“You mean a mother’s viewpoint, don’t you?”
By now they had reached the long line of stables, all of which were protected by a deep overhang lit with dim night-lights. As the two of them stopped beneath the shelter, Juliet turned to study his shadowed face.
“I can’t pretend to know what a mother knows,” she confessed.
He studied her face for a long moment, then with a hard swallow he looked away from her toward the horse hanging its head over the stall gate.
“I might be a lot of things, Juliet, but I’m not a blind man. I can see that my daughter needs a mother. And I wish I could give her one. But I have no desire to get married again. I doubt I ever will.”
His admission didn’t surprise Juliet, but it did sadden her. Even if he didn’t have Gracia to consider, the man needed love, she thought. If he was so all knowing, why couldn’t he see that?
“Why? Would it make you feel guilty if you loved a woman other than your late wife?”
He dropped his hand away from her arm and Juliet fully expected him to blast her with some angry retort. Instead he quietly turned the tables on her.
“Before I answer that, don’t you think it’s time you told me about your love life? You’re a beautiful woman. I’m sure you’ve had marriage proposals. Why aren’t you married, or have you been?”
Until that moment, Juliet hadn’t realized just how much the broken relationships in her life had shadowed her spirit, her belief in herself as a woman. Her last boyfriend, Michael Hamlin, had been a regular charlatan. But unfortunately she’d not figured that out until later. Almost too late, she thought grimly. He’d given her an engagement ring and their wedding had been set to take place. She’d been filling a new apartment with things to set up housekeeping with her new husband, and in her mind, she was picturing them with children and years of togetherness. But then she’d gotten the call from a so-called friend hinting that Michael might not be all he seemed to be. Juliet hadn’t wanted to believe the caller, but the seed of suspicion had been planted and she’d begun to take a second look at her fiancé. She’d discovered he not only had a present girlfriend, but that he’d had a string of them while professing his love to Juliet. To say the least, her hopes and visions of being a happily married woman had ended then and there.
“I’ve never been married,” she said in a low voice. “I came close once, but that didn’t work out. So far men have disappointed me and to be honest, I just don’t think I could ever trust one enough for marriage.”
He frowned. “That sounds pretty jaded. Especially from a woman as young as you.”
“Twenty-five doesn’t feel that young to me.” Suddenly feeling awkward, she stepped around him and over to the horse.
He followed her, but didn’t say anything and after a moment Juliet realized he was waiting for her to say more. But she didn’t want to say more. She didn’t want this man to know that every man she’d ever had in her life had wound up treating her badly. It didn’t speak well for her judgment or her ability to make a man love her.
Reaching out gently, she stroked the horse’s nose. “My father was—is a real bastard, Matt. For as long as I can remember, he treated my mother horribly. There were other women and then there were these get-rich-quick schemes that usually ended up in bankruptcy. He was always making glorious promises to her and ninety percent of the time they were broken. When I was a child and didn’t know any better, I thought he was just one of those men that had bad luck. I believed he was really trying to make a good home for us and I believed he really loved Mother and me. Even though he hardly ever gave me a passing glance,” she added bitterly. “Funny how children think a parent is automatically supposed to love their child. I did. Until I learned better. Now I figure I’m much happier living alone than—being in that sort of misery.”
Her views on love and marriage were no concern of his, Matt thought. And he shouldn’t have asked her in the first place. The only reason he had was because she’d seemed so dead set to pry into his intimate life. But now that she was talking, he was listening, and the pain he heard in her voice touched him far more than he wanted to admit.
Stepping closer, he reached out and touched a strand of golden hair lying upon her shoulder. It felt soft and cool and even without bending closer, he could smell the scent of flowers upon it.
“You’ve told me your mother passed away,” he said quietly. “What happened between you and your father after that?”
