by Alexa Riley
“I mean, I heard she was leaving town unless you stop wallowing in your self-imposed misery and put an end to this breakup.”
Panic sunk in at the thought of knowing Quinn would leave Los Angeles. “Have you forgotten that she used me? She doesn’t want me. She doesn’t love me. She wants what every other fucking person wants in this town. Fame or drugs.” Saying the words stung.
“Ah, for Christ’s sake, you have got to be kidding me! You know damn well that she loves you.” Teddy placed cash for the tip on the table as new drinks arrived. “Let me tell you something about Quinn. She loves you, she’s hurting, and she’s scared. She’s also unsure what to do and won’t make the first move tonight. She knows you are here. But you all but slammed the door repeatedly in her face. Go up to her and make it right again. You are being a real asshole.”
“It can’t be right. It’s fucked, and the only good that came out of this whole mess is she at least gets to be an author of a book… at my expense.”
Teddy shook his head. “I don’t agree. She messed up. No doubt about that. But she gave you everything. She committed to you and everything you are. I truly believe she’d give up the book idea if it meant keeping you. But let’s face it, man. You aren’t doing a real good job at fighting for her.”
I looked down at my beer for a few moments before answering, “I guess you’re right. I really fucked things up.”
“You have to fight for what you want. You have to make her know that you will never just let her walk away. She needs to know you will always fight for the relationship.” Teddy shrugged. “That’s my advice at least, for what it’s worth.”
I nodded as I contemplated what Teddy told me.
“If you love her like you say you do, then you better get over there and convince her that you two are solid,” Teddy added.
“I do love her. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.”
“Wanted or want?” Teddy raised an eyebrow in question.
I smirked back. “Want. I definitely want to spend the rest of my life with her. But then, I’m not sure if I can ever trust her again. I’m still so fucking pissed!”
Teddy tilted his glass towards me and replied, “Well, I guess you better work through those feelings. She’s worth it, dude.”
I frowned, sitting up straighter, intently trying not to act bothered. I should have known that to think being in the same room with Quinn wouldn’t bother me was dumb. Pain stabbed at my heart, and sucker punched me in the gut.
Switching my attention to the bar, my internal angst increased as I watched her frantically make drinks for the crowd. She seemed more frazzled than normal. No doubt she knew I was in the club.
Quinn turned around enough so I could see her, the ends of her perfectly shaped mouth curled upward, and I felt like a steam engine had slammed straight into my soul. My gaze trailed over her heart-shaped face, her satin-smooth and rich honey-colored skin, her doe-shaped eyes before settling back on her mouth. Lush, now only one corner curled up, lending her an innocent yet somehow slightly wicked look. It was the same mouth, the same look that had haunted my memories for the past few days. I missed her so much. No matter how hard I tried, I’d never be able to get her out of my mind.
QUINN
AXEL WAS IN THE CLUB.
I closed my eyes briefly, my heartbeat ricocheting a staccato beat against my chest. It felt more powerful than the bass of the speakers only a few feet away. Tears burned the back of my eyes as I tried not to stare at the one man, and the only person, I’d ever loved.
The same man who wanted nothing to do with me.
I tried to swallow down the instant swell of emotions as I finished my shift. I was done for the night. In the past, I would have walked over to Axel and spent the rest of the night with him. But things had changed.
“You don’t have a shot with him anymore. So you might as well leave.” I jumped at the venomous voice behind me. I turned around to see Jillian standing with her hands on her hips. She had rage in her eyes and looked like she planned to pounce. She was obviously high on something as well.
“I’m not in the mood, Jillian. Leave me alone.”
“You’re not welcome here. You intended on using Axel from the very beginning, didn’t you? You’re nothing but a lying slut,” Jillian spat.
“This is none of your business.” I took a deep breath to calm my temper. I tried to see the situation through Jillian’s eyes. To Jillian, and everyone else, I was the villain. I had to remember that.
“Listen, I didn’t mean to hurt Axel.”
