by Sara Shirley
“Aren’t you supposed to be in good shape to play hockey?” I hear her ask just in front of me.
“Yeah, well, when you have the summers off and your friends want to do nothing but sit on the beach, drink beer, and play golf, you tend to lose interest in going to the gym.” I laugh, simply because she’s probably in better shape than me right now. Coach is clearly going to kick my ass when I report to training camp next week.
Emily leans against her car as I start to stand back up. “You don’t seem to be in so much of a rush to get to that yoga class anymore.”
I see her eyes stalling and searching for a reason in her head. “What are you talking about? I really am heading to a class.”
I call her bluff. “Emily, you’re heading to a yoga class just the same as you were planning on calling Suzanne to meet up again.”
“What do you want from me, Jeremy? I don’t fit in with you guys or anyone for that matter.”
“Excuses, excuses! Stop pushing people away because you think you don’t fit in. You did the same thing to me eight years ago. You know how long I waited for your call that never came? I even tried calling you a couple times after that to see if you were going to the rink. You never answered.”
“Jeremy, it’s not that I didn’t want to hang out with you. I did actually think you were funny, but you just don’t understand how my parents dictated my life back then. My God, they still do!”
“Emily, listen to me. I may not know you all that well, but I can see underneath all the fake smiles and frilly costumes there is a funny, beautiful person just waiting to live her life. What’s holding you back?”
She pushes off her car to face me. “I don’t know what you want from me, Jeremy. I can’t even offer anyone a normal friendship. I have one day off a week, and this isn’t even the busy time of year for me.”
Something inside me keeps telling me to fight for this girl. “Quit. Just say the hell with it! Do what makes you happy for once. From the first time I knocked you on your ass when you were eleven at the Forum, I knew you didn’t belong in that life.”
“You don’t even know me, Jeremy! Shit! I don’t even know me,” Emily exclaims.
“Emily, I want to get to know you, but you keep pushing me away. There’s a group of people back in that restaurant who have zero judgment on anyone. Come back inside for a while and just hang out, relax and have a few laughs. I promise you’ve got nothing to be embarrassed about. Plus, you owe me for standing me up back in high school,” I point out.
“I didn’t stand you up. It’s not like you asked me out on a date,” Emily barely whispers as she goes thumbing through her bag. Little does she know I heard her. She doesn’t expect me to wrap my arms around her waist and start spinning her around in the air. Emily lets out a huge gasp as I lift her. “Would you put me down, you big ape! People are staring!”
I slowly lower her to the ground, not letting my arms leave her waist. As her feet hit the ground, she has the largest real smile plastered on her face and the sweetest of giggles coming from her mouth. She finally realizes how close she is to me and tries to back away. Nope, I’m not letting that happen.
“See, I knew you could really smile and let loose. Now, what if I were to ask you out on a date? Would you go out with me?” It’s a long shot I know, but something is telling me I need to get to know this girl better.
“Jeremy, you know I can’t…”
I stop her before she says another word. My hands quickly come up to grab her face as her hands grip my wrists. She briefly looks into my eyes right before my lips crash into hers. I feel her go limp in my hands as her hands fall and grasp the sides of my T-shirt. She lets out just the slightest moan before I pull my lips from hers. Holy shit, why did I just do that? She’s going to absolutely freak the fuck out now.
Leaning my forehead against hers, I whisper, “Emily, please, just one date. I don’t even care if it’s a date. Just spend some time with me.” Pulling away to look her straight in the eyes, I continue pleading my case. “If you want, we can even hang out with Suzanne or Josh. I mean, I realize that’s always awkward since they are no longer dating, but they are still good friends. Please?” Emily looks like she’s about to pass out and goes to lean against her car again. Her hand comes up to touch her lips, and she’s not looking at anything but my eyes. “Em? What is it?” Oh, shit. I never even thought of this before I kissed her. “Oh, shit, Emily. I’m so sorry. Shit, you’ve already got a boyfriend, don’t you?! I’ve totally just screwed this up, didn’t I? Please tell me I’m not a complete idiot for doing that.”
