by Hayes, Gwen
Neither expects to find many redeeming qualities in the other. But when push comes to love, which will Dina choose? Her newly human heart…or one thousand years of duty?
*All author and editor proceeds from the sale of Oh Goddess will be donated to the Coalition for Pulmonary Fibrosis. You can find out more about the foundation at www.coalitionforpf.org.
Enjoy the following excerpt for Oh Goddess:
“In you go, Goddess.”
The mortal held open the front door to his home and gestured her in. Ondina sauntered through the threshold, but not before glaring at him. She also held back the great desire to stick out her tongue at him.
Humans were strange creatures, especially the male ones. She did not much care for being thrust into his caretaking, though she saw the wisdom of it. Until she was able to return to her own realm, she needed a guide for this one. Males had their uses. Or so she hoped.
She appraised his living area—black and steel, sleek lines and little color but for a few pieces on the walls. She ran her finger over the divan made from the skin of an animal. She doubted he had killed it himself. He was more a scholar than a hunter, yet he seemed to maintain strong masculinity. She had no doubt he attracted a fair amount of female admirers. Once again, humans were strange creatures, after all.
Ondina wandered to the wall at which he had set up an altar consisting of a large screen and several lit up boxes. Apparently, he prayed to the Gods of Technology. She faulted him not, for she also very much liked the noises and pictures from those boxes. She surveyed the devices with keen interest. Perhaps he would instruct her on their use.
Just thinking of asking him for assistance made her snarl. He had barely spoken to her on their journey here; his jaw had been set as if cast in iron. She rolled her eyes. Obstinate male. And every time he called her “Dina” her fingers clenched like bird feet on a branch. It was worse when he called her “Goddess” though. No reverence in his voice—in fact, the opposite. He may as well have been calling her “Nuisance”.
She opened her mouth to say something demeaning to him, just for fun, when a hideous noise emanated from her middle and she felt a sharp, gnawing pain. “Mortal! Quickly! There is something wrong.”
He looked unamused. “Yes, Your Highness?”
She shook her head and grabbed his hand, bringing it to her own middle. “Something growls. It hurts here.”
He laid his hand flat on her belly. “When was the last time you ate?”
“I have not. Are you insinuating that I ate a small, growling animal?”
He chuckled. “No. I am insinuating that you are hungry. What do goddesses like to eat? I’m afraid I’m all out of fresh peeled grapes.”
“So, the growling signals hunger?” She would remember that for next time. Besides, to eat would be such an adventure. She’d wanted to try flapjacks since she had saved a young woman’s heart on the Oregon Trail.
He led her to the kitchen and motioned for her to sit. “When you win the Oscar someday, I guess I will be glad I played along with this. You must be very popular with the drama club.”
She sat on a stool while he began meal preparations, accepting a goblet of what he told her was wine, but not before she smelled it for poison. She swirled it, enjoying the look of it in the glass.
Ondina studied him closely. His hair was black as night, but his eyes as blue as cornflowers. He moved about the kitchen with lazy grace, not lumbering like some fool men she had seen. She supposed he was handsome, therefore dangerous. She wondered why she had never been invoked by a woman wanting to protect herself from him. It would certainly necessitate a strong magic.
They didn’t speak while he cracked eggs into a bowl. He wasn’t snipping at her anymore, but it unsettled her more that he did not. She did not like to be ignored. She watched him a few minutes more.
“Tell me, mortal…” She stared at him thoughtfully. “If you do not believe I am here by way of magic, why are you preparing a meal for me? Why am I not on the grass of your lawn with a bruised tailbone for my troubles?”
He was stirring the mixture over the heat. “I suppose I’m wondering what you’re really about. My sister certainly believes you, and she is generally trustworthy.” He plated the eggs and set one plate in ront of her as he came around to take the stool next to hers. “I just don’t believe in conjuring and goddesses and magic bottles.”
She regarded her eggs carefully and then took a bite. “I am enjoying the eating. I should like to try a bubble bath next. Do you possess the potions to make it bubbular?”
“Bubbular?” he repeated, and then shook his head. “I suppose I could make your bathwater bubbular.”
They ate the rest of the meal in silence.
He poured them more wine and gestured to the living room. “Ondina?”
