by Jane Radford
I grab my little laptop and head for the door. I spot the window that I believe Jaren keeps sneaking in through and pause. The latch has never worked properly. I think for a moment before heading over to one of the drawers in my kitchen. I stare inside until I figure out what I'm looking for.
There.
A thick wooden spoon sticks out from the array of knives, ladles and whisks. I dig it up from the rest of the clutter and walk over to the window, wedging it behind the track on the pane. I tug and the window doesn't budge. Huh, I grin at my own handiwork, that should stop my ex.
Yeah, because nothing can get through the impenetrable glass.
I frown. I don't think he is capable of going as far as destruction of property.
I glance over at the fist-sized hole in my wall. Well, not as far as breaking windows.
On my way out, something in the doorway stops me and I turn back around. I feel like I've forgotten something. I gaze at my comfy couch, my pile of junk mail, the pictures on my mantel.
I shrug, I'll figure it out later, no doubt.
I drop my junk off at Kara's and head over to the diner. It's a Friday, this is going to be miserable. My shift is eight p.m. to four a.m. I can do this. I take a deep breath. At least the diner will provide free coffee. I push in the doors and it's busy. The whole restaurant is abuzz with customers and staff running to and fro.
Crystal beams when she sees me, she is just about finished with my shift. She mouths “thank you” from across the crowded room and I smile in response. This won't be so bad. I relieve Jonathon of his tables and I go on autopilot from there.
The place stays busy on a Friday night until the die-off at eleven. And it's not until the restaurant slows down that I realize what I'd forgotten. I'm busing a table when my mind screams, MY HOUSEPLANTS!
I sigh up at the ceiling in exasperation. I feel like such an idiot.
I haven't watered them in nearly a week. I groan. My anxiety levels are through the roof. Jaren should be sleeping by the time I get there, but what if he crashed at my place? I take a peek at my phone from the front pocket of my apron. Still no response from my last text.
Message received, perhaps? Maybe his silence is a good sign?
I can drop by my home after work, on my way to Kara's. I can run in, water the plants, and run back out. Then I can die on her couch, and sleep through to Sunday.
I'm about to ask if I can leave early when another table comes in—a couple of joggers. They are handsome and, obviously, in shape. I perk up when I see them. Once they've gotten settled, I take their orders, then leave to clean up around the registers.
When I come back to check on them, one of the joggers flirts shamelessly with me over his biscuits and gravy. After our interaction his eyes follow me throughout the diner as I refill napkins and shakers for the morning rush. I'm fully interested and, quite frankly, flattered until I notice the wedding band on his left hand. Before the man leaves with his friend, he discards a more than generous tip, and slips me a number.
Pig. I feel like giving up on men all together.
I clear off their table and begin preparations for the end of my shift. After everything that has happened in regards to the opposite sex, I might as well start an exclusive relationship with my vibrator...and maybe I've just changed my mind about grabbing Maurice when I go to water my houseplants after all.
***
Fresh air is divine after being stuck in a hot diner all evening. The moon is full tonight, it's preparing to retire for the day, but I can still see its lovely glow. I endeavor to leave the scent of fried food and grease behind me, but it clings to my hair, and my skin, and my uniform. I check my phone and there are still no missed calls or text messages.
I freeze looking down at the screen. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy Jaren's silence, but the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach has been building since the text I sent earlier.
I peel off my apron and toss it in my car before I get in. It's a pleasant night. The sun will be up in a matter of hours, but I'll be sleeping through its interruption—sleeping through to Sunday. It's a glorious plan.
I start my car. No notes on the windshield. I sigh, happy knowing that this isn't my usual shift, Jaren wouldn't know I was here.
It's not a long drive from the diner to my house. Fifteen minutes and I'll be there. I smirk as I turn into my neighborhood, thinking about the look on Jaren's face when he tried to open that window and it wouldn't budge. I'm rounding the corner and my grin falls from my lips.
