by Alexa Riley
“To explore this connection.” He dropped his hands from the stone, and placed them around my waist. With my heart pounding against my chest, I swallowed hard, wondering if Axel could see how he affected me.
“Can I kiss you?” he asked in a soft whisper.
I nodded, unable to say a word. Axel didn’t hesitate and gently placed his lips against mine. They were soft and warm, softer than any kiss I had ever had. Axel explored my mouth slowly, with the most delicate touch. He tightened his grasp around my waist with one arm, and brought his other hand up to caress my cheek. With a velvet stroke, Axel’s hand wrapped around my neck, pulling the kiss even deeper.
With Axel’s body pressed strong against mine, I was surprised to feel his broad chest up against my own. His tongue moved faster, with more passion, and with more need. I had never kissed liked this before. This kiss was new, exciting, tantalizing, and burned to my inner core. Never had I kissed with so much passion and sensuality. Never had I longed to explore beyond the kiss so much. Never had I imagined a kiss could pull out such strong emotions.
It was too much. The passion grew, the breathing turned to pants, gasps turned to moans, and I panicked. I pulled away, burying my face into Axel’s hair.
Caressing my back, Axel took a moment to soothe me before backing away slowly. He looked deep into my eyes. “Let’s go sit down.”
We walked over to a wooden bench underneath a huge tree. We both sat, turning so we faced each other.
Axel stared at me and smiled, highlighting the sexy scar near his lip. “You really are pretty, you know that?” He leaned forward and placed a very soft peck on my lips. “So, you said you’re from San Francisco. Why did you decide to move here?”
I straightened up a little, suddenly feeling on edge. Talking about reality was popping the wonderful fairy-tale bubble I had been in. I didn’t want the moment to end. “I haven’t exactly moved here. It’s just temporary.”
“Why is it only temporary?”
I shrugged. “Just staying for a while to figure out my future… I guess.” I glanced at Axel, hoping we could move on to another subject. I wanted the bubble back.
“How long do you plan on staying?”
I looked out into the night sea and just shrugged again. “I’m not sure. Just playing it by ear.”
Axel was silent for a moment. He examined me, eyes full of questions.
“Is there anyone back home to return to?” he asked.
“My sister died not that long ago, and that left me with a pretty broken family. My sister and I were raised by our parents who were only children, so I’ve always had a really small family. Now, other than my parents who are sort of dealing with their dark crap, I just have some acquaintances and my really close friend Harrison. He’s the closest thing I have to a normal family right now. He’s been in my life for a long time. But we’ve never been anything more than friends, as crazy as that might sound. People find it hard to believe men and women can just be friends. It also helps that he’s gay.”
I noticed how intently Axel watched me when I spoke, as if he didn’t want to miss a single word.
“I don’t think it sounds crazy at all. I have women friends. Friendship doesn’t always have to involve sexuality.” Axel looked at me thoughtfully and put his arm around my waist. “Well, until you leave, I’d still like to explore this connection we have. That kiss only confirmed my feelings that you and I may have something.”
I stared at him, speechless.
Axel smiled. “Let’s not think of the future and you leaving anymore. Let’s focus on right now.”
His lips were on mine again. I allowed myself to close my eyes and just take in the moment. I allowed the feelings of passion, desire, and need to rock my body. I didn’t fight the emotions with any doubt or confusion. I allowed the kiss to be just that. An amazing, affectionate, and life-altering kiss.
CHAPTER FIVE
FREAKED THE FUCK OUT
QUINN
I COULDN’T REMEMBER the last time I’d felt so alive. Soaking in the bath with the warm water blanketing my body, I thought of Axel as I lathered my skin. The feelings rushing through me scared me as much as they thrilled me. This was Axel, the famous Axel Rye that I’d heard so much about. This was a man known for selling drugs. This was a man who hadn’t left my thoughts since last night.
