Coffee and Cockpits

by Jade Hart

  Liam flinched.

  Nikolai continued, “Cute, bright, funny, the best tap dancer in high school. Up till then, she flat out ignored me. But one night, I drank too much Jack and passed out. She found me. She cut through all my bullshit and made me better. I got my act together and enrolled in classes so I could go to uni to be an engineer.”

  I couldn’t believe smart, talented Nikolai had such a sordid past. Nor that he’d loved so deeply. Did the unfortunate, but fairly common theme of best friends falling for the same girl happen? Why was Liam not saying anything? His shoulders were tight and hunched, face shadowed with loss.

  Nikolai’s voice caught, but he curled his fists and braved on. “I’d just passed my final exam, and Liam had completed his first solo flight. All three of us went out celebrating. As usual, I didn’t know when to stop and coaxed Charlotte into drinking too much.”

  I sneaked a look at Liam. Were they both in love with the same woman? Why did Nikolai say he was going to marry her and Liam said nothing?

  Nikolai patted Liam on the shoulder. Shock widened my eyes when Liam gave him a dismal snarl.

  Nikolai flinched, but carried on. “You remember that night. Charlotte was so funny. We had a lot of fun dancing at the Grumpy Mole. We didn’t want the night to end.”

  Liam’s voice was pebbles and stone. “I thought life couldn’t get any better. I was high on my first flight, nothing beat it.”

  Nikolai’s face darkened, hazel eyes clouding to mud. “I convinced everyone we should head to the aeroclub and see the airplane Liam successfully flew on his own.

  “When we got there, I begged him to take us up. I wanted to touch a satellite while sculling Jack Daniels. Charlotte was so tipsy, she agreed with me.

  “Liam sobered pretty quickly, trying to keep Charlotte and me from being reckless. But I wouldn’t stop hounding him.”

  Liam sucked in a harsh breath, it rattled in his lungs like rusty metal.

  “He showed me a few things inside the cockpit, patiently indulging my drunk-ass questions. Charlotte grew bored by the aircraft, dancing and laughing at me trying to imitate a superior pilot.” Nikolai flashed me a look, guilt weighing every inch of him. “God, she was so cute, trying to get my attention. She never let go normally, and I watched like an idiot as she shimmied to the propeller and used it in a sexy dance move. So help me, I was distracted. I ignored Liam and his warnings not to touch the dash. I leaned forward, trying to get a better view of Charlotte and her short skirt.”

  Liam spoke for the first time, tears shimmering in his eyes. “We were both in the cockpit. I should never let you get near the plane. You were drunk. I should’ve had more sense.”

  Nikolai’s breath hitched. “You can’t take blame. I was the one who ignored you and leaned forward. I was the one who’d drunk too much. And I was the one who accidentally pressed the ignition button just as Charlotte threw her head back and used the blades as a dance pole.”

  My hands flew to my mouth. Oh my God.

  Liam’s eyes were haunted, finishing the tale in a painful monotone. “Her hair wrapped in the rotor. It all happened so fast.” He trembled. “Her neck snapped in the moment it took for us to blink.”

  Nikolai cried, as if he held ten years of pent-up tears. “I killed Liam’s sister, and he took the blame. I never said anything. I let the world think my best friend was irresponsible and a killer.”

  How did Liam keep his license? Surely something that horrific would’ve blacklisted him? Oh, is that what he meant about owing karma? How someone helped him get his wings? So many questions.

  Liam shook his head; jaw clenched so hard tendons stood in stark relief.

  My own eyes welled. I couldn’t stop the earthquake of compassion inside me.

  Charlotte was his sister. Liam had another sister. Crap, was that why his parents broke up? Or was that before? I couldn’t remember how long he said he’d been living with Joslyn.

  Nikolai hunched over. “The CAA was involved, they investigated what happened, and I tried to lay the blame on Charlotte. The toxicology report showed she was well over the limit, but I tried to tell them she killed herself. It was a shitty, bastardly thing to do.

  “The night security guard was arrested for letting drunken idiots into the aero club in the middle of the night, and Liam went into shock. He didn’t speak for a week while I spun my lies. By then, it was too late. By the time Liam came forward, lying to protect me, saying it was him who pressed the button, Charlotte’s mental health was questioned, and the security guard was cautioned as an involuntary accomplice to suicide.”

