by S. J. McCoy
Gabe stared at him. “And you’re on this committee?”
Ben nodded. “It’s kind of necessary in my position.”
Gabe could see that.
“Though I won’t claim it’s easy—or even pleasant a lot of the time. I wasn’t joking about having had to drag them into the twentieth century, but we’re making progress. Pete has been getting involved these last few weeks since the development over at Four Mile is nearing completion. He’s making a difference, and with you at the helm, we could change things for the better in a hurry.”
Gabe smiled. He was starting to think of the possibilities. “What’s the budget? What’s the administrative hierarchy? Who are the key players?”
Ben laughed. “Slow down. You are supposed to be on a date, and I am supposed to be working. How about you meet me for coffee in the morning? Same time, same place?”
Gabe grinned. The suggestion meant that Ben knew he would be spending the night with Renée and would be driving her into work in the morning. It also meant he understood how eager Gabe was to get a handle on what taking the position might actually mean. “That’d be great. Thanks, Ben.”
“No worries. Now, let’s get you to your table. Sorry I held you up, but I figured you might forgive me once you knew why.”
Renée smiled. “Why don’t you join us and you can fill Gabe in now? I know all the questions he has will drive him nuts until he can talk to you about it.”
Ben gave him a questioning look, but Gabe shook his head. “No, no one is joining us. This is a date…”
“Yes, but…”
He loved her enthusiasm and her desire to support him, but this was a date. Their first real date. “Yes, but nothing, you stubborn woman. I want you all to myself, okay?”
Ben smiled and turned away. Renée flushed a little and nodded as he held her chair out. “Okay.”
Once he was seated across the table from her, he reached over and took her hand. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to shoot you down. I appreciate what you wanted to do for me, but you…this…us…it’s more important.
She nodded and squeezed his hand. “Thank you, but don’t ever feel that you have to put off anything like that for me. I, of all people, understand.”
He believed she did. At that moment he realized that one of the reasons they worked so well together was because she wasn’t like other women in that way either. She got him. Not because she was making some forced effort to understand, but because she worked the same way. Meaning and purpose, as she called them, were what drove her, just as they drove him. He loved that about her. Hmm, that was a strong word, but it felt like it might be true.
~ ~ ~
Renée squeezed Gabe’s hand again. She was excited for him. This sounded like something he might really enjoy, something he could really put himself into and get a lot out of. She couldn’t help feeling a little pang of jealousy though. How would she ever find something that might be fulfilling for her? She’d tried to steer her mind clear of those kinds of questions. For the time being she had enough on her plate just keeping her head above water and surviving the limbo that Eric’s court case left her in.
She realized Gabe was smiling at her and smiled back.
“Weren’t you the one who told me to either smile like I mean it or don’t smile at all? Why don’t you follow your own advice?” he asked.
She heaved a big sigh; she didn’t want to be dishonest with him. “I guess I’m so used to taking care of everyone else’s needs and problems that my own are secondary. No one really wants to know when you’re not happy, so if you cover up your unhappiness with a smile, it just makes life easier.”
“Not with me it doesn’t. It’s going make your life a lot tougher if you keep giving me false smiles and I have to interrogate you to get to the truth. The easy route would be to tell me what’s wrong, and we can seek solutions together. How does that sound?”
It sounded great, maybe even too good to be true! She wasn’t used to having someone care about what mattered to her, let alone wanting to help her find solutions. She smiled.
“That’s more like it. So come on, what’s up?”
She shrugged. “I feel bad even admitting it, but I’m a little jealous. Don’t get me wrong. I’m really happy that you’ve just had what sounds like a wonderful opportunity drop into your lap, but it makes me wonder.”
“Wonder what?”
“What the hell I’m going to be able to do!”
Gabe nodded slowly. “What do you want to do?”
“It’s not about what I want; it’s about what’s going to be possible.”
“No. That’s an excuse. You have to know what you want, then find ways to make it possible.”
She couldn’t help rolling her eyes at him. “That’s easy to say when you’re the angel Gabriel, to whom all good things come unbidden.”
“That’s not fair.”
“I know, sorry. I told you, I’m just feeling a little jealous, and that springs from feeling a little hopeless and those two in combination can lead to ugly comments.”
“It’s okay. I’m not worried what you say about me, I’m worried how you feel about you. You’re the upbeat one, at least you are normally.”
“It’s easier to be upbeat about what might happen for you than what might happen for me. The not knowing, the not being able to do anything, it takes its toll. I guess I must have processed some of the shock and grief, because I’m starting to want to figure out what’s going to be possible. Unfortunately, I’ve reached that point before anything is possible. Seeing things start to come together for you is making me realize that nothing can come together for me yet, and even when the time comes, I don’t know what options I’ll have because I don’t know what money I’ll have or if anyone will be willing to work with me given the guilt by association factor.” She shrugged. “Anyway. This is supposed to be a date, remember? We weren’t allowed to be spending it talking about your new possibilities; I certainly don’t want to spend it talking about my lack of them.” She picked up her menu and smiled at him over it. “So let’s eat, shall we?”
