“We have to appear to be a happy family, without really being one. It sucks and I hate every second of this, Jillian.”
She took a gulp of air. She knew her role in this deception, but having it laid out to her this way was brutal. She wasn’t a mechanical robot. She wasn’t a woman without a soul. Her feelings and emotions were all wrapped up in this. He wasn’t deliberately trying to cut her to the quick, but it hurt like hell, anyway.
“I don’t think I can live under the same roof with you and keep my hands off,” he admitted.
“That’s what you meant when you said, ‘I am so screwed’.”
“God, Jillian, I’m not gonna lie. Having sex with you complicates things. But there’s no way around it. We’re gonna be living together, getting married. And I… unless you tell me otherwise, I do want you in my bed. Every night. Maybe that’s not fair, but…”
Why deprive themselves of a mutually satisfying affair, in the interim? That was what he was implying. And Jillian had to ask herself that, as well. Jack was someone she respected. He was a good man who had shown her what making love should be like. He was hot and sexy and, lately, the star of every version of her fondest fantasies. But could she really do this? Have scorching hot sex with this man on a regular basis, pretend to be his wife, pretend to be a family, when all of this would eventually end?
It was what she’d signed up for. She’d given Jack her promise. She was in this to the bitter end, and all she had to do on a daily basis was remind herself it was all temporary. It wasn’t real. The only objective was to insure that Jack adopt Beau.
“Jillian?” Jack was watching her carefully. He was wondering if he’d gone too far, if he’d given her a bit too much reality for the middle of the night. She could see all of that insecurity, along with deep regret, in his eyes.
“I’m here, Jack. I’m not going back on my word. But tonight, I am going back to my own bed, in the guesthouse.”
“Jillian, babe.” The plea in his voice didn’t deter her.
“It’s okay, Jack. It’s my choice and I think it’s for the best.”
“It’s always gonna be your choice,” he added.
Yeah, he would never force her to do anything. Jack wasn’t made that way, but she couldn’t spend the rest of the night in his bed. Not tonight. Ice cold water had been poured onto her soul. And she was frozen inside.
She needed time to process all of this.
Because Jack was right about one thing, having sex did complicate an already tricky situation.
*
The next day, Jack set a hand on Beau’s shoulder guiding him to a café table in the corner of Giggles and Cream. The boy’s eyes bugged out as he took in the ice cream parlor that also doubled for a candy and toy store. The shop filled with colorful stuffed animals, rainbow lollipops and chocolates was everything a child could ever dream about.
“Let’s sit down,” Jack said, “and you can decide what flavors of ice cream you want.”
Beau’s face lit up even brighter. “Do I get more than one?”
“As many flavors as you like. Only because you ate a good lunch.”
“Oh, boy.”
They each took a seat, Jack facing the entrance of the shop keeping an eye out for Jillian.
Last night he’d invited her to Giggles and Cream after lunch today for ice cream to meet Beau. Jack had the afternoon off and whenever he could arrange it, he liked to spend his free time with the boy. He wouldn’t blame Jillian if she begged off after all the crap he’d given her yesterday, but she’d texted him this morning, she would be here.
He’d been a goddamn idiot with Jillian and hurt her in the process, making her feel like that young girl from the wrong side of town again. She’d never admit that to him, but he knew, he’d witnessed it in the sad, injured look in her eyes. Had seen the slump of her shoulders today as he watched from his front window when Jillian had climbed into her car and driven off this morning. He’d only been honest with her, but he could have done better, much better, and put his cautious words in softer terms. He meant only to set some boundaries and instead he’d managed to put up mile high walls.
Beau kicked his legs under the table and fidgeted in his seat, keeping himself occupied the way eager little boys did, making Jack smile. And then Jillian walked in. Jack saw her before she found them and he rose as she sashayed across the floor, searching. The second her pretty baby blues found him, his breath froze in his throat. He was momentarily stunned. She’d changed her clothes for the ice cream date and looked gorgeous wearing a cotton candy pink and white polka dot sundress, her hair pulled into a high ponytail, Barbie style, and looked very much like she belonged on the menu at Giggles and Cream. An edible delight. Her smile was so wide, so forgiving, that Jack nearly tripped over his own boots walking over to her.