  Liam shuddered, whispering, “I couldn’t believe people thought my sister could’ve killed herself. I hated my parents. Hated that I wasn’t punished like the poor shmuck on duty that night. I should’ve been arrested or had my license taken away. I’ll never forgive myself.”

  Nikolai traced his beer glass. “Six days later, I finally fessed up to pressing the button, and the guy was acquitted. I was given community service, and Liam… well, the case was dropped and listed as an unfortunate accident.”

  Liam’s eyes narrowed. He snarled at Nikolai, “You stole my sister. You were the one who gave her the liquor, the one who egged her on to be reckless and stupid. You pressed the button that ended her life.” He dragged a breath. “I thought I might be able to forgive you, to finally put it behind me. But I can’t. I know now why I suffer such insecurities around you. I’m petrified you’re going to steal another woman I love.”

  My heart spasmed with agony, and I jumped off my chair to comfort Liam. Wrapping my arms around him, I swaddled him, hoping I could leach some of his pain away.

  Nikolai took a shuddering breath. “I deserved that. And I’m eternally sorry. For everything.”

  I wanted to comfort Nikolai too, but a steely resolve settled over him. “For ten years you never let me apologise, but now I have. I need you to know I loved your sister. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her if I hadn’t—” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I won’t bother you again.” Looking at me with heavy, hazel eyes, he added, “I’m sorry, Nina. Now you know the sort of person I really am. I’ll stay out of your way.” He stood and strode off as if he couldn’t stand to sit another moment.

  The Samoan dancers chose that exact moment to finish in style. The men thundered on their drums, the women leapt into the air and, one brave man spit fire. It rained over Nikolai’s retreating back.

  A fraction of indecision filled me. I belonged by Liam’s side in this. He needed me in his grief, but I couldn’t let Nikolai walk away so ruined and broken.

  Kissing Liam’s cheek, hoping he’d understand, I dashed after Nikolai. I caught him as he entered the night-shrouded gardens. “I’m sorry you’re hurting so much.”

  He stopped, shoulders tensed before he turned to face me. “It’s my own fault. I should’ve paid the price ten years ago. I should never have let Liam take the blame.”

  I stepped closer. “I hope by talking about it, you can move on now. You need to move on, Nikolai. You both do.”

  He looked up, locking gazes with mine. “Do you know why I was so drawn to you? It was because you reminded me of Charlotte. Charlotte was a dreamer. Her and Liam shared a passion for the skies, but Charlotte was the only one who could dance.”

  He sighed, rubbing a hand over his eyes. “I’d hoped I’d found a second chance. With a woman who could finally replace my loss of her. It was the first time since that horrible night my heart started beating again.” Stepping forward, he brushed a non-existent strand of hair off my face. “I’ll never forget that night in Sydney. Thank you.”

  I couldn’t speak. My heart obstructed my throat and all the air in my lungs turned to soupy fog.

  “Liam’s been alone for as long as I have, and I’m happy he has you.”

  “Does Joslyn know?” My voice wavered. Did Liam’s stepsister know of the gaping hole in Liam’s chest? Had his parents shared with their new partners that horrible dark nig
ht? Had it tainted the entire family?

  He shook his head. “She knows she died, but I don’t think she knows the full story. The death was hushed up. Liam’s parents had a lot of clout with the areoclub, and it wasn’t mentioned again. Charlotte died nine years after the divorce so it was easier for his mom and dad to pretend it didn’t happen; to throw themselves into their new families and forget. Pretending was easier than mending a broken heart.”

  I never imagined what I learned tonight would be so catastrophic. Both Liam and Nikolai suffered with guilt. They needed to grant themselves peace.

  I wrapped my arms around him. “I hope you find someone to help you heal. You deserve to love again.”

  He shrugged sadly, pushing me away. “I’m sure my future will bring another Nina Poppins into my life when I deserve her.” He pecked my cheek, his face ashen. “He’s a great guy, Nina. I couldn’t have picked a nicer girl for him.” His eyes glittered in the lantern light before he turned and dissolved into the gardens.

