by Rebecca King
“Don’t worry. I would never make the mistake of insinuating that there was anything between us.”
“You don’t need to insinuate. Your father got the distinct impression that we are – together,” Ryan murmured.
“I will deal with my father and promise that he won’t expect you to make any offer for me,” she assured him.
Ryan stared hard at her. She looked so stoic that he wondered what he was going to have to do to get her to admit to why she really kissed him. It wasn’t that he minded. In fact, he was inwardly delighted that she had, not least because it had made her father start to think about the fact that he might, one day, have Ryan as a son-in-law. However, something deep inside Ryan compelled him to get Sian to confess to why she had kissed him. He doubted it was something she did on the spur of the moment. There was something behind it – he was sure of it.
Only because I want there to be something behind it. I want her to care about me because otherwise I will have to face the fact that my love will always be unrequited.
“Now, if you will excuse me, I had better be on my way.” Sian straightened her shoulders and looked at the narrow gap in the stones she needed to squeeze through to leave. It was directly behind Ryan, and meant she had to step closer to him, but there was no alternative.
Ryan turned to watch her. As soon as she stepped onto the narrow, flatter surface of the path, he captured her arm again, but this time refused to release her. For a moment, Sian couldn’t bring herself to look at him.
“What are you doing?” she squeaked when a long arm slid around her waist and lifted her off her feet.
Sian clung to his shoulders as she found herself swung off the ground before being placed before him. Ryan then planted himself firmly in the path of her exit. She had no choice but to look up at him.
Her stomach flipped nervously when she saw the intent look in his eyes. When she tried to breathe, she felt as if she was trying to draw the luscious air out of his lungs. He was so close she could smell the fine scent of soap and lemons. It was light, and reminded her of summer, but rather than bring a smile to her lips a wealth of misery and yearning began to build instead.
“I am stopping you from falling onto the rocks,” Ryan replied. Rather than release her, he slid both arms around her. He then looked steadily into her eyes. “You shouldn’t have kissed me in the study just now.”
“I am sorry I did,” she murmured with a frown of confusion.
“It was wrong.”
“I know.”
“All wrong.”
“I know.” Sian struggled to contain her misery and tried to push at his biceps. Anger began to grow at his refusal to allow the matter to drop. Any gentleman would. “It was a minor indiscretion. Why do you insist on discussing it? Don’t you know it isn’t the gentlemanly thing to do? I was wrong, and I apologise, all right?”
“That isn’t what was wrong,” Ryan countered.
Sian blinked at him. “Pardon? What was?”
“That isn’t how you kiss someone at all,” he assured her tenderly.
“Oh, how should-”
Ryan lowered his head and did what he had wanted to do since he had first set eyes on her. They were alone. Together. In a secluded place where nobody ever ventured. There was nothing between them but the fear of being hurt, their emotions neither of them dare acknowledge, and the social strictures they should have left behind at Sian’s house. Now was the time they could, and should, be a man and a woman, and Ryan didn’t want to waste a single moment of their time together. Ryan knew there was no better time to get her to see him as someone more than the wealthy and titled neighbour and a business partner of her father’s. He knew that if he wanted to get her to see him as a potential suitor then he had to do something to shake her view of him and make her see him differently.
“What are you doing?” Sian whispered when Ryan’s head began to lower toward hers once more. She savoured the gentle press of his lips against her cheeks and chin before he gently nipped at the corner of her mouth.
“Kissing you,” he whispered,
“Oh?”
All other words were gently silenced by the soft slide of his lips, which returned to hers once more.
Ryan slid a hand into her hair and kissed her in a way that he had never kissed another woman. He poured every ounce of emotion he could ever hope to possess into the kiss he gave her. This wasn’t like kissing anybody else. With Sian, the first touch of his lips against hers was almost reverent; a homage to the woman who meant more to him than anyone. The faint brush of his lips against hers shivered down his back. He stepped forward and held her tighter as he repeatedly tasted her. When he felt her sigh, Ryan pressed for a deeper kiss and immediately felt her relax against him. It assured him that he was, finally, managing to find a way through her defences and get to the woman hidden beneath.
Whatever the kiss in the office had been all about, Ryan knew she hadn’t expected him to be so bold as to kiss her again. It was a good thing, because he wanted to be a little unpredictable with her. He wanted to leave her guessing, curious, and wanting to know more about him. He wanted her to want to spend more time with him, and yes, share more kisses. Moreover, he wanted her to stop seeing him as the young boy next door and see him as the man he had become. More importantly than any of that, Ryan wanted her to see him as a potential suitor.
Sian clung to his broad shoulders and revelled in every moment of their embrace. She was trembling from the force of the emotion that coursed through her. This was everything she had ever dreamed of; her first true kiss with Ryan in this magical place was something straight out of her fantasies. It meant everything to her. It was something she had never once believed possible, and something she now didn’t want to end. As far as she was concerned, she didn’t care how long they stood together like this. She didn’t care who might stumble upon them. Nothing mattered. Ryan Terrell hadn’t just come after her to find out why she had kissed him, he had kissed her back. He was kissing her with a passion that made her wonder if she meant something to him. It was foolish to contemplate a future together just yet, but it was possible – wasn’t it? Surely Ryan wasn’t the kind of man who would kiss someone like she was the most precious thing in the world to him and then just walk away – was he?
