Prairie Tale: A Memoir

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Prairie Tale: A Memoir Page 36

by Melissa Gilbert


  My boys. Not a day goes by that I don’t thank God for allowing me to have you in my life. Each of you, with your own ways, your own strengths, fills me with pride. Sharing the journeys of your lives is my greatest joy.

  Bruce, love of my life. There are no words for you. All you need to do is look in my eyes.

  Finally, I must say that I had the hardest time finding a title for this book! It was a real struggle. So I had a contest among my very wise and very funny friends. I thank all those who participated. You know who you are and which suggestions were yours!

  Thank you to Charlie Adler, Ann Andrews-Morris, Alison Arngrim, Leilani Baker, Nancy Banks, Robert O. Berdahl, Lee Boxleitner, Dean Butler, Mitzi and Charlie Brill, Sidney J. Burgoyne, Tina Carlisi, Tira Christensen-Scott, Paul Christie, Amanda Cizek, Stephanie Crane, Katie Daly-Dancy, Michael Des Barres, Tayloe Emery, Krista Erricksen, Iva Franks-Singer, Bill Funt, Michael Gully, Tom Hanks, Mary McDonald-Lewis, John C. McDonnel, Peter Onorati, Charity Ozarowski, Jim Ramlet, Robbie Rist, Colleen and Charlie Schlatter, Oliver Scott, Vernon Scott IV, Jayne Spears, Mark Steinberg, Angela Teresa, Kerri Torrance, Daniel Wachtenheim, and Brian Wimmer.

  Only you could come up with such eloquent, sweet, and twisted titles. I love you all!

  I Told You So

  Half Pint Goes to Hollywood

  Prairie Blossom

  Little House, Big Heart

  Take a Walk on the Wilder Side

  Lights, Camera, Blackouts

  The Summer to Forget

  Big Girl

  From Half Pint to Sag-ging Adult?

  Half a Pint of Trouble!!

  How My Mom Dated Bill Funt’s Dad?

  My Life on the Brink, Man

  Life, Love, and Hollywood

  The Joys of Working with Robert O. Berdahl

  The Highs and the Lowes?

  Battle of the Network Stars

  Don’t F*** with America’s Sweetheart!

  Prairie Home Companion

  Some of Melissa’s Favorite Foods

  Half Pint; Full Quart!

  The Large Pint Giveth and the Small Pint Taketh Away

  I Never Tripped on That Hill (But My Little Sister Did,

  Bwaaaaaahhh)

  Little Ho on the Prairie

  Bruce’s Babe

  Half Pint and Half Lit

  There’s Fire under That Gingham Dress!

  Mankato, Here I Come!

  Mr. Edwards, Your Lap Sure Is Uncomfortable

  Me, Myself, and Why

  Save the Whales: The Story of Melissa Gilbert

  Nellie’s Not a Bitch, Mary Is

  Sylvester and Me, A Secret Love Revealed

  Prairie Girl

  Ha-ha! I Never Went to Jail and You Did!

  I’m Not a Bunny Boiler

  Wild Child

  Little Pint in the Big World

  Melissa Ellen Gilbert: Just a Kid with a Career

  Baby Girl

  Melissa Gilbert: Pulling No Punches

  Melissa Gilbert: Growing Up Sweet, Living Strong

  Walking in Laura’s Shoes…Living in Mine

  Big Lights, Little House: The Melissa Gilbert Story How I Learned to Love Gingham

  This F*****g Book Should Be about Paul Christie But I Made It

  about Me Instead

  Little Girl, Big Dreams: Melissa Gilbert

  Corn Beef and Kreplach

  A Sale of Two Titties

  And You Thought Charlie Adler Was Pretty!

  A Whore in the Temple of the Arts

  The Carpet Does Match the Drapes

  I Am Not Elaine Stritch

  Don’t Read This Book

  A Little Prayer on the Housie

  The Mackerel Worker

  Mind Your Business

  Enough About Me…What Do You Think About Me?

  I Am My Own Stalker

  My Pet Cemetery Is Bigger Than Yours

  Laura Ingalls Became President of the Movie People

  All This and I’m Only Half Done!

  Fully Me: My Journey in and beyond the Prairie

  Fill the Pint

  The Prairie Moves

  Melissa Gilbert from Pigtails to Politics

  Melissa the Chosen Child

  Half Pint…a Day

  Does This Gingham Dress Make Me Look Fat?

  I F****d Rob Lowe on the Skyway to Tomorrow Land

  Things I Have Stuck Up My Nose

  Fear and Loathing in Walnut Grove

  Waaaah Waaaaahh

  Melicious Gilbert—My Prairie Tale Life

  Acting’s One Thing. Actors Are Another.

  The Kid Slays in the Picture

  Half Pint and Other Measures

  Shaking (Off) the Prairie Dust

  Little House, Big Secrets

  The Autobiography of Melissa X

  I Am Not Sara

  Half Pint…Fully Loaded

  Half Pint…After Dark

  I Love Charlie Schlatter

  Little Whore on the Prairie

  I Gave My Friend Dying from Leukemia a Fart Box

  I Am Not My Pigtails

  PHOTOGRAPHIC INSERT

  Me, approximately eight months old. This photo was taken by my dad.

  Mom, Dad, and me, the fattest baby EVER, 1964.

  My mom loved Halloween. She made all of my costumes. This one is from 1967. I look very serious for a doll!

  Me and William Windom on the set of Gunsmoke.

  My Pa directing Little House in 1975.

  Me with Victor French on set, 1975.

  My mom, me (in my Saturday Night Fever suit), Jonathan, Tricie, and Sara in Hawaii in 1979. We look perfect, don’t we?

  My mom, Auntie Lynn and Michael Landon, and my grandma at my brother’s bar mitzvah, 1980.

  My Super Celebrity Sweet 16! Victoria and Ed McMahon, me, my aunt Dotty, my mom, and my grandma.

  Seventeen and deadly at the Night of 100 Stars.

  Me at my eighteenth birthday party with friends, including Katie Daly, Chad Lowe, and Michael Landon Jr.—what a motley crew!

  Senior prom with Mike Jr. My makeup was done on the set of Splendor.

  Rob and me, happy and in love, 1981. I can’t get over what babies we were!

  With Rob, circa 1986. I really love this photo of us. Courtesy of Peter Borsari Photography.

  My Alan Greenspan (not the Chairman of the Fed). Courtesy of Toby Greenspan Zneimer.

  Lauren Holly, me, and Katie Wagner at Bo’s Birthday party in 1988 (while I was pregnant with Dakota).

  Bo and me bringing Dakota home from the hospital in New York City. All I wanted to do was get inside and curl up with my son.

  Me and Bo celebrating Christmas at my mom’s in 1989, after our first separation.

  Bruce and me, pregnant with Michael, at a sci-fi convention in Atlanta.

  Bruce holding my hand in the operating room while the doctors are delivering Michael. Not happy people.

  Kangaroo care with Michael. I love the way his tiny hand is peeping out.

  Bruce and me celebrating on the night of the SAG election recount results. All hail the conquering heroine!

  Bruce and the boys on Christmas, 2007. (FROM LEFT: Lee, Michael, Sam, Dakota, and Bruce.)

  Visiting Walnut Grove with the cast of Little House: The Musical in a really silly reproduction covered wagon. (CLOCKWISE, FROM TOP LEFT: Jenn Gambatese, Kara Lindsay, Kevin Massy, and me.)

 

 

 


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