by Linda Wisdom
Her shirt was loose fitting but not so loose he couldn’t tell that her breasts were fuller, but still high and firm. Was that because of the pregnancy? Had she breastfed her baby? He could smell the warm clean fragrance of her skin, since she wore no perfume. Her wrists were so tiny he could have circled them with his fingers, her throat was equally delicate. He had always been so careful with her, afraid he would hurt her if his lovemaking was too rough, or that he might be too heavy on top of her, but all she ever told him was that she loved everything that had to do with him. So if she loved him that much, why did she leave without a word? Why had she run away?
Sara was never so relieved as when the pump clicked off. She pulled the nozzle out and twisted the gas cap back on. Every nerve ending in her body was screaming out at the man standing nearby. She knew her feelings for him were dead, but that didn’t stop her from wondering what his activities had been during the past sixteen years. Especially what had turned him around so completely from the hellion she had known so long ago? Of course she couldn’t remember seeing all that many ministers dressed the way he was. Wearing a pair of faded jeans slung low on his lean hips, an equally faded blue-and-gray flannel shirt and scuffed cowboy boots, he looked far from the part of a small-town preacher. Now he looked more like the rebellious Jess she remembered and had once loved.
“Why, Sara?” Jess’s voice was so low the words floated in the air before reaching her ears.
She spun around, her body stiff with anger. There was no pretending she hadn’t understood the meaning of the question. “Why?” Her voice vibrated with the tension she felt inside. “After what had happened between us, I think you know very well why.” She glanced at the pump. “That will be twelve dollars and sixty-eight cents.”
“Sara, we need to talk.” His voice was low and compelling. He wanted an answer, but she wasn’t going to supply one. He reached out to grasp her hand, but she stepped back before he could touch her.
“We have nothing to talk about.”
“Nothing? You can say that after what we once had?” he demanded, his brows drawn together in a frown.
Her laugh was harsh and very bitter. “Had. That’s the operative word, Jess. A lot of things have changed since then. You’re going to be our highly revered minister, and many of the town’s good ladies would call me a scarlet woman. Those two don’t exactly go together.”
Jess’s face paled. He stepped forward and grabbed her arm, holding it in an inflexible grip. What had happened over the years to make her so bitter? “Don’t ever call yourself that,” he ordered harshly.
“Around here you learn to call it like it is,” she spat out. “Now if you don’t mind, I’d like the twelve sixty-eight.” She looked up and stepped away from his grasp when a pickup roared into the other side of the pumps and screeched to a stop.
“Hi there, sweet thing.” Albert climbed out of the truck and reached for the pump, all the time keeping his eyes on Jess. “How ‘bout you and me taking a drive out to the lake?”
“How about you taking a drive out to the lake by yourself,” she suggested, taking the money from Jess and walking up to the office to get his change.
“You’re new around here. I’m Albert Patterson,” Albert commented, after watching Sara walk away and muttering a crude comment about her body.
“Yes, I am.” Jess tamped down the sudden rush of anger at the other man. Is this what she meant? No one should have to put up with idiots like this man. No wonder she was so bitter.
Albert narrowed his eyes as he studied Jess. There was something about this man that bothered him; he wasn’t sure if it was the way he looked at him or what. He just knew he didn’t like him. He looked beyond Jess at the fairly new Bronco.
“Sara’s not what you want if you’re looking for a nice lady.” Albert’s smile held a slight leer. “If you know what I mean.”
Jess’s face didn’t change expression, but there was still something in the dark features that left Albert feeling unnerved.
‘“Judge not lest ye be judged,’” he quoted.
Albert looked blank. “What?”
By this time Sara had returned and handed Jess his change. She looked at the two men, aware of some sort of tension emanating from them.
Jess smiled. “Matthew, chapter seven, verse one. To further clarify it for you, it’s a verse from the Bible. Oh, yes, I’m afraid I forgot to introduce myself. I’m Pastor Larkin. I’ll be taking over for Pastor Mapes. Come to think of it, I met a Mrs. Albert Patterson yesterday. I gather she’s your wife?” He turned to Sara, giving her a smile that warned her their conversation was far from finished. “Thank you, Miss Murdock. I’ll see you on Sunday.” He looked at Albert. “You, too, Mr. Patterson.” He climbed into the truck and drove away.
Albert scowled at the cloud of dust. “Who the hell does he think he is?” he muttered.
“He told you,” Sara replied, keeping her pleased smile hidden. It was a rare moment to see someone show Albert what a fool he really was, and she was glad she had been present for the occasion. “He’s taking over for Pastor Mapes.” She glanced at the pump that had clicked off. “My, my, you must have been doing a lot of driving lately. Eighteen dollars even.”
His scowl deepened. “I only wanted five dollars’ worth,” he argued.
“Then you should have told me instead of gassing your truck up yourself,” she pointed out mildly, holding out her hand.
“It was because of that damn preacher,” he muttered, dragging out his wallet and carefully counting out the bills. “What the hell did he mean about meeting my wife?” he spat, for once forgetting his obsession with teasing Sara every time he came to the station.
