by Natasha West
Jess wanted more than anything to say yes. But it was not the best time to be asked that question.
‘I really don’t know.’
Chloe realised that she’d stumbled into something unexpected. Jess was clearly in the middle of something with Claire. It was screaming out of her. Had that been the reason for Jess’s boozy meltdown last night?
‘You and Claire… You’re having problems, aren’t you?’
Jess felt like she wanted to stand up and run out of the fire exit door. She didn’t want to think about any of this, much less talk about it. But she didn’t exactly have what you’d call a strong poker face. Chloe read all that in her expression in a second.
‘Look, I’m not gonna push. You want me to shut my face, I’ll do it.’
Jess groaned loudly in exasperation.
‘Why did you have to put it like that? Now I have to talk about it, don’t I? Or I’m just being a massive hypocrite....’
‘…Because you’re all about being square about things’ Chloe finished for her with a grin.
Jess shook her head at her friend and said ‘Damn you, Price.’
She took a deep breath and began.
‘It’s my Grandma.’
Chloe had not been expecting her to say that.
‘Your Grandma?’
‘Yeah. About a month ago, she got ill. And my Mum’s doing her best, but it’s getting harder, so she wants to put her in full-time care for a while. But my Gran doesn’t want to go. She thinks if she goes in, she’ll never come back out. And she loves her house. Not to mention the fact that she hates other old people. She calls them miserable old bastards’ Jess said, smiling sadly. ‘So I thought the solution might be to move her in with me, with us, for a bit. That way we could get a nurse for the daytimes and I could look after her when I’m not at work. And she’d know it wasn’t a permanent solution.’
‘And Claire’s not up for that?’
Jess’s face developed a scowl that Chloe had never seen on her before.
‘No, she’s not. At first she said she didn’t think it was a good idea for me to take all that on. I told her that it wasn’t forever, just till she got well enough to look after herself again. But the more we argued about it, the more obvious it became that she just didn’t want the inconvenience. She said she didn’t know if my Gran would get better, that she ‘didn’t want to be an old woman’s nurse’ Jess said bitterly.
Chloe considered the story. It was a complex situation. In a way, she could see Claire’s side of it. She’d married Jess not knowing that they would end up caring for her elderly relative.
But at the same time, Chloe thought that was exactly what marriage was. You don’t know what’s coming, you just have to hold onto each other through the hard bits. That’s the promise you make.
It made her think about Freya. They were about to promise each other that. Could they really do it?
‘So we’ve been fighting about it for weeks. And now it feels like it’s not just about my Gran. I feel like I’ve seen this other side of Claire that I didn’t know about. I mean, she’s always been so sweet to me. If I have a hard day, she’s there. Foot massage, bubble bath, the works. I didn’t have a clue she was so selfish.’
‘Is she? Selfish, I mean. If she can’t do this for you?’
‘Don’t you think it’s selfish? If Freya needed that, wouldn’t you do it for her?’
‘It’s not about what I’d do. Claire is who she is. And so are you. It’s not really a question of whether she’s shown you something you don’t like. That had to happen eventually. The question is, can you live with it?’
Jess inhaled deeply.
‘Shit, you sound just like my Gran right now.’
‘I’ll take that as a compliment.’
Jess smiled at her.
‘That’s exactly how I intended it. Where did you learn that bit of wisdom?’
‘Let’s just say that being with Freya is a steep learning curve and leave it at that.’
They smiled at each other. And then Jess began to feel like the smile went on just a few seconds too long. She looked quickly away.
‘I could really do with a drink.’
Chloe clapped her hands together in triumph.
‘Well, that was a very brief period of teetotalism.’
‘It was the longest ten hours of my life’ Jess said with a grimace.
She peeked over the roof’s edge.
‘If I’m not mistaken, that place down the road with all the neon lights is a late night off-license.’
‘Either that or a very indiscreet brothel.’
Jess jumped up.
‘Wait here, I’ll go for supplies.’
Jess disappeared and came back ten minutes later holding a bottle of wine.
‘I hope that’s a screw cap or we’re in trouble’ Chloe said.
Jess quickly checked and let out a relieved sigh.
‘The gods have smiled on us. Plus, this cost £3.99 so it might be a bit ambitious to think it would come with a cork’ Jess said and then suddenly put her hand to her forehead. ‘Damn, I forgot to get glasses. You cool to just drink from the bottle?’
‘You really know how to show a girl a classy time, don’t you?’ Chloe asked with a wry smile.
‘You know me. I’m a high class bird.’
Jess cracked open the wine and they proceeded to work their way down it, talking, laughing, passing the bottle back and forth.