Jillian shoved her finger into my chest. “You are nobody. You don’t deserve Axel, and you sure as hell don’t deserve even the slightest bit of attention. I see your game.”
Her comment stung. I no longer could contain my anger. I looked her straight in the eye. “No, Jillian, you are the whore. You will do anything, and I mean anything, for fame. You are nothing but a dirty, used-up woman who will never find happiness.”
“You fucking bitch!” Jillian shrieked.
She charged at me and grabbed a chunk of my hair and rammed my head against the wall. I saw stars and my vision distorted, but I didn’t feel any real pain. I was stunned by the attack. Who was this crazy?
She continued her assault by attempting to hit and punch my face. For the most part, I did a good job blocking her flailing hands. Everything happened so fast, and I was still stunned from having my head bashed against the wall; I wasn’t really sure what happened around me. I realized I needed to fight back. It wasn’t my style, but I had no choice.
I reached for the back of her hair and grabbed an entire fistful. I yanked her head back as far as it could go without snapping her neck. “Listen, you fucked up whack job,” I yanked her hair even harder, “you stay away from me. You have been trying to fuck with me since the day I got with Axel. I’m over your fucking crazy!” I yanked Jillian’s head, causing her to release a scream of shock mixed with pain. I hated that I had to be so violent, but did I really have another option? The girl was insane.
And the truth of the matter was I was fucked up. I was fucked up in so many ways that I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. This wasn’t the woman I was. I would have never been this… dark, mean, low, and fucked.
Jillian’s scream caught everyone’s attention nearby. All eyes nearby now cast in our direction. I glanced over to where Axel sat. I felt instantly grateful the loud club music concealed what was going on. Axel had no idea what was happening. I released Jillian’s hair and returned her glare.
She reached for her head and tried to rub out the sting. “You don’t know who you are messing with. I could have you fired for this. Hell, I could have you banned from every club in this town.”
My rage exploded. “Do you think I fucking care? You have no power over me, because I don’t give a fuck about much right now. Stay the hell away from me or else.” I got right into Jillian’s face, challenging her to push me past my very fragile limit.
I quickly glanced in the security guard’s direction. He was approaching the crowd, getting ready to break up the fight. He surprised me when he gave me a small nod of approval, letting me know he was on my side and backing my decision to give Jillian a taste of her own venom.
Jillian leaned in and spat, “Fuck you! What are you going to do?”
The woman really was insane. Hell… I was insane.
I pulled my arm back, and, with as much force as I could muster, I brought my closed fist to the side of Jillian’s face. The punch caused her to stumble back against the wall behind her.
I ignored the shooting pain working its way through my hand. “When you start something with me, you better damn sure be prepared to finish it.”
I then grabbed her hair once again and rammed her head into the wall she was up against. “You stay away from me.”
Jillian crumpled to the floor and looked up at me in disbelief. “Wait until I am done with you!” she screamed.
I took a deep, calming
breath. I was out of control. “Do your best.” I turned as fast as I could, not being able to take her any longer. I should have walked away before and hated myself for my actions. I was just as fucked as she was.
The fight was over, and even though I had lost control, I felt great. I was happy Axel didn’t witness my temper because I was sure it didn’t show me in the best light. But it was about time Jillian got taught a thing or two. And frankly, I had nothing left to lose. Who gives a fuck?
Getting ready to leave, my eyes locked with Axel’s. For a long moment, we simply stared at one another, the days spent apart falling away as though they’d never happened.
Axel’s face seemed to soften, giving me the courage to approach him. Maybe I was crazy, but I had to try. I had to talk and explain. I would apologize a thousand times if that’s what it took. I missed and loved Axel more than I thought possible.
“Now’s not the time, Quinn,” Axel said, his voice barely heard over the music.
“Axel…” My voice trailed away. “Can we talk? Please.”
His face hardened, losing its momentary softness. “There’s nothing left to say. I’ve heard your apologies, your constant messages begging for forgiveness. I’m over it.”
“I don’t know what to do to make this right! I love you, and…”
Axel had already started shaking his head before I could finish speaking.
