by S. E. Hall
Truly, I will kill any other man who ever touches her. Laney Jo is mine, forever.
“Me too, babe, you and me,” she says, leaning to kiss me softly. “Can I touch you now?”
“Sweetheart, you can do anything you want. And for future reference, you never have to ask.”
She laughs out loud and slowly moves her hand below my waistband. The trail of her fingers leaves my skin on fire, and when she runs one fingertip all the way down my cock, I grind my teeth. She pulls down my pants and just stares…and stares.
“Umm, sugar, you okay? Feeling a little exposed.”
She blushes and bites her bottom lip. “Sorry, I just, um, it’s just…”
I can’t help but laugh a little; I know she’s never seen one before. “Don’t be afraid to tell me what you’re thinking, sweet girl.”
She takes a deep breath. “It’s…beautiful. I mean, I guess, I mean, I think it is… And big. Like, how does…um…”
Oh yeah. Damn, my girl is adorable. She’s my innocently curious vixen and I get to share every first with her. I get to be her only. I get to show her exactly what happens and how things feel when a man loves a woman with everything he is.
“Come here, cutie.” I pull her in for a kiss, rubbing my hands up and down her arms to relax her. “Laney, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me, baby.”
“Oh, no you don’t, mister! I wanna play, and you’re gonna teach me,” she says with her stubborn lil’ sass. But then she turns sultry and takes my hand with hers down to my aching erection. “Show me what to do, Evan. Show me what you like.”
Yes, Ma’am.
DISTANCE
The rest of the summer flew by in a blissful yet shadowed haze, Evan and I exploring our relationship even as the looming end to it drew near, eventually leaving me alone to settle into Operation: Laney’s a Big Girl.
I miss him.
It’s only been two weeks, but the texts and calls every day don’t begin to fill the void. I need to see him, hold him, smell him… I’m miserable without him.
Our last day together haunts me. In the end, I won the argument, an empty victory: we would not be starting college as a “couple.”
“It’s nothing but space, Laney,” he said, dropping a kiss on my forehead. “It means nothing. I’m still yours. I’ll always be yours.” Holding me tight, kissing me tenderly, he tried not to tear up.
God, he felt so right against me. Could I just crawl inside and go with him? How do I possibly meet each day without Evan?
“It’s not goodbye, my love, it’s just see ya later. Remember that, okay?” His hands held my face, forcing me to look into his beautiful blue eyes; the eyes that twinkle with my smiles and cloud with my frowns. Eyes that have watched over me for so many years.
When I close my eyes at night, our farewell plays on a reel in my mind that I can’t escape. We kissed goodbye a hundred times. We held each other with desperation, tears streaming down my face, and finally we headed down our own paths. Just like that, as quickly as our love came out in the open, it crawled back in the shadows; the shortest fairytale ever written.
Also haunting me…the last letter from my “admirer.” It was waiting in my lobby mailbox my first day, postmarked Savannah, GA, mailed three days prior. A congratulations card with a personal message: “Good luck at college, Laney Jo! Be as great as I know you are!” I’m trying to remain positive. It was mailed, which means he’s not here.
My classes seem good and softball weight training starts next week. The girls on the team I’ve met so far seem nice, and I’m chalking up my lack of enthusiasm to a new team and new girls. Most days I rely solely on my massive iTunes account and earbuds to offer solace.
My roommate’s name is Bennett, and so far she seems like a very cool girl. She reminds me a lot of Kaitlyn, which helps; so far we get along great. Bennett is a drama major and I’m already quite sure it was the perfect choice for her. Everything is “worth talking about” to her, and almost anything, including the wind, a chair, you name it…can elicit “a feeling.” She’s quickly turning into my saving grace; her flamboyance and whimsical charm often distract me from feeling completely alone.
“What are your plans this weekend, girl?” She’s sprawled across her bed, which I have nicknamed Crayon Box because it is the size of one and encompasses every color I know, and some I don’t.
“Nothing great. Evan’s got speed camp, so I won’t be seeing him, yet again. Why, what’s up?” I’ve told her a bit about Evan, as much as I’m willing to tell someone I’ve known for two weeks.
