by Mj Fields
I wasn’t surprised that I slept that late, I had done it many times before.
“I want you to turn around and walk out that door. If you come back, I will fuck you up, do you understand me?”
“Would you fucking listen to me? I said I was sorry, I was grieving too, Irons. She gets it and Will was her brother. I was wrong, okay, it’s time to move on.”
“Because you came here asking permission to date Francesca. Are you out of you god damn mind?”
“We have a connection and last night, I know she felt it too. I am asking you because I think she sees you as a brother. I will pursue her without your permission. I just thought it would be the right thing to do by her.”
“You have a better chance of seeing God, Ace. Permission denied. Now get the hell out of my house.”
I lay down and closed my eyes. I desperately wanted to go back to sleep. I heard the door slam and jumped up to see if I could see him. I did see him. He was running down the beach.
I got up and threw on my clothes and called a cab.
I wouldn’t be here when he returned. I knew that whatever we said to each other wouldn’t be nice. I knew that I wasn’t ready for him to tell me he was done. That he wouldn’t put up with me. Inside I knew it would happen sooner or later, but I didn’t want it to happen now.
I wrote a note and sprinted outside to catch my cab.
* * *
I STAYED IN my room the entire day and waited for Jax to call, to text, to knock down my door and demand an explanation, but he didn’t.
I showered at midnight, trying to relax my body enough so that I could at least get a few hours sleep before class.
When I came out, I checked my phone and there was one message from Jax.
Did he come inside you?… Irons
That’s all he asked and it broke my heart. Tears raced down my face as I texted back:
I didn’t have sex with him Jax. I wouldn’t have done that… Me
He didn’t reply.
The next day was horrible. I had so much work piled on me that I wasn’t sure how I would get it done when I was spending three days on base. I tried to convince myself that I was, in fact, being ridiculous, I could surely get it done because I no longer had a life.
When I got home, I called my mom. I was now worrying that Jax may have. That maybe he wasn’t talking to be because he knew everything. All my dark secrets.
“Hola, Francesca.” Mom sounded happy so I had to do the same.
“Hola, mami.”
“It’s good to hear your voice!”
“We text every day,” I laughed.
“Not the same, mia.”
“I know.”
We talked for an hour about school and the study. Never once was Jaxson Irons brought up. We made plans for dinner in two weeks, and honestly, I couldn’t wait.
My mom sounded good. For once there was no fighting, no telling her to leave me alone, and no trying to backpedal, knowing I had hurt her and my father. That’s what it had been like for two years after Will’s death. In my darkness, there was no quiet. It was like a summer storm that tore apart anything in its path. That made physical pain not only wanted, but needed, to make the emotional hell subside and quiet down, until it started again.
Saturday night I felt it starting. I did find hope in the dark storm. The moment I knew I would cross a line that I could not return from, I finally received a call from Jax and then the storm clouds parted, until I smelled perfume on him.
The days on base were spent with exercise physiologists, going over findings of studies conducted in different areas. Our plan was to get more in-depth, to find more evidence supporting the findings already completed and discover more evidence supporting our cause. I threw myself into my work. I didn’t give myself a chance to think about Jax.
It wasn’t easy at night. I fought against myself but for once I was winning.
On Friday, I walked out of the office, looking down at my feet. I had done this all week. I didn’t wanna see Jax because I was sure the look he would give me would tell me we were through. As if the fact that all communication had ceased didn’t say that loud enough. But I wasn’t ready to accept the inevitable, so I tried to ignore it. It was also the reason I waited until after five to leave. I knew no one would be there.
It was no surprise that when I walked out the door, I ran into a brick wall and nearly fell on my ass. That brick wall was Jax. He grabbed me before I could fall and that connection, made my body ignite immediately.
I looked up at him, expecting him to release my arm, but he didn’t. His gaze was intense and caused me to tremble. His grip tightened as his eyes raked down my body, stopping for a moment, no doubt checking out the effect he had on me. This caused my nipples to harden even more and the burn in my belly began to ignite.
He looked around and walked around the side of the building to a door that said authorized personnel. He swiped his badge and opened the door, dragging me inside behind him.
It was a storage area and it was totally dark.
When the door shut, I couldn’t see anything, but it didn’t matter. I could sense him and finally, I could feel him.
One arm snaked around my waist and pulled me harshly into him. I heard his zipper and then his hand was under my dress. He tore my panties and lifted me.
“Legs around me,” he growled, and I did as he asked.
One finger and then two entered the wetness between my legs, “Christ, Frankie,” he growled before his lips crashed against mine. Our kiss was not loving and tender, it was feverish and animalistic.
His fingers stretched me and then they were gone. The emptiness was not long lived. His cock rubbed against me and then he thrust deep inside. I couldn’t hold back, I screamed against his neck and my back hit the door as he thrust in and out of me. He was too deep, too big, it was too much.