“Yes, mortal?”
He sighed. “I have a name you know.”
“How pleasant for you.”
She shrieked a bit when the goblet he thrust at her dribbled onto her hand.
He sat next to her. “Tell me why Rachel turned to spells and witchcraft.”
He looked perplexed, and her heart pinged. Just a little. It would take some getting used to, this human heart.
“Rachel is very intelligent. She is also very dedicated to her studies. She will be a fine healer someday.”
“I know that. Tell me the part I’m missing.”
Ondina sighed. “Men. Boys. Neanderthals.” His face was not yet registering understanding, so she gulped the rest of her wine and stood. “Love.” She paced the room. The subject always agitated her. “She was falling in love. She was falling hopelessly in love with one of your kind.”
“Is he a bad guy or something?”
“He is a he.” Imbecile. What more was necessary to make him a “bad guy”?
Jack stood up and blocked her path. “I’m all for Rachel finishing school before rushing into any serious relationships, but being male doesn’t equate him with being evil.”
“Does it not? Are you so sure?” She folded her arms and looked him square in the eye.
“Dina, it sounds to me like you had a really bad relationship, and you’re trying to scare my sister off men.” A subtle change came over his face as an epiphany dawned across his features. “You’re an angry lesbian, aren’t you?”
She shoved him out of her way. “Do you even know what eviscerate means?”
Ondina stomped back into the kitchen, poured the last two drops of wine into the glass and growled with frustration. She opened the door of the cold storage and removed another bottle. She stared at its closure while eyeing the opener on the counter. How in the worlds would that open this? It made no sense, surely they could have come up with an easier way to open a bottle. Maybe she should throw his chalice into a wall and see how well he liked it.
The mortal followed her into the kitchen and held out his hand for the bottle. She snorted and handed it to him. Condescending ingrate. How frustrating. Especially when he opened the bottle with ease and poured them each another glass.
“Sorry about the whole lesbian thing.” He handed her a glass. “It was very tactless of me. You seem to bring that out in me for some reason. Why don’t you tell me why you hate men.”
She pursed her lips and cocked her head. “I do not hate men. Why ever would you think that?”
Jack blinked at her. “Just a hunch. The word eviscerate comes to mind.”
“My purpose is to protect the heart of a woman, not to hate men.” She wrinkled her nose. “I just happen to find most of them to be daft.”
“You have a point. I must be daft. I just made scrambled eggs for a crazy woman who thinks she is a goddess, I’m getting ready to run her a bubbular bath, and it looks as though I’ll be putting her up for the night.” He shook his head. “Until a few short hours ago I led a very well-ordered life, you know.”
Let Me Call You Sweetheart
Gwen Hayes
Hollywood made him a star. She makes him wan
t to be a better man.
A Come Rain or Come Shine Story
Charlotte Jeeves, “Charlie” to anyone not pulling her over or collecting her taxes, is the only one in town who’s not excited about her new neighbor, TV actor Jeeves Allencaster. It’s not “cute” how they share a name, and so not charming that he steals her muffin before they’ve even met. The last thing she wants is some slick Hollywood type turning her safe, small-town haven into a circus.
If the locals have their way, though, she and Jeeves will be dating by…well, it depends on who you ask—and how much they’ve invested in the betting pool.
Jeeves hates Hollwood. Mostly he just hates the way it’s changed him. Port Grable is the total opposite of LaLa Land—the perfect place to rediscover himself. His plan didn’t include hooking up with the bitter—yet undeniably lush—girl next door. She’s not his type, yet he can’t get her off his mind.
Trouble is, to thaw the ice around her heart, he’ll have to show her the real man behind the Hollywood charade. If he still exists…
Warning: Baked-good larceny is prohibited by law in many states. Please seek competent legal advice before trying this at home.
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This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the writer’s imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locale or organizations is entirely coincidental.
Samhain Publishing, Ltd.
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Let Me Call You Sweetheart
Copyright © 2011 by Gwen Hayes
ISBN: 978-1-60928-461-9
Edited by Imogen Howson
Cover by Kendra Egert
All Rights Are Reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
First Samhain Publishing, Ltd. electronic publication: May 2011
www.samhainpublishing.com
Table of Contents
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Author’s Note
About the Author
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