by Alexa Riley
“Answer me,” Axel commanded in a much firmer tone. He thrust his finger deeper, punishing my silence.
“Desire!” I whispered between my gasps.
“Good. How does it make you feel mentally?” Axel asked while pressing his finger the remainder of the way into my ass.
I shook my head again, hiding my blushing face against his chest. I didn’t know how to voice the emotion. Kinky? Controlled? Mastered? Whatever it was, it was like nothing I had ever experienced. The presence of his finger had such a grasp of my internal struggles. My wall crumbled more with every second his finger possessed me. I wanted to just release and let go. Allow the feelings to rush through me. And yet something in me kept trying to fight them away.
“Quinn. Not answering me when I ask warrants discipline. Am I going to have to give you a spanking? Or maybe I should punish you like this.” Axel began to pump his finger in and out. His action was not sensual or seductive like before, but replaced with firm and direct thrusts. The pace resembled an aggressive ass fucking, but it was still a seductive and an intimate act. I wanted to plead for more, and at the same time, I wanted to beg for him to stop.
Axel pressed his finger to the hilt and used the force to push me even closer to his body. He pressed hard against my inner depths. My gasp turned to a moan.
“I know this might be hard. Hard to let go and allow yourself to enjoy such a taboo act. I want you to relax and allow the sensation,” Axel coaxed. He kissed me lightly on the head as he slowly removed his finger, only to press it forward, past the tight ring, once more. “I’ll ask again. Does this make you feel dirty?”
Without pause, I answered, “Yes. But I like it.”
Yes, it did make me feel like a dirty, dirty girl. That was the only word that seemed to fit the rush of emotions coursing through me. I felt safe, protected, loved. I also felt seductive and nasty. But then the realization hit me. I felt sexy, womanly. And Axel was masculine and dominant. Everything felt so fucking hot, and so very right.
He slowly removed his finger, leaving me with a sense of emptiness. He then swatted me on the ass twice before pulling me closer into his strong embrace. With his arms wrapped tightly around me, I closed my eyes and relished the dynamic Axel had created.
“Are you all right, sweetheart? That was a pretty intense thing we just did,” Axel asked as he squeezed me even tighter. “A small taste of some kinky for you.” He chuckled lightly.
I nodded my head. “I had no idea… I didn’t know.” I pulled away enough so I could look into his eyes. “Why have I never tried that before? It made me want you even more.”
Axel smiled before softly kissing my lips. “I like the way you think.” Axel paused and took a moment to just look at me. “I need you to always trust that I have your and our best interests in mind. I will never abuse this.”
“I trust you with my life, Axel. I’m scared, and I’m nervous. But I’m also excited for our future.” I gave a sinful smile and added, “And I like kinky.”
CHAPTER TEN
FUCKING WHACK JOB
AXEL
BY THE NEXT EVENING, everything returned to normal with Quinn. The drama from the night before seemed to have dissipated, but I knew the issue with Jillian would still be an ongoing problem unless I did something about it. So, when I saw Jillian standing by the bar where we all hung out that night, I figured it was as good a time as any to take care of this once and for all.
Jillian’s eyes brightened, and she stood up anxiously when she saw me approach. “Hi, sexy.” She smiled seductively at me, tossing her hair back. “I haven’t seen you around without that little leech hanging on your arm all the time. It’s refreshing to see you alone for a change.”
I clenched my teeth, trying to ignore the comment. “We need to talk.”
“Of course. We have so much to catch up on. I’ve missed you.”
“I know what you’re trying to do, Jillian. It needs to stop.”
Her smile dissolved. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Yes, you do,” I snapped. “Stop acting like you and I have something.”
She stared straight into my eyes. “What are you talking about?”
“You purposely try to pose in every picture with me. Or you try to stand by me like we’re a couple at all the events.” My jaw tightened. “I’m tired of it.”
She shifted her weight and avoided my eyes. “Is this you talking? Or your needy little girlfriend?”