Her hand paused upon the horse’s face. “Oh, at first, for a couple of years he made an attempt at raising me. But it didn’t work. He resented being tied down and he didn’t have time for a kid. I cramped his style and he didn’t mind telling me so. Thankfully, my mother’s sister only lived a few blocks away and I would run to her house for comfort. Until eventually, I quit running and just stayed there until I was old enough to get out on my own.”
Matt didn’t know what to say. He’d not expected her to come from such a difficult background. The first time he’d met her, he’d gotten the impression that she’d been born into an easy life where two parents had coddled and spoiled their darling daughter. Then he’d learned her mother had died while Juliet was only a small child and now he’d heard her father was not fit to be a parent. He felt awful that he’d misjudged that part of her life so badly.
“I’m sorry, Juliet. I really am.”
In the muted light, she turned to face him and even though she tilted her chin proudly he could see pain in her eyes. The sight struck him deep within his chest.
“You don’t have to be sorry, Matt. I don’t worry about what Hugh Madsen thinks of me now, or even if he ever thinks of me.”
Her face was so brave, yet so sad and beautiful that he couldn’t stop his hands from capturing her shoulders and pulling her toward him. She came into his arms without resisting and as her full, luscious body settled against his, a fire ignited low in his belly.
With her face against his shoulder, he stroked her hair and her back, all the while knowing he should set her away, but loving the feel of her too much to follow the commands of his cautious side.
Moments passed as her body heated his and then her head stirred and he turned his cheek close to hers. Their breath mingled and then she let out a helpless groan.
“Matt, I—”
“Don’t talk.”
Juliet had to obey his command. She had no other choice as his lips quickly covered hers and his hands drew her even closer to his hard body. She’d not expected him to be touching her like this or kissing her again, and the shock of it momentarily stunned her with questions. But as his mouth began to move hungrily over hers, the whys quickly fled her mind. She couldn’t wonder what was going on in his head. All she could do was experience the exquisite taste of his hard lips.
With the speed of an arrow, desire plunged through her body and before she realized exactly what she was doing, her mouth opened and her arms slipped around his neck. She wanted to be closer. Had to be closer.
The silent invitation lured his tongue deep inside her mouth and the intimate connection made the hidden spot between her thighs ache with need. Another moan rattled deep in her throat.
Without breaking the kiss, he walked her backward, into the shadows, until her shoulders came in contact with the wall of the barn. The privacy of the darkness seemed to fuel his desire even more and she refused to think or to question when his lips pulled away from hers to make a hasty descent down the neckline of her sweater.
Like raindrops of fire, he scattered kisses over her skin until his mouth settled in the valley between her breasts and then his teeth began to nibble, his hands moved to the rounded fullness of her bottom. Roughly, he tugged her hips against his and she could feel the bulge of his desire pushing against his jeans, against her.
Wanting, needing to feel all of him, she pulled his hat from his head and dropped it to the ground before her fingers slipped into his black, silky hair. With the pads of her fingertips pressed against his
skull, she urged his mouth to the tip of one breast, then moaned as he bit through the thin fabric of her sweater until his teeth found her nipple.
His name was a silent plea upon her tongue and she was just about to whisper it, to beg him to make love to her when suddenly the sound of people talking and laughing in the distance drifted to them on the breeze.
Jerking his head up, Matt hurriedly glanced over his shoulder.
“Some of the guests are leaving. We’d better get back.”
His voice was thick and husky, telling Juliet he’d been just as lost in the moment as she. The idea was frightening. Yet she didn’t want to go, to leave the passion of his arms.
Unable to speak, she simply nodded. He stepped back from her and bent down to retrieve his hat from the ground. The parting of their bodies allowed cool sanity to slip back to her senses and she suddenly felt like an idiot for behaving so wantonly. He could have made love to her without even asking and the embarrassing part was that they both knew it.
“I—uh—it’s time for me to go home,” she blurted, then stepping around him, took off in a brisk walk toward the house.
Juliet was past the barn and almost to the spot where she’d parked her car when Matt caught up to her and she shivered outwardly as he captured her by the hand and spun her around to face him.