  She left.

  After everything I’d been through—losing Charlotte, living a life shadowed with guilt and shame—nothing hurt as much as when Nina disappeared after Nikolai.

  My entire body clenched with abandonment. My worst nightmare had come true. I was an accomplice in murdering my own sister, and Nina couldn’t bear to look at me.

  Tears clogged my throat as my head swelled with pressure. I hadn’t let myself break down since that night. Even at her funeral, I refused to shed one tear, but now, here at a table in a bar alone in Samoa, I wanted to gush it all out. I wanted the heaviness out so I had room to breathe.

  The pressure in my head didn’t subside, morphing from emotional pain to physical. I moaned, clutching my temples. White lights flickered like comets, and my tongue turned into a brick inside my mouth.

  A lacerating burn sliced along my injury.

  What was happening to me? Why did every inch of me weigh heavily with sickness? Lethargy and weakness all added weight to my shoulders, pressing me closer to the table. Pain roared and I would’ve given anything to be free of it.

  Something pulled at me to leave, to escape the island, to run far away.

  Don’t give up, Liam. Please!

  Whose voice was that? My own false wish that Nina cared for me? I let myself slip a little, succumbing to the urge to fold into myself like a discarded mannequin. To become lifeless and no longer suffer the jagged pain of grief.

  A hand feathered on my shoulder. “Liam… are you okay?”

  Nina’s voice was a lighthouse in the dark seas I floundered. I slammed back into my body. My eyes opened and I struggled to bring her into focus. I was an old film camera with a faulty lens.

  “Come with me. We’re leaving.” She tugged me out of the chair, and I winced as trumpets blared in my head—a death march with added cymbals and drums.

  She came back.

  I cleared my throat, allowing her to tuck herself under my arm and guide me away. The bar faded behind us and the fale’s flickering lights became beacons in the night.

  My headache ebbed with every step. I clutched her harder. She was still here. With me. Not Nikolai. I wanted to crush her to me, to prove she wasn’t a figment of my imagination. My heart flopped at her feet in gratitude.

  She pulled the key from her pocket and unlocked her door. I glanced across the path at my own fale. Should I leave her alone so she could wade through my messy confession? Did she want me here? Or was she just being kind when I was at my lowest?

  Nina took the decision from my hands, pulling me inside. The moment the door closed, she was in my arms. Her head tilted up and she kissed my lips with a reverent urgency that let my grief unlatch a little.

  I kissed her back, hesitant at first, but harder as she whimpered, pushing her hands under my t-shirt and rippling over my stomach muscles. Her fingers tickled across my sides to my back, pressing me closer.

  Something released a trapdoor inside, and I gave over to the tidal wave of emotion. I groaned against her mouth, kissing fiercely, bruising my lips against hers. Her tongue speared into my mouth. I was consumed by her taste.

  I broke the kiss as she walked me backward to the bed. I needed to know she was doing this for her. Not me. That this wouldn’t be a pity fuck. I needed to see her eyes when I asked her. Holding her chin, I whispered, “Why are you doing this?”

  She frowned. “What do you mean? I want to be with you. Let me… please.”

  It wasn’t enough. I couldn’t see the answer I needed. “Are you doing this for me or for you?” I couldn’t stand it if she only slept with me out of concern. Nothing would satisfy me unless she wanted me for me. No other reason.

  She raised her hands and cupped my cheeks, staring hard into my eyes, truth blazed in her blue irises.

  She kissed me before whispering, “I’m doing this for both of us.”

  I tackled her to the bed.

  She allowed me to be in control for only a moment, before her hands rolled me over onto my back and straddled me. Her eyes glowed as she pushed my t-shirt up. I obliged by ripping it over my head.

  The instant my shirt was off, her eyes fell to my jeans. I’d worn a belt tonight. Since we’d arrived on the island, I’d lost a bit of weight. I put it down to healthy island food and sweating out detoxes, but I hated to admit stress was a factor too.

  Nina bit her lip as she unhooked the leather, pulling it through the belt loops in one sharp tug. The noise of the buckle clattering on the wood floor echoed.

