by Marilyn Lee
A muscle in his jaw jerked before he lowered his lids for several moments.
She frowned. “Dan? What’s wrong?”
He shook his head.
“Dan?”
Just as she was sure he was trying to find a way to leave gracefully, he looked up again.
She caught her breath at the stark look in his eyes. “It’s more than you bargained for, isn’t it?”
He nodded. “Actually, it is.”
She sighed. “I knew it. What man your age would want a relationship with a woman who couldn’t give him at least one child?”
He shook his head. “Before you jump to conclusions, you should know I don’t have to father biological kids to feel like a man, Jule.”
She pressed a clenched fist against her chest. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do.”
“How can you? You’re young, handsome, and successful. What man in your position wouldn’t want kids?”
“I told you nothing you could say would make any difference about how I feel about you. That hasn’t changed.”
“How can my inability to have kids not matter to you?” She paused, frowning. “Unless you didn’t really mean any of the things you said.”
He shook his head, a slight smile curving the corners of his mouth. “You are one difficult person to convince.”
“The only reason I can imagine it not being an issue for you is if you don’t want kids.”
“Oh I want kids as much as the next man.”
“Then why isn’t my inability to conceive an issue for you?”
He raked a hand through his hair. “You’re not the only one tortured by a painful secret, Jule.”
“I’m not?” She paused. “Can you share yours?”
“This is not something I’ve admitted to anyone else…not even Ti.”
“You can tell me, Dan.”
He sighed. “This is not an easy thing for me to admit—even after listening to your admission.”
She squeezed his hand. “Will it help if I tell you that nothing short of your being an ax-murderer with several dead ex-lovers in your past will change how I feel about you?”
He laughed. “Yes. It does. I can understand and accept your inability to bear children because it’s a problem I share.”
“What problem?”
He raked a hand through his hair. “I can’t father kids.”
“You mean you’re physically incapable of fathering kids?’
“Yes!”
The one tersely spoken word was filled with regret. She gripped his hand. “Can you talk about it?”
“I played football in college. In my junior year, I was seriously injured during a tackle. I…The bottom line is that I’m…I can’t…” He took a deep breath. “There’s more than an eighty percent chance that I’ll never be able to father children naturally.”
“Oh Dan. That still leaves a twenty percent chance.”
He shook his head. “It took me awhile to come to terms with my…situation. At first I thought it didn’t matter. By the time I turned 22 the reality hit me. Then it took another two years to accept it all over again. I’ve done that now and I can handle it.”
She touched his cheek. “I’m so sorry, Danny.”
“So am I. There are worse things in the world than not being able to father kids. The state is filled with kids who are longing and hoping to be adopted.” He shrugged. “Maybe you and I could adopt one or two of them and provide a loving home. Does that sound like something you’d like to do with me?”
While it would be nice to join him in his lust-induced fantasy, one of them needed to be rational. “We’ve known each other one night, Dan. It’s far too early to talk as if we’re in a real relationship. Even if you don’t mind about having your own kids, there’s the age difference and the—”
“Which I knew about before last night—as did you.”
She released his hand and nodded. “I did know about the age difference.”
“But?”
“But it didn’t matter because you were only going to be a one-night stand.”
“Why should fourteen years matter when I know you’re the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with?”
Hearing the sincerity in his voice, her eyes welled. “Please be careful what you say, Dan.”
He wiped the single tear that rolled down her cheek away with his thumb. “So? You want to be my woman?”
Did she want to risk starting a relationship with a handsome younger lover whose lovemaking turned her world upside down? Despite the age and race difference, there didn’t appear to be a downside to dating him. And yet…”I want to scream yes right now, Dan, but I think I need some time to think.”
“How much time do you need?”
“I don’t know, but I know it’s impossible to think rationally with you here.”
“You want me to go?”
“I don’t want you to go, but I need you to go.”
He sighed. “Now?”
“Yes. Now. Please.”
“Okay. I guess I can’t expect you to feel as strongly as I do—yet.” He raked a hand through his hair and rose. “When can I see you again?”
“I need a few weeks to—”
“A few weeks?” He shook his head. “Forget it.” He stared down at her. “There’s no way I’m staying away from you for a few weeks.”
She sighed. “You said you’d be patient.”
“I didn’t say I’d be patient for weeks.”
She looked up at him. “Okay. How long will you be patient?”
“I don’t know, but I’ll tell you now, it’s not going to be weeks.” He bent his head and pressed a slow, warm kiss against her lips. “If you keep me waiting too long, I’ll have to come and change your mind.”
“I have no desire to string you along, Dan. My emotions are in turmoil and I just need time to sort them out.”
“Okay. I’m leaving, but know that I won’t wait for too long.”
She watched him walk out of her living room. Moments later, she heard her apartment door open and close. Damn. He was gone. She closed her eyes and leaned back against the loveseat. I hope you know what you’re doing letting him walk away even for a short time, Jule. You are so going to regret it if he comes to his senses once he’s away from you, shakes the dust off his feet, and never looks back.