“It’s getting old.”
“You never complained before.”
“Well, things are different now.”
I could see the rage in her eyes. Knowing how much she loved attention, I worried she would make a scene just for some added publicity. I heard the venom in Jillian’s words clearly. “You didn’t answer me. Is this your girlfriend being a jealous bitch?”
I wasn’t about to give her the pleasure. “To be honest, she’s never mentioned you. Believe it or not, the world doesn’t revolve around you, Jillian.”
Jillian laughed, attempting to sound sarcastic, but failed. She slammed her drink on the bar, spilling the liquid all over. She glared at me, lip quivering. “You think I need you? If you haven’t noticed, I’m doing just fine on my own.” She lifted her arms and motioned at the bar around her. “I get invited to just as many of these gigs as you. And I have men begging for me to even give them the littlest time of day. And you aren’t the only dealer in town you know.”
“I’m happy for you. It’s what you wanted to begin with. You’ve always been an attention whore.”
“This is how you treat me, Axel? Have you forgotten everything we once shared?” Jillian screeched. She took a moment to regain her composure and smooth down her wild hair.
“That short-lived relationship is over,” I replied, never releasing her from my glare.
Jillian returned the stare with her bloodshot eyes. She was clearly coming off a high from the night before. “You want the fame. You want the connections I have and you damn well know it.”
“No, I’m fucking over that shit.”
Jillian casually crossed her arms against her chest and gave an alluring grin. “So you say. You are a damn junkie, Axel. Not just for the drugs but for the fame. Deny it all you want.” Jillian took a long pause as she scanned her eyes along the full length of my body. “You may be sexy as hell, but you are no better than a crack head begging for change on the street. You need me around.”
My jaw locked, and I knew my expression grew fierce. “Jillian, you have a dark ass soul. You are so ugly on the inside that it’s starting to seep out your pores. I want nothing to do with you. Please face that fact.”
“Face what? The fact that you will never find this fantasy of a perfect woman? You’re crazy to think that this no name suburban Barbie is the girl for you. We were good together, Axel. Power, control, ecstasy—our sexual need was always met… in all ways. Is this the life you want to leave for some unrealistic expectations? You want to run off and play house?” Jillian took a few steps closer toward me. “You can’t possibly think that bartender is the woman of your dreams? Unless your dream is to end up bald, fat, and stuck with two kids in a three-bedroom house that threatens to swallow you whole. You don’t want the misery of settling down and you know it.”
I clenched my teeth, holding all my fury within. Her voice grated on my nerves.
Jillian smiled. “She’s fascinated with your fame and your sexual reputation. The bad boy, drug dealing, son of a rock star.” Jillian released a soft but evil laugh. “She just wants to use you like every other fucking female in your life.”
“What I do from now on is none of your concern. I’ve asked you to back off and leave me alone. I will not ask again.”
“Go to hell, Axel!” She began to storm off. After only a few steps, she stopped and turned around. “And don’t flatter yourself. You don’t have to worry about me speaking to you ever again.”
“Thank you.”
With that, Jillian s
pun around and walked away in a huff. All things considered, it had gone a lot better than I had hoped. I walked out of the bar feeling as if an enormous weight had been taken off my shoulders. I desperately hoped my problems with Jillian were over.
AXEL
I LOOKED FORWARD to the photo shoot for a new, local social magazine. It was supposed to be a “What’s Hot in LA” type of rag. I hadn’t hung out with the guys alone in a while. I needed some good, quality bro time, and this gave us an opportunity to do so without the club lights and loud music. We took photos, laughed, and goofed around. Even though the shoot was technically work, we always made things fun.
I had just finished the last shot with Knox and Teddy when I saw Jillian rush toward me, looking very determined.
“Can I talk to you?” she asked.
“What happened to you never talking to me again?”
“Axel, this is serious.”
I walked over to the makeup table to remove the pound of cosmetics on my face. “Go ahead.”