  She undid the top button. Her fingers grazing the highly sensitive skin below my navel.

  I shuddered as she brushed my cock, pulling the zipper down at an agonising slow pace. When the last tooth unzipped, she hitched her fingers over the material on my waist.

  “Off.” Her voice was husky, laced with desire. My stomach clenched as my cock responded to her need, swelling even more with overheated blood.

  I raised my hips with Nina still on top of me, and jerked my jeans off. They thudded against the wooden floor on top of my discarded belt.

  My white boxer shorts strained with my erection, and I almost catapulted off the bed when she grasped it through the thin material. I’d never been so exposed or controlled before. No woman had reached for my cock but touched my heart instead. Every stroke resonated deeper, wove around my soul with every caress.

  My balls tightened as she brought me right to the precipice. I knew I should’ve rid myself of my sexual tension. I’d look like a teenage boy who couldn’t control himself.

  Capturing her hands with mine, I stilled her. Breathing hard, I gazed into her eyes, my lips desperate to kiss her.

  She leaned over me, hair cascading over her shoulder. She bit my lower lip with sharp teeth before rearing back to slink down my body. She stopped at the foot of the bed, on her knees.

  Oh fuck. She wasn’t kidding when she said she wanted to pay me back. My eyes slammed closed as every nerve, every sense, exploded to acute sensation.

  Her hot mouth descended on my cock and she breathed heavy through the material. I almost came with no other stimulation required. My hips jerked. “Shit, Nina…”

  Slowly, she reached up and tugged my boxers down. I sprang free, the heavy weight landed against my stomach. I was the only one naked and it was an odd dynamic. It turned me rather powerless. My brain misfired trying to perform x-ray vision, looking for the tight pink nipples I’d tasted.

  Thoughts detonated out of my head as her lips encased my tip. Her tongue flashed out a moment later, tasting, licking.

  “Your mouth feels amazing.” It was true what they said about dancers. Rhythm was everything, and Nina had it down to an artistic flare. All I could focus on was her tongue lapping, her lips sucking, copper strands tickling my upper thighs and stomach.

  I delved fingertips into her hair, trying not to press down. I revelled in her head bobbing, bringing me such pleasure.

  “Fuck.” I shivered as a sharp band of the beginning of an orgasm grabbed me
around the balls.

  I jerked my hips away from her mouth, hating the cool wetness left after the hot slickness. I leaned forward, dragging her up the bed. She came willingly, licking her lips.

  “I can’t wait. I need to be inside you.” I kissed her and tore her shirt off.

  I’d unlocked a passionate monster. Liam was all hands, and mouth, and touch. His eyes blew wide as he ripped my blouse off.

  “Holy mother of God, what are you wearing?” His fingertips reached to trace my nipple barely visible in the shimmery material of my corset. I hated how restrictive it was. It wasn’t a matter of tearing it off so I could have his hands on my naked burning skin. Each hook and eyelet had to be undone.

  Liam fixated, running hands down my waist, his thumbs tracing the boning. “Did you wear this just for me?”

  I shivered under his touch, grinding my hips against his. It wasn’t fair he’d stopped me from sucking him. I was intoxicated with his scent. His musky taste, the sharp saltiness of pre-cum. I’d boiled with lust as he’d rippled in my mouth, I could’ve made him come then, but he’d stopped me. Spoil sport.

  I shook my head. “I wear them every day. Well, most days. It’s a little hot here.”

  He swallowed. “You dress like this all the time? Under your uniform? When serving tea and coffee? When working with me?” His questions all came in a rush. I loved how I affected him.

  I leaned forward, arching my back. “Yep. And now you know. You can imagine me serving you coffee in the cockpit in nothing but stockings and a corset.”

  He growled and flipped me on my back. My shorts were off a moment later, my knickers followed a nano-second after.

  I wriggled as he pressed his weight on me. The heat and length of his body erupted me from flame to bonfire. I moaned. Needing more. Needing him.

  Liam disappeared and fumbled with his jeans on the floor. He popped back on the bed with a silver packet in his hand.

  I sat up as he prowled toward me on the sheets. My hands unlatched the first hook and eye of my corset. “Should I take this off?”