School the next day wasn’t much better either. Tony and I met before school and he told me that the guy was alive. I nearly cried with relief. I wasn’t a murderer. Then Tony said he was in hospital in a coma and I felt lousy again. I’d calmly and coldly told him to remain true to his promise to me and never talk about this again.
True to his word he didn’t bring the subject up again but he did place a newspaper cutting in my hands the next day. The article was about a hit and run accident at the local pub car park and that police were making inquiries, urging anyone who had seen anything to come forward. Obviously the police hadn’t made any progress with the case or were treating it as a road accident.
This didn’t have the desired goal of calming me, in actual fact it agitated me further. It wasn’t that I was worried about the police finding me. It was kind of reassuring to note that the man’s apprentice had kept his mouth shut about what had actually happened. Then again when you examine it in the cold light of reality – the poor guy didn’t really have much choice. He couldn’t very well tell them the truth.
Tony’s brilliant spur-of-the-moment excuse about the man being hit by a car had explained everything. I was still a little in awe about how he had come up with that so fast. I’m certain that I wouldn’t have been able to lie as well in his position. I would probably just have made more of a mess of the situation than I already did.
The logic behind this did little to comfort me. It simply drew me towards one inescapable fact. It had been so easy to do this and there would be no repercussions of my attack. My guilt was the only thing preventing me from losing complete control.
I cannot logically explain the strange sense of dread that this thought invoked in me. There is truly nothing scarier than knowing that there is no safety net and I realised then that there would be nothing to stop me should I lose control completely. It would be so easy to believe myself effectively above the law now.
Actually this wasn’t entirely true: there was something or rather someone who could stop me – Renee.
I should probably come clean and tell her everything that had happened. The only problem with that was that I still had no way of contacting her apart from using that spell and roaming all around Melbourne. Even worse, I would then have to explain the situation to her which would reveal yet another of my lies. I had told Tony about the mana and any retelling of the events in the car park would obviously include Tony.
This meant that I had either used mana in front of someone or worse yet betrayed Renee’s trust. She would be furious with me in either scenario.
No, I couldn’t go to Renee. In this, I was alone.
I’d been sitting at the cafeteria looking out over the oval. My thoughts were miles away. I wasn’t even totally sure if it was recess or lunchtime. In actual fact I would have been hard pressed to tell anyone what day it was.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” a small voice said from behind me.
I turned to look at the newcomer, already well aware of who it was.
“No Tina,” I replied resignedly. “I haven’t been avoiding you.”
She had a defiant look on her face as she sat down next to me. We both looked at the oval where kids were playing and running around. I was jealous that they could live their lives being perfectly normal. They didn’t have to put up with being like me. They’d never have to deal with this. I had a sudden sense of loss for that. I couldn’t explain it. It seemed wrong. I needed normal. I needed to make it work with Tina. She could be my link to the normal and I really felt that I needed normal right now. My life was spinning out of control and I had no idea how to stop it.
“What do you see when you gaze off into the distance like that?” Tina asked me.
I didn’t have an answer for that. I wasn’t sure what I saw anymore. I didn’t answer her.
“Do you mind if I at least sit with you or should I leave you alone?” she demanded as her anger flared up at my lack of response.
“No,” I whispered. “Don’t go.”
“What’s the matter with you?” she asked softly, placing her hand on my arm. “Something’s been bothering you all week.”
“Something happened last week. Something bad.”
It felt better to just say this.
“What?”
I could tell that she was genuinely concerned by my response and she moved in a little closer. I couldn’t tell her everything. That would definitely be wrong of me. She didn’t deserve to be dragged into all this. But that wasn’t the reason I didn’t tell her. I was selfishly concerned that once she discovered the truth about me and what I’d done, she’d leave me. And she should, a voice accused in my psyche. I would deserve it.
“I hurt someone,” I mumbled to Tina. “There was a fight.”
“Badly?” she whispered, her eyes seemingly searching across my soul, desperate for the answer and yet at the same time dreading it.
“Bad enough.” I nodded.
“Why?”
“I’m not sure how it started,” I lied guiltily, “but I know that I didn’t start it.”
This at least was true. I hadn’t started it – I had merely finished it.
“Where did this happen?”
“I was at a bar with Tony,” I began, already aware of how this sounded. “Tony wanted to go.” I’m not sure why that was important.
“What was it over?”
“A guy thought we were cheating at pool when he ended up owing us quite a lot of money,”
I could tell that she was confused. It was probably better that she didn’t understand.
“What happened then?”
“He led us out to his van. He told us that the money was in it. When we got there he threatened us with a crowbar.”
Tina sucked in her breath at this, her eyes wide. “What happened then?” she repeated breathlessly.
“I’m not sure,” I lied again. “I think he swung the bar at us but somehow dropped it. And then I hit him.” My voice was beginning to crack up and tears welled in my eyes.
I relived this event over again in my mind. I could see the look of horror on his face as I pulled the crowbar from his fingers. I again felt the crack as my mana thread slammed into his chest. I heard with clarity the cracking noise as the wind was expelled from his chest and saw the look of disbelief as he fell to his knees.