“I mean alone.” She glanced at Knox and Teddy. They both turned to me as I shrugged.
“We’ll be over here.” Knox pointed. They didn’t go too far, choosing to sit at a table nearby.
“How dare you dismiss me just like that?” Jillian crossed her arms and stood in front of me, forcing me to stop. “As if I never meant anything to you.”
I bit my tongue, not wanting any more drama, but I had Quinn to think about. “Jillian, I’m seeing someone now. I can’t be dealing with you.” I waved my hand up and down in front of me. “With all this craziness.”
“She’s lying to you. She is trying to do and say whatever you want, just to get close to you. I heard she got the job at Wicked just so she could stalk you.”
I laughed, though I didn’t find this conversation funny at all. “Trying to dig up dirt, I see. Don’t you have better things to do with your time?”
“That’s what everyone is saying. I’m surprised you haven’t heard. She’s never bartended before. But she used her connections to get into Wicked knowing you were a regular. This has been her sick plan all along. People are talking about it. How a nobody from nowhere somehow lands with Axel Rye.”
“I don’t pay attention to petty gossip.” I did everything I could to control my temper. I didn’t like hearing Quinn talked about.
“I don’t mean to hurt you, Axel. I just thought you should know.”
The inflated attempt to sound sympathetic infuriated me. The blood curdling in my veins made me want to scream.
I glared at her. “You could never hurt me, Jillian. I’d have to care about you for that. You know nothing about Quinn, so mind your own business.”
Jillian shrugged. “She’s using you. She’s using you for your fame.”
“Using me like you?” I asked.
“There was something special between us. I didn’t use you.”
“Bullshit!” I spat. “There was never an us, Jillian. And you know it. You made up all that crap to try to gain notoriety.”
“I stood by you!” she screeched. “I was there every step of the way during your trial!”
“Yeah,” he smirked, “signing autographs and posing for pictures the entire time. Not to mention feeding the press leaks about wherever I was.”
“How dare you!”
The tears welled up in Jillian’s eyes. I rolled my eyes and backed away. “Stop with the dramatics. Don’t play the abused victim card. You manipulated me far too many times. I see through you now.”
I turned and began to walk toward Knox and Teddy.
“You lusted after me, you asshole! We had sex, over and over again! We made love into the morning hours!” she yelled. “Don’t you remember that?”
My stomach churned. I spun around and charged toward Jillian. I could see her eyes open wide in alarm, but Jillian stood her ground. I walked right up to her face and spoke through my teeth just loud enough for Jillian to hear, but my words were strong and cutting. “We never made love. We had sex: cold, meaningless sex. That’s what happens when I get high and you take advantage of the situation. You knew what you were doing. We had one fucked up mistake! You used me, you took advantage of me, and then you tried to play games with me. You are a fucking whack job. I’m done, Jillian. Stay the hell away from me.”
With her mouth half open, she stared at me. “I hope your vanilla girlfriend makes you happy. Because when I’m done talking shit about you, your career will be over. I’m going to say that you are manipulating her and forcing her to take drugs. I’ll say you are actually abusing her. Sweet innocent girl turned to the dark side by Axel Rye. Now’s she a junkie and it’s all because of you. People won’t want their names tied to you. I’m going to make you look like an abusive ass, and no one wants that around. I’ll even say how you got me hooked, but I was too scared to say no to you because of how violent you got. How’s the public going to take hearing that you beat women?”
“Blackmail won’t work either, Jillian. But nice try.”
“Fuck off!” Jillian turned and hurried away, face red with fury.
I took a deep breath and walked back slowly toward my friends, ignoring the whispers and staring faces of everyone who had just witnessed the scene. I was sure it would show up in the tabloids within the hour.
Teddy shook his head. “It’s about time you told that bitch off.”
I nodded, still feeling a little shaky. I hadn’t intended to get in a fight. It wasn’t my style, but I couldn’t take another minute of her. I stood there, still reeling from what Jillian had threatened to do about Quinn. I didn’t want my friends to notice that Jillian had gotten to me, but I couldn’t even force a smile.
