by Heather Linn
“Cat, I want to help you here but I am not sure what you are talking about. Can you stop crying and talk to me?” He took both his thumbs and gently wiped away my tears. I wasn't big on sharing thoughts and feelings but with him it was easy.
“It is just, I mean, I guess I know I killed her, but no one else has ever said it out loud. Everyone in my life spends all their time telling me I had to do it. That I saved her from pain and torture that she couldn't handle. I always wonder if they are humoring me and they really think I am cold hearted. I do. I think I am cold hearted. I know I am, but no one else has ever said it straight out.” Jace never once tried to stop me. He never once told me to calm down. He just listened. When I ran out of things to say, he looked at me for a second, and then he spoke softly again.
“They would have raped her and since they couldn't rape her physically, they would have done something else, something more horrible to break her. You loved her and what you did was completely selfless; you saved her from her fate. Tell me you wouldn't have wanted her to do the exact same thing for you? She knew, Cat, she knew you were saving her.”
“How do you know? You weren't there.” I was angry and there was no one else there to be mad at so I took it out on him.
“You said she was looking at you like you were her savior. If this Jewel woman was half as smart as you are, she knew there was no way that you were going to be able to save her life and get her out of there. You did what she needed you to do. You saved her from the bad guys.”
As much as I wanted to argue with him, I couldn't. Why did it take a complete stranger to make me realize that Jewel was much smarter than I had given her credit for?
“Now we need to figure our situation out, before it’s too late, and to do that, I need to know that your mind is here with me and not back there. That is over and done with and there is nothing that you can do to bring her back. Let her rest Cat. Let her rest in peace.” And with that it felt like a million pounds had been lifted off my shoulders. Like for the first time in a long time, I could breathe again.
“Yesterday you were ready to die. What exactly is so different today to make you so set on getting out of here?” That was a fair question.
“Yesterday I was ready to die, you’re right, but now, my dying means you are going to die too, and I am not going to let that happen. We are going to figure out a way to get out of here, Cat.” I didn’t know why, but I believed him.
Chapter Twenty-Three
The two days that followed the meeting with Drake that determined our fates were kind of a blur. We spent hour upon hour, trying to figure out how we were going get past Drake and his murderous merry men and get out of this place. Every time anyone got close to coming to the cell, we were ready to go into action. We knew what we had to do right down to the last detail. The big problem was that Drake and his men were being so careful. No one ever got close enough to the cell for us to touch them. They were never careless enough to give us anything that we could use against them later. If my life hadn’t been on the line, I would probably have admired the way they guards were avoiding us. The fact that Drake had no idea what I was made it easier for me to admit that I was OK being in the same not knowing limbo for now.
The nights were the worse. The days, they were easy to get through. My anger for what Drake had in store for us was fuel enough to keep me planning and constantly thinking. I spent hours talking to Jace, hours listening to his stories, and even more hours talking about how great it would be to kill just one of the smirking bastards that would pass by just long enough to send a taunting remark our way. Days I could do easily, but the nights were pure hell. I was never good with silence. When the talking died off and I could hear and feel Jace's breath slow down, aware he was drifting off to sleep, that was when I let myself remember that the nightmare was real. The day brought with it hope and the chance of escape but the night brought a hopeless reality that hit me like a ton of bricks, just like it had the night before.
It was never just me and Jace alone in the dark. Darien was always there. I could see him in the distance, so close that I could smell him and if I had dared to move, I was pretty sure I could have touched him. But I knew that if I tried to reach out for him, he would disappear and I didn't want him to go. I didn’t want my connection to him, as short and sweet as it was, to end. It was all that I had.
I willed him to hear me. I screamed to him in my mind. I knew that there wasn’t a chance in hell that he was going to be able to save me, not this time, but I needed him to know that each and every second, I was thinking of him. I hated myself for being so careless with him, even more so for not telling him that he was the one that I loved and the person that I wanted to grow old with. He deserved to know that I would do anything to be able to give him the love that he would so desperately need when I was gone. Why was it so hard for me to say that word to him? Love is such a stupid concept yet I knew I loved him. Why couldn't I have just once let my words escape my heart? If I had, I wouldn't be laying here now, tortured and wondering if he believed that I loved him.
Death was never hard for the person that was dying. It’s the people that stay behind that you feel bad for. Leaving Darien would be easy for me. I wouldn't realize I was gone. The thought that he had never heard me say I love you though; that would haunt me until my least breath and maybe beyond. How selfish was I that I had walked away without telling him how I felt? I didn't deserve him, I never had, and I would never forgive myself, even if a miracle happened and I got out of Drake’s prison, I would never forgive myself for failing him and putting him through the nightmare of not knowing how I felt for him, night after silent night.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Each morning it became harder and harder to find hope. I knew the Hunt had to be soon. Drake wasn't a patient monster and I knew that if he had to wait too long to watch his master plan play out, he would find another way to end us sooner. As soon as I had that thought, I wished I hadn’t and then as if on cue, the handsome deadly Drake appeared out of nowhere.
“Hello Kitty Cat.” I hated this monster more than I hated being locked up in my putrid cell and that was a lot of hate.
