Rose sat up straighter, her brows furrowing, as she sputtered, “That’s…”
“I should take a shower,” Kara interrupted. “I’m covered in your blood.”
“Wait. Kara,” Rose said, her voice cracking with pain. She moved to the edge of the bed and grasped Kara’s hand to stop her. “You don’t understand.”
Kara stared down at her. “What is there not to understand?” she asked, her voice lilting and soft. She didn’t sound angry. Just disappointed. Which made Rose feel more terrible about it. “You regret what happened between us. I get it.”
Rose shook her head. “No one’s ever made me feel like…that…before.”
Kara raised an eyebrow and offered her a gentle—but slightly amused—smile. “It was just an orgasm, Rose,” she teased. “You’ll have more. Many more.”
Rose scowled at her teasing. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”
Kara’s smile faded, and a hesitant curiosity burned in her eyes. “Do I?”
Rose frowned in surprise. “Umm…well…I just meant,” she stammered nervously, “there were things that I felt—non-physical things—that I’d never felt before. I mean, technically, I’ve never felt the physical thing before either, but…”
Kara smiled fondly at Rose as she listened to her nervous rambling.
“How did you…know that, by the way?” Rose asked awkwardly. She was so nervous that she could barely put her words together into a sentence. “That I hadn’t…done that…before?” A shy smile pulled at her lips. “Am I that obvious?”
“Sometimes,” Kara teased with a gentle smile. “But no. That’s not what it was, really. I didn’t know. It just doesn’t surprise me. I kind of expected it.”
Rose laughed, “You expected it? Because…clearly, I’m too awkward and weird to ever seduce anyone, so I must be a virgin. Is that what you thought?”
“You seduced me,” Kara pointed out with a smile.
“No. I’m pretty sure that was the other way around,” Rose argued.
Kara laughed, “I did it intentionally. You did it unintentionally.”
“I’m the least seductive person on the planet,” Rose said.
“I disagree,” Kara said. “But no, I expected it because…” she trailed off, regarding Rose with a sympathetic smile. “People react differently to certain kinds of trauma. Especially the sexual kind. For some people, it cheapens sex. Like it did with Alana. But for other people, it makes sex scarier. Like it did with you.”
Rose stared at her, stunned by her uncanny perceptiveness. “I’ve never told anyone that,” she said, her voice barely a whisper. “Everyone teases me about it, and I let them. And I make self-deprecating jokes. And no one ever…realizes.”
“And you prefer it that way,” Kara stated, “because it’s easier.”
Rose nodded. “But that fear—it disappears when I’m with you.”
Kara knelt in front of her. “Because you know I would never hurt you.”
“I do believe that,” Rose agreed. “I feel it…with every fiber of my being.”
Kara smiled, running her fingers over the back of Rose’s hand. “What do you want?” she asked, a sad lilt in her voice. “Tell me to back off, and I will.”
Just the mere suggestion cut Rose deeply. A week or so earlier, she might have preferred that, or told herself that she preferred that, at the very least. But now, she knew better. She knew how dishonest that would be, how much she did not want Kara to back off. She knew how much she’d miss Kara’s flirty comments, that smirk on Kara’s face, that mischievous sparkle in her stunning, cornflower-blue eyes. But at the same time, she knew that she should want that. She thought, if she were as good of a person as she wanted to be, she’d want Kara to back off.
“I don’t know what I want,” Rose whispered, her throat tight with pain.
“Yes, you do,” Kara said assuredly. “You just don’t want to admit it.”
Rose ran her free hand—the hand that Kara wasn’t holding and caressing so sweetly—over her thigh, the roughness of her jeans scratching against her palm. “You make me feel things that I’ve never felt with anyone else,” she confessed, her voice thick with emotion, “but…I love Kallias. I can’t hurt him.”
Kara’s fingers stilled against her hand, but she didn’t let go of it. Not yet. “Then, you won’t,” she said. Her expression was impossible to read, but Rose could feel her emotions. She could feel the sadness that Kara felt in that moment, and the realization shattered Rose’s heart into a million pieces. Kara released Rose’s hand, and then, she straightened, her emotions fading away. “I’ll back off.”