“Oh Devon,” Tina whispered and pulled me into a tight embrace.
“He went down so quickly,” I murmured brokenly into her hair.
My body was wracked with quiet sobs. She held me as I unashamedly cried onto her shoulder. I was sure that we were creating a scene in the canteen; however, at that point I was beyond caring.
There is no escape. We pay for the violence of our actions. One way or another – we pay.
CHAPTER SIX
My conversation with Tina actually did make me feel a little bit better. I was still consumed with guilt, but I was coping with it better. I guess being able to get even a little bit off your chest does help. My afternoon classes were strangely disjointed. I could see people taking tentative looks at me out of the corners of their eyes and then hurriedly look away as I’d turn to face them. Obviously my outburst during lunchtime had been noticed and had done the usual gossip rounds.
It would have been interesting to have known just what the gossip network said was the cause of my outburst however upon reflection I found that I didn’t much care anymore. I’m sure in my previous life I’d have been mortified at the prospect of becoming a social outcast.
I was getting ready to leave school later that day. I’d just left the locker room when a sneering voice broke across the hallway towards me.
“What was the matter at lunchtime, Devon? Your boyfriend breakup with you?”
I turned to look at the source of the voice even though I knew who it was.
Mark Constance.
I’d had several run-ins with him over the years and I didn’t like him very much. Fortunately I didn’t have too much to do
with him. Mark was considered one of the ‘cool’ kids. He and his cronies didn’t usually bother me too much as I wasn’t much of an easy target. Except for today.
There was a reason why guys don’t cry in public at school. Guys like Mark were the reason. They would zone in on weakness like vultures and I’d obviously provided them with a target too tempting to resist. He was lounging against the wall on the far side of the corridor surrounded by several of his friends. He was never alone. They were cackling loudly to themselves at Mark’s joke. Although I didn’t see any humour in it.
“Yeah, Mark, he did,” I replied with a sigh. “He said you were better in bed.”
It was a childish retort, but considering the audience it was perfectly suited and delivered with – if I do say so myself, perfect timing. Immediately the cackling stopped and the cronies looked fearfully at Mark and then back at me. They expected some form of cutting rejoinder from Mark that would put me in my place. This wasn’t the way the script was supposed to go. Mark stood silent, as he obviously couldn’t think of a suitable response.
I almost felt sorry for him.
I shrugged slightly and grinned at him disarmingly. I pulled my backpack over my shoulder and moved to walk down the corridor. Mark immediately moved to intercept me. He was quite large and noticeably stronger than me. He loomed over me in a threatening pose. In my other life this would have been terrifying. Now, however, it seemed like pointless posturing and his failed attempt at intimidation appeared a little silly. Pulling up short I looked up at him with a resigned look on my face. I really didn’t want to do this now.
“Get out of my way, Mark – I don’t have time for this,” I said, and roughly pushed my way past him.
He stumbled back several steps to the side as I forced my way past him. Mark gasped behind me – obviously he’d expected some form of back down. Maybe even a slight show of fear. But I’d given him nothing. I could hear the stunned silence as I walked away. That probably could have been handled better, I was sure that I’d pay for that later; however, at the moment I didn’t much care.
The truth was that I was indeed terrified. It wasn’t of Mark – but of me – and what my reaction might be should he really push me. I didn’t trust myself and that was the worst feeling.
What the hell was wrong with me? I’d just finished a fight with one guy and now I was baiting someone else for another? I couldn’t afford to lose control over something as stupid as this. I was jittery enough without Mark agitating me and I had no idea what I might be capable of in my current state. I hadn’t used mana consciously in almost a week and I could feel the build-up in my gut and see the mana particles visibly agitated along my arms and legs. There was nothing for it. I came to a quick decision. My conversation coupled with my encounter with Mark had convinced me that I could no longer just swear off mana. That would be irresponsible. I’d need to blow off some steam tonight. I had the perfect idea of just what to do. I just had to wait until nightfall.
Night couldn’t have come any sooner. I had a quick dinner and did a little bit of homework while waiting for it to get dark enough. Mum wouldn’t be home until very late as she had some stuff she needed to do for her course. She’d left a packet of sausages defrosting in the sink.
This suited me as I’d be home again before she was and hopefully rested enough to sleep. I hadn’t really been able to focus on Saunders’ assignment either. He’d kindly given me the extension and I still hadn’t started it.
The cat grumbled to himself, his dull purr rumbling across his chest as I playfully scratched under his chin.
“What’s new, pussy cat?” I mumbled to him. I didn’t really expect an answer of any kind from him. Cats are kind of jerks like that. True to form he simply ignored me and rolled over onto his back so I could scratch his stomach. It must be nice to be a cat.
It was strangely peaceful, sitting on the front porch. I had a soft drink in one hand and my other was petting the cat. It wasn’t quite dark yet, although it was definitely twilight. The only sound was the sound of an occasional car in the distance, the sound of crickets and the loud purrs of a thoroughly contented cat.
