“You can take it back, if you want,” Rose said, “if you didn’t mean it.”
“Every time I have ever loved someone, it turned out badly,” Kara said quietly, her pulse racing. “Very badly. So, what I feel for you—it terrifies me.”
Rose watched her, stunned that Kara was admitting something like this.
Kara exhaled shakily. “But you wanted the truth. So, I gave it to you.”
“And the truth is,” Rose said hesitantly, “that you’re in love with me?”
Kara offered her an apologetic smile. “Hopelessly.”
For a moment, they just stared at each other, feeling the tense, crackling, sexual electricity that filled the air between them, feeling the powerful, emotional connection that threaded them together, feeling the fear and love they both felt.
Kara straightened. “Fy faen,” she muttered under her breath.
With a quick glance at the stairs, Kara started to pull Rose’s shirt closed.
“Don’t bother,” Kallias said gruffly. “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”
Kara climbed off of Rose and took a step back, watching Kallias warily.
Rose just closed her eyes and finished buttoning her shirt, as the sadness and guilt began to close around her throat and sting the back of her eyelids.
“Her breasts, I mean,” Kallias added, “not you two fucking each other. I hadn’t seen that before.” He sounded calm but cold—a dangerous combination.
Kara rolled her eyes. “We weren’t…”
Kallias held up his hand, cutting her off. “Don’t,” he growled with a cold, deadly glare. “I wouldn’t believe a word that came out of your mouth anyway.”
Rose stood up and turned toward him. She shrugged sadly, knowing that nothing she could say would help. “I’m sorry. I know that’s not enough, but…”
“I know you’re sorry,” Kallias said. “I can see the sincerity in your mind. And you’re right. It’s not enough.” He sighed, “Get your stuff out of my room.”
And with that, he turned and left the living room, his footsteps echoing through the mostly silent house, as he trudged up the stairs, back to his bedroom.
Kara started to follow him. “I’ll talk to him,” she told Rose as she passed.
Rose watched her with a frown. “What? Why?” she asked bewilderedly.
Kara turned back toward her. “Maybe I can get him to reconsider.”
“Not likely,” Rose muttered. She stared at the hardwood floor, feeling its cold roughness beneath her bare feet. The edges of her vision blurred with unshed tears. “After what I did, I’ll be lucky if he ever speaks to me again.” She looked up at Kara. “Besides, why would you want my boyfriend to take me back?”
Kara’s brows creased with sympathy as she watched Rose, as she felt the agony of Rose’s emotions. “Because…I don’t want you to hurt like this.”
Rose shrugged sadly. “I hurt him. I deserve to hurt like this.”
“No,” Kara argued, shaking her head. “No. I don’t think you do.”
Rose smiled at her, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes. As a matter of fact, the smile only seemed to cause the unshed tears in her eyes to shine brighter.
Kara watched with a frown as Rose turned slowly and walked over to the long, practically floor-to-ceiling cabinets and opened them. Rose gathered a stack of sheets and blankets into her arms. “What are you doing?” Kara asked curiously.
“Making a bed on the sofa,” Rose said in a tired, sad tone. “All of the guest rooms are full right now. I’ll have to sleep in here. I mean, I assume Kallias doesn’t hate me enough to kick me out of the house in the middle of the day.”
Kara walked toward her. “Rose,” she sighed as she closed in beside her.
“Maybe that’s too optimistic,” Rose mumbled to herself. “Maybe he does hate me that much. I wouldn’t blame him. I hate myself that much sometimes.”
“Rose,” Kara said again. She cradled Rose’s face in her hands, leaning in close, until Rose met her gaze. “Put the blankets back. You don’t need them.”
Rose nodded numbly. “You’re right. I don’t deserve blankets.”
“Stop it!” Kara snapped, startling Rose. “Stop doing this to yourself.”
“Sorry,” Rose mumbled, too surprised to think of another response.
Kara sighed. She took the blankets out of Rose’s arms and returned them to the cabinets. Then, she turned and slipped her arms around Rose’s lower back, resting her head on Rose’s shoulder, embracing her tightly. She felt Rose soften in her arms, and then, she felt Rose’s warm tears on her shoulder. “Please, don’t do that to yourself,” Kara whispered. “I care about you so much, and I can’t stand the thought of you hating yourself like that…especially when it’s my fault.”