Rose felt the deep, hollow loss in her heart even now, before it happened.
“You say he’s not like Alana, and I believe you,” Kara continued. “But if he is anything like her, he’ll read your thoughts. He’ll find out what happened.”
“I would never hide it from him anyway,” Rose said. “It’s not right.”
“Then, you need to tell him that it’s my fault. I’ll take responsibility for it,” Kara said. “Technically, you did nothing wrong. I was the one who…” she trailed off, closing her eyes. “And I don’t regret it. I loved every minute of it.”
“I loved it, too,” Rose sighed. “Why do you think I feel so terrible?”
Kara opened her eyes, pinning Rose with that intense, piercing gaze of hers. “Don’t do that. Don’t feel guilty for what you feel. Don’t apologize for it.”
“But I’m not supposed to feel these things,” Rose mumbled sadly.
“There are no rules,” Kara said, “and if there are, you can break them.”
Rose shrugged helplessly. “I’m sorry. I’m not like you. I don’t have your confidence or boldness. I’m insecure, and I’m not as brave as you think I am.”
“Yes, you are,” Kara said, her voice ringing with certainty. “You’re afraid of hurting others, but not yourself. That’s not cowardly. That’s compassionate.”
“I would never blame you, Kara,” Rose sighed, “not to Kallias, not to myself, not to you. I take responsibility for my own actions. I wanted you, too.”
“You wanted me? Or you want me?” Kara asked, tilting her head to the side, a lock of blue hair falling over her shoulder. “The difference is important.”
Rose shook her head. “It’s not important. It doesn’t change anything.”
“It changes everything,” Kara insisted. “Just tell me what you want.”
“I don’t want to hurt anyone,” Rose said. “I don’t want to hurt Kallias.”
Kara nodded. “Then, you should go. I need to take a shower, anyway. I’m a mess,” she said, running her finger over the blood that soaked her skin and clothes. She brought her fingertip to her mouth and licked Rose’s blood off of it.
Rose watched her, unable to look away, the desire building up inside of her again, causing her skin to burn and tingle with heat. “Umm,” she stammered, climbing unsteadily to her feet, “yeah. I should go…while you…take a shower.”
Kara’s light blue gaze shifted toward her, a smirk twitching at her lips, as she sensed Rose’s desire. She stepped forward, her eyes darkening with a familiar spark of hunger. As she closed the space between them, her cool, blood-soaked front pressed lightly against Rose’s, her blood-scented breath tickling Rose’s lips. “Before you leave,” she murmured, “let me get this.” She reached between them, her fingers brushing over Rose’s stomach and then her hips, as Kara moved them to the waistband of Rose’s jeans. Then, she slowly, gently buttoned Rose’s jeans.
Something like that should have been simple. It shouldn’t have affected Rose at all, but it did. She shivered as Kara’s fingers brushed against her stomach, hot, overwhelming desire coursing through her, awakening her predatory hunger.
Kara held her gaze, her lips curving into a smirk, as she sensed Rose’s emotions. She tilted her face closer to Rose’s, as if she were going to kiss her, the warmth of her breath caressing Rose’s lips. “Are you havin
g second thoughts?”
Rose leaned in, aching to feel Kara’s lips on hers once again. “Hmm?”
Kara pulled back, just before Rose could kiss her, both of them panting, breathless with need. Her gaze devoured Rose with the same hunger that she’d devoured Rose with while they shared blood. “Are you sure you don’t want me?”
A potent, animalistic urge traveled through Rose—an urge to reach out and grab Kara’s shirt, to pull her closer and kiss her, like she’d been about to do when Kara pulled back, an urge to show Kara exactly how much she did want her.
And as Rose watched the dark, knowing look in Kara’s eyes, the eager anticipation, she knew that Kara wanted that. She realized that was exactly what Kara was waiting for—for Rose to move first, for Rose to make it clear what and whom she wanted. “I’m not sure of anything,” Rose breathed. “Not anymore.”