My body quivered at the memory of the kiss. So gentle, yet so passion-filled. Axel’s lips and tongue were softer than any kiss before. His touch was more tender and sensitive. The kiss tantalized and seduced my very core. Never had I imagined kissing someone would stir up so much intensity. Confusion mixed with desire as I sat and fantasized of what was yet to come.
The first thing I did last night when I got home was call Harrison. I had told him everything, not wanting to leave anything out, especially about the kissing. Harrison hadn’t been surprised at all that Axel was interested in me. He was happy I sounded so excited, but warned me to take it slow, although it already seemed we were in overdrive and I really had no control of the speed. Harrison had told me not to overthink everything and not make it more dramatic then it needed to be. Kissing did not make an instant future. Harrison always had a way of calming me down.
I climbed out of the bath and dressed. After getting ready, I walked into the kitchen to find Felicity sitting at the table, eating her morning cereal and drinking coffee.
“Where are you going so early?” she asked, looking shocked to find me already ready to go.
My cheeks warmed. “Axel’s coming to get me.” I tried not to blush any more.
Felicity’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped. “Oh really?”
I nodded, unable to hide the smile. I walked over to the coffee pot and poured myself a cup of coffee with Felicity staring in disbelief. “I can’t believe you’re going out with Axel Rye again. Details, details!” She said his name almost in a sing-song-like tone.
I sat down at the table across from her. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. The more I made out of this now, the harder it would be if this all turned out to be nothing or if I was just another girl to Axel. A small amount of pain attacked my heart just thinking about it. But I knew it was a definite possibility.
“Nothing much to say,” I said. “I’m trying not to overthink the whole thing. It is what it is.”
Felicity rolled her eyes. “Please. Don’t give me that line of crap. I know you well enough to know when you’re withholding the full truth,” she said.
“We hung out one night. There’s nothing to this.”
“I’m telling you, there is. You’re in uncharted territory. Does he know you’re working on the book?”
“No. I don’t see why that matters. We just hung out.” I could feel myself getting defensive.
“I think you haven’t said anything because you’re interested in Axel, and you’re pretty sure he wouldn’t go for it.” She smiled. “I don’t blame you.”
I shrugged and took a sip of coffee. “Well, like I said, this is no big deal—”
“Yet,” Felicity interrupted. “We’ll see how quickly you guys get serious.”
“What makes you so sure we’ll be getting serious? You yourself said he’s never had a girlfriend. And have you forgotten about his lifestyle? I can’t exactly get serious with a fucking drug dealer now can I?”
It was almost a rhetorical question. I didn’t really want to hear the answer. Felicity made this too stressful. It was way too soon to start worrying about what Axel really wanted out of all of this.
Felicity leaned back in the kitchen chair and crossed her legs. “We’ll see. Mark my words, you guys will be a full-blown couple soon. You’ll be fucking by the end of the week.”
I almost choked on my coffee. “Felicity! Jesus!”
“I’m just saying.” She laughed.
AXEL
I PULLED up to the house and was getting out of the car when I saw Quinn come out the door. Immediately, I smiled like a silly schoolboy. She was havin
g that continued effect on me. I couldn’t hide my excitement to see her. She was dressed casually, so different from all the other women I had ever been interested in. Everything about her seemed natural and pure. I liked the simplicity in her beauty.
Her eyes were a brighter brown in the sunlight, so brown that I couldn’t take my gaze off them as she walked down the porch to the sidewalk. I rushed to meet her and took her hands in mine. I loved the feel of her soft and delicate hand intertwined with my more masculine one. I wanted to kiss her, but I worried it would be too forward and too quick if I kept kissing her all the time like I wanted to. Something about Quinn made me want to take my time. My control, however, wasn’t strong enough to fight off the urge to at least hug her, so I did, closely, intimately. I almost moaned, feeling her hair tickle my face, breathing in everything about her.
Grudgingly, I finally pulled away and let her go. I kept my hand still fastened to hers as I walked her to the car and opened the door for her.