“Hi,” he said. “I’m glad you made it.”
“Hi,” she said back, peering over his shoulder to where Beau sat. “I wouldn’t disappoint Beau.”
He nodded and took her hand, refusing to read anything into her comment as they approached the table.
Jillian didn’t wait for introductions. She simply leaned down, hands on knees and looked at Beau. “Hi there. I’m Jillian. I’ve heard so much about you, Beau. Do you mind if I have ice cream with you?”
The boy smiled. “Do you get to have as many flavors as you want too?”
Jillian bobbed her head up and down. “Oh, I think so.”
“Because you ate a good lunch?”
She glanced at Jack, and he grinned back at her. “Yes, I did eat a good lunch too.” She put out her hand and Beau slid his smaller one in hers. “Nice to meet you, Beau.” They pumped a few times and then Jillian straightened.
“Can we have ice cream now?” the boy asked Jack, climbing out of his seat.
“Sure thing.”
The three of them walked over to the counter and it took some doing to pick from twenty-two flavors. Jack bought Beau an adult-sized waffle cone, dipped in chocolate and covered in sprinkles and let the boy pick out five flavors. He’d never eat it all, but that wasn’t the point. Today was all about indulging the boy and having fun.
They took their seats and Jack put a napkin around Beau’s neck for spillage. Jillian licked at her strawberry chip ice cream cone, her tongue darting in and out wrapping around the cone and Jack gave himself shit for allowing his mind to anywhere not G-rated. He focused on the child.
“Beau, Jillian and I are going to be married in a couple of weeks. We both would like you to come to our wedding. Monty will be there too and a few other friends.”
“And it’s going to be on a ranch with lots of horses and cows and, oh, a bunch of other animals,” Jillian added.
“That’s true and it’s all arranged for you to be there,” Jack said. “Would you like to come?”
Beau lifted his eyes off his cone and nodded. “Do I get to ride a horse?”
Jack darted a glance at Jillian and she smiled warmly giving him the go ahead to answer. “I think that’s possible. After the ceremony.”
“Oh, boy, thanks.” Happily, Beau resumed his destruction of the cone. Then as a thought seemed to take hold, he stopped in mid-lick to focus his big brown puppy eyes at Jillian. “Does that mean you’re gonna be my mommy?”
His innocent question bound Jack up in tight knots. How quickly five-year-old Beau had put two and two together. Jack had spoken to Beau about Jillian once before briefly in vague terms, but the boy surprised him now at how astute he was. Or had it been wishful thinking? Were Beau’s hopes and dreams wrapped up in having a family again? A father and a mother? The knot in Jack’s gut twisted a little tighter.
To Jillian’s credit, she didn’t hesitate to take hold of the situation. She reached for Beau’s hand. “I hope so, Beau. I will be Jack’s wife and if all goes as planned, you’re going to be a big part of our lives.”
“Cool beans,” the boy said with a bob of his head and Jack blurted a laugh.
Jillian g
rinned, connecting with Jack’s gaze. “Yeah, cool beans.”
And Beau went about the big business of finishing off his waffle cone.
Chapter Eight
In a town the size of Hope Wells, news of the town hero’s engagement party was noteworthy and local journalists and photographers were welcomed to the big bash. The town mayor, Judd O’Brien, strutted in, using the party as a way to make his own headlines, taking handshake photos with Jack and joking about being out of a job if Sheriff Jack Walker ever decided to go into politics.
Jack’s mouth immediately detoured south at the suggestion and everyone around them laughed. Jillian stood off to the side with Jack’s dad which was probably a mistake because Monty Walker didn’t hold back when something was on his mind and damn the consequences. “You look dazzling tonight, Jillie. And the house has never looked better. You got candles glowing inside, lights glowing outside, fine food and drink. I’m impressed. You sure know how to throw a party.”