Once I determined it was late enough and there wouldn’t be too many people about, I set off. I pulled my roller blades onto my feet and tucked my keys into my pocket. I scratched the cat under the chin once more and took off. The cat grunted, annoyed that the patting had stopped and rolled back onto his side to watch me go.
It felt good to be active again, I hadn’t skated that much in a while and I’d missed it. There’s nothing like exercise for sorting out a troubled mind, but that wasn’t the point of this exercise. I turned the corner from my house and began coasting down the hill to the highway. I soon stopped skating and just let my momentum keep me going. I was quite nervous, but I needed to be certain I could draw upon my powers uninhibited. I hadn’t used my powers in at least a week and with what I had planned ahead for tonight, I needed to be sure that they would come when called.
Breathing a deep sigh I readied myself and with a slow extension of my arm I sent out a mana thread. I need not have worried. The mana drew forth from my hand with ease.
I felt a small shudder run up my arm as the mana thread took form and a wave of euphoria flushed over me, making me slightly giddy. I used the mana thread to pull myself around the corner in a controlled arc, actually picking up speed as I threw my weight into the curve and used the momentum to throw myself out of the corner.
It was fun in a small way, but it still didn’t give me the rush that skating used to. Hopefully that would change tonight.
I used my momentum to pull myself further into the street. My final destination was the local shopping centre. I’d figured that by this stage it would be mostly empty as trading hours were long over. The shopping centre was a huge multi-level complex and although there was a supermarket open at the other end of the complex, I shouldn’t be disturbed if I was careful.
I quickly put on a burst of speed to get myself up the on-ramp and onto the top level of the car park. I wasn’t even out of breath. I reached the top level and sure enough it too was empty.
I grinned slightly to myself in the darkness and readied myself. There was something particular that I wanted to see if I could do. This car park was divided into two sections with a gap between them that dropped several levels to the centre’s entrance below. A single walkway of several metres spanned the gap.
I wanted to see if I could vault the gap between the two car parks. It was perfect! My blood was pumping and I felt the slightly sick twinge of excitement that I hadn’t felt in a long time. I pulled up just before the gap and looked over the railing down to the ground. I wished I hadn’t done that. It almost destroyed my resolve. It was an awfully long way down.
I breathed in. I could do this.
Turning sharply I skated away from the edge giving myself a good run up to the gap. I breathed out. I could do this. I was going to do this. With a sudden burst of speed, I took off. I could barely feel my feet as the skates danced along the ground. I had never gone this fast before and I was approaching the car park chasm at high speed. There was no way I could stop in time even if I wanted to.
At the last moment I threw the power down at my feet, setting a mana thread into the ground below and forcing myself into the air. I hadn’t expected it to work this well. I cleared the gap between the two car parks with ease and covered almost half the length of the other car park as a bonus. I can’t say I landed with perfect grace. In fact I completely mucked up the landing, but I did make it.
I threw a mana thread at the ground to steady myself before my skates touched down. Unfortunately my timing was way off and my legs collapsed under my weight as I landed back on the concrete. I found myself sliding along my side to the car park, but surprisingly I wasn’t too badly hurt. I grinned to myself as I recovered my footing. I was pretty sure what I had done wrong. Next time I’d do it properly.
I geared up to go again when the sound of a sir
en with flashing lights caused me to turn with alarm. There was a security patrol car tearing up the ramp to this level of the car park at high speed.
A security guard leaned out the side window gesturing at me to stop. At this point I wasn’t exactly sure how much they’d seen or what they wanted, but I wasn’t about to wait around to find out.
I immediately took off in the opposite direction. There was no way that I could outrun a car trying to catch me but fortunately I didn’t have to. All I had to do was to get to the ramp before them. I could also jump over any obstructions on the pavement that they’d have to go around. This gave me a distinct advantage.
I heard the security guard curse and attempt to bring a spotlight to bear on me. I easily leapt over several embankments and managed to keep out of the light. The car screeched off in close pursuit.
I was about halfway there when I realised that I was pretty much going at my full speed and I wasn’t even really breathing that hard anymore. I should have only been able to maintain this kind of exertion for a few minutes, but I felt completely fine.
I’d made it to the down ramp when the security car was about half way across the upper level. I quickly grappled my way around and slid down onto the next level of the car park.
The regular poles that held the roof up dominated the second level of the car park. This meant that I could use these poles to avoid my pursuers. I was about half way across the car park when I heard the squeals of the security car as it made its way down onto this level.
I decided to change plans slightly and made my way over to the far side of the car park and attempt to hide behind one of the poles. I figured that they’d think that I’d already gone down to the next level. I could then go back up to the top level and escape down the ramp I’d come up.
I pulled myself to a sudden stop and hugged close behind a pillar at the far side of the car park. It was very dark here, making it obvious when the security car had come down, as the headlights played across the walls behind me.
Mage Catalyst Page 14