She sat in the living room uncertain what her next move should be. Should she call Tia and grill her about Dan? Should she call Ti? Or should she just wait to see if he called again before she allowed herself to get too excited?
After two hours, she became drowsy. She’d take a nap and then decide what her next move should be. She rose. Her doorbell rang. When she answered she found a delivery man with two dozen roses.
Taking the roses to her bedroom, she read the four hand-written words on the card, I love you. Dan.
She smiled and did a slow striptease, imagining she was disrobing for Dan. Standing naked in front of her mirror, she was amazed at how horny she’d managed to keep him. She’d know soon enough if there was any substance to the feelings he’d admitted to having for her.
Giving her dark, well-padded figure one last look, she slipped into bed. She turned onto her side to face the roses. If you’re not very careful, you’ll find yourself in love with him too. So be careful.
Careful hell. If Dan is really is in love with you, there is no way you are going to resist returning the favor. He knows all your secrets now. If he comes back for more, you can start to take him seriously.
She closed her eyes and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. When she woke later, she called Tia.
“It’s about time,” Tia grumbled. “I’ve been practically holding my cell in my hand since last night. How did it go?”
“Let’s have dinner at Pauli’s,” she suggested of their favorite restaurant.
“Sure, but I’m dying to know how things went.”
“I’m about to shower. Can talking wait?”
&
nbsp; “You are killing me, girl.”
“Tia.”
“Fine. Dinner in two hours at Pauli’s.”
“Thanks, Tia.”
They ordered their meals and sat sipping ice tea.
Tia pushed her glass away and leaned across the table. “Well? How did things go with Dan? What did you think of him?”
“He’s too good to be true.”
Tia frowned. “In what way?”
Jule struggled. “He’s handsome, virile, he has a job, he doesn’t expect me to be his sugar mama, he likes older women and he thinks my less than flat stomach is sexy. Of course he’s too good to be true.”
Tia grimaced. “You are such a hard sell. If he didn’t have assets I wouldn’t have set you two up.”
“You set us up for a one-night stand.”
“Did I?”
“Of course you did.”
Tia shrugged. “If you say so.”
Jule ground her teeth. “You are making me crazy, Tia!”
Tia sighed. “Why can’t you just go with the flow, Jule and see where things lead?”
“Because he’s too good to be true.”
“Hmmm. How are you going to know that before you give him a chance?”
She frowned. “I hate it when you do that.”
Tia widened her eyes. “Do what? Suggest you be reasonable?”
They stared at each other in silence—until Jule’s lips twitched. Then they both laughed.
Tia grinned. “That’s better. Now give it up. How are you feeling?”
“I’m scared.”
Tia nodded. “I know you must be, but that’s part of living. I think you should follow your heart.”
“Tell me everything you know about him, Tia.”
“That’s what he asked when he showed up unexpectedly at the house this afternoon.”
Jule nibbled at her dinner roll. “He asked you about me?”
“Either you’re in love or your hearing is going. Isn’t that what I just said?”
“What did you tell him?”
“Nothing I hadn’t already told him. You know me well enough to know that I didn’t betray any of your confidences to him.”
She nodded impatiently. “Of course I know that.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“It’s just that…” She sighed. “Never mind. What do you know about him?”
“Not much more than I told you. He’s very successful, single and knows what he wants, which is you.” Tia grinned. “You are one lucky woman.”
“I know he wants me now. I’m just not sure how long he’ll want me.”
“That’s the million dollar question. Wouldn’t we all like assurances that love is going to last forever?”
“Love? Who said anything about love?”
“He did. I know he’s in love with you. I know that must be scary so early in the relationship, but let’s be real, Jule. Love doesn’t come with any guarantees.”
“I know that.”
“How do you feel about him?”
“I want him.”
“He wants you. You want him. Sounds like a match made in heaven.”
“Maybe, but—”
“I don’t see a problem, Jule.”
“The problem is he can’t really be in love with me.”
Tia scooped up a spoonful of chocolate ice cream. “Why not? Wait a sec. Let me guess. Because you don’t believe in love at first sight?”
“Come on, Tia. Be honest. Who really believes in love at first sight?”
“Excuse me? I believe in it. Martin and I both fell in love the moment we saw each other. And in case you haven’t noticed lately, we’re still in love with each other.”
“I know you two are still in love, but I think you mean you fell in lust at first sight. Not love.”
“No I don’t mean we fell into lust at first sight.”
“Lust can happen on sight. You can’t love someone you don’t know. Really knowing someone takes time.”
Tia cast a quick glance up towards the ceiling. “I have a news flash for you, Jule. Just because you don’t believe in love at first sight, doesn’t mean it can’t and doesn’t happen.”
Jule shrugged. “Who says I don’t believe in it?”
“If you believe in it, why are you so certain he can’t be in love with you?” She frowned. “Did you tell him about…”
“Yes. I told him.”
“And?”
“And he said it didn’t matter.” She hesitated before deciding she couldn’t share Dan’s confession with Tia without his permission.