“You’re going without saying goodbye? Gracia will be hurt,” he said.
What about him, she wanted to ask, would he be hurt? But she’d already exposed her attraction to the man; it wouldn’t do to let him think there were feelings behind her kisses.
She stared at the ground. “Please tell her goodbye for me and that I had to leave early. I’ll—call her later and thank her for the lovely party.”
He didn’t respond immediately and when he spoke again she was bracing herself, expecting him to accuse her of trying to seduce him.
“You don’t have to leave because I stepped out of line, Juliet.”
Surprise brought her gaze up to his face and as she stared at his lips heat began to sting her face. The ache of desire still lingered in her body and she wanted to step forward and into his arms. She wanted to complete the ecstasy he’d started in the shadows.
“You didn’t—” She broke off as he stepped closer.
“Yes, I did,” he countered, his voice raspy and full of self-reproach. “I don’t know what you’re thinking right now—but I didn’t plan any of that, Juliet. I—hell—” He looked away from her, toward the lights of the nearby ranch house. “I haven’t wanted any woman since Erica died. But you—” Drawing in a deep breath, he turned a troubled gaze back on her. “You’re very beautiful, Juliet. And sexy. And I guess the man in me hasn’t died yet. I wish—you’d just forget the whole thing ever happened.”
His awkward apology stunned Juliet and somehow drew her to him just that much more. Yet she could see that he obviously regretted their heated embrace for one reason or another and wanted to make sure she knew it would never be repeated. A wise plan for both of them, she realized. Yet the idea left her feeling very empty.
“Sometimes things happen that—well, just consider the whole thing already forgotten, Matt,” she said gently.
Nodding soberly, he dropped his hold on her hand and Juliet felt the chill of the night breeze.
“Yeah. Things just happen,” he murmured.
His gaze was still on her face and she wondered how she could tear her eyes away from him, but somehow she managed to say good-night and turn and walk briskly to her car.
Five days later, Matt was still trying to forget Juliet and the reckless way he’d behaved with her the night of Gracia’s birthday party. Since then he’d not seen nor spoken to the woman, yet her image had hounded his brain until he could hardly think of anything else.
He was staring off into space, reliving the way she’d tasted, the way her body had molded to his when his cousin Lex’s voice broke into his erotic thoughts. The two men had been riding since just after dawn, searching a pasture on the far reaches of the Sandbur for newborn calves. The day had been long and tiresome. Even the dogs trailing behind the horse’s heels were ready to get home and have their supper.
“Matt? Are you listening? I asked if you wanted to ride through the deep end of the river or go down to Settler’s Bend where it’s shallow?”
With a tired sigh, he looked over at his cousin, who was covered in trail dust. “Let’s swim the horses,” Matt told him. “I don’t want to ride another thirty minutes and I’m sure the horses don’t, either.”
Lex nodded. “I’m game. A little cold water won’t hurt us. In fact, it might wake you up.”
Matt frowned at him. “Wake me? I haven’t been asleep.”
“Maybe not. But you’ve been doing a hell of a lot of daydreaming. It’s a good thing we brought the dogs with us today, otherwise I wouldn’t have had any help at all.”
“Like hell,” Matt shot at him. “You wouldn’t have found a third of those calves if I hadn’t been with you.”
Lex snorted good-naturedly. “All right, I’ll concede you’ve been working, but your mind is somewhere other than here.” He glanced thoughtfully at Matt. “Are you—worried about something? Gracia giving you trouble?”
Worried? Annoyed was much more like it, Matt thought. It was downright irritating to have his mind taken over by a female with long legs and an hourglass figure.
Picking up a corner of the yellow kerchief tied around his neck, he used it to wipe the sweat from his face. “No. I’m not worried about anything,” Matt told him. “And Gracia hasn’t given me an ounce of trouble.” Except that the sight of his daughter always reminded him even more of the blond vixen from Dallas, he thought wryly.