Of course, Sian knew that while Ryan had lived next door for practically all her life, she still didn’t know much about him, the man. She didn’t move in his social circles in London and had no idea if he had a reputation for being a cad, a womaniser, or a rakehell. She had no idea what he wanted from his future, or whether he had any intention of living in the county or returning to London the first chance he got. While she wanted to know more about him, Sian wasn’t at all sure she did want to know more about him. She wasn’t at all sure she should fall in love with him any more than she already had. Ryan already had the ability to break her heart and ruin her future. He just didn’t know it.
When Ryan eventually lifted his head, he pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek before lowering his chin to her shoulder. He couldn’t make himself release her, not when she was holding him so tightly.
“We need to get you home,” he whispered, not least because the need to stay where he was and spend the rest of the day kissing her was strong. “Your father is likely to send someone out to fetch you if we are here too long.”
Sian nodded reluctantly and released him. Her shy gaze lingered on the laces of his shirt until she just had to take another look at him.
“That shouldn’t have happened,” she whispered without apology.
“Do you regret it?”
Sian shook her head. “But you shouldn’t have come after me. It is only going to add to my father’s suspicions that something is going on between us.”
“Something is going on between us,” Ryan countered, tightening his arms around her meaningfully.
So many questions hovered on Sian’s lips, but she couldn’t bring herself to ask them. Instead, she tried to draw in a brea
th to steady herself only to find her indrawn breath pressed her even tighter against him. Sian looked helplessly up at him.
“What happens now?” she asked, tipping her chin up and bracing herself for the answer she suspected she wasn’t going to like very much.
“Firstly, I need to have a word with your father and warn him that he is going to have a fight on his hands if he thinks you are going to marry Cedrick.”
Sian began to smile. She wondered if Ryan was prepared to fight for her hand. It was a wonderful possibility.
“You need to stand your ground with him because if you father does intend to marry you off to Cedrick, he is going to be determined to push it through faster given you have kissed me. He will do it to thwart any association between us,” Ryan warned.
Sian heaved a heavy sigh as she felt all her hopes burst like a bubble in the wind.
“I am not going to marry Cedrick,” she whispered fiercely.
“If your father persists, you must come and find me,” he said.
“There isn’t anything you can do,” she replied sadly.
“Oh, I beg to differ. For now, I think we need to get you home,” Ryan whispered.
Sian looked up only to find herself staring at Ryan’s back. At first, she stayed where she was, until the gentle yet insistent tugging of his hand encompassing hers compelled her to follow him around the boulder strewn path leading out of the church. He didn’t say anything else until they made their way through the woods and the path evened out so they could walk side-by-side.
“Look. What happened back there has to stay between us,” Ryan began. “I want you to remember that it isn’t wise for you to go about kissing men in an act of defiance, especially in front of your father. If he begins to think that your morals are questionable, or you are prepared to ruin yourself to thwart him, he might be inclined to marry you off sooner rather than later.”
“I have already apologised. It isn’t something I usually do,” Sian persisted.
“Why me? Was it because I was there?”
“What did you expect me to do, kiss Cedrick?” she snorted.
Ryan huffed. “Cedrick wouldn’t have objected.”
“Yet, you do.” It wasn’t a question. The answer was written on his face. “So, what was the kiss about just now?”
Her heart bled. She felt a wave of hurt that was so strong it threatened to suffocate her. It created a heavy weight in her heart that she struggled to know how to move.
“I was proving to you that your attempt to thwart your father was brash, childish, and apt to make your situation worse not better.”
Sian pursed her lips and gave him a mock salute. “Well, sir, message received loud and clear.”
She felt an utter fool for having contemplated that there might have been something more to his kiss. Now that she knew he had kissed her to make a point, Sian wished she hadn’t gone to the church, or even stopped to talk to him, but it was too late to go back and change things. It was too late to try to forget the kisses they had shared. It was too late to forget what it felt like to be held by him and have him look at her with something akin to adoration in his eyes.
It was too late to forget.
Right there and then, Sian almost hated him.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Sian was aware of someone sitting on the side of the bed but didn’t look up. She didn’t remove her face from the pillow because she didn’t want her sister to see her tears and demand to know what they were about.
“Father was shocked, but didn’t get annoyed,” Martha assured her quietly.
“I don’t give a damn what father thinks,” Sian mumbled.
Martha sighed. “What did he say?”
“Who?”
“Ryan.”
“He told me it was something I shouldn’t do because it will make my situation worse not better.” Sian flopped over in bed and stared blankly at the ceiling. She didn’t move when Martha lay beside her.
“He didn’t seem angry.”