“I think he was talking about meeting Sharon at church, that’s all,” Sara said airily, pocketing the money. “You have a good day, Albert.” She almost skipped back up to the garage, feeling more lighthearted than she had in a long time.
“What was goin’ on out there?” Jackson asked, standing in the doorway, wiping his greasy hands on an equally greasy rag.
“Albert finally got a bit of his own back,” she chuckled, walking into the office and putting away the money.
“Don’t forget he can get mean if he’s crossed,” he warned. “I sure wouldn’t like to see you on the wrong end of his temper.” His rough features lightened. “‘Course, I don’t think that other fella will worry about it.” His sharp eyes speared her. “So that’s Tim’s daddy.”
Sara flushed. “How did you know?”
“All I had to do was look at the man after what you’d already told me. Did he ask you anything about Tim?”
On the outside she may have looked unconcerned, but on the inside she was shaking like a leaf. “He had nothing to say that I might want to hear.” She peered into the garage. “Do you have Mr. Roberts’s car finished yet? He should be by for it pretty soon, and you know how he hates to wait.”
“It’s done, and I don’t like you changing the subject on me. I care about what happens to you, girl, and I’ll do anything I physically can to make sure you don’t end up hurt from all this.”
Sara knew he meant it and resisted the urge to hug him knowing Jackson would only put her off with his usual gruff temperament.
“Just tell me one thing,” he went on. “The time will probably come when Tim finds out his father is here and who he is. And when that time comes, he’s going to go to you for some answers. What the hell are you going to do then?”
Sara rubbed her aching temples with her fingertips. “I don’t know, Jackson,” she sighed. “I just don’t know.”
Chapter Three
“All right, I want to hear the entire story from beginning to end, and I want nothing left out,” Tess ordered, after pouring two cups of coffee and setting them on the table. They may have been in Sara’s kitchen, but Tess firmly believed in making herself at home wherever she was. From the time she had arrived at the gas station ten minutes ago and informed Jackson, after leaving him with an ample supply of
freshly baked cinnamon rolls, she was taking Sara up to the house for a coffee break, she hadn’t paused long enough to take a breath. She rummaged around in the kitchen, found coffee makings and fixed a pot before beginning her interrogation.
Sara sipped her coffee and bit into the still-warm roll.
“This is wonderful,” she murmured. “I’m certainly glad you picked up your mother’s knack for baking. This recipe was always my favorite, and I never could get it right. My rolls either come out too heavy or too doughy.”
“Sara! What went on yesterday?” she demanded. “You’re not the type to faint.”
“It was awfully warm in there, and I’ve been so busy lately I really haven’t kept up with all my meals.”
Tess rolled her eyes. “Sara, this is me, remember? From the time we were three we shared all our secrets. Don’t forget I have enough material on you to blackmail you for the rest of our lives. After all, I never told Mrs. Farmer that you were the one to throw up in her desk.”
Sara gasped, keeping back a loud laugh. “That’s right, talk about my good points,” she teased. “Because if you ever bring that up in public, I’ll mention that little-known fact of who was the one to take the football team’s jockstraps and hang them from the flagpole during our senior year.”
Tess wrinkled her nose. “Don’t forget I made sure their names showed.”
And everyone swore up and down that Wayne Dalton wore a size small,” she giggled.
“Didn’t he?” Tess hooted.
The two friends laughed as they recalled some of the more colorful memories of their youth.
“Okay, you’ve gotten me off the subject long enough, but no more,” Tess said firmly. “What is going on?”
Sara stared down into her coffee cup, wishing it was tea with magical leaves that would tell her exactly what to do. No such luck. “Tim’s father is in town,” she explained in a low voice.
Tess straightened up at that piece of news. “He is?
Well, when, who, why? How did he find you?”
This was the hardest to say, Tess was right; she and Sara had never kept a secret from each other all their lives, until this one. Sara had never divulged the identity of Tim’s father to anyone, and Tess, being the sometimes tactful soul she could be, never asked, preferring to wait until Sara felt confident enough to tell her. She hadn’t realized it would take this long.
“He arrived here a few days ago, I guess. And his name is Jess Larkin, and he’s here because of a new job.”
Tess shook her head. “Jess Larkin? I don’t think I-” The light bulbs went off with a three-hundred-watt brilliance. “Jess Larkin, as in Reverend Jess Larkin?” Her voice squeaked toward the end.
Sara nodded. She couldn’t bear to look at Tess just yet. This was hard enough to talk about as it was.
“But Sara … ” Tess was finding it difficult to take it all in.
“I guess I should say that his full name is Jesse Timothy, a family name,” she explained.
“Timothy … Tim…” Tess mused. Then the complications all this would involve dawned on her. “Oh, God,” she breathed, downing the rest of her coffee and wishing it was something much stronger. “What… did he know you lived here?”
Sara remembered the shock in his eyes when he first saw her yesterday and shook her head. “No, he didn’t know.” Her face warmed. “We, ah, we never talked all that much about where we came from.” No, they were much too busy with the present to worry about their pasts. They figured that would come in time. The only problem was that the time never came for them.