“Thank you, Monty. It wasn’t hard putting it together. I really didn’t do much but pick up the phone and make the arrangements. Jack busted his butt working on the house this week.”
“Yeah, he’s a hard worker. You know, you and my boy make a fine couple,” he whispered into her ear. “Won’t be long before you make this union the real thing.”
Jillian quickly glanced around, making sure they were truly out of earshot of any partygoers. “Shh, Monty. Please.”
“Just saying what’s on my mind.”
“Well, put it out of your mind. It would never work.”
But Monty just kept on talking, “I see my boy seeking you out. Every second he’s had free tonight, his eyeballs land on you. That means something and you don’t know what will work unless you try.”
But Jillian did know. Jack had made his feelings clear on the subject. He didn’t want to tear open an old wound, when he was still trying to heal from the other injuries in his life. A mother abandoning her family, a fiancée calling it quits. He didn’t want a replay of the past and he was protecting his heart. She had firsthand knowledge of that healing process. It was hard, and bitter at times, with no guarantees.
They’d made their pact. Theirs was a win-win bargain and they were to keep any personal involvement to a minimum. It sounded simple on paper, but living the deception wasn’t quite so easy.
All she had to do was look at Jack and her heart began to flutter. Dressed in a slate gray two-piece suit, the collar of his shirt open, devoid of a tie, he rivaled any male cover model in elegance and sex appeal. Women eyed him openly. She couldn’t blame them; Jack was a man who could make a girl giddy. Most men admired him too; he had a sense of sarcastic humor that put smiles on faces. Jack had no idea his influence in this town. He had no idea, how highly regarded he was. Pride filled her up inside, spreading out and overtaking the rational layers of good sense that kept her heart protected and her head on straight.
Don’t get caught up in the emotion of the day.
It was true that Jack met her eyes several times tonight, but only to see if she was owning up to her part of the ruse. He was checking in, making sure she was playing her role.
Jillian spotted Ella milling about, looking a little lost and eyeing the front door as a means of escape. Jillian wasn’t going to let that happen.
“Will you excuse me for a second, Monty?” she asked and sauntered off in Ella’s direction without giving him a chance to respond.
“Ella, hi again!” Jillian grabbed her attention before she could make a run for it.
Two hours ago, Ella had made her delivery and Jillian had urged her to come back for the party. She was thrilled to see that Ella had. And she’d dressed for the occasion, wearing a slimming black dress with a skirt that flared to her knees. The fit took ten pounds off. “You look very nice,” she said.
“I haven’t dressed up in ages.”
“Well, you still have a sense of style, Ella. Just like always.” She’d been voted “best dressed” in high school.
“Thanks.” But her shoulders caved in as she took in the surroundings.
Parties used to be her thing, but now she seemed awkwardly uncomfortable. She’d been out of circulation too long, Jillian decided.
“We’re getting compliments on your pastries. Everyone is raving.”
“Really?”
“They’re as tasty as they are beautiful. You’re very talented.”
“Thanks,” she said again, a hint of a smile emerging. “I’m glad you like them. I guess I didn’t really congratulate you properly. Congrats. Jack’s an awesome guy.”
Just then, a group Jack was entertaining burst out laughing, and he was grinning along with them. From the other side of the room, he caught her eye and gave her a little wink.
“You’re very lucky,” Ella said.
“I, uh, yes. I am.”
Jack broke away from the group and walked over. He was quick to curl his arm around Jillian’s waist, his fingers digging in possessively and the gesture wasn’t lost on her. Warm tingles ran a marathon up and down her spine. Jack greeted Ella by kissing her cheek. “I’m glad you made it.”
“Congratulations.”
“Thank you. Did Jillian tell you how much everyone is enjoying your pastries? I mean, come on, they’re freakin’ sinful.”
Ella chuckled and her cheeks turned rosy. “You’ve got a way with words, Jack.”
“I mean it. I’m not gonna stick to your maple bars anymore, not that they aren’t delicious. But I think the boys at the station would love it if I showed up with a box of those chocolate lava mousse filled thingies.”