JESUS CHRIST! I slam on my brakes, my arms brace themselves against the steering wheel as I stare dumbfounded at my home. My house is up in flames.
Chapter 5
“Are you okay?” Kara asks in lieu of a greeting. Her voice is heavy with sleep and I'm surprised she answered the phone at all.
“HE BURNED MY FUCKING HOUSE DOWN!” That aught to get her attention.
Firemen are still on the scene, a big truck sits in front, pumping a steady burst of water into the now, mostly extinguished flames. I think I can hear Maurice screaming from somewhere inside. Sorry, boy.
“Are you alright?” Kara sounds much more alert now. “What the hell is happening?”
“He burned my house down,” my voice cracks this time. All my anger dissipates.
Police are still watching from the sidelines. Officer Baits regards me from his cruiser, his arms are folded, his wedding ring gleams with the reflection of the dying flames. I don't care if he overhears me. I've already told him everything I know, and suspect. When asked why I hadn't gotten a restraining order before this, my excuses sounded so dumb in retrospect. What IS wrong with me?
I look at my house—it's a husk, everything inside is destroyed. Smoke billows out from shattered windows, the last of the flames war with the steady flow of water flooding my home. I regret not grabbing Maurice, that's a nasty way to go. My brain falters at that thought. I freeze. Kara says something but I don't hear it. I think about my change in shift. I think about how I have worked the exact same shift and the exact same days for the past year. How I usually park with my car concealed in the garage, how I barricaded the window with that wooden spoon. My mouth is suddenly dry. He thought I was inside.
My eyes fall on Officer Baits, then. He has his arms folded, leaning against his car, he still gives me this look that I had perceived as suspicion, but I realize now he was acting as a watchdog. The way he looks reminds me of my father, somehow.
“Kara, I need to call you back.” I hang up on my best friend before she can give a response.
Baits stiffens as I approach him. His partner is in the car.
“He thought I was inside,” I tell the officer. I barely keep it together as I explain my routine, why Jaren would have expected me to be burning with the house. My stomach sinks. “He didn't just want to ruin my home to teach me a lesson, he tried to kill me...”
“Do you have somewhere to stay tonight?” the officer doesn't acknowledge my statement.
“Do you think he could do it?” I'm trying my best to keep my voice steady. Part of me denies Jaren could go that far, I want to believe it was an accident. Am I in shock, is that why I can't think straight?
“Let us give you a ride, Miss Henton.” The cop holds out a reassuring hand and I start to cry.
My hand comes up to wipe at my face, my fingertips coming away wet. Where are these tears coming from? I never cry.
Baits opens the back door for me and has me sit on the edge of the backseat. At least he doesn't guide my head in like a criminal, but it feels oddly like I'm being arrested.
“What do I do?” I ask up to him helplessly.
The officer looks as though he wants to give me advice, but instead he tells me to get some rest. He grabs the edge of the door, “We'll be in contact,” and he shuts it.
I give them directions through numb lips. And they head off toward Kara's apartment with the sunrise brilliant behind us. It's so strange to think that this is the same morning as when I had le
ft the diner. It feels like years have passed since I touched myself in the shower, thinking things were looking up. I cry harder. What do I do? All of my things—my home, my clothes, my furniture—everything, it’s all gone. I cry harder.
Gah! Get a grip!
I quickly wipe my eyes and tighten my ponytail. I take a deep breath. We're almost to Kara's, she can't see me this way. I sniff and straighten my blouse. I need to remind myself to thank Crystal for potentially saving my life.
I can still smell smoke on me, it's choked out the smell of fried food. It consumes everything. I smell like a campfire, except I wasn't up late roasting marshmallows, I was up watching everything that I have burn to the ground.
We're almost to my friend's apartment with the sun in a continual incline behind us. We're a couple blocks away when I think I see Jaren's truck. I stare at it dumbly before my brain finally clicks on.
“He's here!” I yelp as the two officers drive by. My stomach is quivering. I duck so I won't be visible in the backseat of the cruiser.