“Sara, talk to me about it,” Tess urged, reaching across to grasp her hand. “You’ve held this in too long, and I’m afraid it’s poisoned you,”
“Tess, don’t be silly.” She tried to laugh it off, but it wasn’t as easy as she thought, because her laughter soon turned into tears. And once they began she had no control over them. Pretty soon she laid her face down on her crossed arms and sobbed deeply.
“Sara, no,” Tess moaned, swiftly getting up and going over to her friend, putting her arms around her. “You’re only going to make yourself sick if you cry too much.”
“I loved him so much,” she sobbed. “Tess, I loved him, but he didn’t love me back enough.”
Tess gasped. “Sara, are you sure?”
She nodded. “He never told me he did.”
“Did you ever talk to him about your feelings for him?” Tess grabbed her purse and retrieved a handkerchief, handing it to Sara.
“Not really, because I was afraid he’d laugh at me,” she sniffed, accepting the fine cotton, lace-trimmed square and blowing her nose. “Oh, Tess, those months we had together were so beautiful.” She straightened up in an attempt to pull herself back together. “But I loved him too much, and I wanted to get married, and he didn’t.” A part of her mind reminded her there was more to the story, but she refused to acknowledge it.
“All you ever told me was that you met him in the coffee shop you worked at,” Tess prompted, hoping that getting her to talk about it would help.
Sara nodded. “He, ah, he came in late one night.” She remembered-the rainy night well. Who could forget the young man sauntering in, his overly long hair wet from the rain and silver drops decorating his black leather jacket? Her smile was wobbly. “He sat at the counter and ordered a cup of coffee and a hamburger. He wasn’t one to waste any time. He asked me if I had a boyfriend, and when I said no, he asked what time I got off.”
“You’re right, he didn’t waste any time,” Tess said drily, refilling their coffee cups and pushing another roll in front of Sara. “Was he a student at the college?”
“A graduate student,” she replied. “But he said school wasn’t really for him, although I knew he had the intelligence to do anything he wanted.”
“Like Tim,” Tess mused.
“Like Tim,” Sara verified. She was lost in memories she hadn’t dredged up for a long time. “Oh, Tess, he was so exciting. Jess could make the slightest outing seem special. Whether it was a concert, a play on campus or just a walk, he made it something more exciting for me. For the first time in my life I felt loved.” Her voice broke on the last word.
Tess understood. While Sara’s parents had always been careful to provide for her material needs, they ignored her emotional ones. She had been expected to do well in school and marry after graduation. That she wanted to go on to college was beyond their idea of a proper daughter. She was told if she wanted it badly enough, she would have to do it on her own, that they wouldn’t throw money away on an advanced education when she wouldn’t use it after she eventually married. Tess had always thought Sara’s parents were cold, and as she grew older she realized they just didn’t know what to do with a child, since Sara had been born to them when they were in their late forties. Tess could understand why Sara would reach out to the first person to offer her something she had never experienced before. Too bad that it almost destroyed her.
“It’s going to come out in the open, Sara,” Tess said gently. “You do realize-that, don’t you? With him here the many sharp-eyed old harpies in this town will soon see the resemblance.”
“I know,” Sara said wearily, pressing her fingertips against her temples to halt the headache pounding there. “That’s why I thought about moving away as soon as I can sell the station.”
“That sounds more like running away.”
“What am I supposed to do?” she demanded. “Wait until someone like Mrs. Masterson sees the resemblance and starts her evil gossip? It would ruin Jess’s reputation, and while I’m not happy about his being here, I don’t wish him any harm. As for Tim, think what it would do to him. He’s been so hostile regarding his father that I’m afraid he would try something we’d all regret. No, I can’t allow that to happen.”
“Forgive me for being so crass but did you ever stop to think that no one will talk as long as you stay away from him? After all, Sara, who’s going to make the connection?”
“Af
ter seeing Jess today I don’t think he’ll let it rest. He’s a very stubborn man.”
“To be honest, you sound as if you still have some feelings for him.”
Sara shook her head. “Not really. They ended a long time ago.”
“True,” Tess agreed. “After all, you’re both different people now, but you can’t tell me you don’t wonder why he never tried to find you.”
Sara stared down at the table. “I hate people who can be so logical,” she mumbled, silently admitting she had wondered that.
“So does Charlie, but he likes my pot roast, so he has to keep me around,” Tess stood up, carried her coffee cup over to the sink and rinsed it out. “Sara, don’t run away,” she said softly. “You and I both know Tim is going through some tough times right now, and moving won’t solve them. If he finds out, then it’s meant to happen, and perhaps it’s for the best for all of you. As for Jess’s reputation and career, that’ll be his problem, not yours.”
“I should have married Ralph.”
Tess threw her hands up. “You would have been bored in five seconds. Sara, the man had no personality and no brain. His idea of a fun evening was sitting outside watching the grass grow. Besides, the only reason he wanted to marry you was because he felt Tim needed a father influence, and you know it!’
“If Tim had had a father all along, he might not be on a first-name basis with half the police force in the county.”
“Hey, look at the bright side. He might grow up to be a cop.” She smiled. “Just remain calm and everything will end up fine, you’ll see.”
“Thank you, Aunt Tess. Do you have any other words of advice for me?”
