were getting smarter. I couldn’t control them anymore. They wanted to run free in Riddle—and beyond. They wanted to get out. Making movies with them was not enough to keep them away from trouble. I locked the gates of the castle. I put away all the cameras. I went back into my castle, into hiding. I needed to stop the B-Monsters for good.”
Up on the screen, Oswald Leery got very still. He stared directly at the camera and breathed a raspy, eerie breath. He sounded like one of his own special effects.
“To destroy a B-Monster, two important things must happen. Each monster must be controlled and then eliminated. Then you must destroy the original copy of that B-Monster movie!”
Leery stared out at us, as if he were waiting for some kind of response. He blinked slowly. “Do you understand?” he asked as if he were speaking in real time.
“Unfortunately, it took me years to figure out that last part. And I wasn’t very careful with the original reels. I had sent them to fans and friends all over the world. I have no idea who has what or which films I sent where. I have tracked down many of the original reels,” he went on, “but there is no way I can find them all on my own. Not now. That’s where you come in.”
The room got awfully quiet. Stella, Lindsey, Damon, and I were too shocked to breathe.
“I need the four of you to help me. I planned the screening at the library as a way to get you together. I had Walter give your librarian a list of VIP names. You were on that list with other children, but you four were the ones I needed most.”
Could I have seen this coming? I knew there was something fishy about that VIP list! I never would have guessed in a zillion years that Oswald Leery would want my help to eliminate an actual B-Monster!
“Together, I need your help to locate my entire catalog of original B-Monster movies. Some are right here in Riddle. Others may be halfway across the world. And owners won’t always be willing to part with them. But we must find them all!”
Leery moved closer to the camera.
“There is one more thing!” he cried. My stomach wrenched. Now I really could see his nose hair. I could almost feel him breathing on me.
“I know you will guard my secret, the secret of the Bs,” Leery said. “But be careful who you talk to! There will be people who know things about the monsters. They will help you along the way. But you, Jesse, Damon, Stella, and Lindsey, you are the true Monster Squad.”
All at once, static filled the screen. The camera sizzled.
POOF!
Oswald Leery was gone.
CHAPTER 11
SMELLS LIKE FEET
The lights inside the screening room blared on. I realized that I had squeezed my chair’s armrests so tightly that my fingers had gone completely numb. The truth was, I felt numb all over. None of us said a word. Could it all possibly be true?
Walter reappeared. He strode to a small platform in front of the enormous screen.
“Any questions?” he asked.
Still no one said a word.
“Come now!” Walter said. “You must have questions.”
“This is some kind of crazy hoax!” Damon cried.
Walter Block shook his head. “No, this is real, my friends. Dr. Leery recorded that message for you just two weeks ago. He was on a remote island in the South Pacific Ocean, searching for Mega Mantis, who escaped again after the original film had been shown in error.”
“Did you say Mega Mantis is on the loose?” Lindsey stammered.
Walter nodded. “Dr. Leery is traveling in the hope that he might get the monster’s coordinates and possibly tempt it to come to Riddle—or somewhere else.”
I raised my hand. “Excuse me, but by any chance is this some kind of candid-camera reality show where my friend Garth is going to jump out from behind that curtain and yell ‘GOTCHA’?”
Walter smiled. “No, Jesse. I’m afraid not.”
“Why us?” Stella asked. “I mean, Oswald Leery has a huge number of fans. Why did he pick four random kids from Riddle to share his secret—and des
troy the monsters?”
Walter cleared his throat. “That is a very good question, Stella. And I have a very good answer. No one was chosen randomly. You all have connections to the Bs. Jesse had his Uncle Rich “Danger” Ranger. Lindsey’s grandfather Max took photos for the studio. And of course, Damon’s family owns the old Drive-O-Rama.”
“What about me?” Stella asked. “No one in my family even likes monsters, let alone B-Monsters with fourteen tentacles and death breath. Why am I here?”
Walter dimmed the lights and showed us a photograph up on the screen.
“Hey!” Stella said. “That’s my Great Auntie San San. Where did you get that?”
