“Certainly not,” Alice interrupted, rather petulantly. “She’s never worn it but once, and of course she wouldn’t want to wear anything to-night that people have seen her in a lot.”
Miss Perry opened the door of Adams’s room and stepped out. “Your father wants to know if you’ll come and see him a minute, Miss Adams.”
“Poor old thing! Of course!” Alice exclaimed, and went quickly into the room, Miss Perry remaining outside. “What’s the matter, papa? Getting awful sick of lying on his tired old back, I expect.”
“I’ve had kind of a poor morning,” Adams said, as she patted his hand comfortingly. “I been thinking — —”
“Didn’t I tell you not to?” she cried, gaily. “Of course you’ll have poor times when you go and do just exactly what I say you mustn’t. You stop thinking this very minute!”
He smiled ruefully, closing his eyes; was silent for a moment, then asked her to sit beside the bed. “I been thinking of something I wanted to say,” he added.
“What like, papa?”
“Well, it’s nothing — much,” he said, with something deprecatory in his tone, as if he felt vague impulses toward both humour and apology. “I just thought maybe I ought to’ve said more to you some time or other about — well, about the way things ARE, down at Lamb and Company’s, for instance.”
“Now, papa!” She leaned forward in the chair she had taken, and pretended to slap his hand crossly. “Isn’t that exactly what I said you couldn’t think one single think about till you get ALL well?”
“Well — —” he said, and went on slowly, not looking at her, but at the ceiling. “I just thought maybe it wouldn’t been any harm if some time or other I told you something about the way they sort of depend on me down there.”
“Why don’t they show it, then?” she asked, quickly. “That’s just what mama and I have been feeling so much; they don’t appreciate you.”
“Why, yes, they do,” he said. “Yes, they do. They began h’isting my salary the second year I went in there, and they’ve h’isted it a little every two years all the time I’ve worked for ’em. I’ve been head of the sundries department for seven years now, and I could hardly have more authority in that department unless I was a member of the firm itself.”
“Well, why don’t they make you a member of the firm? That’s what they ought to’ve done! Yes, and long ago!”
Adams laughed, but sighed with more heartiness than he had laughed. “They call me their ‘oldest stand-by’ down there.” He laughed again, apologetically, as if to excuse himself for taking a little pride in this title. “Yes, sir; they say I’m their ‘oldest stand-by’; and I guess they know they can count on my department’s turning in as good a report as they look for, at the end of every month; but they don’t have to take a man into the firm to get him to do my work, dearie.”
“But you said they depended on you, papa.”
“So they do; but of course not so’s they couldn’t get along without me.” He paused, reflecting. “I don’t just seem to know how to put it — I mean how to put what I started out to say. I kind of wanted to tell you — well, it seems funny to me, these last few years, the way your mother’s taken to feeling about it. I’d like to see a better established wholesale drug business than Lamb and Company this side the Alleghanies — I don’t say bigger, I say better established — and it’s kind of funny for a man that’s been with a business like that as long as I have to hear it called a ‘hole.’ It’s kind of funny when you think, yourself, you’ve done pretty fairly well in a business like that, and the men at the head of it seem to think so, too, and put your salary just about as high as anybody could consider customary — well, what I mean, Alice, it’s kind of funny to have your mother think it’s mostly just — mostly just a failure, so to speak.”
His voice had become tremulous in spite of him; and this sign of weakness and emotion had sufficient effect upon Alice. She bent over him suddenly, with her arm about him and her cheek against his. “Poor papa!” she murmured. “Poor papa!”
“No, no,” he said. “I didn’t mean anything to trouble you. I just thought — —” He hesitated. “I just wondered — I thought maybe it wouldn’t be any harm if I said something about how things ARE down there. I got to thinking maybe you didn’t understand it’s a pretty good place. They’re fine people to work for; and they’ve always seemed to think something of me; — the way they took Walter on, for instance, soon as I asked ’em, last year. Don’t you think that looked a good deal as if they thought something of me, Alice?”