I wiped away the tears from my cheeks, but I saw the uncertainty in Axel’s eyes before he looked away. I felt as though my entire world fell apart around me. I forced a smile shakily past the tears and nodded my head, finally accepting defeat. Axel was over me for good.
Exhaling a long, shaky breath, fighting back the emotions, I shot out, “I didn’t realize our relationship was so delicate.”
Tension in Axel’s jaw and the glistening of tears in his eyes indicated that I’d hit a nerve. I had managed to chip away at the wall Axel created around his heart.
He stood up and advanced on me, not stopping until he stood so close I could smell the unique scent that seemed to belong to him alone. I closed my eyes, taking an involuntary deep breath, sparking the familiar desire that melted me and devastated me at the same time.
My gaze dipped to Axel’s mouth—full, perfect, and inviting. What would he do if I kissed him? Would he push me away? Maybe it was worth the risk.
My eyes trailed lower, down the line of his throat, to the simple V-neck black tee he wore beneath his jacket. His chest beckoned to be touched.
“Don’t you dare turn this around on me,” he hissed only inches from my face. “I’m not the one who destroyed us. You are.”
“Then let me fix us,” I pleaded.
“Fix us?” he asked, laughing harshly. “There’s no ‘us’ anymore. Our relationship isn’t just delicate, it’s scarred!”
I decided to take a huge risk and brought my hand up to Axel’s face, trailing my fingers along the flush that stained his cheek, left behind from his anger. He jerked his head away angrily and his chin hitched up, but I saw the flare of emotion in his eyes before he jerked away from me.
My face inches from his, I ran my gaze over Axel, watching the wall crumble even further. I didn’t want to stop. It was a temptation I couldn’t resist. I kissed him.
The minute my mouth made contact with his, I released a low moan, my body reacting as though it had been an eternity since we last touched. I pressed closer against his body, forgetting we were in a busy nightclub.
Axel didn’t just kiss me, he consumed me. His tongue stroked across the seam of my lips, demanding an entry I desperately wanted to give.
In a rushed movement, he grabbed me by the hand and led me out the doors into the parking lot. Without saying a word, Axel grasped my butt and lifted me up, placing me on the hood of a car, before pulling my thighs apart and settling within my spread legs.
When the velvet smoothness of his tongue stroked inside my mouth, I opened my mouth wider, meeting his tongue with my own in a hot, desperate dueling match.
“Axel…” I whispered against his mouth when he broke the kiss, running his tongue over my lips. I moaned as his hand tunneled beneath my skirt, cupping my moistened panties.
Axel’s hand slid under the fabric and stroked over my mound, dipping past my silken folds. Pressing past my entrance, he thrust his finger in and out without breaking the next passionate kiss.
Feverish, I brought my hands to cup Axel’s erection, my eyes fluttering closed as his finger pumped deeper within. I couldn’t get close enough to him, couldn’t get enough of his kiss, enough of his finger pulling the passion from my body.
God, I thought I had lost this. Lost the chance to make love to him ever again. My heart beat so fast I could barely catch my breath. I had Axel back. Axel was in my arms again.
I wrapped my legs around his lean waist, my body on fire from his touch. I attacked Axel’s mouth with carnal ferocity, my tongue pushing past his lips to breach the cavern of his mouth.
I released a ragged moan, one that came from deep within my soul, from my broken fucked up heart. I had missed Axel so much, his touch, his kisses, but more importantly… his love.
With a low growl, he pushed away, turning his back to me, striding a short distance away, enough space to cool the heat between us.
“Axel?”
He kept his back to me, standing there in silence. Very slowly, he faced me. “At least it’s clear what you’ve always wanted. I guess I was a fool to think you were more than just a groupie.”
Axel’s statement felt like ice thrown on the heat of passion that had threatened to consume me only moments ago. I eased myself off the hood of the car, heat covering my entire body as I met his cold, emotionless stare. Fighting back the flood of tears, I desperately searched his eyes for explanation. The sudden need to escape—flee from this pain—made my heart pound even harder against my chest.