“Welllll,” the drama major drags out for effect, “I think we should do the Hall Crawl Friday night.”
“What’s the Hall Crawl?” I’m not expecting to even halfway like the answer.
“It’s like a meet and greet through the whole dorm. The boys’ rooms are open, and they serve snacks, drinks, play music, whatever. All the girls start to their left of their own room, and when they announce over the intercom, you go to the next room till you’ve made it through the whole dorm!”
“K…couple questions, in order of importance of course. Do we actually have to crawl?”
“No, silly goosehead, that’s just a cute name.”
Okay, I feel minimally better. “Well, that’s a bonus. Do they hand out rape whistles?”
“Laney, all doors have to stay open, and roommates go in pairs. It’s a tradition, and they wouldn’t still have it if anything had ever happened. You worry too much.”
“Are you still gonna do it if I don’t?”
“I don’t know if I can do it alone. I think it’s a rule to go in pairs. But if I can, absolutely.”
I knew that was coming, and there’s no way I’m letting her to go by herself, nor do I want to be the reason she can’t do it… “Okay, Friday night? What time?”
“Starts at seven.”
“You owe me big, Bennett.” Yup, she’s a lot like Kaitlyn.
“Hey,” he answers huskily. Hearing his voice settles me. I close my eyes to center on this sense. I need what I can have of him to infiltrate me, to bathe me in comfort.
“Hey, you, whatcha doing?” Getting it out takes effort, my throat is constricted.
“Just leaving practice, gonna swing by and get something to eat. You?”
“Nothing, just missing you. I was thinking today how we’ve never gone this long without seeing each other before.”
“I know, I feel it, too. Soon though, I promise. I’ll make it to you soon.”
I shudder at the crack in his voice. His pain is my pain. “Maybe I could make it to you?”
“Well, you know I have speed camp this weekend. I mean, I’m done mid-Sunday, but that doesn’t allow for the drive. I can’t miss class Monday.” His sigh breaks my heart even further.
“It’s okay, we’ll figure out something soon. So, have you seen Kaitlyn around?” I attempt cheerfulness. I know he’s as frustrated as I am, so I force a subject change.
“I actually haven’t yet. Tell her to text me so we can meet up and say hey.”
“Will do, I need to call and catch up with her anyway, maybe invite her down for the weekend. You think she knows how to hall crawl?”
“What the hell is Hall Crawl?”
Oh good, I’m not the only one who didn’t know. “Well, before you panic, there’s no actual crawling. Apparently it’s like open house night, where all the girls follow a pattern and go meet all the guys. They keep their doors open and serve snacks and drinks.” It sounds even more pathetic when said out loud.
“And you’re doing it?”
“Looks like it. I don’t want Bennett to do it alone, which she will if I refuse. Anyway, they’ve been doing it for years, so I guess it will be okay.”
“I don’t like it, Laney. The thought of you going to visit every guy’s room in the dorm doesn’t give me the warm fuzzies.” He sounds mad.
“Okay, why exactly do you feel that way? I’ve already thought about the danger aspect. The resid
ent advisors are in the building.” I understand his concern—I had it initially—but it’s been covered.
“It’s not just that, shortcake. I don’t know. I just don’t want you in other guys’ rooms. Would you like me in other girls’ rooms?”
No, no, I would not, but I choose not to think about things I can’t control. It’s just easier that way.
“Ev, it’s like an open house, a planned event. It’s not me just going to a specific dude’s room just because.”
Am I rationalizing right now? This damn crawl brawl or whatever is not worth fighting with him about. I couldn’t care less about it, but I care about our boundaries. This is exactly why dating whole colleges apart wouldn’t have worked.
“Laney, I don’t want to fight. I’m tired, I’m hungry, and I miss you so bad. Maybe I’m being crazy. Let me think and I’ll call you back.”
“Okay.”
I need an objective opinion on this, but my options are few. I can’t ask Kaitlyn, she could never be objective about a “meet guys” situation. I can’t ask Bennett, she wants a partner in crime, and if I ask my dad, he’ll be here packing my stuff within the hour.