“Yes, papa,” she said, not moving.
“And the work’s right pleasant,” he went on. “Mighty nice boys in our department, Alice. Well, they are in all the departments, for that matter. We have a good deal of fun down there some days.”
She lifted her head. “More than you do at home ‘some days,’ I expect, papa!” she said.
He protested feebly. “Now, I didn’t mean that — I didn’t want to trouble you — —”
She looked at him through winking eyelashes. “I’m sorry I called it a ‘hole,’ papa.”
“No, no,” he protested, gently. “It was your mother said that.”
“No. I did, too.”
“Well, if you did, it was only because you’d heard her.”
She shook her head, then kissed him. “I’m going to talk to her,” she said, and rose decisively.
But at this, her father’s troubled voice became quickly louder: “You better let her alone. I just wanted to have a little talk with you. I didn’t mean to start any — your mother won’t — —”
“Now, papa!” Alice spoke cheerfully again, and smiled upon him. “I want you to quit worrying! Everything’s going to be all right and nobody’s going to bother you any more about anything. You’ll see!”
She carried her smile out into the hall, but after she had closed the door her face was all pity; and her mother, waiting for her in the opposite room, spoke sympathetically.
“What’s the matter, Alice? What did he say that’s upset you?”
“Wait a minute, mama.” Alice found a handkerchief, used it for eyes and suffused nose, gulped, then suddenly and desolately sat upon the bed. “Poor, poor, POOR papa!” she whispered.
“Why?” Mrs. Adams inquired, mildly. “What’s the matter with him? Sometimes you act as if he weren’t getting well. What’s he been talking about?”
“Mama — well, I think I’m pretty selfish. Oh, I do!”
“Did he say you were?”
“Papa? No, indeed! What I mean is, maybe we’re both a little selfish to try to make him go out and hunt around for something new.”
Mrs. Adams looked thoughtful. “Oh, that’s what he was up to!”
“Mama, I think we ought to give it up. I didn’t dream it had really hurt him.”
“Well, doesn’t he hurt us?”
“Never that I know of, mama.”
“I don’t mean by SAYING things,” Mrs. Adams explained, impatiently. “There are more ways than that of hurting people. When a man sticks to a salary that doesn’t provide for his family, isn’t that hurting them?”
“Oh, it ‘provides’ for us well enough, mama. We have what we need — if I weren’t so extravagant. Oh, I know I am!”
But at this admission her mother cried out sharply. “‘Extravagant!’ You haven’t one tenth of what the other girls you go with have. And you CAN’T have what you ought to as long as he doesn’t get out of that horrible place. It provides bare food and shelter for us, but what’s that?”
“I don’t think we ought to try any more to change him.”
“You don’t?” Mrs. Adams came and stood before her. “Listen, Alice: your father’s asleep; that’s his trouble, and he’s got to be waked up. He doesn’t know that things have changed. When you and Walter were little children we did have enough — at least it seemed to be about as much as most of the people we knew. But the town isn’t what it was in those days, and times aren’t
what they were then, and these fearful PRICES aren’t the old prices. Everything else but your father has changed, and all the time he’s stood still. He doesn’t know it; he thinks because they’ve given him a hundred dollars more every two years he’s quite a prosperous man! And he thinks that because his children cost him more than he and I cost our parents he gives them — enough!”
“But Walter — —” Alice faltered. “Walter doesn’t cost him anything at all any more.” And she concluded, in a stricken voice, “It’s all — me!”
“Why shouldn’t it be?” her mother cried. “You’re young — you’re just at the time when your life should be fullest of good things and happiness. Yet what do you get?”
Alice’s lip quivered; she was not unsusceptible to such an appeal, but she contrived the semblance of a protest. “I don’t have such a bad time not a good DEAL of the time, anyhow. I’ve got a good MANY of the things other girls have — —”
“You have?” Mrs. Adams was piteously satirical. “I suppose you’ve got a limousine to go to that dance to-night? I suppose you’ve only got to call a florist and tell him to send you some orchids? I suppose you’ve — —”
But Alice interrupted this list. Apparently in a single instant all emotion left her, and she became businesslike, as one in the midst of trifles reminded of really serious matters. She got up from the bed and went to the door of the closet where she kept her dresses. “Oh, see here,” she said, briskly. “I’ve decided to wear my white organdie if you could put in a new lining for me. I’m afraid it’ll take you nearly all afternoon.”