She drops her fingers from her lips. “Jeremy, really, you think I’ve got a boyfriend? I have one day off a week to do my own thing.”
I give her a questioning look. “So, if that’s not it, then what was with the look of absolute terror on your face a moment ago?”
She sighs as if what she’s about to tell me is something that will give me the same expression. “Jeremy.” She sighs again. “I’ve never been kissed before.”
Upon hearing those words, my eyes almost fall out of my head as I run my hands through my hair and start pacing in front of her. “You can’t be fuckin’ serious! How is that even possible? Never? Like as in I’m the first?! But, you’re gorgeous and sexy as hell. How…really…and I just did that…aww fuck.” Now, I’m pacing faster and running my hands over my face in frustration, trying to think of some way to fix this.
“Was I really that bad at kissing?” she asks softly.
I already basically screwed this up big time and now she thinks she’s a bad kisser. I need to make this right and erase what might have been the worst first kiss in history. “Hey, Emily. Can you shut your eyes for a second?” She gives me a suspicious look and then a slight smirk on her face like she knows what I’m about to do, but she plays along anyway. She stands straighter, shuts her eyes, shakes her long blonde hair out away from her face, and tilts up her chin. “Oh, you think you know me, now do you?” I question, teasing her. She just stands there giggling under her breath and trying not to laugh, but I catch her peeking out of one closed eye. “No cheating!” I scold, and with that, she goes back to being serious.
I slowly make my way in front of her and wrap one arm around her waist and my other hand behind her head in her hair. I lower my mouth just enough to graze the skin on her lips. I lick my lips before I connect with hers, turning my head slightly and pushing my tongue along her lips. Urging her mouth open, I sense her unease at not knowing what to do, so I take control and slowly slip my tongue in and tangle it with hers. Within seconds, her hands are on my triceps, gripping tightly as her body goes limp in my arms. I gently push her back, so she’s leaning against the side of her car, and my hips slide up against her body. Before I know it, her tongue is dancing around with mine, and she’s fucking annihilated any other girl I’ve kissed before her. I take a slight nip of her bottom lip, and she flinches. Shit, I got carried away. She moves away and goes to rub her hand against her lip, but before she can get her hand there, I slide my thumb across her bottom lip and place a simple kiss there. “Does that help erase the worst first kiss of all time, or do I need to try again?”
Snapping out of her daze, she looks up at me, mouth agape and asks, “Huh?”
I laugh softly. “I’ll take that as a yes.” Oh, fuck yeah, that’s definitely a yes in both of our books.
The minute his lips leave mine I lose a sense of wholeness I never thought I could feel. I mean, I don’t have anything to compare it to in the past, but seriously, Jeremy just basically turned his shock and awe kiss into dust. It was so sensual and calming that it almost felt as though I was floating in warmth and never wanting to be put down. I’m not even sure if I did anything right. Up until now, I’ve only managed to learn what I know from books and YouTube. Obviously, Jeremy has had so many more opportunities with other women, but if that’s the case, why is he still standing here with me in this parking lot giving me my first kiss? I know I should find out the an
swer, but honestly, I’m scared shitless right now.
This is really the first time anyone has paid any attention to me when it doesn’t involve my skating. Jeremy asked me to go out on a date with him and to hang out with the rest of the group some more. I don’t think he really understands when I say I don’t have time, plus my parents would probably go over the deep end thinking he doesn’t fit the family image. He may have a hockey career, but even with that, they won’t ever consider him suitable since he doesn’t come from money and isn’t making six figures at a Boston law firm.
Even without the status under his belt, my parents wouldn’t allow it. They’d claim he’d be a distraction from my training, and training is exactly what I’ll be doing day in and day out in another week. Sure, I’ve been stepping up my preparation over the summer, but September is rapidly approaching, and the coaches will be requiring my diligence to perfection. I’ll be doing more triple loops and laybacks to make my head spin permanently on my shoulders. I’m expected to be on the podium in Boston come January at Nationals. If I’m not there and on my way to the Olympics, my parents will certainly remind me of my embarrassment to the family.