Any chance this answer will come up on a Google search? Maybe I could ask Jeeves? Siri? That chick knows everything.
After about an hour of miserably self-analyzing, “Ho Hey” saves me. He’s calling me back.
“Evan.” It’s more an exhale than a word.
“I’m sorry, precious girl. Forgive me?”
“Nothing to forgive. I understand you’re looking out for me. I’m not gonna go.”
“No, Laney, go. I was being jealous and dumb. I don’t get to do that, I know. Get out and meet some people.” The silence stretches on for what seems like minutes. His heavy breath comes across the line, the torture audible. “It’s great of you to look out for your roommate. I broke my promise to you. I’m not with you. I can’t expect you to sit and do nothing all the time.”
“You didn’t break a promise, Evan. You are where I am, all the time. Every song, every thought, every day…you’re here.” The agony in my voice impossible to hide. “Did you know this would be so hard?”
“Not even close; I couldn’t have imagined. God, this sucks. I miss you so damn bad I ache, Laney.” He chokes up a bit. “But you need to get out and live. Go to the crawl. I’m so proud of you, taking on the world.”
“Thank you for calling me back and for always having my back. You’re so easy to fight with.” I laugh softly. “I’ll sleep on it and see.”
He sighs. We both do that a lot lately. “Did I mention how much I miss you?”
“Me too, every minute. I’d kill for a Disney marathon in your arms right now.” I can’t help tearing up a little.
“We could fall asleep watching one together. I packed mine for when you visit.” His laugh is fake. “What’s your heart desire tonight, princess?”
“You, here with me.”
“Awww, baby. Damn. You’re killing me.”
“I’m sorry, I know, I know, just slipped out. Okay, I pick The Lion King, sound good?”
“Sounds great,” he mumbles, trying to hide his sigh. And that’s what we did; we did us.
When I wake up the next morning, my call had ended but there was a text waiting.
Evan: Good night and sweet dreams my love, near or far I love falling asleep with you.
GOTTA CRAWL BEFORE YA WALK
Classes weren’t too brutal today and practice was short and sweet. Dragging myself into my room, I throw everything at the end of my bed and crash into it face first. I thought I was still undecided on the whole Hall Crawl thing; I should’ve known my mind was made up for me. Bennett’s enthusiasm can barely be contained in our room and she makes me miss Kaitlyn. I’ve got to call her soon. We haven’t talked since school started.
“Get up, girly swirly, we have to get ready! Are you excited? I’m so excited! What a creative way to bring people together!”
Oh God, Bennett is so close to being an obnoxious socialite, but then she throws in the “deeper” meaning at the end. Love her, though, already.
I grumble into the bathroom to shower as she puts her beautiful dark red mane into foam rollers. Amazingly, I’ve adapted to being in the bathroom at the same time as her. Good thing, or else I’d never get to use it.
“You gonna let me make you up tonight, Laney?”
“No. I don’t need to impress anybody. I’m warnin’ ya, B, this is gonna be very low key for me. Oh! I almost forgot, I wanna come up with a word or sign so that if either of us is uncomfortable, it means we’re getting the hell out of Dodge.”
“Laney, my personal bodyguard.” She giggles. “You think of everything! Okay, so how about if we say, ‘these shoes are killing me, I have to go change.’ Or we could sneeze three times in a row?”
“Um, I’m not sure I know how to fake sneeze and I’m wearing flip flops, but sure, sounds good. Will you hand me a towel?”
She tosses me one and urges me to hurry. We have like, two hours, and she’s about to learn firsthand that it doesn’t take me that long to get ready. In fact, I throw on jeans, a nice top, and flip flops, dry and straighten my hair, add a little bit of mascara and lip gloss and voila! I’m ready, so I have time to call Kaitlyn.
We talk for a bit, catch each other up about our classes and our teams, but something’s off. It just doesn’t feel like talking to the same Kaitlyn. What a difference a few weeks have made.
“So, do you ever see Evan?”
“Ya, I saw him at a party the other night. He said we should hang, but we’ve both been busy lately. What about you, have you seen him?”