“Okay, just say the word and I’ll have them ready.”
“I’m putting my order in now. Next Friday morning at eight. Two dozen and throw in some maple bars too, for the die-hards.”
“Gotcha.”
Dakota walked up at the same time as Colby Ryan and Jillian found the mix of people in the group fascinating. Day, as Jack had introduced her, definitely had a thing for Jack’s good friend, though she was trying her best not to glare daggers at Ella who had managed to snag Colby’s attention.
The conversation was lively and Jillian found she was really enjoying getting to know Jack’s friends a little better. But the second there was a lull Jack grabbed her hand and nuzzled her throat, sending shockwaves through her body. “You mind if I drag my fiancée off for a little bit?” he asked their guests. “There’s something we need to discuss.”
“Sure Jack,” Colby said, giving them a wink. “Discuss away and don’t mind us.”
Jack gazed lovingly into Jillian’s eyes. “Don’t worry, we won’t.”
And the next thing she knew, Jillian was being whisked away to the mudroom, adjacent to the kitchen. Jack closed the door behind them, and let go a big breath. “How’re you holding up? Okay?”
Suddenly, she became aware of how tiny the room was, Jack’s presence like a towering redwood in a nursery greenhouse. “Yes, I’m enjoying myself. How about you?”
“I’m hangin’ on, babe. It’s kinda surreal with all these people here. The house is overflowing. I think half the town showed up.”
He was exaggerating, but they had invited over one hundred people. And they all seemed to be here. “It’s part of the plan.”
Jack met her eyes. “Yeah. The big plan.”
“We’re doing this for Beau.”
“Yeah.” Jack rubbed the back of his neck. “About that, I got good news tonight. The judge is gonna make a ruling on the adoption before the month is up.”
“That’s great news, Jack.” And it made all of this seem more worthwhile and less shady. “If you get the okay to adopt Beau, then it’ll all be worth it.”
“You think so?”
How could he doubt it? The two of them belonged together. Whenever Jack looked at the boy, his eyes beamed in an unmistakable glow of affection and love. “I’ve seen you together, Jack. That boy idolizes you. You’re crazy about him. You two are a good fit.”
“Thanks. I guess I need to keep hearing that. Listen, Jillian. About what I said the other night, I was out of line. I didn’t mean it the way it came out.”
She wouldn’t play ignorant. She knew what he was talking about. It was the giant elephant in the room. “It’s fine, Jack. You pulled a Monty. And you’re forgiven.”
“A Monty?” All seriousness left Jack’s face and something in his eyes twinkled. “You know, you say it like it is, blunt and brutal, but always the truth.”
“Well, hell.”
“You two are related, you know.”
“Don’t remind me,” he said, but with a smile.
He took both of her hands then and looked deep into her eyes. “I know this isn’t easy on you.”
“It’s not so hard, Walker. If I have to be hitched to someone, you’re as good a candidate as I’m going to find.”
“That so?” He squeezed her hands.
“Yeah, you spruce up nicely too.”
“Jillian,” he said, drawing her closer, pressing his mouth to her ear. “And you, in that dress, are fucking gorgeous tonight. Pardon my language, but I can’t keep my eyes off you.”
Her body heated instantly. Hearing Jack speak that way, turned her on. He was upstanding and good and honest, but with her, he seemed to let down his guard. He was more himself around her than he might even realize.
And she was glad he liked what she’d chosen to wear. She’d wondered earlier, what he’d think about her putting on a sleeveless cherry red form-fitting dress that flowed to the floor. It wasn’t indecent by any standards, yet the dress didn’t hide the shape of her body and only helped accentuate her full chest and deep curves in lacy chiffon. She’d painted her lips a rosy red and wore matching shoes and had given freedom to her long blonde waves. “Jack,” she whispered back.
He spread his hands on her waist, pulling her closer and, just as his mouth would give her a taste, the door opened.
Loving the Texas Lawman Page 11