I’m lost in my thoughts when I see Jeremy saying something in front of me. “Huh?” is all I can muster.
He steps back and looks at me with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face, as if I’m the only thing that matters right now, and I’m the one who put that smile there. Me? Who am I? Why is this guy who I’ve only basically met a few times, seeing me for who I really am and cracking through my façade I’ve built over the last twenty years?
Jeremy goes to grab my hand to bring me back into the restaurant, but I don’t move. “Em? C’mon. I thought you were going to give it another go and just hang out with us? Plus, we need to discuss the details of this date.” I can’t do this. It’s never going to work. Not with him, not his family or Suzanne.
“Jeremy, I can’t do this.” My voice comes out softer than I expected. I know I’m hurting him and everyone else again, but this is for the best, whether he knows it now or figures it out when I stop answering his phone calls again.
“What do you mean you can’t do this? You can’t go back into the restaurant, or you can’t actually stand up and move forward with your life enough to actually go out with me just once?” His voice contains pain and anger.
“I mean, us, them…I just can’t, Jeremy. Today was fun, and that kiss was something I’ll never forget. In a couple of weeks, you’ll be back to your hockey, and I’ll be training even more than I am now. By then, everyone in there will forget they even saw me again,” I say firmly, pointing to the restaurant. “You’ll forget about me, too. This is why I don’t get close or open up to anyone because the look on your face right now makes me realize I’ve hurt you. If I never let anyone into my awful lonely world, then nobody ever gets hurt.” Turning back to my car door to leave, I lift my head and see Jeremy running his hands through his hair as though he’s frustrated. “It was good seeing you again, Jeremy. I wish you the best of luck with the Monarchs, and please tell everyone inside that it was good to see them again, too.” I slowly open my car door to get in and leave, but a hand on my elbow stops me.
“Em, don’t go like this. Tell me that kiss didn’t mean something to you. Tell me you didn’t feel the same thing I did while I had you in my arms. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t pursue this with us?”
“Jeremy, I can’t hurt you, and I won’t. That kiss will be imbedded in my mind forever, but we both know it won’t work out with us.” I move to sit in my driver’s seat, reaching for the door. Jeremy appears and hovers over my doorframe.
“I’m not letting you go again for another eight years. Get that through your head. I know deep down you don’t mean what you say, so I will be calling you, and we will have that date eventually. Admit it. You need someone fighting on your side for once, and that person is going to be me.”
The door shuts to my Audi A4, and I let out a gigantic sigh, resting my head against the headrest and closing my eyes. I start up the engine and lean over to fasten my seatbelt as the voices of Lady Antebellum echo through the speakers and the chorus of “Just a Kiss” seeps into my head. I can’t help but think how ironic, and yet, amusing today has been. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would have my first kiss when I woke up this morning. I also never thought I would be running into the one guy who could actually penetrate the thick layers surrounding my heart. A slight giggle escapes my mouth.
How in the hell did Jeremy Page just work his way back into my life and basically uproot it in less than two hours? One minute I’m running from him and the next he has his arms wrapped around me with his lips locked on mine. I have absolutely nothing to compare it to, and I can only hope I wasn’t bad because all I could think about after his lips left mine was that I wanted them back on me. Yeah, okay, so I know I’m being greedy, needy, whatever, but seriously, he just screams hunk, and regardless of my current status in life and non-existent love life, I have needs. It definitely doesn’t hurt that he basically fought me tooth and nail against me telling him I couldn’t possibly handle anything like this with him.
As I’m pulling out of the parking lot, my phone ringing brings me out of my crazy thoughts of Jeremy. I look at the screen and read “Unknown Caller.” It could be just about anyone on my mother’s long list of contacts wanting to set up another interview. Usually, she schedules these herself, because she wants to ensure she’s there to control the questions and answers. She’s the freakin’ puppet master, and I’m the doll attached to the strings.
