by Robyn Grady
It was bad enough having to hand over that defenseless child to a person who didn’t look old enough to have graduated high school. In her more rational mind Trinity knew there must be wonderful, devoted and careful teen moms who didn’t lose their babies…who had support and didn’t need to act impulsively. But this young mother had less than no help.
The only word for little Bel’s grandmother was heartless. No, there were two more words. Selfish and negligent. How was it that Trinity had been more than willing to care for that baby when she’d never laid eyes on her before, when there was no previous attachment, and yet a woman who should have no hesitation in giving her own life to protect had failed so miserably in the “decent human being” department? Hell, even Zack, with his mercenary reputation, had stepped up to act honorably.
Trinity had never been able to get her head around her own grandparents’ dismissal of their own flesh and blood. It didn’t compute that basic instinct shouldn’t override other considerations like social shame or disappointment. Where were their compassion and love? As a baby, there’d been none for her from her maternal grandmother, none for this baby, either. And the pain was so great, squeezing and tearing at her heart that Trinity felt as if she was right there in the backseat of that police car, too, looking out over a span of uncertain years all over again.
What if something happened to Bel’s mother? That baby would have no one and Trinity would never know. She’d be in the dark about that baby’s future for the rest of her life.
And she didn’t know if she could bear it.
When another car came into sight, heading up the lonely road, Trinity didn’t pay it any mind. But the late model SUV turned into Zack’s driveway and a lady with neat silver-blond hair and a chic woolen pantsuit slipped out of the driver’s side door.
Zack’s arm slid away from around her waist; she’d only been half aware of it being there but now she missed the support…the warmth. The cool of the morning seeped in, sending shivers scuttling over her skin. As the visitor neared, she slapped her thighs at the same time Cruiser strolled over to join her, his tail wagging low between his legs.
“There you are, you bad boy.” The woman patted Cruiser’s head then addressed Zack. “Has he been much trouble?”
Although he felt like his gut was on the floor after watching that police car drive away, Zack did his best to welcome his neighbor. Last night before dinner, he’d thought to leave a message on the Dales’ phone, letting them know where to find their dog when they got back. Mrs. Dale was here now to collect Cruiser. Take him home.
And then there were two.
He thought he’d be relieved when the “lost baby” situation was settled…when this monster of a dog was out of his house. But he didn’t feel relieved. Zack felt more hollow than he ever had in his life.
“Mrs. Dale,” he said, “this is Trinity Matthews.”
Mrs. Dale’s smile broadened. “Lovely to meet you.”
Zack explained, “He showed up here yesterday morning.”
“When Jim and I went out the other afternoon, we left him on a long lead outside. We expected to be back by early evening but that storm held us up. When we got back, we found the lead chewed through and no Cruiser anywhere to be seen. Since the weather’s eased up, we’ve searched around. We called all the folks around with kids. I told you how much he’s drawn to children. I never thought to call here.”
Trinity glanced over at Zack but he didn’t bother to explain to Mrs. Dale about the baby. He merely hunkered down and when Cruiser waddled over, he caught his big hairy face, smiled and said, “Guess this is your lift.”
Cruiser whined out a growl, his backside wobbling as his tail wagged harder.
Crossing her arms, Mrs. Dale pegged out a leg. “Zack, dear, I think you’ve made a friend.”
“He’s made one, too.” Zack pushed to his feet.
Mrs. D’s head slanted as she spoke to Trinity. “Are you staying for a few days?” She examined the sky. “The weather’s cleared up beautifully.”
“Actually I’m on my way back East.”
“Don’t tell me. New York? Too busy for my liking, but home is home.”
Mrs. Dale thanked Zack again and after Trinity gave his neck a big hug, obedient as always, Cruiser followed Mrs. Dale back to her car. She opened the tailgate and a moment later, another member of their quartet was whisked away.
Trinity began to shiver again and this time she couldn’t seem to stop. Zack brought his arm around her shoulder. “Come in out of the cold.”
“I’m not cold.”
“Come in for coffee then. I sure need one.”
Noting the fallen tree trunk blocking the front entrance as they passed, Trinity followed as he headed toward the back of the cabin. Even with the shivering, she would rather have stood out here awhile longer although, of course, there was no chance the baby was ever coming back. She knew Bonnie—Belinda—wasn’t hers. Wasn’t theirs. Still, she felt as if a slice had been taken out of her heart.
Inside, Zack put on the pot while, feeling numb, she took a seat on a stool at the counter.
As he fished the milk out of the fridge, Zack commented, “She seems like a nice girl.”
“Girl being the operative word.” A withering feeling coursed through her and Trinity had to close her eyes to, in some way, try to contain it. “With a mother like that, how’s she ever supposed to get ahead?”
“I’m sure she’ll manage.”
Trinity supposed she had. But she also knew how tough and long that road was. Someone of Zack’s background would have no idea what a hard slog “going it alone” could be. So…
“What if she doesn’t manage?”
He set down the milk and cast her a comforting look. “I gave her my contact details. We can’t do anything more than that.”
“Can’t we?” Surely there must be something.