Kara stepped back, her hands falling to her side. “I’ll see you later, Rose.”
Rose grasped the nightstand beside her, to steady herself, as her knees wobbled. “Okay,” she said. She cast one last glance at Kara before she turned to leave, her bright blue eyes burning with sadness and guilt, and then, she turned and headed toward the door. She felt Kara’s gaze on her, warm and intense, even as she opened the door and stepped out of the room. Once she was out in the hallway, she closed the door behind her and leaned against it, her heart pounding.
10
Want
She desperately tried to get control of her emotions, of the desire rushing through her, leaving her skin flushed, of the hollow ache in her chest, of the guilt twisting in her stomach, of the fear and sadness that left her unable to breathe.
Erik chose that moment to stroll past her, headed toward his bedroom. “Do yourself a favor,” he told her, “and stay up here. It’s total chaos down there.”
Rose didn’t respond. She couldn’t. There were so many emotions welling up inside of her, choking her, that she feared her voice would come out as a sob.
Erik froze, suddenly, and he turned to look at her, his bright green eyes widening. “Whoa,” he said, letting his hand fall from the doorknob. He stepped toward her and placed his hands on her shoulders. He held her at arm’s length, studying her with a concerned frown—a frown that deepened as he noticed the distress that twisted at her face. “Rose, what’s wrong? What happened to you?”
“Nothing,” Rose lied. She turned, trying to step away from him, but his strong hands held her in place. She looked up at him. “You have to let go of me.”
“Rose,” Erik said, his brows creasing with worry. “Come to my room.”
She raised an eyebrow. “When was the last time you sanitized it?”
He ignored her teasing and pulled her along behind him, his hand around her arm. Erik cast a wide-eyed glance in the direction of the room that Kara was in, sensing her agonizing emotions as well. He returned his gaze to Rose. “You have a lot to explain,” he muttered as he pushed open the door to his bedroom.
Rose followed him into the dark bedroom. Unlike Kallias’s room, which had almost no color whatsoever, Erik’s room was covered in dark, sensual reds—the sheets, the blankets, the rug on the floor. Even the paintings were mostly red.
Erik closed the door behind them and raised an eyebrow at Rose. “What happened? And don’t lie to me. I can feel your emotions. You’re…really upset.”
She shrugged sadly. “I did something that I shouldn’t have…with Kara.”
His eyebrows arched even higher. “Er…can you be more specific?”
Heat rushed to Rose’s face. “No,” she muttered indignantly. “I cannot.”
Erik laughed and held up his hands in a show of surrender. “Okay,” he sighed. He walked over to his bed and sat down. “So, you had sex with her.”
Her eyes widened. “I…I never said that,” she stammered.
Erik snorted, “I can tell, Rose. I can smell it on you.”
Her face turned an even darker shade of red. “You can…what?” she sputtered, mortified. “Please, tell me you’re joking. Because that’s…humiliating.”
“No, it’s not,” he said, rolling his eyes. “It’s natural.” He offered her a gentle smile, and for once, that’s all it was. It wasn’t arrogant or mocking. It was just gentle. “I’d say congratulations, but it seems like something went wrong.”
Rose grimaced at him. “Who says congratulations to that, anyway?”
His grin did take on a mocking tilt at that. “Hey, I’m proud of you,” he taunted, spreading out his hands. “It’s an accomplishment for someone like you.”
Her bright blue eyes narrowed. “Someone like me?”
“You heard me,” Erik teased. But then, his smile faded, and he glanced toward the door, as if he could sense Kara’s emotions, even from here, across the hall. He motioned for Rose to come closer, and when she did, he placed his hand on her arm and used his empathic abilities to soothe the agonizing emotions that were pouring through her. “Tell me what happened. Maybe I can help somehow.”
“Can you manipulate time?” Rose sassed, raising an eyebrow.
He snorted at her snarky attitude. “No. But I can listen and give advice.”
Rose regarded him curiously for a moment, as if she were trying to figure out if he really meant that. Then, she sighed and sat down beside him, resting her hands in her lap. She stared intensely at her hands, as if they were the most interesting things in the world. “I screwed up. Kallias will never forgive me.”