She brought forth the dress, displayed it upon the bed, and Mrs. Adams examined it attentively.
“Do you think you could get it done, mama?”
“I don’t see why not,” Mrs. Adams answered, passing a thoughtful hand over the fabric. “It oughtn’t to take more than four or five hours.”
“It’s a shame to have you sit at the machine that long,” Alice said, absently, adding, “And I’m sure we ought to let papa alone. Let’s just give it up, mama.”
Mrs. Adams continued her thoughtful examination of the dress. “Did you buy the chiffon and ribbon, Alice?”
“Yes. I’m sure we oughtn’t to talk to him about it any more, mama.”
“Well, we’ll see.”
“Let’s both agree that we’ll NEVER say another single word to him about it,” said Alice. “It’ll be a great deal better if we just let him make up his mind for himself.”
CHAPTER V
WITH THIS, HAVING more immediately practical questions before them, they dropped the subject, to bend their entire attention upon the dress; and when the lunch-gong sounded downstairs Alice was still sketching repairs and alterations. She continued to sketch them, not heeding the summons.
“I suppose we’d better go down to lunch,” Mrs. Adams said, absently. “She’s at the gong again.” “In a minute, mama. Now about the sleeves — —” And she went on with her planning. Unfortunately the gong was inexpressive of the mood of the person who beat upon it. It consisted of three little metal bowls upon a string; they were unequal in size, and, upon being tapped with a padded stick, gave forth vibrations almost musically pleasant. It was Alice who had substituted this contrivance for the brass “dinner-bell” in use throughout her childhood; and neither she nor the others of her family realized that the substitution of sweeter sounds had made the life of that household more difficult. In spite of dismaying increases in wages, the Adamses still strove to keep a cook; and, as they were unable to pay the higher rates demanded by a good one, what they usually had was a whimsical coloured woman of nomadic impulses. In the hands of such a person the old-fashioned “dinner-bell” was satisfying; life could instantly be made intolerable for any one dawdling on his way to a meal; the bell was capable of every desirable profanity and left nothing bottled up in the breast of the ringer. But the chamois-covered stick might whack upon Alice’s little Chinese bowls for a considerable length of time and produce no great effect of urgency upon a hearer, nor any other effect, except fury in the cook. The ironical impossibility of expressing indignation otherwise than by sounds of gentle harmony proved exasperating; the cook was apt to become surcharged, so that explosive resignations, never rare, were somewhat more frequent after the introduction of the gong.
Mrs. Adams took this increased frequency to be only another manifestation of the inexplicable new difficulties that beset all housekeeping. You paid a cook double what you had paid one a few years before; and the cook knew half as much of cookery, and had no gratitude. The more you gave these people, it seemed, the worse they behaved — a condition not to be remedied by simply giving them less, because you couldn’t even get the worst unless you paid her what she demanded. Nevertheless, Mrs. Adams remained fitfully an optimist in the matter. Brought up by her mother to speak of a female cook as “the girl,” she had been instructed by Alice to drop that definition in favour of one not an improvement in accuracy: “the maid.” Almost always, during the first day or so after every cook came, Mrs. Adams would say, at intervals, with an air of triumph: “I believe — of course it’s a little soon to be sure — but I do really believe this new maid is the treasure we’ve been looking for so long!” Much in the same way that Alice dreamed of a mysterious perfect mate for whom she “waited,” her mother had a fairy theory that hidden somewhere in the universe there was the treasure, the perfect “maid,” who would come and cook in the Adamses’ kitchen, not four days or four weeks, but forever.