Knox seemed concerned. “Are you okay?”
I shook my head. “She said that Quinn is using me.”
“Quinn? Is she?” Teddy asked. “She seems totally into you.”
“You and her are a couple, right? Jillian’s a lying bitch,” Knox said.
“Quinn’s lived a sheltered life before me. I think this whole fucked up fame thing is new to her,” I explained, still feeling slightly beaten by the fight. “But I don’t think she is with me because of the fame. I’m not even sure she really likes it.” I sighed. “She never did drugs before me, though. I fucking feel bad as fuck for that.”
Teddy shook his head, eyes closed. “Ah, Axel. You shouldn’t have got her into that shit. You know how it turns out. Are you sure she isn’t with you now because of the drugs? You know how powerful that need gets.”
I shook my head. “No, it’s not like that. It’s different between us. Quinn and I have fallen in love. It’s more than just drugs and partying.”
Teddy paused before speaking. “I hope so. I like Quinn a lot, and she seems to make you happy. I just hope this doesn’t end up destroying your heart.”
“And screw Jillian! Who cares what bullshit she comes up with?” Knox added.
I eyed them both. My buddies had a way of always making me feel better. I could act as tough as I wanted, but deep down I needed their strength in my life. Feeling exhausted, the only thing I wanted right now was to be in Quinn’s arms.
QUINN
AN EVENING at Axel’s home was exactly what I needed. I had fun at all the clubs and bars, but I really missed the peace and quiet. When Axel and I got to his place, he led me to the couch and threw his keys and phone down on the coffee table.
“I’m dying for a drink.” He walked toward the kitchen. “Would you like a glass of wine?”
“Yes, that sounds really nice.”
He walked to the kitchen and grabbed two glasses out of the cupboard. The open floor plan of the loft allowed me to watch his every move. I loved watching the way Axel carried himself. He had a level of domination mixed with casualness that made every action alluring.
“How was your photo shoot?” I asked, still watching him as he opened the bottle of red wine.
He shrugged. “The actual shoot was a lot of fun. I like doing things like that w
ith Teddy and Knox.” He smirked. “Maybe that makes me an arrogant ass.”
“But? I get the feeling you had a rough day.”
He poured the wine into the glasses and walked back to the living room with one in each hand. He handed the wine to me before saying, “Jillian showed up.”
I stared at him. The words stung.
Axel sat down next to me and slouched back against the leather couch, placing both feet on the coffee table to relax. “I’d already talked to her last night when you were at work, telling her to back off and leave me alone. I called her out on the stupid games she’s been playing. I thought that would be the end of it,” he said. “But I should’ve known better. Jillian has to make a bigger deal out of everything.”
I turned so I could search Axel’s eyes to see if there was more to the story.
He took a sip of his wine slowly and then sighed. “She made a scene after the shoot.”
“A scene?”
“A classic Jillian move. She loves the limelight.” Axel hugged me tightly with a heavy sigh and pushed me back gently on the sofa. “Quinn, it’s nothing. I wouldn’t have even brought it up, but I didn’t want you to hear about it from someone else.”
“What did she say?”
He tried kissing me, but I pulled away. “Babe, let’s not do this again. Seriously, the only thing that matters is that I straightened things out, and she won’t be bothering you or me anymore.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, she’s taken up entirely too much of our energy as it is. I’m not going to let her antics get in the way of us. Jillian is out of our lives.”
I stared at him for a moment, hoping he was right. “Okay.”
Thankful the conversation hadn’t turned into another dreaded discussion like the night before, I moved forward and buried my face into his neck. I pressed myself against the warmth of Axel’s chest. I smiled and calmed a bit. Being this close to him made my heart do flips. I grabbed both glasses and placed them out of the way on the table. I moved forward so I was inches from his face and softly kissed him.