“And?” Tia prompted.
“And I believed him.”
Tia pointed a finger at her, her dark eyes shining. “There. You see? He loves you.” She tilted her head. “What about you?”
She shrugged. “I could easily lose my heart to him.”
“Could or have?”
She shook her head. “To be honest, I don’t know which. That’s what scares me about how I feel.”
“But you definitely like him?”
“I definitely more than like him.”
“Then just go with the flow, girl, and see where it leads you. I know that accountant’s brain of yours wants to look at it from all angles in practical terms, but for once, just feel instead of analyzing everything two ways from Sunday.”
“Two ways from…I don’t do that.”
“Oh yes you do, but you’re not going to do it this time.”
“Tia—”
“Don’t Tia me. Promise me you’ll be a woman first and an accountant last.”
“Okay. I promise.”
“Good. Now. Let’s eat so we can go shopping for our dresses.”
“Our dresses? I’m always up for shopping. Are we buying dresses for a special occasion?”
“We’re going shopping for dresses for your wedding.” Tia pretended to dab at her eyes. “I just know I’m going to cry.”
Jule laughed. “My wedding? Get a grip, girl. I’ve known him one night.”
Tia nodded and clasped her hands together. “That’s what makes it all so very romantic. He took one look at you weeks earlier and fell in love. Now that he’s met you and spent an absolutely magical night with you, he’s even more in love.”
“And just how do you know the night was magical?”
“You mean besides the gooey look in your eyes?”
Jule grimaced. “Yes. Aside from that.”
“He told me his night with you was magical. What could be sweeter?” Tia shook her head. “If I keep thinking about it, I’m going to start crying now.” She reached out and clasped Jule’s hand. “I am so happy for you.”
She eased her hand from Tia’s. “Don’t get nuts, girl. Not yet. You’ll get me all worked up and believing this is real and if it turns out not to be, I’ll be crushed. Let’s talk about something else.”
“Fine, but I can see the writing on the wall—even if you won’t see it. And I am not going to be caught flatfooted when he pops the question and you scream yes. So let’s go shopping.”
She shook her head. “You are absolutely impossible.”
Tia laughed. “I know. So let’s shop.”
They went shopping, but Jule resisted Tia’s efforts to buy a special dress.
“Fine, play hardball, Jule.”
She laughed and slipped an arm through Tia’s. “Lighten up, girl.”
Tia gave her an exaggerated sniff. “Whatever.” She smiled suddenly. “Let’s see how strong you are when we get to Victoria’s Secret.”
Once they were surrounded by exquisite lingerie, thoughts of Dan’s reaction as he removed one of the many sexy teddies or thongs excited Jule. When she couldn’t decide between three different teddies, she bought all three.
Tia smiled. “So you won’t admit he could be your Mr. Right, but you plan to keep him a happy Mr. Wrong?”
Jule laughed. “Stop that. I just need a little space and time.”
“All kidding aside, Ju
le, why do you need time if it feels right with him?”
“I didn’t say…”
“I know you didn’t say it feels right. You didn’t have to. I know you just as well as you know me. So I’m wondering why you feel the need to keep him dangling.”
She turned from the mirror where she’d been admiring herself in a black lace teddy. “I don’t think it’s fair to say I’m keeping him dangling. We’ve spent one night together and shared one meal. It’s not like I’ve been stringing him along for months.”
Tia nodded and lifted her hands, palms out. “You’re right, but I’m just so anxious to see you in a happy relationship again, I’m running ahead while you’re still walking. Bear with me.”
“I know it’s just because you’re excited for me, but I need to be sure it’s real for both of us.”
“Before what? Are you having issues with his age?”
Julie shrugged. “Maybe a little issue.”
“Why?”
“Let me dress.” She returned to the dressing room. After she emerged, they walked to the counter together.
When she handed the sales woman her credit card, she turned to face Tia. “He’s fourteen years younger and he’s gorgeous. He should have a supermodel on each arm.”
Tia nodded. “You know you’re right.” She looked Jule up and down. “So what the heck does he see in you?”
“Hey, girl!”
“Don’t hey girl me. I’m agreeing with you.”
“When I don’t want you to.”
Tia laughed and then quickly sobered. “Even if you think he should be with supermodels, you need to realize that’s not what he wants. He wants you. And you know what, girl? You look pretty good yourself.”
“Oh Tia you are adorable.”
“Yes. I am.” She glanced at her watch. “It’s getting late. We’d better get out of here.”
Later that night Jule lay awake reliving every minute of the previous night spent in Dan’s arms. She tossed and turned and ached with desire as she recalled his alternatively sweet and fierce lovemaking. In the early morning hours, she convinced herself she’d made the right decision insisting on time to decide if she wanted to toss what was left of her inhibitions aside and fully embrace a relationship with him.
She finally fell asleep sometime after two a.m. She woke feeling tired and uncertain. After emerging from her shower, she sat on the side of her bed, smiling as she reread the card that had accompanied the roses.
