Collected Works of Booth Tarkington

by Booth Tarkington

  Mr. Dill nodded and spoke with conviction: “He’s absolutely right; absolutely!”

  “Well, some ways he is,” said Florence; and she added confidentially: “The trouble is, he seems to think you’re about as bad as any of ’em.”

  “What?”

  “Well!” Florence exclaimed, with upward gestures both of eye and of hand, to signify what she left untold of Mr. Atwater’s orations upon his favourite subject: Noble Dill. “It’s torrable!” she added.

  Noble breathed heavily, but a thought struggled in him and a brightening appeared upon him. “You mean — —” he began. “Do you mean it’s terrible for your Aunt Julia? Do you mean his injustice about me makes her feel terribly?”

  “No,” said Florence. “No: I mean the way he goes on about everybody. But Aunt Julia’s kind of used to it. And anyhow you needn’t worry about him ‘long as I’m on your side. He won’t do anything much to you if I say not to. Hardly anything at all.” And then, with almost a tenderness, as she marked the visibly insufficient reassurance of her companion, she said handsomely: “He won’t say a word. I’ll tell him not to.”

  Noble was dazed; no novelty, for he had been dazed almost continually during the past seven months, since a night when dancing with Julia, whom he had known all his life, he “noticed for the first time what she looked like.” (This was his mother’s description.) Somewhere, he vaguely recalled, he had read of the extraordinary influence possessed by certain angelic kinds of children; he knew, too, what favourite grandchildren can do with grandfathers. The effect upon him was altogether base; he immediately sought by flattery to increase and retain Florence’s kindness. “I always thought you seemed to know more than most girls of your age,” he began.

  It was a great afternoon for Florence. From time to time she glanced over her shoulder at the switching skirt, and increased its radius of action, though this probably required more exercise, compared to the extent of ground covered, than any lady member of a walking-party had ever before taken, merely as a pedestrian. Meanwhile, she chattered on, but found time to listen to the pleasant things said to her by her companion; and though most of these were, in truth, rather vague, she was won to him more than he knew. Henceforth she was to be his champion indeed, sometimes with greater energy than he would need.

  ... The two were left alone together by Julia’s gate when the walk (as short as Julia dared to make it) was over.

  “Well,” Florence said, “I’ve had quite a nice time. I hope you enjoyed yourself nicely, too, Mr. Dill.” Then her eye rose to the overhanging branch of a shade-tree near them. “Would you like to see me chin myself?” she asked, stepping beneath the branch. “I bet I could skin-the-cat on that limb! Would you like to see me do it?”

  “I would so!” the flatterer enthused.

  She became thoughtful, remembering that she was now a lady who took walks with grown gentlemen. “I can, but I won’t,” she said. “I used to do lots of things like that. I used to whenever I felt like it. I could chin myself four times and Herbert only three. I was lots better than Herbert when I used to do all kinds of things like that.”

  “Were you?”

  She laughed as in a musing retrospect of times gone by. “I guess I used to be a pretty queer kind of a girl in those days,” she said. “Well — I s’pose we ought to say good-bye for the present, so to speak, Mr. Dill.”

  “I’m afraid so.”

  “Well — —” She stood looking at him expectantly, but he said nothing more. “Well, good-bye for the present, Mr. Dill,” she said again, and, turning, walked away with dignity. But a moment later she forgot all about her skirt and scampered.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  MRS. DILL, NOBLE’S mother, talked of organizing a Young Men’s Mothers’ Club against Julia, nevertheless she acknowledged that in one solitary way Noble was being improved by the experience. His two previous attacks of love (one at twelve, and the other at eighteen) had been incomparably lighter, and the changes in him, noted at home, merely a slight general irritability and a lack of domestic punctuality due to too much punctuality elsewhere. But, when his Julia Atwater trouble came, the very first symptom he manifested was a strange new effort to become beautiful; his mother even discovered that he sometimes worked with pumice stone upon the cigarette stains on his fingers.