Officer Baits pulls over at the next block. He orders me to wait in the car. I'm shaking. I don't want him to leave, but I describe Jaren's vehicle. “Blue pickup, with a large dent on the driver side.” And I explain Jaren. “Short black hair. Blue eyes. 6'1'' with a dragon tattooed on his forearm.” And psychotic, don't forget psychotic.
Officer Baits leaves the squad car in pursuit. His partner, I hadn't caught his name, Taylor maybe, he stays to keep a watch on me. He mumbles into his radio and a nice lady chatters back while I tremble in the backseat.
Jaren knows that I'm staying here. He knows where my parents live. He knows all my friends. Shit. I was never afraid of him before, was I? Why am I so afraid now?
He never burned down my house before. Chills run up my body. I have to get out of here.
I jump when Baits reopens the driver side door. He climbs in and shakes his head at his partner.
“He knows that I'm staying here,” I mumble from the backseat. There is no response from either of them in the front. “What do I do?
“Do you have somewhere else you can stay?”
“He knows everyone I'm close to,” I feel defeated. I feel so stupid.
“We'll have a car here today.” Officer Baits looks back at me. “You need to look into getting that restraining order.”
He starts the car to drive me the rest of the way to Kara's. I can't help the feeling that Jaren is watching me from somewhere. He could be anywhere. I can't stay here. What if he does something to Kara or her boyfriend? My gut tightens. I could never live with myself if something happened to my best friend on account of me.
Officer Baits stops the cruiser and opens the back door for me, “Let me walk you to the door.” I only nod. His presence does make me feel more secure. I really don't want him to leave. Maybe I should call my dad. “Contact me if you need anything,” the officer hands me his card. It has his direct line on it.
“Thank you.”
I push through the door to Kara's apartment and she's standing in the living room in her bathrobe.
“We'll be in touch,” Officer Baits says before he turns to leave. When he disappears around the corner, I feel infinitely more vulnerable.
“Oh my God, I was worried sick!” Kara runs up to hug me. “Are you okay?” She squeezes me and I reciprocate without thinking. I feel numb all over.
“I'm fine.”
My two bags of clothes, my laptop and my pillow are the only possessions I have left. They sit propped against the couch. “Where is Ben?” I ask regarding my best friend's boyfriend.
“I let him sleep. Why?” Kara has coffee brewing in the kitchen, I can hear the machine sputter as it runs out of water. I think they go a little overboard on the caffeine in this house.
“I can't stay here.”
“Of course you can, you're not going anywhere.” She eases me onto the couch, and I let her. “Stay as long as you want. Stay forever. We'll kick Ben out and it'll be like old times.”
I smile bleakly. Whatever happened to sleeping through the weekend? Now I can't bring myself to close my eyes. “Can you help me?”
Kara hesitates. It's not that she wouldn't do anything for me, it's that she is wary of where I'm headed with this. She pauses before giving her answer…“Yeah?”
“Can you drive me to Hank's?” the sporting goods store. I brace myself for her barrage of questions.
“Why? Alex, what are you planning?” Kara crosses her arms, “What do you need from that store? You're scaring me.”
“Scaring you,” I laugh. “Well, that's a first.”
“Shut-up. Answer me.”
“Shut-up or answer you?”
“Oh my gosh, if you think Jaren can ruin your life, keep pushing me,” she glares in a feigned threat.
Geez. “Ouch, too soon!” I exclaim as I nudge Kara's shoulder, for good measure.
“Sorry, I'll make jokes about this when it's behind us.” My friend is so callous sometimes, it's something that I've always loved about Kara. She has the same morbid sense of humor, making me feel like laughing when my world is falling apart. But for right now, I have to get out of here—for her own safety. I can't put my best friend and her boyfriend at risk.
“I have nothing holding me here anymore.” I say it as though it's a curse and a blessing all at the same time.
“What do you mean?” Kara softens, “You have Benjamin and I.”