His brow furrowing, he crossed over. “What are you saying?”
“It shouldn’t be too difficult to find out her name and address.”
“That’s not the way this is supposed to work. Mother and child are reunited. I know it doesn’t look ideal, but I thought you’d be pleased.”
“I am.” Her heart sank more, her shoulders slumped and Trinity lowered her voice. “I just want to keep an eye out. Maybe babysit sometime.”
“From New York?”
She grunted and swung away. She didn’t want to hear rational arguments. She wanted to be there. To help.
When he went back to making coffee, she moved to the windows and the view that had once seemed so private but now only looked…lonely. She hugged herself but her body seemed to have lost all its heat. She couldn’t imagine ever feeling truly warm again.
She muttered more to herself than to Zack, “You could never understand.”
She heard a cup hit the counter, his footsteps falling on the timber, coming closer. Then he was behind her and, hands on her shoulders, he spun her around. His jaw was tight and nostrils were flared the barest amount as if that might help curb the emotion she saw flashing in his eyes.
“You’re upset now,” he said calmly enough. “We need to sit down and let this all settle in. This ended the way it was always supposed to—baby and mother reunited.”
Stinging emotion crept up the back of Trinity’s throat. “I can’t help thinking we should do more.”
“Trinity, it’s not our place.” While she recoiled, he scrubbed a hand down his face and sucked in a breath. “In a couple of days, you’ll begin to see. You need to let her go.”
One part of her knew he was right. They’d played out whatever part fate had laid in their path. Now they had to move on. But how did a person move on when they felt stuck? All she could see was Bonnie’s smiling face. All she could hear was that little girl’s laughter. Then she thought of that young mother’s mountain of problems. It made her feel physically ill.
But as Zack brought her near and rubbed her back as he leaned his cheek lightly on her he
ad, she told herself: he’s right. Of course, he’s right.
That baby—their baby—had always belonged to someone else.
Ten
Trinity didn’t want to stay for breakfast. She didn’t want to stay, period.
So after they’d showered and were properly dressed, he relented and called a cab. But he insisted on accompanying her to the airport. He’d wanted to wait until she was booked on a flight, but she was just as insistent that he needed to plow on with this day.
Get on with his life.
After his “we need to let it go” speech, guess he’d asked for it.
He kissed her goodbye outside the terminal but the caress was as different to last night’s as today’s blue sky was to the previous gray. Their lips didn’t linger, her smile wasn’t convincing and as she walked away, it was all he could do not to drag her back and demand that she stay until they’d found some way to make their peace. Get beyond this somehow.
Instead he watched her disappear into a building thrumming with a backlog of folk needing to make up for the lost time that freak snowstorm had created. He wasn’t aware how long he stood there, watching, thinking, before the cabbie wound down the window and gave him a verbal prod.
“Where to next, sir?”
Zack glanced back. Where to, indeed.
He slid into the back passenger seat and gave a Denver city address.
* * *
Trinity arrived in New York later that day feeling exhausted but unwilling to delay taking action on the decision she’d made during the hours spent waiting at the airport and during the flight back home.
Now she slid out of the cab and headed through the automatic glass sliding door of the familiar downtown building remembering how that word—home—had tugged at her heartstrings for as long as she could recall. She’d worked hard to put herself through college and find the wherewithal to move from Ohio, to get away. She’d never forget her exhilaration when she’d been awarded a position with Story. Her apartment in Brooklyn was tiny but she’d filled it with bits and pieces that made her happy—paintings by talented new artists, books that were favorites and felt like old friends.
But that apartment wasn’t hers. Wasn’t truly home.
As she thumbed a foyer elevator button, she could admit that those walls and neighbors had only ever felt temporary. She would never tell Zack although she thought perhaps he’d guessed: despite her initial disapproval of him, his cabin in the woods had felt more like a safe haven than any address she’d known.
But that time was over. After their amazing night together, Zack had said he wanted to keep in touch. But something wiser than blind hope said he wouldn’t call. She didn’t blame him. He had a brilliant life with concrete goals, as well as family and friends and associates to keep him company whenever he felt the urge. He didn’t need her moodiness and baggage bringing down his party. And, honestly, she didn’t need him, either. She had a plan.
As Trinity moved out of the elevator, nodded a greeting to the receptionist on her way to Kate’s office, she knew precisely what she needed to do. She’d never felt more determined, anxious—right in her life. Today was the beginning of all her best tomorrows.
* * *
“I know I said I’d get Dirkins to sign,” Zack said. “I haven’t given up yet.”
Thomas sat on the right-hand side of the mile-long conference table, elbows on chair arms and fingers steepled as he watched his older brother pace the length of the Harrison Plaza District office suite. Zack knew he must look like a caged jungle cat because that’s precisely how he felt. Since he’d arrived back from Colorado two days ago, he hadn’t been able to settle into anything, including coming any nearer to closing that Denver deal.
He’d thought about Trinity’s suggestion, putting forward an offer of a partnership of co-ownership to Dirkins. Although a big part of Zack wanted to help the older man out if he could, that simply wasn’t the way he did business. Equal equity meant disputes down the track. Any weakening of the Harrison foundation—even in a small way—was anathema to his motto.