“Your Great Aunt Sandra was one of the most popular B-Monster movie actresses ever. She won awards for all the roles she played. She was convincing as a spider lady or a gorilla tamer or a scientist from space. She was a mistress of disguise, the best of the Bs.”
Stella got real quiet. “Great Auntie San San is an actress? She never leaves her house.”
“Yes.” Walter nodded. “But she went into hiding only after the B-Monsters started coming to life. She went a little, well . . . crazy.”
“Crazy just like you, Stella!” Damon cried.
“Quit it, Molloy!” Lindsey yelled. “If this is going to work at all, we need to work together.”
“I’m a little freaked out,” Stella said. For the first time ever, she sounded unsure.
“Yeah? Well, I’m leaving,” Damon said. He tried to wiggle out of his seat but he couldn’t unlatch the buckle. I could understand why he wanted out of that place.
But, deep down, I kind of hoped this whole speech was the real deal. Helping Oswald Leery hunt down B-Monsters would be one hundred times cooler than making B-Monster movies of my own. We had to stay, no matter what. We had to help.
“Damon!” I said. “Remember the slime in Mr. Bunsen’s classroom?”
“It’s kind of hard to forget that,” Damon said. “It smelled like feet.”
“Don’t you think we should investigate where that slime came from—and where our teacher went?” I asked pointedly.
“We’re in the fifth grade, Jesse. We’re kids, not monster exterminators.”
Stella narrowed her eyes. “I’m getting ready to exterminate you, Damon.”
“Can’t we be both things?” I asked.
“I know it seems incredible,” Walter added. “But you four really can help save the world from the B-Monsters.”
“I can’t even save my allowance,” Lindsey cracked.
“Dr. Leery would never have enlisted your help if he didn’t think you could do it. Everything goes back to the movies, and you four know them better than anyone,” Walter said. “Now you have the resources and objects of the castle at your disposal, too.”
I didn’t know what to say. None of us did.
“Think it over,” Walter said. “Go home and sleep on it. Take your time and see if you’re ready to be the Monster Squad—or not.”
It was very late by now. The sun had gone down. Walter offered us a ride in his limousine so we wouldn’t have to take the bus back home alone. He pulled the car in the driveway and scurried back to lock up the castle.
The darkness gave me the creeps. The car’s motor chugged. All around us were these enormous dark puddles. It must have poured rain while we were inside the castle watching Leery.
“Do you smell that?” I asked the others. There was that rotten stink again, the same one I’d smelled in our kitchen at home. I noticed a faint glow in the limousine’s tinted windows.
“Oh, no!” I cried. “Get away from the car! Quick!” We turned and ran behind some bushes. Before we could even count to ten, an enormous wave of slime shot straight up out of the limousine’s moon roof—like a geyser.
“Get away from the car!” I wailed. “It’s bigger than before!”
“That’s sooo disgusting!” Lindsey said.
“I think I see teeth!” Damon said.
“Wait! Are those ears?” Stella asked aloud.
The green goo had risen up into the air and begun to take on several human qualities—including ears and arms! It towered over the limousine and the driveway.
“We have to make a run for it,” I said.
“To the castle!” Stella said.
We rushed out from behind the bushes, but it was no use. The slime was so much bigger than all of us and it was blocking the way back inside. Damon started running away from the driveway. We followed him.
“Wait! Wait!” I said, stopping after a minute or so. “Where are we going? We have to face the B-Monster, not fear it!”
“Are you nuts?” Lindsey asked. “What do we face a tower of slime with, Jesse? Obviously it wants to eat us.”
The slime gurgled loudly. It was growing even bigger in the darkness—and man, that thing was ugly. It looked hungry.
“This is bad,” Lindsey said.
Slimo reached out for us with long, spindly, slimy fingers.
“Ruuuuuuun!” Damon cried. “While we still have the chance!”
“No, we can’t run,” Stella said, getting tough. “We have to fight.”
The Ninja stood her ground. She assumed her karate positions in the dark. I could barely see her—or the slime. And then a bolt of lightning cracked and lit up the area where we stood.
“Aaaah!” we all screamed at the same time. Slimo was right here! We could really see it now, illuminated by the sudden flash of light.