Gabe picked up his own menu. “Fair enough, but we’re going to need to revisit this. So if I were you, I’d spend some time thinking about what it is you do want. That’s the only place to start.” His green gaze held hers for a moment. “Stop making excuses about what you can’t and what isn’t. Take the time and really think about what you want.”
She nodded. He was right, now she thought about it. It was an excuse. She felt guilty about it, but part of her wanted more for herself. She wanted the personal fulfilment that she’d always been so happy to deny herself. She’d made a life out of contributing, of giving what she could to society, to educating kids hoping to help them make wiser choices. She valued what she’d done, but this enforced hiatus had given her the time to question her motivation. Yes, she needed meaning and purpose, but did they need to be the same meaning and purpose that she’d devoted her life to? And the bigger question was whether they had really been her meaning and purpose anyway. “You’re right. But can we leave the deep and meaningfuls alone for tonight?”
“Of course we can,” Gabe smiled as the server approached to take their order. Once she’d left he took Renée’s hand again. “But I don’t think you and I will ever really leave them behind, will we?”
There went that imagination of hers again! His words, and the way he looked as he said them, had her thinking that they might have a deep and meaningful future together. She needed to stop that. He was looking forward to coming back here, looking forward to spending some time with her, but that was all. She’d seen his reaction when she’d talked about her divorce. She didn’t need to get carried away. He was a catch, and she’d enjoy it while it lasted, but her own future was far from certain. She didn’t need to set herself up for heartache by hoping for more than what might be possible. He’d talked about wondering if they might have a future together, but she knew they couldn’t. Much as she would love to, it just
wasn’t going to be possible and she already knew it. She’d go along for the ride while Gabe figured out his new path in life, but she was part of his journey, not his destination. She smiled. “Of course we won’t, we’re a pair of idealistic do-gooders! We’ll never leave them behind!”
He shook his head at her, apparently seeing right through the bravado, but choosing to let it go. “Speak for yourself. I’m no idealist.”
That made her laugh. “Oh, no?”
“No,” he grinned back at her. “I’m an optimistic realist who likes to uphold ideals.”
“Sounds like the same thing to me. What’s the difference?”
She was surprised when he didn’t reply immediately but stared out over her shoulder. That wasn’t like him, he was normally attentive. As she started to turn to follow his gaze, he shook his head and looked back at her. “Chance just walked in.”
“Oh.” She no longer wanted to turn around. She’d thought she was prepared to see him, but now she felt as though a lead weight had settled in her stomach.
“What do you want to do?”
She made a face. “You keep asking that question.”
“Because you have choices; yet, you don’t believe you do.”
“What I want is to tell him how sorry I am. Sorry that I made him promise not to go after them, sorry for what happened to his life.” She swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. “Sorry that my sister, the girl he loved, is dead.”
Gabe reached over to take her hand. “Then do it.”
She blew out an exasperated sigh. “What…here? Now? Just call him over and spill my guts?”
“Why not?”
“Why not? Because it would ruin our evening, ruin his evening. And he no doubt wouldn’t even listen to me anyway, and I don’t blame him! Please drop it, Gabe? I’m going to try to talk with him while he’s here, but not tonight, not now.”
“Fair enough.” Gabe looked up again and smiled.
This time she had to turn, had to see. Chance was standing at the bar. He looked so much older, but then of course he would, because he was. They all were. He’d been good-looking as a kid, and he’d grown into a handsome man. He wore black jeans and a black shirt; he had the rugged look of a man who spent most of his time outside. There was something dangerous about him…wild, untamed. She didn’t know what it was, but, at the same time, she did. She finally met his gaze and he held it for a long moment. She wished she could read the expression on his face, but it gave nothing away. After what felt like minutes, he gave the slightest nod and turned back to the bar. Renée let out a breath that she didn’t realize she’d been holding.
“And you think he hates you?” asked Gabe.
She shook her head. That hadn’t felt like hatred; it had felt more like shared pain. “I think he should.”
Chapter Eleven
Renée locked up the bakery and checked her watch. It was two forty already. She was supposed to meet the girls as soon after two thirty as she could get to the Boathouse. She hated being late and wondered whether she should use it as an excuse to just not go. She liked all the girls, and it might be useful to meet April before she came to work at the bakery, but having lunch with all of them, felt a bit much right now.
“Hey, Renée!” She looked up to see Laura hurrying down the sidewalk toward her. “You’re late, too! That makes me feel better. I had to stop at the post office and it took forever. We’d best get going, huh?”
Renée cursed internally. There went her chance to skulk off home.
Laura tucked a strand of her long, dark hair behind her ear and smiled. “Sorry, looks like you were about to blow it off?”
Renée nodded reluctantly. “It’s been a long, hard morning. I know I should meet April, but I’d much sooner go home and put my feet up.”
Laura tucked her arm through Renée’s with a grin. “Well, sorry, but no such luck. You’ll enjoy it when you get there, and there’ll still be plenty of time to put your feet up when you get home.” Laura gave her a sideways glance, “Or do you need all the rest you can get before another date with that hot guy of yours tonight?”
Renée smiled. This was one of the reasons she was hesitant to do a girly lunch. She knew she was going to be bombarded with questions about Gabe.