“No,” Rose said, her voice muffled by Kara’s shoulder. She stepped back and held Kara at arm’s length so that she could look at her. Rose’s face was already soaked with tears. “I’m not Alana. I can take responsibility for my own decisions.”
Kara nodded, acknowledging that. “Still,” she sighed.
“I don’t blame you for this,” Rose said, her brows furrowing, as if she couldn’t believe Kara would think that she would. “I screwed things up with Kallias before you ever came along. I did it to save his life, and I don’t regret it.”
“Well, I don’t regret a moment that you and I have had together,” Kara confessed. “I go after what I want—no mercy, no apologies—and I wanted you. I still want you.” Guilt twisted at her face. “But I still feel like shit right now.”
“Don’t,” Rose said softly. “I did this to myself. It’s not your fault.”
Kara just sighed, “Do you remember which room I’m staying in?”
Rose blushed as the memory of what they’d done in that room rushed back into her mind. “Of course,” she said with a shy smile. “How could I forget?”
Kara winked at her—transforming from Sad-Kara to Flirty-Kara in less than a second. “Go to that room,” she told her seriously. “I’ll get your things.”
Rose frowned worriedly. “I don’t know if we should…”
“We don’t have to sleep in the bed together, if you don’t want to,” Kara assured her. “But you’re not sleeping on a sofa. You’ll sleep in the bed. I insist. I can sleep in the floor.” She tapped the cold floor with her bare foot. “I’ve slept in caves and in the stone floors of dungeons. Hardwood doesn’t sound that bad.”
Rose’s frown deepened. “Dungeons?” she sputtered. “More than one?”
“I was imprisoned seven times when I was human,” Kara explained with a cocky smirk. “How do you think I got so good at sneaking in and out of places?”
“Ah,” Rose said with an amused—yet still sad—smile. “That explains it.”
Kara reached out and took her hand, squeezing it lightly. “Go on, love. I’ll get your things from Kallias’s room, and then, I’ll meet you back in my room.”
“You’re sweeter than people give you credit for,” Rose said with a smile.
Kara winked at her. “Don’t tell anyone. It would ruin my reputation.”
—
“What the hell are you doing in my room?” Kallias snarled as he stormed out of the bathroom with his razor still in hand. He glared murderously at the deceptive vampire who had just waltzed into his room like she owned the place.
Kara raised her eyebrow at the sight of his shaving-cream covered jaw. “Relax, big guy. I’m just here to get Rose’s things. That’s what you wanted, right?”
Kallias sighed and nodded. He gestured toward one of the dressers with his razor. “All of her clothes are in the drawers. She never hangs anything up.”
“That’s because she’s afraid of closets,” Kara said as she walked over to the dresser that Kallias had pointed out. She started pulling out stacks of clothes.
Kallias had turned to head back into the bathroom, but he froze when he heard Kara’s comment. He turned back toward her. “Wait. What?”
he asked.
Kara cast a curious glance in his direction. “You didn’t notice?”
He shrugged. “I knew that small spaces made her uncomfortable, but…”
“Uncomfortable?” Kara repeated with an incredulous laugh. She turned toward him, her eyebrows lifting in disbelief. “She has panic attacks, Kallias. That’s not just uncomfortable. That is terrified. That’s…trauma. She’s traumatized.”
Kallias stared at her, stunned. “What happened?” he asked worriedly.
“She hasn’t told me. But…it’s not hard to guess,” Kara said sadly.
He looked away, his face twisting with sympathetic pain as he once again realized how horrific Rose’s childhood had been. “How did you figure it out?”
Kara shrugged one shoulder. “I paid attention.”
Kallias glared at her. “Are you trying to say I don’t pay attention to her?”