Stella tried to intimidate the slime, but she had no power. An arm of slime extended as far as the eye could see.
“Look!” Damon said. “On the ground!”
I nearly keeled over when I saw what was there.
On the pavement between us and the limousine were two words, spelled out in slime:
STAY AWAY.
CHAPTER 12
DO NOT TOUCH... OR ELSE
I spent the entire week thinking about the Bs—even more than usual, that is!
At school on Friday, I was tempted to rush right over to Lindsey, Stella, or Damon. But I didn’t. We ignored one another and stuck to old friends. I think the idea of saving the world from Slimo had scared us all into silence.
At lunch, Garth kept bugging me about some dumb video game he wanted to play, but I wanted to talk about other stuff: Leery the director and Poe the crow, and of course, those slimy slime messages.
But I didn’t say boo. We were the Monster Squad. It was all about big secrets now.
I tried to imagine what a Monster Squad uniform might look like. Puffy silver astronaut sleeves? Laser guns on holsters? Big fat goggles with triple-strength X-ray vision? Would Leery’s special assignment be cool—or just terrifying?
After school, in the parking lot, I saw Stella sitting alone on a large rock. No big surprise there. I decided to break the silence.
“Hey,” I said, walking toward her. “What’s up?”
“You mean what’s down, don’t you?” Stella said. As she looked up, her long black hair fell right into her face. “Damon was right. We’re doomed.”
“No we’re not,” I said. “Quit being so negative.”
“Every moment we hang out here, Slimo gets stronger,” she said.
“I wish I knew what to do,” I said. “I feel like he was just trying to scare us . . . or send us a warning ... but why? What did it mean?”
Out of nowhere, Damon popped up. Today he was posse-free, but he kept checking behind him like he was being followed.
“Yo,” Damon said. He squeezed in between Stella and me. “Hey.”
“What’s the matter with you?” I asked. “You look like a—”
“Shhhhh,” Damon said.
I pointed to his T-shirt. “Did you wear that on purpose?”
Damon glanced down. His shirt read STAY! AWAY!, just like Slimo’s message from the day before.
“I’m keeping an eye out for Slimo,” Damon said.
“Hey, you guys!” Lindsey called out. Her friends were nowhe
re to be seen. As she ran over to us, her camera flopped back and forth on her chest. “Did I miss anything?” She held up her camera. “Say slime!” she said.
“Funny, Lindsey,” Stella said. “Is this really time for a photo op?”
“Why not? I think we should keep a record of things,” Lindsey said, still snapping away. “If we’re going to get Slimo or any of Leery’s other B-Monsters, we need to get organized.”
No one budged.
“Are we really going to do this?” I asked.
“Do what?” Damon asked back.
Lindsey gave him a knuckle-noogie. “Be the Monster Squad, dumbo!” she said.
Damon looked like he might knuckle-noogie her right back.
I stepped in.
“If we’re going to do this,” I said, “we need to do it right. We can’t fight.”
Stella grunted. “Fat chance. The fights are the best part.”
I glared at her. “The Monster Squad is serious stuff. Stop goofing around.”
“Okay,” Stella said. “Then let’s do it. Seriously. If we watch all the Bs again, we can figure out the best plan to eliminate Slimo.”
Damon held up a bus schedule. “The bus for Leery Castle leaves in five minutes.”
We grabbed our backpacks and headed for the stop. I didn’t know what to think—or say. In the past twenty-four hours we’d gone from ordinary fifth-graders to freak fighters. I never thought I’d be a part of any organized club, let alone an entire Monster Squad.
Now we were heading back to the source of all the trouble, Leery Castle.
The ride up was quick, but the castle property seemed awfully quiet. We walked through the Crabzilla gates half-expecting a flapping Poe to fly out and greet us. But no one greeted us. The front door to the castle was ajar.
“Walter!” I called out. There was no answer, but we headed in anyway.
Daylight shined through the castle’s stained-glass windows and gave everything inside the castle a purple or yellow hue. Each room in Leery Castle was stranger than the next, with trapdoors and suspended furniture and all sorts of buttons and switches markedDO NOT TOUCH ... OR ELSE.