  The most curious thing about his condition was that for a long time he took it for granted that his family did not know what was the matter with him; and this shows as nothing else could the meekness and tact of the Dills; for, excluding bad cooks and the dangerously insane, the persons most disturbing to the serenity of households are young lovers. But the world has had to accommodate itself to them because young lovers cannot possibly accommodate themselves to the world. For the young lover there is no general life of the species; for him the universe is a delicate blush under a single bonnet. He has but an irritated perception of every vital thing in nature except the vital thing under this bonnet; all else is trivial intrusion. But whatever does concern the centrifugal bonnet, whatever concerns it in the remotest — ah, then he springs to life! So Noble Dill sat through a Sunday dinner at home, seemingly drugged to a torpor, while the family talk went on about him; but when his father, in the course of some remarks upon politics, happened to mention the name of the county-treasurer, Charles J. Patterson, Noble’s startled attention to the conversation was so conspicuous as to be disconcerting. Mrs. Dill signalled with her head that comment should be omitted, and Mr. Dill became, for the moment, one factor in a fairly clear example of telepathic communication, for it is impossible to believe that his wife’s almost imperceptible gesture was what caused him to remember that Charles J. Patterson was Julia Atwater’s uncle.

  That name, Charles J. Patterson, coming thus upon Noble’s ear, was like an unexpected shrine on the wayside where plods the fanatic pilgrim; and yet Mr. Patterson was the most casual of Julia’s uncles-by-marriage: he neither had nor desired any effect upon her destiny. To Noble he seemed a being ineffably privileged and fateful, and something of the same quality invested the wooden gateposts in front of Julia’s house; invested everything that had to do with her. What he felt about her father, that august old danger, himself, was not only the uncalled-for affection inevitable toward Julia’s next of kin, but also a kind of horror due to the irresponsible and awful power possessed by a sacred girl’s parent. Florence’s offer of protection had not entirely reassured the young lover, and, in sum, Noble loved Mr. Atwater, but often, in his reveries, when he had rescued him from drowning or being burned to death, he preferred to picture the peculiar old man’s injuries as ultimately fatal.

  For the other Atwaters his feeling held less of apprehension, more of tenderness; and whenever he saw one of them he became deferential and a little short of breath. Thus, on a sunny afternoon, having been home to lunch after his morning labour downtown, he paused in passing young Herbert’s place of residence and timidly began a conversation with this glamoured nephew. It happened that during the course of the morning Herbert had chosen a life career for himself; he had decided to become a scientific specialist, an entomologist; and he was now on his knees studying the manners and customs of the bug inhabitants of the lawn before the house, employing for his purpose a large magnifying lens, or “reading glass.” (His discovery of this implement in the attic, coincidentally with his reading a recent “Sunday Supplement” article on bugs, had led to his sudden choice of a vocation.)

  “Did somebody — ah, have any of the family lost anything, Herbert?” Noble asked in a gentle voice, speaking across the fence.

  Herbert did not look up, nor did he relax the scientific frown upon his brow. “No,” he said. “They always are losin’ things, espesh’ly Aunt Julia, when she comes over here, or anywheres else; but I wouldn’t waste my time lookin’ for any old earrings or such. I got more important things to do on my hands.”

  “Has your Aunt Julia lost an earring, Herbert?”

  “Her? Well, she nearly always has lost som
ep’n or other, but that isn’t bother’n’ me any. I got better things to do with my time.” Herbert spoke without interrupting his occupation or relaxing his forehead. “Nacher’l history is a little more important to the inhabitants of our universe than a lot o’ worthless jew’lry, I guess,” he continued; and his pride in discovering that he could say things like this was so great that his frown gave way temporarily to a look of pleased surprise, then came back again to express an importance much increased. He rose, approached the fence, and condescended to lean upon it. “I don’t guess there’s one person in a thousand,” he said, “that knows what they ought to know about our inseck friends.”

  “No,” Mr. Dill agreed readily. “I guess that’s so. I guess you’re right about that, Herbert. When did your Aunt Julia lose the earring, Herbert?”

  “I d’ know,” said Herbert. “Now, you take my own father and mother: What do they know? Well, mighty little. They may have had to learn a little teeny bit about insecks when they were in school, but whatever little it was they went and forgot it proba’ly long before they were married. Well, that’s no way. F’r instance, you take a pinchin’ bug: What do you suppose my father and mother know about its position in the inseck world?”