She raised an eyebrow at his defensiveness. “I’m not trying to say anything, Kallias,” she sighed. She turned back toward the dresser and pulled out a stack of folded blue jeans and placed them on the top of the dresser with the stack of folded T-shirts. She looked back at him. “If it makes you feel any better, part of the reason I recognized it so easily is that I’d seen it before. Alana was like that, too. Slaves were usually transported in the bottom of ships, chained up so that they wouldn’t escape or…kill themselves. Alana spent weeks locked up in that small compartment in the bottom of Lafi’s ship. Even fourteen hundred years later, she was still terrified of small spaces. I figured it out because…on that first night, in that elevator, I saw the same fear in Rose’s eyes that I saw in Alana’s.”
Kallias ran his hand over the tattooed flames on his neck. “How is it that one person can have this many horrible things happen to her?” he muttered under his breath. He’d asked the same question back when he first met Rose, and back then, he hadn’t even known half of what she’d experienced. “It’s like the world is out to get her. To destroy her, specifically. And somehow, she keeps surviving.”
“She survives because she’s strong,” Kara said quietly, “and wonderful.”
Kallias nodded. “Yeah,” he mumbled, mostly to himself. “Yeah, she is.”
“If you think that,” Kara said, stepping closer, “why are you giving up?”
He looked at her. “Are you serious? Are you really asking me to take her back?” he said incredulously. He let out a short, condescending laugh. “What’s wrong? Is she not enough of a conquest for you without the competition?”
“Fuck you,” Kara snarled. The anger that flashed in her light blue eyes, that caused every muscle in her body to tighten, that caused her chest to rise and fall quickly, as if she were out of breath—that sudden, dangerous anger shocked Kallias. Out of all of the reactions that he’d expected from Kara, this wasn’t one of them. Kara looked away, squeezing her hands into fists at her sides as she tried to regain control of her emotions. “She was never just a conquest to me. Never.”
Kallias just stared at her, his brown eyes wide with shock, as he tried to make sense of this reaction. He returned to the bathroom so that he could wash the shaving cream off of his face—since he apparently wouldn’t be able to shave any time soon—and then, he walked back into the bedroom, his brows furrowing. “I apologize,” he managed to say. “Clearly, I jumped to conclusions about you.”
“Yeah, you did,” she sighed, “but I appreciate you apologizing for it.”
“But why?” Kallias asked. He studied her with a confused frown. “You wanted her. Now, you have her. Why would you want me to change my mind?”
Her piercing, blue eyes flashed with pain. “Because you’re hurting her.”
“Her?” he repeated, laughing in disbelief. “What about me? She hurt me!”
“She never wanted to hurt you,” Kara told him. “You know she didn’t.”
“It’s not enough,” Kallias said. He shrugged and shook his head. “And it’s not just about her feelings for you. She hurt me before you even came along.”
“Right. She died to save your life. Let’s crucify her for that,” Kara said.
His eyes narrowed at her sarcasm. “You have no idea how it felt.”
“I’m sure it was terrible,” she conceded, “but isn’t she worth the pain?”
“I don’t know anymore,” Kallias said bitterly. “And even if she is, what am I supposed to do? I’ve watched her fight her feelings for you ever since she met you, and she still keeps going back to you. No matter how hard she fights it.”
“What do you want? What if I backed off? Would that change your mind?” Kara asked. On the surface, she looked so nonchalant—her arms hanging by her sides, her weight resting mostly on her right leg—but her hands trembled when she asked that question, betraying the fear and pain that she truly felt.
“I want her to choose,” he corrected.
Kara laughed at that. “She chose you, Kallias.”
He shook his head. “Only because she won’t be honest with herself.”
“So, that’s it, then?” she said, wrinkling her nose in disgust. “You’re just giving up. If you love someone, then you should be willing to fight for them.”
His eyes narrowed at her. “I shouldn’t have to fight for her,” he snarled.
Kara sighed, throwing her hands up in defeat. She turned back toward the dresser and gathered the rest of Rose’s things into her arms, balancing each stack of clothing on top of the other. “Is there any way to change your mind?”
Kallias watched her as she gracefully balanced the clothes in her arms and turned back toward him. “No,” he answered. “I just… I can’t do it anymore.”
Her brows furrowed in disbelief. “Is it really so bad to love her?”