“What are you talking about? Are you treating me like a groupie?” I could barely say the words.
What I saw in Axel’s eyes now brought a pang to my heart. His anger reached out and nearly strangled my very being in its intensity. Anger for lying, for keeping my reason of moving here a secret, for not trusting in our love. Anger for destroying the relationship we had built in such a short time.
“If you act like a groupie, you get treated like one. An emotionless hookup,” Axel stated quietly, his voice carefully matter-of-fact.
“Axel, please don’t be cruel. It kills me—”
“I’ve been used more times than I can count. People I think love me, or even like me, for me, are just using me for a connection. I had no idea you were doing that. I was blind!” he snapped, his words like a knife, carving into me.
“It wasn’t like that. You have to know that,” I said, taking a step toward him before stopping, wiping at the streaming tears coursing down my face. “No matter what you now believe, I… I love you.”
“Love me?” He laughed with venom. “You fucked with me,” he said, anger tightening his features. “You wanted the inside scoop on Axel Rye, son of the all mighty Jamison Rye. You lived the party scene and snorted my coke up your nose. And you fucked with me! Nothing different than all the other groupies of my life.” Fire burned in his eyes.
Unable to stand seeing the pain in Axel’s eyes, I turned. My voice low, I said, “I was insecure. I was afraid that any wrong step I made would mean losing you. I didn’t have enough faith in us as a couple. I guess I didn’t have enough trust in you. I should have told you the truth. It was the stupidest thing I could have done.” I stopped, taking a deep breath as a sob choked me. “I—I was acting like a stupid love-struck child. I created drama that didn’t need to exist.”
I stopped, my throat clogged with grief, blinking rapidly in an attempt to stop the tears burning my eyes. Afraid if I kept crying, I’d never be able to stop. I fought to keep it together, forcing myself to go on.
“I’m sorry, Axel. I owed you the truth about what I do for a living and this stupid boo
k. I just didn’t know what to do as the lie grew each time I let you believe otherwise,” I said, offering a helpless shake of my head. “I made it a bigger deal than it was.” I paused and drew in a breath. “And it was probably the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I paused before continuing. “I wasn’t using you. I wasn’t faking my desire to be with you. I wanted what you wanted, but I don’t expect you to believe me. I know I lost that trust. I’m so sorry.” I merely whispered my last words.
As if a miracle just happened, Axel strode over to me, dragging me into his arms, holding me close. “Quinn, didn’t you know how much I loved you?” he asked, pulling away enough to stare into my face. “That if you had just told me the truth, I would have understood? I wouldn’t have acted like an asshole. I would have trusted in our love. You were my world,” he said as he brushed his fingertips over my tear-stained cheeks, cupping my face with his palms.
“Then forgive me,” I whispered.
“I loved you. I pictured building a life with you. When you got caught in the lie, my entire world crumbled. All those dreams I had, they were dreams of us, places I wanted to go… with you.” Axel glared. “I wanted to be with you. Didn’t you know that?”
I saw tenderness and hurt mingled in his eyes. I also saw lingering anger, an anger I deserved.
“I’m sorry.” That was all I could verbalize right then. So many conflicting emotions coursed throughout my body that I felt almost crushed by the weight of them as I moved my hand slowly to Axel’s. Tears pooled in my eyes, burning them. But I willed myself to hold them back for once.
“I know you are,” he finally whispered.
“I’ll do whatever it takes to make this right with you,” I said, seeming to find my voice. “I want to earn back your trust. Do you want me to stop writing the book? I wasn’t going to use your name, but I will stop writing it altogether if you want.” Even though I made the offer, deep down I didn’t know if I would be able to follow through with that. I didn’t know how far Harrison had gone with it.
Axel shook his head, his voice even as he spoke. “I don’t expect you to do that. I would never ask that of you.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, his eyes moving heavenward for a moment. “I guess I’ve known that you never really used me. Your intent at the beginning maybe was to, but I have to have faith in knowing you didn’t mean to hurt me—at least not once we fell in love. It was just a lie, but I know, deep down, that your heart has been in the right place.”