“Sorry,” said Laura. “I’m being nosey. I can’t help it though. I mean he is gorgeous. He’s been coming up for a while now, all suited and broody. Then when he gets with you he’s all smiles and Mr. Laid-back. I can’t help but think there must be a lot of great sex going on to make him chill out that much!”
She had to laugh. “I think part of it is just being back here; Summer Lake does tend to have that effect. Everyone’s more laid back here, it’s like an escape from the pressures and stresses of life in the real world.”
“Hmm, I’ll give you that, but I’d still put money on the fact that Gabe’s transformation is mostly down to you screwing his brains out every chance you get!”
Renée laughed. “Okay! I admit it. Happy now?”
“No way! Now I need all the details!”
“No chance! I’m actually quite a private person.”
Laura smiled and let go of her arm as they started up the steps onto the back deck of the Boathouse. She waved when she saw the others all seated around one of the big picnic benches. “Don’t worry, I won’t embarrass you in front of all of them, but I will get it out of you.”
Renée was relieved at that, she’d been worried she might have to turn tail and run if Laura was about to make this a public inquisition into her sex life. The thought of that turned her stomach. Surprisingly though, the thought of talking to Laura about what was going on between her and Gabe didn’t scare her at all. In fact, it was quite appealing, but she wasn’t about to admit it. “I think I’m safe. Once we get this lunch over with I’ll be able to lay low for a while.”
Laura stopped and turned back to her. “Then we’ll do another lunch, just the two of us.”
Renée didn’t get chance to reply before Missy was calling them over. “Come on, you two. We’ve already ordered.”
They took their seats at the two empty spaces. This was quite a crowd. Renée looked around as Laura apologized and made everyone laugh with her tales of woe from the post office. There were already six of them; she and Laura made eight.
Emma turned to smile at her. “I’m so glad you came, but I have no idea how you can stay awake in the afternoons after those early starts of yours.”
“You get used to it after a while, and I’m a morning person anyway, which helps.”
“You’re going to have to get used to it too, hon.” Missy turned to the woman sitting beside her, who smiled shyly.
“I’ll be fine. It’s Marcus I’m worried about. He’d definitely not a morning person.”
“He’ll get used to it,” said Missy. “And the bakery is just to get you started.”
“Oh, I know, and I’m so grateful for the job.”
Kenzie laughed. “It seems as though the bakery is a kind of halfway house doesn’t it? I was supposed to start there.” She looked at Renée, “Thank you for saving me from the early mornings.”
“And how about you?” asked Holly. “It sounds as though the bakery is going from strength to strength now you’re running it. Do you plan to stay there?”
“Oh, no.” Renée shook her head adamantly. “It’s just a stopgap for me.” Grateful as she was for the job, no way did she intend to work there for any longer than she had to. She felt as though she had so much more to give than simply baking and selling pastries. “I don’t know that I’ll ever get back into charity work, but I need to find something a little more fulfilling.”
“Well,” said Missy, “hopefully the two of you will have some fun in there before you move on to whatever comes next. Oh, and by the way, let me officially introduce you—Renée, this is April Preston. April, meet Renée Nichols.
April smiled warmly, “Nice to meet you.”
“You, too.” Ren�
�e immediately liked her. She seemed a little reserved, but given that Chance had brought her and her son to live down here in order to escape something—Renée didn’t know what—that was hardly surprising. April was pretty, but she looked kind of beaten down. Renée wasn’t sure if the shadows under her eyes were dark circles or bruises. She’d put her money on the latter, but there’d be plenty of time for April to tell her story if she wanted to.
“How long did it take you to get down here?” asked Emma. “I don’t even know how far it is to Montana, but it seems like a million miles away.”
“It was about eleven hundred miles. We left on Friday night, but we took our time getting down here. Marcus didn’t do too well in the truck, and Chance was so good about stopping for him to get some fresh air and not driving for too many hours each day. We got in late yesterday afternoon.”
“You lucky thing,” said Emma. “What I wouldn’t give to spend a few days in a truck with Chance.”
“Emma!” Laura slapped her arm. “You are a happily married woman, and don’t forget it’s my cousin that you’re married to.” Laura gave her a saucy grin. “I’d kick you out of the truck…”
“Yeah, but only so you could have a chance at Chance!” said Holly. “You need to remember that smoking hot pilot of yours will be back any day now. And you need to hurry up with the wedding plans, so that you’ll be a happily married woman, too.”
Missy laughed, “Would you all stop fighting over my brother? You’re all spoken for, so none of you can have him.”
“What about you?” Megan asked April. “Do you like him?”
April blushed. “No. I mean I do. He’s a good-looking guy, what’s not to like? But to me he’s been a good friend in a time of need. I don’t see him like that, and I know he doesn’t see me like that.”
Missy wrinkled her nose. “Do you know if there’s anyone up in Montana who he does see like that?”
April shook her head. “We weren’t exactly friends. I didn’t get to go out much. My husband…” Renée mentally filled in the blanks as April stopped herself and looked around at them. “I didn’t go out much, and I never heard about Chance dating anyone. I’d see him out at Chico sometimes, but he was always with the guys, never a girl.”