Kallias leaned against the wall and crossed his arms as he considered that. “Falling in love with Rose is an amazing experience. It’s like…being rescued. She comes in at the exact right moment, and she makes you believe in things, and she makes you want to be better. She swoops in like a train and scoops you up out of your situation. She saves you. But what you don’t realize at the time—and what Rose doesn’t realize herself—is that Rose is a derailed train. Eventually, she’s going to crash, and if you don’t get off soon enough, you’ll crash with her.”
Kara considered that. “Then, I’ll crash,” she decided. “She’s worth it.”
His eyes widened. “You’re in love with her,” he realized.
“Why else would I be here, asking you not to break her heart?” Kara said.
“Well,” he said with a bitter smile, “congratulations. She’s yours now.”
She shook her head sadly. “This will hurt her.”
“But luckily, she has you to lick her wounds,” Kallias said coldly.
Kara just sighed in disappointment. “Goodnight, Kallias.”
—
Kara closed the door with her foot and set the tall stack of clothing on top of the nearest dresser. She turned and looked at Rose, sympathy glistening in her icy blue eyes. Rose barely reacted to her presence. She remained curled up in the chair, her knees drawn up to her chest, her arms wrapped tightly around her legs, her face pillowed on her knees. When she felt Kara’s gaze on her, she lifted her reddened, tear-soaked face and watched Kara with a sad, resigned expression.
“Aren’t you going to ask me what he said?” Kara asked softly.
Rose shrugged tiredly. She looked so depressed. So defeated. “I already know,” she sighed. “When Kallias was human, his wife cheated on him with Theron—the vampire who killed him. I told him that I would never hurt him like that. Then, I was with you. Kallias hates liars, which means…now, he hates me.”
Because of their blood bond, Kara felt Rose’s agonizing emotions—her guilt, her sadness, her pain—and the intensity of those emotions overwhelmed her. She crossed the space between them in just a couple of steps, her bare feet padding quietly against the hardwood floor, and then, she crouched down in front of Rose, kneeling on one knee
. She stared into Rose’s bright blue eyes, watching as they glowed with unshed tears. “He said…he wants you to choose,” she sighed.
“I did choose,” Rose said quietly, practically whispering. “I chose him.”
“I told him that,” Kara said, “but…he thinks you’re lying to yourself.”
Rose frowned at that. “What? What the heck is that supposed to mean?”
Kara shrugged. “I think he’s just paranoid. I mean, he’d have to be…to think that you would ever choose me over him,” she said with a soft, sad laugh. “You love him. You would never give up the person you love for a possibility.”
“The person I love,” Rose mumbled to herself, her frown deepening.
Kara reached out and slid her hand into Rose’s. “I’m really sorry, ást.”
Rose pulled her hand away suddenly and looked away as tears began to well up in her eyes. She watched out of the corner of her eyes as Kara stood up.
Kara watched her with an understanding—but still hurt—expression. “I think I’ll go take a shower. You seem to want to be alone right now,” she sighed.
Rose nodded but didn’t look at her. “I just…need to think for a minute.”
“Whatever you need,” Kara said before slipping into the bathroom.
17
Choosing
Kara closed her eyes and tilted her head back as the hot water poured over her, rinsing the violet-scented shampoo out of her hair, causing suds to snake down her back. Just as she reached out to grab the bottle of conditioner, she heard the creaking of the door as it opened. She recognized the scent immediately. Honey, vanilla, and…power. And the salty scent of tears. Kara stepped out of the water and opened the sliding door of the shower. “Rose?” she said worriedly.
Kara watched, her eyes widening, as Rose began to unbutton her shirt. Rose stared back at Kara, a mixture of nervousness and curiosity burning in her bright blue eyes, as she undressed, her fingers trembling as she fumbled with each button of her shirt. Her eyes were still swollen from the tears, but no tears fell from her eyes now. Rose dropped her shirt in the floor and began to pull off her pajama pants. Kara suddenly felt hot all over, and it had nothing to do with the warm water running over her skin and everything to do with the beautiful woman standing in front of her in nothing but pajama pants and underwear. She swept her gaze over Rose’s soft curves, noticing the gruesome scars that broke her heart and the strength of the woman who had survived them. “What are you doing?”
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