“No,” I clasp my hands together. She's going to hate this idea. “You know I've always wanted to travel. You know my dream was always to—”
“Alex, no.” Kara waves a hand at me, as if she can bat away my decisions. “It's too dangerous.”
“It's too dangerous for me to stay here. You know the only reason I didn't leave sooner was because I had a home, and two jobs, and a boyfriend.” I cringe at the mention of Jaren as my boyfriend. That thought alone is sickening enough. Then the thought that he was the main reason I have been held back from my dream all this time—it's simply depressing.
“I have to do this,” my stomach flutters at the thought of actually leaving, of actually fulfilling a dream I've had for over a decade.
“I just don't understand the appeal.” Kara folds her arms.
This is something I've only dreamed of doing and I'm finally going to do it. “You wouldn't understand, you're not adventurous. You don't like going anywhere that isn't air conditioned. You don't even like going into someone's backyard.”
“The mosquitoes, Alex.”
I grin at my friend. “I know, I know. You keep reminding me—malaria, West Nile, Lyme disease, Babesiosis. I get it. It's a filthy, diseased world.”
“Then why do this?” Kara pleads, “We can go on a road trip instead. That counts as traveling. Give me a couple weeks, I'll get some time off.”
“It's not the same. I want to hike through all the national forests. I want to write about hidden waterfalls and unbeaten trails. I want to feel stiff and accomplished at the end of a thirty mile day.” I want to be out of Jaren’s reach.
Kara looks so disgusted with my plans, she's utterly detached from my dreams and desires. We have our differences—I manage to love her regardless.
“I don't think you should make any rash decisions right now.” Kara says this halfheartedly. She knows I'm a lost cause.
“I'm going to cross this country, coast to coast, and it's going to be the best experience of my life.” Forget about Jaren and his attempted murder. My ex might have just done me a favor by burning down my house, severing all attachments to this place.
I've always wanted to do this, and Kara's always wanted to talk me out of it. “I'll send you a postcard from all the major cities.”
“You're going to leave me.” Kara is just not acting like her cold, calculating self as she pouts at me, giving me this unflattering puppy-dog face.
“You know I've never wanted to settle down here, inheriting that house was never my idea. I didn't want it. I want to find a city that i
s so damn charming and so unforgettable, I settle there forever. And then I'll come rescue you and you'll move out there with me.” I beam at my friend.
“Ugh, why couldn't you just succumb to your cruel, mediocre fate like everyone else?” Kara scowls. “Why couldn't you be normal?”
Right then Ben waddles out of their bedroom and into the bathroom. He is in nothing but boxers with little cartoon characters dancing along the material. He scratches at his furry chest as he squints through the harsh hallway lighting. I hope we didn't wake him. Kara adjusts her robe, making sure nothing is amiss. I wonder, offhandedly, if she's mentioned to Ben that I'm in between homes at the moment...not to mention almost murdered.
“Fine, Alex,” my friend seethes, but I know it's just because she is worried for me. “I'll help you, but I'm not going to like it.”
“Thank you.” I lean in to hug my best friend, but she shies away from my embrace.
“You will call me whenever you can. Seriously. If I don't hear from you ALL the time, I mean constantly, I will hunt you down, like a little deer in the wilderness. Do you understand me?” She almost looks upset. I think she might be serious.
“I can do that,” I agree to her terms. “I've learned a lot about stalking lately.”
Kara presses her lips into a tight line, attempting to suppress a smile. There I am, breaking the seriousness of this moment, and back to my inappropriately humored self. “Attagirl.”
Chapter 6
Kara stays up with me until Hank's opens. It's our day off and, frankly, the break could not have come at a more convenient time. In light of everything that has happened, there is no way I would have found the will to go into work today.
I've collected the clothes to take with me, plus a picture of Kara and Ben. They're too sweet. If I had come up with the decision to blaze a trail across the continental U.S. yesterday, I would have had just about everything I needed for the trek, but today is, well...things have changed.