I bit down on his shoulders, afraid that if I screamed out again, we may be caught. His thrusts hastened and pain gave way to pleasure. I felt another earth shattering orgasm ripple through me as I dug my nails into his back, afraid that if I let go I would never have him again.
My legs tightened around him, as he continued surging deeper inside, pounding harder and faster. Until his head dipped into the crook of my neck and he came, growling, filling me with his molten hot lava.
When he was done, I didn’t let go. He was leaning against me, panting, and I was holding him tightly to me.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
He stepped back and slowly my feet touch the ground.
I didn’t let go. I held his shoulders, hoping and praying he would accept my apology. Aside from Will coming home, I had never wanted anything more in my life.
I heard his zipper and then his hands covered mine and he pulled them away from him.
“When I open this door, go to your car and go home, Frankie.”
“Jax I said—”
“I’ll text you later.”
I pulled my skirt down and walked out when he opened the door.
I wanted to look at him. See what expression he had on his face, but I didn’t. I knew what just happened wasn’t planned and knowing Jax, I knew he wouldn’t put his career in jeopardy like he just did if he felt nothing.
* * *
I SAT ON my bed staring at my phone, waiting for a message or call. After an hour, I laid back. Every hidden emotion I had felt for a week flowed out of me. I cried myself to sleep.
When I woke, it was nine o’clock. He still hadn’t messaged me. I couldn’t take it any more so I sent him a message.
I haven’t showered. I feel like part of you is here with me, inside me, keeping me from losing all hope… Frankie
When he didn’t respond, I got up and walked into the kitchen. I wanted a drink, or something to dull the feelings, but there was nothing. I grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it from the tap, then walked out of our little living room and onto the balcony.
I sat in the white wicker chair and
looked up at the stars. There was light in darkness. There was, and I had to find it, because the alternative was something that I knew would cause me to never turn back again.
Ace had kissed me while Jax was on a date. I knew from years of counseling that pain, emotional pain, didn’t go away for me easily. I immersed myself in it. Instead of facing what was causing the pain and dealing with the issue. Instead of being the source of someone else’s discomfort, I soaked it all in and tried to find a stronger source of pain to make that go away.
“You okay?” Mary walked out and sat down across from me.
“Yep, just enjoying the clear sky.”
“It sure is beautiful. We’re going to Tuna’s tomorrow, they’re having some beach themed party. I can’t believe I’m asking this since you seem to get all the hot ones, but do you wanna go?”
“No,” I said as I tucked my knees underneath me.
“Francesca, are you really sure you’re all right? I mean you were with Joel for a long time and now—”
“Now what?”
“I don’t know, you just seem off, that’s all.”
“By off, you mean?”
“You’re going out a lot, spending nights away. Coming home for a couple weeks smiling and then not. Then last week with that guy at the bar, I mean, how you acted. Francesca you came onto him, he kissed you and then you ran. I worry about you, that’s all.”
“I didn’t like him like that.”
“Okay,” she smiled and stood. “If you ever wanna talk, I’m here.”
“Thanks, but I’m fine.”
“Whoever had you smiling for a couple weeks, I like him.”
I smiled. “Thanks.”
When I started to feel a bit chilly, I decided to go inside. I had to sleep.
The phone rang, unavailable. I answered anyway, thinking maybe it was Jax, hoping it was, anyway.
“Hello?”
“Stay away from Jaxson Irons. He has a bright future, one that you will ruin.” The voice was unrecognizable and obviously, the person on the other end was using a voice changing device. The hair on the back of my neck stood up and, yes, I was scared.
“Who is this?”
“It doesn’t matter. Stay away from Irons.”
And then the line went dead.
Unforgettable
Jax
I SAT AND read her text over and over again. I didn’t know how to respond.
I haven’t showered. I feel like part of you is here with me, inside me, keeping me from losing all hope… Frankie
What the hell was I thinking? She had lost her brother, and I had lost my best friend. I wasn’t anyone’s hope.
I grabbed the half empty bottle of Jack and took a swig as I looked out over the Atlantic, and then I took another. Tomorrow was another damn event. I wasn’t looking forward to it, but I had obligations, country, family, and self. If I deviated from that, there would be hell to pay.
* * *
“WHY, JAXSON IRONS, don’t you look handsome as always.” Mimi kissed my cheek before getting into the car.
“Thanks Mimi, you look great, too.”
I walked around and hopped in the car.
“Looks like we have lots of these coming up now, don’t we?”
“Apparently so,” I said, trying to sound like I was all right with it when I wasn’t.
“NRA tonight, this is a big one, Jaxson. We’ll be rubbing elbows with folks with very deep pockets tonight. You up for that?”
“Of course, and you?”
“I’ll do whatever it is you need me to do. I just ask that you stay close to me tonight, makes me kind of nervous to know all them men will be packing, you know.”
Mimi’s cousin Stella had been shot and killed by a gangbanger two years ago after a college frat party. A drive by, and the man responsible was caught. He was the one hundred and tenth man to be put to death by lethal injection in the state of Virginia. How did I know? It was an unforgettable event. The story was widely covered and very controversial.