“Call me Kitty Cat again and I will cut your nuts off and make you eat them.” He was going to kill me anyway, might as well get a few shots in when I could.
“You know what I like about you K-I-T-T-Y Cat?” What an asshole I thought, glaring but not saying a word. “You are so feisty. It’s your sarcasm and your pure hatred that makes it seem such a waste to take you to the Hunt tomorrow night.” I tried not to let the fear show on my face. Taking the stone cold approach always worked best for me. It was hard to achieve though; hearing someone tell you when you are going to die is genuinely unnerving.
I’ve heard people say that they would give anything to know for certain when their last day on earth would be. These people were idiots. Why in the word would you want to live your life knowing that you were getting one day closer to THE date? The day of my death was not something I ever wanted to know. Not knowing made life worth living. But thanks to this barbarian, now I knew when I would die. He was still droning on mindlessly and I was hardly paying attention, and then I heard him say something that made me think there might be a chance for me yet.
“In fact, I think I have a better plan. I can't just let you be torn limb from limb. Maybe if I leave you here in this cage, you will wise up. We would be unstoppable Cat. Me and you against the world! We could own this place baby. Think of it! The power, the riches, and the sex, oh the sex would be great,” he said licking his lips. He was still talking but I didn't need to hear the rest.
If he took the chance and let me live, maybe I could get away. He was evil, I will give him that, but he wasn't smarter than me. I could trick him into thinking I loved him. I could slowly earn his trust and then I could kill him. I let a little glimmer of hope spread across my face and he just started to laugh. It took me a second to register the sound. He was so cold and so mean, but why w
as he laughing? He was laughing so hard that he had to double over with his hands on his knees to stop himself from hitting the floor. I was getting really annoyed, mainly because I didn't know what direction to take.
“What are you laughing at?” I asked, trying to keep my voice as neutral as possible.
“If you could have seen the look on your face,” was all he managed to say before he chuckled nastily and then another wave of laughter overtook him.
A look? What look was he talking about? Had I looked petrified before when I thought I was going to die and I hadn’t realized it? Or did he mean the look of hope that crossed my face when I thought there was a chance I might live and get back to Darien? My puzzled expression just made him laugh all the harder, so I waited him out. I waited and I hoped that he was laughing about my first fearful expression and not my second hopeful one. When what seemed like eternity passed, Jace came and stood beside me and said what it was that I was too afraid to say.
“What are you laughing at idiot?” I almost wanted to cover my ears; I didn't want to know the answer. Hope was the only thing I had just then, and there was a fifty percent chance that Jace's question was going to erase my hope away.
“Did you see the look on her face?” asked Drake still grinning. Jace turned around and looked at me and I shrugged. “The look of hope you moron. For a second she believed I was really going to let her go! Even funnier than that though, she thought that I was going to keep her as a mate.” My heart sank to the floor.
“You are nothing but an evil bastard. I would rather die than be forced to spend a minute alone with scum like you.” I’m sure that Drake saw right through my cover, but I really didn't care. I just needed this to be over with. It’s a sickening feeling when you realize that even a bad ending is an ending. I realized that instant that everyone needs closure and now closure was burning into my memory with stomach turning force. It was painful but it was true. I was nearing my journey’s end.
Chapter Twenty-Five
“Well Kitty Cat, then I won't disappoint you. Let me give you a preview about what’s going to happen to the both of you and then I will leave you to say your good-byes.” His voice was still reeking with laughter and it was depressing the hell out of me. “Here’s what it is. All you humans will be herded up like the animals you are. Caged, scared and waiting; waiting for nothing but the privilege of dying for our amusement. You’ll all know that there is nothing to stop your last seconds from ticking away. Watching you wait is the part I enjoy most, because for most of you death itself will likely come quick, and sadly, you probably won't feel a thing. That is why we cage you and make you wait. We want you to feel the fear. We want you to know that we are your gods, and that we have the power to take your life on a whim. The smell of your terror gets us off. It excites us more than your blood alone could. There is nothing so tasty as blood thick with adrenaline.”
At that point his eyes began to glaze over and he sniffed the air in my direction. I heard the snap as his fangs came out. For a second I thought, just maybe he’s weak enough that a temptation to taste me will make him open the door. I knew that Jace was thinking the same thing because he grabbed my hand and he angled me back just a little. I knew he wasn’t trying to protect me, but instead he positioned us so that if that door opened even a crack, we would be well placed to spring into action and put our escape plan in motion. The odds of any plan working were slim to none, but taking a shot was better than remaining sitting ducks with no chance of survival at all. Much to our mutual disappointment, Drake suddenly managed to regain his composure, his fangs retracted and then he smiled and continued explaining his take on the Hunt.
“Have you ever had the pleasure of feeling teeth sink into you, Cat?” When I didn’t answer, he just continued to ramble, not at all affected by the fact that I was fast losing interest. “I know lover boy has over there, in fact he has been bled over and over again just for sport, just so we could watch him get close to death. That stubborn little prick never gives up though, so same as you, there is a greater purpose to him being part of the Hunt tomorrow.” Jace shivered and sat on the bunk. “I knew that he was a fighter the first time I saw him though. What I didn't know was how he could still be fighting, where he got the will to go on.” At that moment I knew that Jace was the first person in my life that I truly respected. I was pretty sick of Drake though.