“No, not in weeks now.” I don’t add how much it feels like I’ve lost one of my limbs.
“Ohhh, Laney, you okay? Maybe he and I could do a road trip to you.”
“Yeah, let’s plan it soon. I mean, college is supposed to be awesome, right? I’m so not feeling that way.”
Bennett walks in the room looking glamorous; she really can’t help it. Her little green dress accentuates her perfect figure (I’m guessing size two), auburn locks, and green eyes. She’s one of the most naturally beautiful girls I’ve ever seen. She’s real life Ariel.
“You ready?” she mouths.
“Listen, Kait, I gotta go to some open dorm crawling thing. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
“I thought you said college wasn’t awesome? That sounds pretty awesome.” She laughs. “Have some fun for me!”
“Love you, Kait, talk soon.” I feel a little jealous as I hang up; she sounded happy and excited about life. I sounded like a depressive flop. She could literally go search Evan out and be near him in ten minutes if she tried hard enough. I haven’t been close to him in what seems like forever.
Bennett looks ready to crawl out of her skin, hands on hips and top tapping, so I paste on a smile.
“Yup—let’s go,” I choke out, forcing my feet to move.
We head down to the student lobby to get checked in and some Elle Woods wannabe slaps a nametag on my chest. “Um, you spelled my name wrong. It’s L-a-n-e-y.”
“Oh well, close enough!” she chirps back at me.
Yeah, she’s really good at her job. Meet and greet people with the wrong name?
“Come on, Laney.” Bennett laughs and speaks too loudly as she pulls me along. “Let’s have some f-u-n.”
Couldn’t have come up with a better one myself.
The first room is occupied by Dumb and Dumber. I’m not a fan of the movie, either. They offer us beers and their snack is cheese in a can, no crackers. I sneeze like, five times in a row and pull Bennett out; I have absolutely no tolerance tonight. As we walk down the hall, reviewing those ten minutes we’re never getting back, the RA announces it’s “switch” time. Way ahead of ya!
Room two belongs to what’s-his-name, a soccer player, and his roommate, who simply gives us a “sup” head nod. They, too, serve beer and no snack. Not that I’m hungry or thirsty, or even trying to feign i
nterest in this whole extravaganza, but were the boys not told to even try? For God’s sake—if you know the parade starts tonight, at least kick your streaked underwear under the bed and switch the trash! How 90% of girls my age aren’t virgins is beyond me. The thought makes me miss perfect Evan, so I walk just outside the door, still with Bennett in view, and text him.
Laney: As if you didn’t b4, you’re looking even more like a Prince now
Evan: Why is that?
Laney: 2 rooms into this and I’ve been offered cheese in a can and spotted streaked underwear. You should be outside of your mind with jealousy.
Evan: Lol. So basically I’m a God, you finally realize it and r now ruined for all other men?
Laney: That was already the case b4 tonight.
Evan: I love it when you say things like that. I miss you.
Laney: Miss you too. Gotta go to hell #3, ttyl.
The RA again announces switch. Putting my phone away, Bennett appears and we head off down the yellow brick road. It won’t even slightly surprise me if the next two are representing the Lollipop Guild.
Try three isn’t a complete loss. Zach and Drew actually remind me a bit of Parker and Matt back home. Zach is a big, football-playing junior who seems nice enough. If I had to put money on it, I’d say he’s 6’4” and 240, but his size isn’t intimidating, the big brother vibe oozes off him. Drew is a huge flirt, but you can tell he’s harmless.
They have wine coolers “for the ladies” and a sweet but pathetic attempt at a spread of finger foods. I take a seat to talk with Zach comfortably; it’s like talking to Parker. He’s quite funny and even finds a marker and fixes my nametag when I tell him that story.
“Hey, blondie,” Drew says from the couch, where he’s sitting with Bennett, “what’s your story?”
So many options on what to do with this… “What, you mean besides the color of my hair? I mean, what more is there really?” I bat my eyelashes at him, cocking one shoulder up to my chin.
“Ya, like you got a boyfriend? Where you from? Whatever.”