“He wanted me to remember my place,” she whispered miserably.
“Lord Carson?” Martha turned to stare at her.
“What did father say about Cedrick?”
“Cedrick wanted to come after you. Wilhelmina ordered him to, but father stopped him. He told him that it was family business. Wilhelmina told him Cedrick was essentially family, to which father told her that he was her friend’s son, nothing more. He said that Ryan was considerably closer to us seeing as there were business ties to his family. Wilhelmina told him that your reputation was going to be ruined by your wayward behaviour. It was highly inappropriate for Ryan to be alone with you. Father warned her that nobody knew where you two had gone so it wasn’t at all fair to accuse you of being scandalous, unless she did something to ruin the family name and your reputation.” Martha finished her report and lifted her brows at Sian.
Sian shook her head. “Has Father said anything else about my marrying Cedrick?”
“Father hasn’t but Wilhelmina told him that he is far too lenient on us, that we don’t behave like young women of society should.”
“Where was mother?”
“She left when Wilhelmina began her tirade, not least because it meant Arthur had to listen to her instead. I don’t think she has forgiven him for allowing Wilhelmina to stay, or their argument the other day.”
Sian frowned at her sister. “Why don’t you call Wilhelmina our aunt?”
Martha threw her a rueful look. “I am trying to forget that we are related.”
Sian sighed but completely understood. “What are you going to do about Isambard?”
Martha turned onto her side so she could look at Sian. “He has said he wants to come and talk to father.”
Sian was already shaking her head. “You know what happened last time.”
“I don’t see why father won’t accommodate him. He hasn’t even tried.”
“That’s because father sees Isambard’s family as poor and therefore lowly,” Sian replied, her voice laden with annoyance.
“But Isambard has a worthy job. His father has a good business.”
“As a blacksmith,” Sian replied. “As far as father is concerned, it isn’t a credible position even though Isambard’s father has done far better running his business than our father has ours.”
“It isn’t right. Isambard has a good position as an apprentice. Mr Richardson has said that if he keeps working as he is then he will secure a better position in time, but Mr Richardson is otherwise pleased with Isambard’s work. Even an apprentice accountant is a good position. We should think over our options. We must do something before father finds us husbands neither of us would ever choose. I refuse to marry anybody but Isambard.”
“Father doesn’t want to know. At least your Isambard wants to marry you,” Sian whispered.
Martha looked about to speak but then hesitated.
“Go on. What?”
Martha shook her head. She looked a little frightened before she flopped onto her back again but, unable to settle, she then slid off the bed and ambled over to the window seat.
“Martha?” Sian followed her and settled into the narrow gap on the window seat beside her sister. “Tell me.”
“Do you love him?” Martha began.
Sian knew who she was asking about. “I have always loved him. I always will.”
“What really happened between you two?”
“He was annoyed, I think, but I am not altogether sure. He told me that my situation will be made worse if I behave wantonly.” She couldn’t bring herself to tell Martha about the precious moment Ryan had kissed her. That was something she would hold close to her heart; and would remember only when she could think about it without wanting to cry her eyes out.
“He has not offered for you then?”
Sian offered her sister a smile which went nowhere near her eyes. She shook her head because she couldn’t force words past the lump in her throat.
“He will.”
“He will. Ryan is no fool. He saw you as a woman. If he was annoyed, he would have stayed with father and told him to make sure you keep your hands to yourself or something. He didn’t. He came after you instead. That must mean something, mustn’t it?”
“Yes, it means he wanted to warn me not to do anything like it again,” Sian countered.
“What are you going to do? If you stay here, you know father is going to try to force you to marry Cedrick.”
“Well, I refuse. I won’t ever stand at any altar and say the words that force me into matrimony to that fop. I would rather die.”
“Don’t say that.”
“But those are the words you said to father when he said you were to forget any acquaintance with Isambard,” Sian reminded her.
“I don’t care what anybody says, I am going to marry Isambard.”
There was such strong defiance in Martha’s tone that Sian didn’t doubt it. “Have you made any plans?”
“What? To elope?”
Sian winced when she saw Martha’s eyes light with interest. She knew then that Martha hadn’t considered it but was now. “Don’t do anything foolish. I don’t know what father would do. You don’t want him to cast you out of the family or anything.”
“Isambard has assured me that he can afford to look after us both.”
“But-”
“His father has said we can live in a small house a distant relation has just vacated. She died, apparently, while visiting a cousin’s in London or something. I am not quite sure. Anyway, the house is empty, and Isambard’s father has said we can live there.”
“Where is it?”
Martha frowned a little.
“Where, Martha?”
“Mirreylow.”
Sian’s brows rose. “That’s ten miles away.”
“Yes, but it is only a couple of miles away from Isambard’s workplace. He can walk to work, and I can stay and look after the house. He is an apprentice, Sian, and has found a kindly employer who is prepared to pay him well while he works himself into a better position.” Martha stared hard at her. “I don’t care what anybody says. I am going to marry him and that is that.”