The present incumbent was not she. Alice, profoundly interested herself, kept her mother likewise so preoccupied with the dress that they were but vaguely conscious of the gong’s soft warnings, though these were repeated and protracted unusually. Finally the sound of a hearty voice, independent and enraged, reached the pair. It came from the hall below.
“I says goo’-BYE!” it called. “Da’ss all!”
Then the front door slammed.
“Why, what — —” Mrs. Adams began.
They went down hurriedly to find out. Miss Perry informed them.
“I couldn’t make her listen to reason,” she said. “She rang the gong four or five times and got to talking to herself; and then she went up to her room and packed her bag. I told her she had no business to go out the front door, anyhow.”
Mrs. Adams took the news philosophically. “I thought she had something like that in her eye when I paid her this morning, and I’m not surprised. Well, we won’t let Mr. Adams know anything’s the matter till I get a new one.”
They lunched upon what the late incumbent had left chilling on the table, and then Mrs. Adams prepared to wash the dishes; she would “have them done in a jiffy,” she said, cheerfully. But it was Alice who washed the dishes.
“I DON’T like to have you do that, Alice,” her mother protested, following her into the kitchen. “It roughens the hands, and when a girl has hands like yours — —”
“I know, mama.” Alice looked troubled, but shook her head. “It can’t be helped this time; you’ll need every minute to get that dress done.”
Mrs. Adams went away lamenting, while Alice, no expert, began to splash the plates and cups and saucers in the warm water. After a while, as she worked, her eyes grew dreamy: she was making little gay-coloured pictures of herself, unfounded prophecies of how she would look and what would happen to her that evening. She saw herself, charming and demure, wearing a fluffy idealization of the dress her mother now determinedly struggled with upstairs; she saw herself framed in a garlanded archway, the entrance to a ballroom, and saw the people on the shining floor turning dramatically to look at her; then from all points a rush of young men shouting for dances with her; and she constructed a superb stranger, tall, dark, masterfully smiling, who swung her out of the clamouring group as the music began. She saw herself dancing with him, saw the half-troubled smile she would give him; and she accurately smiled that smile as she rinsed the knives and forks.
These hopeful fragments of drama
were not to be realized, she knew; but she played that they were true, and went on creating them. In all of them she wore or carried flowers — her mother’s sorrow for her in this detail but made it the more important — and she saw herself glamorous with orchids; discarded these for an armful of long-stemmed, heavy roses; tossed them away for a great bouquet of white camellias; and so wandered down a lengthening hothouse gallery of floral beauty, all costly and beyond her reach except in such a wistful day-dream. And upon her present whole horizon, though she searched it earnestly, she could discover no figure of a sender of flowers.
Out of her fancies the desire for flowers to wear that night emerged definitely and became poignant; she began to feel that it might be particularly important to have them. “This might be the night!” She was still at the age to dream that the night of any dance may be the vital point in destiny. No matter how commonplace or disappointing other dance nights have been this one may bring the great meeting. The unknown magnifico may be there.
Alice was almost unaware of her own reveries in which this being appeared — reveries often so transitory that they developed and passed in a few seconds. And in some of them the being was not wholly a stranger; there were moments when he seemed to be composed of recognizable fragments of young men she knew — a smile she had liked, from one; the figure of another, the hair of another — and sometimes she thought he might be concealed, so to say, within the person of an actual acquaintance, someone she had never suspected of being the right seeker for her, someone who had never suspected that it was she who “waited” for him. Anything might reveal them to each other: a look, a turn of the head, a singular word — perhaps some flowers upon her breast or in her hand.
She wiped the dishes slowly, concluding the operation by dropping a saucer upon the floor and dreamily sweeping the fragments under the stove. She sighed and replaced the broom near a window, letting her glance wander over the small yard outside. The grass, repulsively besooted to the colour of coal-smoke all winter, had lately come to life again and now sparkled with green, in the midst of which a tiny shot of blue suddenly fixed her absent eyes. They remained upon it for several moments, becoming less absent.
Collected Works of Booth Tarkington Page 283