When Jess finally looked at her watch, she saw that it was 4.03am.
‘Christ, the sun will be up soon!’
Chloe was stunned.
‘I guess we’d better go to bed.’
‘Guess so’ Jess agreed reluctantly.
They got up from the ledge, Chloe rubbing her leg muscles to rid herself of the atrophy. But she was suddenly gripped with a nasty cramp. She cried out sharply at the pain.
Jess, no stranger to a cramp, was on hand.
‘Here’ she said and began to massage Chloe’s leg. The relief was immediate.
‘You’re really good at that.’
‘I’m a runner. Cramps are part of the package’ Jess said, rubbing her hand down the length of Chloe’s thigh muscle, working it hard. She began to ease off as she felt it relax. Soon, the tough massage had become a gentle caress.
They caught each other’s eye, suddenly becoming aware of the intimacy of what Jess was doing. Jess snatched her hand back and said ‘You good?’
Chloe nodded and then looked at the exit quickly.
‘Shall we?’ she asked nervously.
They headed for the door.
In the lift, they were silent. They hit Jess’s floor and she stepped off, turning.
‘Night’ she said with a small wave.
‘Sleep well’ Chloe said.
The doors began to slide shut.
Just before they closed completely, Jess’s hand slipped in and the sensor stopped them cold. The doors slid open and Chloe waited, wondering what Jess was doing. But when Jess was fully revealed, she didn’t speak. She had a strange look on her face. Chloe simply looked back and they just stood there like that, gazing at each other.
Chloe had the thought that whatever was going to happen next might be very wrong but she feared that she would not be able to stop it. Stop herself.
The lift made a beep noise and Jess was suddenly jarred out of the moment. She wasn’t sure why she’d stopped the lift like that, but whatever impulse had moved her to do it had thankfully passed. She thought she should probably say something rather than simply stand there gawping at Chloe like some weirdo creep.
‘I know what I’m going to do’ Jess said.
Chloe took a deep, ragged breath.
‘What?’ she stuttered.
‘I’m going to move in with my Gran.’
Chloe was thrown but she recovered quickly, swallowing thickly.
‘Oh.’
‘Just for a little while, till she’s back on her feet.’
Chloe had gotten herself back together.
‘Do you think Claire will be alright with that? You moving out?’
‘She’ll have to be’ Jess said.
Chloe nodded.
‘I think that sounds like a good idea.’
Jess nodded and then leaned into the lift. Chloe’s heart stopped, but Jess was only reaching around to hit the close doors button.
‘Goodnight’ she said as the doors shut on Chloe.
The lift began to judder away but Jess didn’t make a move to go to her room. She just watched the lift readout moving down the floors, taking Chloe further away. She was deeply grateful for the intervention that technology had provided. Because if Chloe had still been in Jess’s reach, Jess didn’t know what she might have done.
The next morning, Chloe went down to breakfast, expecting to see Jess in the dining room. She wasn’t sure how to feel about the prospect.
But she wasn’t there.
Later, she got a text.
‘Hey, sorry I skipped out early, but I thought I better get home ASAP today. Gotta lot to sort out. Safe journey home, see you soon. Jess.
P.S. I never asked, am I invited to your wedding?’
Chloe read the message and wondered what the hell she was going to do. Last night, even though nothing had happened, something had happened. She didn’t know what that something was, but it made the idea of marrying Freya in a few months feel strange to her, scary.
But she didn’t know what she was afraid of.
Year Nine
July 2014 - The Pemberley Inn (Oxford)
The Pemberley Inn was nice. Not just conference nice, it was a fancy place. Jess wondered how the hell the Union had managed to afford it.
‘Someone must have slept with someone to snag this one’ she muttered to herself as she slipped into the plush lobby.
If there was one downside to getting this hotel, it was that this was the year they were in Chloe’s hometown of Oxford. That meant they wouldn’t stump up for her to actually stay there. And that was a tough break. Because this year, Chloe could had done with some good luck, Jess thought. A nice room with a mint on the pillow could have brought her a little cheer. But those were the breaks.
Where was she, as a matter of fact? Jess couldn’t see her in the lobby.
After she registered and booked into her room, she went into the conference room and took a seat, looking around for Chloe. No sign.
Ten minutes into the commencement speech, a door swung open with a crash.
Everyone, including Jess, turned to see who had caused the commotion. It turned out to be a slightly unkempt Chloe.
Jess waved but Chloe didn’t notice, anxiously trying to find a free seat at the back so she could sit down. And then everyone could stop looking at her.