Stay calm, stay focused and succeed.
With his father floating in and out of the office and his brothers happy with nine-to-five, someone had to man the bow.
“Maybe we should let the deal slide,” Thomas said. “Since Mom and Dad had their split, he’s not nearly as hell-bent on soaring through this economic downturn. Not that their break is permanent,” he added.
Really? Who said it wasn’t?
“Our family’s not invincible, Thomas. We all just like to pretend that it is.”
The steepled fingers lowered. “Where’s this coming from? You’ve been a royal pain in the butt since getting back from Colorado. You did nothing but frown and growl at Nicki’s school play last night. What the hell happened out there?”
“Nothing of consequence.”
“Every time I ask about those female guests you had holed up in your cabin, you fob me off. Now I’m telling you, I want to know.” Thomas swore. “Is someone blackmailing you?”
Zack moved to the wall-to-wall windows. “Don’t be melodramatic.”
“From what you told me, that actress you were seeing wanted to test those waters.”
“And I told her where to get off. If she wants to spread rumors about cracks in the Harrison family camp, she can try her hardest. No one rattles me. Nothing gets under my skin.”
“I’d always thought so, but clearly something or someone is screwing with your cool and composed gauge big-time.”
Thomas crossed to where Zack was staring out over a panoramic view of Midtown that normally never failed to inspire. Colorado was relaxing but this was where he thrived. Where the real opportunities lived.
“We’re more than brothers. We’re friends. Talk to me.” Thomas set a hand on Zack’s shoulder. “Let me help.”
Zack tried to ignore the empty feeling funneling through his middle. He muttered, “You’d never believe it.”
“Try me.”
After another moment of indecision, Zack moved over to a chair and spent the next fifteen minutes divulging the top points of his most recent stay in Colorado. Thomas looked surprised when he described how he’d found the baby. He’d looked stunned when he’d said he’d offered to bring her home until the authorities could take over. He talked about Cruiser and what an intelligent, responsible, big dog he was.
Mostly he talked about Trinity. He even admitted how close they’d grown. He recalled how Trinity had described the feeling when she’d put down Bonnie—Bel—after caring for her nonstop. Now it was like some part of him was missing.
“I’ve never felt so edgy in my life.” Zack threw up his hands and got to his feet. “Obviously the isolation played tricks on my mind. I identified with my captor. What’s that called?” He snapped his fingers. “Stockholm Syndrome.”
Thomas looked amused. “It was your home. I imagine your rules.”
Zack held his brow then wiped the damp away. “I must be sick.”
“Absolutely. Heartsick. Zack, buddy, sounds like you’re in love.”
Zack stared hard at the younger man then coughed out a raucous laugh. His brothers were always on him about finding Miss Right. They never let up.
“Trin and I were together two days.” He held up as many fingers to accentuate the point.
“Sometimes that’s all it takes. I knew I wanted to marry Willa after our first date. Dylan knew Rhian only a week.”
“I’m different. I’ve always been different.”
Thomas sat back in his chair and steepled his fingers again, and Zack remembered his little brother had once wanted to be a psychologist. He might be a touch off course, but he sure didn’t need to suffer a bad imitation of Freud.
Thomas asked, “What are you so afraid of?”
Zack set his hands low on his hips. “For one, falling in love is not in my plans.”
“Those plans being…?”
“To take over Harrison Hotels. Dad’s practicall
y set to retire.”
“And the rest of us lost our brains the moment we said ‘I do’ and had kids.”
Zack arched a brow. “Let’s be honest. You all have different priorities.”
“Our families. Damn right. Doesn’t mean we can’t run a business.”
“If Dad had spent more time with Mom, they wouldn’t be going through this separation now. He should have slowed down five, ten years ago when the cracks started to show.”
“Zack, that’s not your place.”
That pulled him up. He remembered saying the same words to Trinity when she wanted to get involved more with the baby after she’d gone. He’d tried to make her see reason but the truth was she’d been closer to the real heart of that situation than he’d been, like he felt closer to his parents’ problems than his younger brother, or any of the others, for that matter.
Thomas was still talking. “And I’m here to tell you that a man can have both—a family of his own as well as a fulfilling professional life.”
“Not without sacrifices.”
“Life is all about sacrifices. Or it should be. Believe me, that’s when we really start to reap the rewards.”
“Like endless 3:00 a.m. feedings?”
“Sounds as if you can handle it.”
“How about apologizing over and over for getting home late from meetings?”
“If you’re smart, and devoted, you can organize your time. What are you trying to prove? You don’t have to sell your soul and make a billion or three to be happy.”
No one seemed to get it! “It’s how I see myself. Calm. Focused. Eye forever on the horizon.”
“One could conjecture they’re fine qualities for a husband and father.”
Zack didn’t know about that. But, after this conversation, one thing was clear. He wouldn’t be able to rest—to think straight—until he saw Trinity again. If she was going through anything like the torture he’d known these past days, she’d need to lay her own cards on the table and see him, too.