Once I started the car and drove off, I found it impossible to keep my hands off her. We made small talk, but every chance I got, I caressed her leg, her arm, her face. I couldn’t shake the feeling that she belonged to me. That I belonged to her. The connection and the bond pulled at me with a full-strength intensity. I couldn’t fight the urge to bring Quinn’s hand to my mouth and kiss it. I had no idea what was happening. This was unlike me to be so affectionate and so attentive. Could she possibly feel the same? I tried to control myself before I freaked her the fuck out by acting too intense, but I couldn’t help my actions. The only saving grace was it didn’t seem like Quinn minded, and at times, she even caressed my hand in return. She seemed to welcome my touch.
I was excited to take her someplace quiet and private, somewhere different than the clubs and bars. I wanted to talk to her, get to know more about her, more about this woman who overpowered my entire being. I wanted to get closer. I wanted more. For the first time in my life, I wanted Quinn and only Quinn. It was fast, impulsive, and downright crazy, but I knew she was special, and I didn’t want to play around with the typical games. I knew it was risky acting too fast and pushing too much, but not riskier than denying the way I felt and letting her walk away.
I had packed a picnic lunch and planned to take her to a grassy park area overlooking the city skyline. I hoped she enjoyed the place as much as I did. I smiled when I looked over at her gazing out the window, admiring the amazing views.
“My God, this place is remarkable! You can see the entire city from here,” she gushed.
I liked seeing her enthusiasm. No matter how many times I came up here, I always found it as awe-inspiring as the first time. I took a moment to admire the view before turning to her. The view didn’t measure up to the beauty sitting next to me. She truly was the most attractive woman I had ever seen.
“I have a picnic for us. I thought we’d enjoy the peace and quiet.”
Quinn’s eyes widened a bit, but she smiled and got out of the car. We laid out the blanket and put down the basket. We both sat in silence, taking in the scenery. The silence didn’t feel awkward at all, but rather calm and relaxing. Everything seemed so natural and comfortable that I couldn’t hold back any longer. I leaned in for a small but sensual kiss. A kiss that was soft and sweet, but passionate at the same time. Pressing her back gently, laying her down on the blanket, I propped myself up on my elbow next to her. I positioned her body closer to mine while my hand caressed her body over her clothes. Every touch slow, making sure I didn’t overstep.
I nibbled her lower lip softly, then worked my way down to her neck and the tip of her ear. I tasted, I licked, I relished the delightful scent of Quinn. Everything about her intoxicated my senses. I ran my hand over her stomach and then down her outer thigh. I had never felt more aroused, nor had any other woman ever made me want to take it further so badly.
“Axel,” Quinn whispered, hoarsely.
I moaned softly as I continued to kiss and suckle her neck, wishing now we were somewhere where we could get more intimate. There was no one around, but I wasn’t sure what Quinn’s thoughts were on sex in public. But fuck I wanted her so bad!
“Axel.” I could feel how hard she was breathing and was excited to see that she possibly wanted the same.
I kissed her with more fervor, dancing my tongue with hers. I kissed until our breaths united as one, merging a combined passion. Loving every moment, I pulled away so I could gaze into the depths of her eyes. Satisfied with the lust I saw swirling amongst the brown, I smiled.
“You’re beautiful, Quinn.” I ran small circles with my fingertip on her stomach as I spoke.
“Axel, there’s something I need to tell you. I’m… well, I’ve never been…” Quinn took a deep breath and looked away from my locked stare. “I don’t usually move this fast with men. I’m not the type that hooks up. I… fuck… I’m a virgin.”
I stared at her blankly for a second, not sure how to respond. It felt as if the air had been knocked out of me. The idea of being Quinn’s first experience rattled every nerve in my body. Confusion mixed with shock kept all the words locked inside. I wasn’t sure what to say. Hell, I wasn’t even sure what I thought. When I didn’t respond immediately, Quinn sat up and pulled away from me.
“Wait, hold on…” I reached for her.
She turned to face me with tears glistening in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I know I should’ve said something.”