The man maintained his innocence and was also the quickest tried and executed in the history of Virginia. Some say the judicial system acted too swiftly and others said it was not fast enough. One thing most people agree upon was that it was family and political connections that made a man be tried, convicted and executed in less than thirteen months. Mimi was with her cousin that night and it very well could have been her.
“Of course.”
She was quiet the entire way to the conference center. “Mimi, you don’t have to do this—”
“I’ll be fine, Jaxson. My family supports the NRA.”
The way she said it, confirmed what I had been thinking all along. She was not all right with being at this function. I couldn’t blame her.
“Why are you doing this?”
The valet came to my window and I held a finger up, asking him to wait.
“The same reason you are, Jaxson. It’s who we are.” She smiled a plastic pageant girl smile. “Let’s not keep them waiting.”
The entire event was much different than the one last week. It was a dinner with speakers, all supporting our second amendment rights. I pulled out Mimi’s chair at our ten thousand dollar per seat table and sat down next to her.
She smiled at the couples who sat with us. She seemed to know them. They looked familiar, and they knew me, so I pretended I knew them.
We danced and laughed and joked with everyone. As promised, I kept close to Mimi. When the night ended, there were photographers everywhere. We posed, smiled, and waved to them as we exited the hotel.
Once in the car, Mimi let out a sigh and reclined the seat a bit.
“You okay?” I asked as I pulled out of the driveway.
“That was exhausting.”
“Well, you made it look like a breeze.”
“Thanks, Jaxson.”
After a brief silence, I looked over at Mimi and she was staring out the window.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure,” she said without looking at me.
“Why are you doing all this?”
“You really don’t know?”
“No, I honestly don’t.”
“Well, for starters, I like you, Jaxson Irons.”
“Thank you, but that still doesn’t answer the question.”
She looked down at her hands and then laughed uncomfortably. “You really don’t know?”
“I wouldn’t be asking if I did.”
“Our fathers made a deal a few years ago. Your father runs for governor and mine gets Lieutenant Governor.”
“Pardon me for asking, but why would your father settle for that?”
“Between you and meI?”
“And apparently our fathers.”
She giggled politely. “My family has a few skeletons.”
“The shooting wouldn’t hurt his chances, especially with the Republican Party, unless of course your family denounced our second amendment rights.”
“Well it wasn’t that and I really don’t want to talk about it, if that’s all right with you.”
“Of course.”
When I opened the door for her she stood and kissed my cheek. “Jaxson, thank you.”
“For what”
“For staying close tonight.”
“It wasn’t a problem, Mimi. Looks like we’ll be seeing each other a lot for the next five years.”
She smiled and walked into her townhouse.
While driving home, I thought about how Mimi and I had met. My graduation from Annapolis, drunk as hell, at my family home for a celebration. She was there and I woke up with her in my bed. I didn’t remember shit from that night but I do remember waking up with then twenty year old Mimi in my bed.
As I pulled away, I looked at the time. It was only eleven.
I drove by Frankie’s place, willing myself not to pull in. I pulled over on the side of the road and looked at my phone. She hadn’t sent another message.
Frankie, I’m read
y to talk…. Irons
When she didn’t reply, I sent another:
I’m ready to listen. Come on Frankie, tell me yesterday, last week I didn’t completely fuck things up… Irons
I’m not good for you Jax and you’re not good for me. Take care… Frankie
I sat and read it at least five times before responding.
I’m outside your place right now. Come say that to me face to face… Irons
Please don’t make this harder than it is… Frankie
Frankie come down here… Irons
No Jax. Goodnight… Frankie
Is that really what you want?… Irons
Yes, it is…Frankie
I peeled out and made damn sure I left a mark.
* * *
I WOKE UP Sunday after finishing a bottle of Jack and passing out the night before. I decided I was going to do exactly as she wished. I mean we’d both fucked things up and she said she didn’t wanna see me again, so I was going to do as she asked.
After a run and my shower, I flopped on my bed and went to grab my phone. I looked again to see if I had a message and my phone rang.
“Thank God,” I grabbed it and immediately felt panicked.
“Is everything okay?”
“Jaxson, of course everything is okay. Frankie had mentioned she ran into you a week or so ago and we were coming in for lunch today. We would love to see you. It has been too long.”
“I apologize and yes it has, but I—”
“One hour, Jaxson.”
“Of course. Of course I will,” I conceded.
“Great, three hours at—”
“Same place as usual?” I asked, knowing where we always used to meet them.
“Yes, of course”
* * *
I SHOWED UP early and sat at the bar. I wanted to see them come in and gauge the mood. It had been three years since I had seen them. Will’s parents, the people who hugged and laughed and talked about family, not politics or political strategy. The family that I had been embraced by from the first time I met them. A family who I respected and secretly coveted, a family who very recently I betrayed.