I slide my finger across the screen and quickly answer the phone. “Emily Cameron.”
“So, you do still have the same phone number,” a familiar male voice says through the phone. I glance back down at it, questioning how it’s even possible.
“How?” I ask with a little more authority.
A slow chuckle comes over the line, and I’m really trying really hard to figure out how he has my number. “Seriously, Em, you have no idea, do you?”
“Jeremy? How did you get my number?” I wonder because if he’s had my number this entire time, why has he never called me?
“Well, if you weren’t so worried about getting away from me at lunch, you might have seen me scrolling through my phone looking for a contact. You forget many years ago I made sure that when I dropped a girl off she called me when she got home. After she called me, that number stayed in my contact list because she promised me she’d call me later.”
“You saved my phone number for all these years?? Are you kidding me?! Better yet, why are you just calling me now?” He had my number and never called. Not that it would have mattered. My parents would have shipped me right off to an entirely different state if anyone even attempted to interfere with their grand plan of what my career entailed.
“I did call, a couple of times. You just never answered, and I never left a voicemail. But, enough about the past, the way I see it you now have my number, and I’ll be expecting a phone call from you soon, when you are ready to make good on that deal.”
“Jeremy, I don’t have a lot of spare time. I just hope you won’t be disappointed again…”
“Emily! No excuses this time around. I’ll be in touch, and we’ll go from there, okay?”
“Yeah, okay.” I sigh. How is this ever going to work?
“Oh, and Emily…the next time I see you, you can bet your sweet ass I’m claiming your lips again!” He must have heard me gasp loudly because he let out deep laugh through the phone. Little did he know, his voice was causing all kinds of tingles throughout my body. Things I’ve never felt before. He wanted to kiss me again, but why? “I’ll call you later. Have a good night, Emily.”
“You too, Jeremy. Talk to you soon.” With that, we both end the phone call.
I pull up into the driveway to my parents’ house. My only saving grace is that I no longer live under the same roof as them, although they still basically control my career
and market me like I’m a fine wine when it comes to all the publicity stints I’m forced to do. When I was eighteen and trying to rebel against the sad state of my life, the only reprieve I was granted was some added space by them allowing me to move into the guest apartment above the three-car garage. I had my own space, which allowed me to come and go as I pleased, even though it was only to school and the rink all through college. Now that I’ve graduated and am basically concentrating only on skating, my apartment is like my sanctuary.
I park my car in the garage and make my way up the back stairwell to unlock the door. I step inside, flicking on the kitchen area lights. Although it’s relatively small, I find solace in what is normally a chaotic life. When I stand in my kitchen area, I can see my entire studio apartment. With strategically placed furniture, I’ve managed to separate my bedroom, kitchen and living room quite nicely. Tossing my keys and bag onto the kitchen table, I slip off my flip- flops that are still slippery from my earlier pedicure. Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, I turn to flip on my television mounted above the fireplace. I’m scrolling through the channel guides and stop as I notice there’s another Friends mini-marathon on.
I can sit here all day and lose myself in this show, imagining my life in the big city and having close friends who make me feel more like family than mine ever will. Somehow I manage to catch the episode where Ross and Rachel have their first kiss. I still love this episode, especially when the Central Perk doors fly open and Ross steps in from the rain, grabbing Rachel’s face with both of his hands and bringing his lips to hers. No matter how many times I watch it, I still love it.
Touching my fingers to my lips, I think of the feelings I experienced a short time ago when Jeremy allowed me to have my first real kiss. Does he really think a date with me will go well? I can’t understand his persistence. I mean, I can certainly try to make time for him on my days off, but what happens when I’m traveling for five months straight for competitions? My parents will hate him immediately and consider him a distraction or not the type of person I should be seen with in public. It’s always about appearances with them. Training comes first, always. I’ll end up having to ignore his phone calls from here forward, and after a while, he’ll probably understand and just stop calling again. But, why do I feel as though I’m already hurting him again before this even starts? One kiss and I’m already losing focus. I’m so confused and screwed!