Erik shrugged one shoulder. “He said the same thing about you…when we turned you into a vampire. You forgave him for that, didn’t you?”
“Yeah, but he and I are different,” Rose sighed. “I forgave him for turning me, and yet, he never forgave me for sacrificing myself to save your lives.”
“It hurt him,” Erik told her. “You didn’t see what it did to him. I did.”
“I know. I know,” Rose said, shaking her head. “And that’s just it. Things haven’t been right between us since that night. And now, I’ve just made it worse.”
“Ah, come on. Don’t put the nails on the coffin just yet,” Erik said with a cheeky grin, clearly proud of his vampire-related word play. “Kallias knows how blood bonds work. All vampires have sex when they’re feeding. It’s unavoidable.”
Rose gave him a skeptical look. “I never have sex when I’m feeding.”
“Well, not until now,” Erik snorted. He winced a little when he noticed her glaring at him. “Sorry. So, are you saying that you regret what happened?”
“Of course I do,” she said, her brows creasing with pain. “I don’t want to hurt Kallias. I love him. I don’t know what happens when I’m with Kara.”
Erik shrugged. “Kara is really good at what she does. She whispers a few things into a woman’s ear, and suddenly, they’re throwing their panties at her.”
Rose scowled at him. “I didn’t throw my panties at her,” she muttered. “Why would anyone throw their panties at someone? That sounds kind of painful.”
“It’s just an expression, Rose,” Erik said. “It means they…surrender.”
“Succumb,” Rose corrected. “Succumb is the word you’re looking for. It means to give in to temptation. Just say succumb. No one throws their underwear.”
“Actually, I have seen…” Erik trailed off as soon as he noticed the look that Rose was giving him. “Fine. Women succumb to Kara. Whatever that means.”
Rose spread out her hands in confusion. “I just told you what it meant.”
“The point is,” he said, “I see how you would be easily seduced by her.”
“I wasn’t easily seduced,” she said indignantly. She looked away, and her brows furrowed as she thought back over all of the times that she’d accidentally kissed Kara. “And it’s not just her, either. Yeah, she does have a way of,” she paused, clearing her throat, “making certain…needs…feel more dire.” Her face reddened when Erik laughed at her awkward word choice. “But it’s not just that. When I’m with h
er, my mind just gets…overruled. She makes me feel so much.”
Erik glanced at her, his eyebrows lifting. “I know you don’t want to hear this,” he said with a wary smile, “but that sounds an awfully lot like love to me.”
Rose froze, her eyes widening in shock. “What? No. No! It’s not love.”
“See? I knew you would say that,” Erik laughed. “For someone so kind and accepting of other people’s feelings, you’re terrible at accepting your own.”
“It’s not love,” she insisted. “I haven’t known her long enough for that.”
“You’ve known her for almost two weeks,” Erik said, “which is actually longer than it had been when you realized that you were in love with Kallias.”
“That’s different,” she said. “I was single when I fell in love with Kallias.”
“Ah,” Erik said, the sarcasm already thick in his low, lilting voice, “so it takes longer to fall in love with someone if you’re already in a relationship? Do you have a time frame for that? Does it take an extra week? An extra month?”
She sighed at his sarcasm. “I don’t love her. I just have some…feelings.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Like love?”
“No!” Rose argued. She stood up, suddenly, because she felt too anxious to sit. She ran her fingers through her long, red hair, scooping it up into a ponytail and tying it off with the ponytail holder that she’d been wearing around her wrist. She began to pace, her heart pounding too quickly and too harshly, as she tried to process her feelings for Kara. “There’s this thing between Kara and me.”
Erik watched her curiously, resisting the urge to make her sit back down.
“It’s overwhelming and explosive,” Rose confessed. “It’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. And I try to resist it. I do. I try so hard. But I keep failing.”
“Rose,” Erik began, his bright green eyes burning with sympathy.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Rose interrupted, glancing at him. “You think that I’m weak. If I were stronger, I could resist it. That’s what I think, too.”
The Assassins of Light Page 20