“Well, you’ve been preoccupied with something these past few days.” Lex’s eyes narrowed as he studied his cousin’s weary profile. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you’ve been daydreaming about Ms. Madsen.”
Shocked that Lex would bring up Juliet’s name, he turned a glare on the other man. “Why the hell would you say that?”
Lex shrugged. “Just a hunch. Ever since you whirled the woman around the dance floor, you haven’t been acting like yourself.”
That much was true, Matt thought, but he didn’t necessarily want to admit it out loud, or to his well-meaning cousin. “There’s nothing wrong with me. Just because I’m trying to do some quiet thinking—”
“About what?” Lex interrupted. “Long blond hair and an even longer pair of legs?”
Matt’s back teeth gnashed together. “The nicest thing you could do for me right now, Lex Saddler, would be to shut up.”
Lex chuckled. “Damn, Matt, why do you want to raise your bristles at me? I think it’s pretty great that you’ve finally taken a look at another female. And for your information, so does Nicci.”
Matt had to fight like crazy to keep from groaning loudly. If taking a look at Juliet was his only crime, he probably wouldn’t be feeling so possessed right now. Lord, what would Lex and Nicci think if they knew he’d nearly made love to the woman?
Closing his eyes, he reached up and wiped a hand over his gritty face, in hopes it would wipe the images of those moments with Juliet out of his mind. But nothing seemed to help dim the memories of that night. He could still taste and smell her, feel the curves of her breasts in his palms, her hips pressed to his. If those partygoers hadn’t interrupted them, he would have soon had her lying out on the grass. The need he’d felt for her had been so hot it was still enough to make him shudder.
“Look, Lex, there’s nothing going on with Juliet and me. She’s Gracia’s friend and I was—only being hospitable.”
Lex laughed loudly and Matt couldn’t blame him. He’d sounded lame and they both knew it.
“C’mon, cuz, it won’t break your neck if you admit you’re attracted to the woman.”
“It might break yours if you keep this up,” Matt retorted.
Laughing again, Lex glanced at him as their mounts picked their way forward through
the tall sage grass, wesatch and clumps of prickly pear.
“You’re not eighty years old, Matt, and I don’t believe you feel like it, either.”
“You don’t have a clue how I feel,” Matt muttered glumly.
Lex’s laughing features took on a sober look. “No. I haven’t loved a wife and lost her. But seven years have passed since Erica died. It’s time you woke up and looked around. And I’d be damn happy if Juliet Madsen could finally open your eyes.”
She’d opened his eyes all right, Matt thought, and now he was seeing clearly. The Dallas woman was all wrong for him. It didn’t matter that her kisses set him on fire or that she was the most beautiful, sexy woman he’d ever seen. It made no difference that her smile, her laugh, made the corners of his mouth want to turn up and the heaviness in his heart seem just a little lighter. She was a born-and-bred city woman. Maybe she wasn’t as fragile or out of place as Erica had been in his world, but she was still from a different life than his. Even if Matt wanted her to, she wouldn’t fit in. And then he’d lose her.
“My eyes are open, Lex. And what I see up ahead is the river. We’d better put our stirrups up and get ready for a cold swim.” And hopefully the chilly water would break this fever Juliet had given him, Matt thought desperately.
He spurred his horse toward the banks of the San Antonio.
Chapter Five
The spring morning had started out sunny with no hint of a cloud in sight, but by the time Juliet left her office for lunch the sky was gray and a steady rain was wetting the streets.
Since she was only a couple of blocks from the Cattle Call Café, she dug out an umbrella she kept for just such emergencies and walked the short distance.
By the time she reached the diner, wind had spotted her skirt with raindrops and her sandaled feet were wet. Before she stepped through the doorway of the busy café, she shook the umbrella and her pleated skirt, then shook back her loose hair that was curling wildly from the damp air.
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