“Oh would you just shut the hell up. If you are trying to get us to beg for our lives it isn't going to happen.” There was the anger that had been brewing in me since I first met this arrogant asshole, back in Akia's palace. “We get it OK Drake? You are the big bad monsters and there isn't anything we can do about it. We are going to die and you are going to live. Big deal! If I was you and I had to spend the rest of eternity knowing that I would always be second fiddle to Akia, constantly walking around in the shadow of his greatness, I would be miserable too. We aren't impressed with your daddy doesn't love me as much as he loves him crap Drake, so get over yourself.” And with that, I had made my best attempt to piss him off enough to open the cell and come at me. All I wanted was one chance.
If I could catch Drake off guard and we got out of this place, I knew that Jace and I could figure the rest on the fly. My strategy looked like it was working. Drake was moving furiously toward the cell, one hand was on the keys and the other was one reaching for the lock. I willed Jace not to move. I knew that even the tiniest hint that we were up to something would snap Drake out of his rage induced stupidity. The key was in the lock, and his hand was turning it when he calmly and slowly looked up and sneered.
“I am going to watch you die you stupid bitch. I am going to have the pleasure of seeing the man you love drain your rodent ass.” The words were hard and cold. There was no reasoning with hard and cold. “Enjoy the last night of your lives freaks.” And then he left, along with all hope of escape.
Chapter Twenty-Six
“Well Cat, we have one night left on earth. How do you want to spend it?” Jace said in his most upbeat voice. I found his flirting funny, I actually felt my lips twitch into a grin. “That a girl, I’m not going to let both of us sit here and feel sorry for ourselves. Sure we die tomorrow but so what? I was dead the moment I was born into the food class anyway; you on the other hand got to do more living than most. That makes you my hero. Let’s face it, no one gets to spend time with their heroes, and I’ve had mine all to myself for the last few days.” I was blushing. I could feel it.
“OK, I get it, you like me,” and with that we both laughed and our laughter set the tone for the rest of the day.
There was no need to spend any more time making harebrained schemes to get away because that wasn’t going to happen. Instead, we held hands, we cuddled, and we talked. He told me what life was like in a cage and I told him what life was like underground. I was so interested in learning about him and him about me, that we talked for hours about everything and nothing at all. Time moved quickly as we confessed our sins and our dirtiest secrets. I guess the promise of death does that to you. The thought of dying makes you want to wipe your slate clean.
The more I learned about Jace, the more I realized that I’d misjudged him. I thought he was so light so carefree, so when the conversation went from childish confessions like crushes and stealing to murder, it took me a second to recover my composure.
“Cat, there is something that I have to say out loud. I just have to get it off my chest, OK?” The look on his face was haunted. Part of me didn’t want to hear what he was going to say next. I had been enjoying his innocence but now an ominous feeling descended down over me, smothering me and suddenly his innocence vanished. Damn it!
“Jace, you can tell me anything, no judgments here.” He sat looking at me for a minute. I could see the uncertainty in his eyes. Whatever he was going to say next, he really believed that it would be bad enough to disgust me. I thought maybe I should brace myself for the worst, move away from him or change my position, but the look on his face made it
impossible for me to do anything but sit there and breathe and wait.
“I killed all of them,” he said softly. He wasn’t looking at me anymore. He was looking right through me. He was seeing something that no one else could see but him. I sat and I waited for him to continue. “I was one of the lucky ones. The Vampires that were in charge of our town didn’t rip families apart; instead, they let parents keep their children. I was never sure why. I guess it was a controlled experiment like everything else they did. I don’t remember the invasion; I remember growing up in fear though, knowing that at any time they could take us away from each other. Most of the families never bonded. It was a lonely, cold, friendless tactic and it was probably for the best, but my parents were different. They wanted us to know we were loved. We grew up happy; scared but happy.”
Jace paused and studied his hands, averting my eyes. “Then the day came when we found out why they let the town’s families live as families. We were destined to become an event, a horrid amusement, a demeaning game for the Vampires. Six families where chosen to square off to the death. We were forced to face the awful reality of having to kill our family members, until only one person from each family remained. The six people that won, the ones that had killed their families and survived? Well, they would then have the honor of being personal slaves to the royal lines. The thought of being a personal slave to the royals scared me to death. I had heard my share of stories about what happens to personal slaves.”
I wanted to tell him to stop; I wanted to beg him not to think about it anymore. I wanted to tell him to forget about it, to look at me and never ever again allow his mind to see what happened next, but I couldn’t. I needed to hear him say it. I needed to see if what I was thinking was what happened. I guess also, the sadistic part of me wanted to know that he was a monster just as bad as or worse than me. He was so lost and intent on telling his story that I didn’t think I could bring him back from telling it even if I had wanted to. His memories had hold of him and he couldn’t let them go.