I reached for her hands, my head spinning. “I’m confused. Have I been reading you wrong this whole time? I would never pressure you into something against your will. I would never make you have sex until you were ready. I had no idea you were saving yourself.”
She looked embarrassed and bit her bottom lip, not making eye contact. “No, you haven’t. I’ve been enjoying this. Enjoying you.” She took a deep breath. “I’m not waiting for marriage or anything like that.”
“So, you aren’t saving yourself?”
Quinn shook her head. “No. I just usually go really slow. And then by the time I feel I’m ready for sex, the relationship has already crumbled. I guess I wait too long.” She paused and reluctantly looked up to meet my eyes. “But with you… with you, I question my feelings about waiting. Maybe I’d like to try? I don’t know. I’m confused.”
“I thought you were more experienced. I’ve never met a virgin, especially in the club scene—”
“Felicity got me the job,” she interrupted. “And yes, I know we are a rare breed. A fucked up breed.” A tear escaped her eye. “I’m so sorry. I’m not leading you on, or messing with you. I swear. I’m just really god damn naïve. It’s embarrassing.”
“It’s okay. Just relax.” I caressed her cheek, wiping away the tear. “I’m sorry I came on so strong. I should have been more of a gentleman. I hope I’m not scaring you away.”
“Don’t apologize. I’m the one who should. I want you. I do. But then, I’m freaking the fuck out too.”
I put my arm around her and kissed her head. “We don’t have to figure this out overnight. Do you want to explore this? See where this goes? Take the time that is needed?”
“Do you?” she asked softly.
“Yes, very much.”
“What if I’m just fucked up? What if I drag this out until it takes too long and you get tired of waiting? What if I overthink this shit like I did every other time?”
I frowned against the soft hair of her head. I pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head again. “Do you want to stop what’s happening between us? Is this too much for you?” My body tensed as I waited for the answer.
“No. I don’t want this to stop at all.” Quinn snuggled her head under my chin, wrapping her arms around my chest. “Can you be patient with me? Help me through all of this?”
I squeezed her tight. “Yes, I can. I will.”
She looked up at me and smiled. “All I know is, this feels right. You feel right.”
I loved seeing her smile. “I agree. I’ll be here for you every
step of the way. I want there to be an ‘us.’ But if this ever feels wrong—”
“I can’t imagine that,” she interrupted again.
“Then we’ll figure this out. We’ll make it work.”
QUINN
I SAT ACROSS FROM AXEL, eating my sandwich and admiring every move he made. Even the way he ate was sexy. I still couldn’t believe how understanding he was about the whole virgin issue. He wasn’t acting like I was some freak of nature. His calm demeanor, sensitivity, and compassion caused me to care about him even more. I was falling for him, falling like I had never done before.
The sound of my ringing phone interrupted my thoughts. “Oh, sorry,” I said as I scrambled to find my phone to dismiss the call.
Axel shook his head, wiping off his mouth. “No worries. Go ahead and answer it.”
I looked down at the caller ID. “It’s my friend, Harrison. I’ll just let it go to voicemail.”
Axel shrugged. “Go ahead and talk to him.” He smiled. “He could be calling for something important. I don’t mind at all.”
I felt my stomach stir. For some reason, I didn’t like the idea of talking to my editor in front of him. I knew Axel had no idea who Harrison really was, but it felt wrong. My head still spun from the conversation we’d just had and my feelings about Axel. I’d never been a liar in my life, and leading Axel to believe Harrison was only a friend was technically lying. Although I could also reason with myself that I’d never actually said Harrison wasn’t an editor and I wasn’t a writer. I should tell Axel; it really wasn’t a big deal. I really should—but I couldn’t. I had already just dropped a bombshell. The virgin bombshell should be enough. One confession at a time.
“No,” I said, a little too hastily. “I can call when I get home.” I leaned in and gave a quick peck to his lips. “I want to spend time with you. No interruptions.”
“Come closer.” Axel opened his arms, smiling. “Let me hold you.”