  “Well — —” said Noble uneasily. “Well — —” He coughed, and hastened to add: “But as I was saying, if she lost her earring somewhere in your yard, or — —”

  The scientific boy evidently did not follow this line of thought, for he interrupted: “Why, they wouldn’t know a thing about it, and a pinchin’ bug isn’t one of the highest insecks at all. Ants are way up compared to most pinchin’ bugs. Ants are way up anyway. Now, you take an ant — —” He paused. “Well, everybody ought to know a lot more’n they do about ants. It takes time, and you got to study ’em the right way, and of course there’s lots of people wouldn’t know how to do it. I’m goin’ to get a book I been readin’ about. It’s called ‘The Ant.’”

  For a moment Noble was confused; he followed his young friend’s discourse but hazily, and Herbert pronounced the word “ant” precisely as he pronounced the word “aunt.” The result was that Noble began to say something rather dreamy concerning the book just mentioned, but, realizing that he was being misunderstood, he changed his murmur into a cough, and inquired:

  “When was she over here, Herbert?”

  “Who?”

  “Your Aunt Julia.”

  “Yesterday evening,” said Herbert. “Now, f’r instance, you take a common lightning-bug — —”

  “Did she lose it, then?”

  “Lose what?”

  “Her earring.”

  “I d’ know,” said Herbert. “You take the common lightning-bug or, as it’s called in some countries, the firefly — —”

  He continued, quoting and misquoting the entomological authority of the recent “Sunday Supplement”; but his friend on the other side of the fence was inattentive to the lecture. Noble’s mind was occupied with a wonder; he had realized, though dimly, that here was he, trying to make starry Julia the subject of a conversation with a person who had the dear privilege of being closely related to her — and preferred to talk about bugs.

  Herbert talked at considerable length about lightning-bugs, but as his voice happened rather precociously to be already in a state of adolescent change, the sound was not soothing; yet Noble lingered. Nephews were queer, but this one was Julia’s, and he finally mentioned her again, as incidental to lightning-bugs; whereupon the mere hearer of sounds became instantly a listener to words.

  “Well, and then I says,” Herbert continued;— “I says: ‘It’s phosphorus, Aunt Julia.’ I guess there’s hardly anybody in the world doesn’t know more than Aunt Julia, except about dresses and parasols and every other useless thing under the sun. She says: ‘My! I always thought it was sulphur!’ Said nobody ever told her it wasn’t sulphur! I asked her: I said: ‘You mean to sit there and tell me you don’t know the difference?’ And she says: ‘I don’t care one way or the other,’ she says. She said she just as soon a lightning-bug made his light with sulphur as with phosphorus; it didn’t make any difference to her, she says, and they could go ahead and make their light any way they wanted, she wouldn’t interfere! I had a whole hatful of ’em, and she told me not to take ’em into their house, because grandpa hates insecks as much as he does animals and violets, and she said they never owned a microscope or a magnifying-glass in their lives, and wouldn’t let me hunt for one. All in the world she knows is how to sit on the front porch and say: ‘Oh you don’t mean that!’ to somebody like Newland Sanders or that ole widower!”

  “When?” Noble asked impulsively. “When did she say that?”

  “Oh, I d’ know,” said Herbert. “I expect she proba’ly says it to somebody or other about every evening there is.”

  “She does?”

  “Florence says so,” Herbert informed him carelessly. “Florence goes over to grandpa’s after dark and sits on the ground up against the porch and listens.”

  Noble first looked startled then uneasily reminiscent. “I don’t believe Florence ought to do that,” he said gravely.

  “I wouldn’t do it!” Herbert was emphatic.

  “That’s right, Herbert. I’m glad you wouldn’t.”

  “No, sir,” the manly boy declared. “You wouldn’t never catch me takin’ my death o’ cold sittin’ on the damp grass in the night air just to listen to a lot o’ tooty-tooty about ‘I’ve named a star for you,’ and all such. You wouldn’t catch me — —”

  Noble partly concealed a sudden anguish. “Who?” he interrupted. “Who did she say that to?”