After the commencement, people began to file out and Jess pushed through as quickly as she could, trying to catch up with Chloe.
‘Hey, Price!’ she called.
Chloe turned around as though her name being called could only be bad news. When she realised it was only Jess, her face broke into relief.
She stood in the lobby and waited for Jess to make her way out. Jess, seeing the generally skittish air Chloe seemed to have about her these days, thought she should perhaps tread lightly with her. She looked as fragile as she had when she’d been twenty-two, when they’d first met.
‘How are you doing, mate?’ Jess asked gently.
Chloe took offence to Jess’s tone, the kind usually reserved for people standing on the window ledges of high rise buildings.
‘I’m absolutely dandy as a matter of fact. Why do you ask?’ she announced loudly.
Jess took the tiniest step back.
‘No reason. Great to see you’ she said and held out her arms for a hug. For a split second, she thought Chloe was going to leave her hanging, arms held out like a broken robot from black and white science fiction movie.
But then it came. Chloe’s arms slid around Jess, holding on tightly.
‘It’s good to see you’ she said into Jess’s ear.
‘You too’ she replied as they broke the hug. ‘I’m parched. Fancy getting a cuppa next door?’
‘They’ve got tea in the bar.’
‘Yeah, but it might be nice to catch up somewhere away from the usual horde. Don’t you reckon?’ she asked gently.
Chloe shrugged.
‘Alright then.’
In the chain coffee shop, Chloe was breaking the small free biscuit that had come with her tea into tiny crumbs. Jess watched her for a few seconds, not sure how to ask the question on her mind.
Eventually, she simply went full Jess.
‘So how’s it going since you broke your engagement?’
Chloe looked up alarmed. The lack of tact was astonishing. But that was Jess, she thought with a fondness. A bull in a china shop.
It wasn’t always the worst thing.
‘Hmm, let’s see’, she began, doing a quick mental tally of her year. ‘Well, I lost a ton of money on deposits. I’ve had to move to a tiny dump because I let Freya keep the flat out of pure guilt. What else? Oh, that’s right. I have to see her every day at my workplace, glaring at me like I killed her mother. Who actually threatened to sue me, by the way.’
‘Her mother wants to sue you?’ Jess exclaimed.
‘That’s right. Emotional distress caused to the entire family by breaking it off a week before the big day. I’m pretty sure it’s just talk but I guess time will tell on that one.’
Jess slumped in her seat, the wind taken out of her. It was hard enough just hearing about the current state of Chloe’s life. God knows what it was like to live it.
‘And you know what the worst thing is? I brought this on myself. I started the whole thing rolling, the giant wedding machine thundering along like a steamroller. Then…’ she broke off to let out a shrill laugh, devoid of real humour ‘…I stood in front of it! And now I’m flattened’ Chloe finished, her voice trailing off on the last sentence.
Jess felt awful for her.
‘God almighty, Price. What are you going to do now?’
‘What do you mean? What exactly can I do? I just have to live with it all.’ She sighed deeply. ‘But maybe that’s fair. I did this. I should pay.’
‘Seems like you already have paid a pretty steep price.’
‘Well, I don’t think the universe agrees with you because my life continues to be crappy on a daily basis. As if it’s not bad enough having to see her every day, I can tell the whole school is watching us. Waiting for some sort of showdown, I suppose.’
Her head slumped forward onto the table with a light thump.
‘I’m going to have to quit. That’s all there is to it. I’ll quit’ Chloe said into the table.
Jess reached over to grab Chloe’s hand.
‘Don’t do that!’
Chloe’s head came back up.
‘Why not?’
‘Because you love your job, remember?’
‘I’m not exactly loving it right now. Even the kids are talking about my ‘scandal’. This one girl, Samantha Carstairs, she keeps humming the wedding march every time she passes me in the hall. It’s all I can do not to drag her down the hall by her hair.’
Jess couldn’t help but let out a snort of laughter.
‘And what’s so funny, might I ask?’ Chloe said.
‘The thought of you dragging a teenage girl down a hallway by her hair, I don’t know, it’s a funny image’ Jess said, trying push her laughter down unsuccessfully.
Chloe watched Jess trying to cover her obvious merriment, her cheeks flushing. It was humiliating enough to talk about this without getting laughed at.
Then she began to see the image in her mind that Jess could see. It was kind of funny. Meek little Chloe, a ponytail in her hand attached to a screaming girl.
She gave the smallest smile. It felt like the first real one in weeks.
‘I’m really glad you’re here’ she said weakly.
<
br /> ‘Me too. I would have come before if you’d asked.’
‘I didn’t want to be a bother.’