  “She didn’t. They say it to her, and she says? ‘Oh, you don’t mean that!’ and of course then they haf to go on and say some more. Florence says — —” He checked himself. “Oh, I forgot! I promised Florence I wouldn’t tell anything about all this.”

  “It’s safe,” Noble assured him quickly. “I’m quite a friend of Florence’s and it’s absolutely safe with me. I won’t speak of it to anybody, Herbert. Who was it told her he’d named a star for her?”

  “It was the way some ole poem began. Newland Sanders wrote it. Florence found it under Aunt Julia’s sofa-cushions and read it all through, but I wouldn’t wade through all that tooty-tooty for a million dollars, and I told her to put it back before Aunt Julia noticed. Well, about every day he writes her a fresh one, and then in the evening he stays later than the rest, and reads ’em to her — and you ought to hear grandpa when he gets to talkin’ about it!”

  “He’s perfectly right,” said Noble. “Perfectly! What does he say when he talks about it, Herbert?”

  “Oh, he says all this and that; and then he kind of mutters around, and you can’t tell just what all the words are exactly, so’t he can deny it if any o’ the family accuses him of swearing or anything.” And Herbert added casually: “He was kind of goin’ on like that about you, night before last.”

  “About me! Why, what could he say about me?”

  “Oh, all this and that.”

  “But what did he find to say?”

  “Well, he heard her tellin’ you how you oughtn’t to smoke so many cigarettes and all about how it was killin’ you, and you sayin’ you guessed it wouldn’t matter if you did die, and Aunt Julia sayin’ ‘Oh, you don’t mean that,’ and all this and such and so on, you know. He can hear anything on the porch pretty good from the lib’ary; and Florence told me about that, besides, because she was sittin’ in the grass and all. She told Great-Uncle Joe and Aunt Hattie about it, too.”

  “My heavens!” Noble gasped, as for the first time he realized to what trumpeting publicity that seemingly hushed and moonlit bower, sacred to Julia, had been given over. He gulped, flushed, repeated “My heavens!” and then was able to add, with a feeble suggestion of lightness: “I suppose your grandfather understood it was just a sort of joke, didn’t he?”

  “No,” said Herbert, and continued in a friendly way, for he was flattered by Noble’s intere
st in his remarks, and began to feel a liking for him. “No. He said Aunt Julia only talked like that because she couldn’t think of anything else to say, and it was wearin’ him out. He said all the good it did was to make you smoke more to make her think how reckless you were; but the worst part of it was, he’d be the only one to suffer, because it blows all through the house and he’s got to sit in it. He said he just could stand the smell of some cigarettes, but if you burned any more o’ yours on his porch he was goin’ to ask your father to raise your salary for collectin’ real-estate rents, so’t you’d feel able to buy some real tobacco. He — —”

  But the flushed listener felt that he had heard as much as he was called upon to bear; and he interrupted, in a voice almost out of control, to say that he must be “getting on downtown.” His young friend, diverted from bugs, showed the greatest willingness to continue the narrative indefinitely, evidently being in possession of copious material; but Noble turned to depart. An afterthought detained him. “Where was it she lost her earring?”

  “Who?”

  “Your Aunt Julia.”

  “Why, I didn’t say she lost any earring,” Herbert returned. “I said she always was losin’ ’em: I didn’t say she did.”

  “Then you didn’t mean — —”

  “No,” said Herbert, “I haven’t heard of her losin’ anything at all, lately.” Here he added: “Well, grandpa kept goin’ on about you, and he told her —— Well, so long!” And gazed after the departing Mr. Dill in some surprise at the abruptness of the latter’s leave-taking. Then, wondering how the back of Noble’s neck could have got itself so fiery sunburnt, Herbert returned to his researches in the grass.

  The peaceful street, shady and fragrant with summer, was so quiet that the footfalls of the striding Noble were like an interruption of coughing in a silent church. As he seethed adown the warm sidewalk the soles of his shoes smote the pavement, for mentally he was walking not upon cement but upon Mr. Atwater.