The Harder You Fall

by L A Cotton

  “My aunt isn’t exactly a fan.” My brow rose, gaze darting to where he was still holding me. Asher released my wrist and ran a hand through his hair.

  “Let me guess, she doesn’t want a Raider sniffing around her niece?”

  “Try, white boy,” I murmured beneath my breath.

  “What did you just say?” Asher said. “Because I know you didn’t just say what I think you said.”

  “Nothing,” I bit out. “I said nothing.”

  His eyes narrowed, searching my hardened expression for the truth. “Your aunt got a problem with the color of my skin, Hernandez?” He actually sounded offended. “She doesn’t even know me.”

  “Welcome to my world.”

  “Nobody cares about that shit, Mya. In case you haven’t noticed, it’s the twenty-first century.”

  “And the fact you just said that tells me everything I need to know.” Indignation skittered up my spine. “Thanks again for the ride. I’ll see you at school tomorrow.” I slipped out of the Jeep, my chest tight with frustration.

  Of course Asher didn’t get what it was like for me in a place like Rixon. Why would he? He was a guy. A privileged white guy, born and raised here.

  He was also a Rixon Raider.

  Something I’d quickly learned meant something around here.

  I didn’t look back as I hurried toward my aunt’s porch. She wasn’t home, rarely was thanks to her job at the Seven-Eleven in the next town over. But I didn’t want to tell Asher that. He was worse than a dog with a bone and I knew if he realized I was home alone, he’d find a way inside, and then I’d never get rid of him.

  Almost home free, I let out a small sigh of relief but then his voice made every muscle in my body lock up.

  “What the fuck just happened?”

  I swung around to find Asher standing there, his eyes full of apology and confusion. He looked so freakin’ adorable, in an annoyingly cute puppy-dog kind of way.

  “Go home, Asher.” I remained guarded. Because if you gave Asher Bennet even half an inch, he wouldn’t hesitate to take a mile.

  “Mya, come on. What was all that?”

  “You wouldn’t understand,” I whispered, hating the icy fingers of vulnerability wrapping around my throat.

  “Try me.” He stepped forward, taking the air with him. Which was ridiculous since we were standing outside, surrounded by nothing but the chilly Pennsylvanian air.

  “Asher… please…” I didn’t want to do this. Not here. Not now.

  Least of all on my aunt’s porch.

  “Mya…” he countered, determination burning in his baby blues.

  “Thirty minutes and then you’re gone.”

  “If that’s your attempt at an invitation inside, I gotta say, you really need to work on your manners, Hernandez.”

  Rolling my eyes, I dug out my key and opened the door, not waiting for Asher as I slipped inside. I’d lived here for almost three months, but my Aunt Ciara’s house still didn’t feel like home.

  I wasn’t sure it ever would.

  “Nice place,” Asher said, the door clicking softly behind him. Although it might as well have been a gunshot to the heart, the way it reverberated through me. Making me painfully aware that we were all alone. In my territory.

  The only place I had in Rixon to call mine.

  “Can I get you something to drink?”

  “You got any snacks back there?” Asher craned his neck, his amused gaze going over my shoulder.

  “Come on,” I grumbled, “I’ll see what I can find.” If there was one thing I’d learned about Asher Bennet since my short time at Rixon High, it was that the boy could eat. Sometimes, I wasn’t sure where he put it all. There wasn’t an ounce of fat on him, nothing but solid muscle pulled taut over broad shoulders and narrow hips.

  He followed me into the kitchen and took a seat at the counter. “Your aunt’s not here, is she?”

  “You caught that, huh?”

  “Were you lying to me, Hernandez?”

  “I was… maybe.” I sighed, getting to work on making him a sandwich. “We only have turkey, cheese, and some questionable pickles.”

  “It’ll do.” He made himself comfortable. “So how long has your aunt lived in Rixon?”

  “Since I was little. I never visited her before though.” She always came to us. Mom never spoke much about why her only sister moved away from Philly, but as I grew up, I pieced together the story. My aunt Ciara had run. Escaped the neighborhood for a better life. She was older than Mom by almost a decade, and as soon as she graduated high school, she packed a bag and got the hell out of dodge.

  “What you said before, about me being white, would that really be a problem for her?”

  Sandwich made, I pushed the plate toward Asher and grimaced. “Yes… and no. My aunt met a man here. A white man. I don’t know the whole story, but I heard my mama talking once and whatever went down between them, my aunt and the man, it wasn’t good.”

  “Wow, okay.” Asher took a huge bite of the sandwich, barely chewing it before he swallowed. “So I’m going to be judged based on one man’s actions. How progressive of her.”

  “In case you haven’t noticed, Rixon isn’t exactly diverse.”

  He shrugged, taking another bite. “But we’re not all the racists you paint us to be either.”

  “Do you realize how bigoted you sound right now?”

  “I don’t—”

  “I left my home, my very diverse neighborhood, and moved to the ass crack of nowhere where football is religion and I’m one of only a handful of kids to walk the halls at school who don’t fit the white profile.”

  Asher straightened, his expression hardening. If I didn’t know better, I would have said he looked possessive. But that opened a whole other can of worms I wasn’t ready for.

  “Has someone said something to you?” he asked. “Because if they have—”

  Leaning back against the counter, I let out an exasperated breath. “Asher, listen to what I’m saying. It isn’t about what people are or aren’t doing or saying…” It was, but that wasn’t the point right now. “It’s about how alienating it can feel for someone who wasn’t born here, who isn’t white, to try to assimilate while staying true to their roots.”

  Asher’s brows crinkled as he quietly processed my words. I didn’t want to have this conversation, especially not with him. But over the last few weeks, Asher had wormed his way into my life. Whether I’d wanted him to or not.

  “I guess I didn’t think…” He dragged a hand down his face.

  “It’s okay. It’s tough being a Raider.” I teased, wanting nothing more than to deflect the limelight away from me.

  “You’d tell me though, right, if someone did say anything to you about… you know?”

  “About the fact I’m a Latina girl from the hood?”

  “You are so much more than that, Mya.” His eyes burned with something I’d seen before. At first, it had been when he looked at Felicity. But then his sights had shifted from her to me, right around the time she and Jason became more than just two people who liked to drive each other crazy.

  I still didn’t know how I felt about it.

  Dropping my gaze, I ran my finger over the worn wooden countertops. My aunt had opened her door to me without question; welcoming me into her home and heart. She didn’t say the words, but I think she saw a lot of her younger self in me. A girl desperate to escape. Only I never wanted to escape. I just knew I couldn’t stay there anymore without losing a part of myself.

  So here I was in Rixon. Hiding. Pretending everything was okay. Trying to outrun a past that I knew would one day catch up with me.

  “You are so fucking beautiful it hurts.”

  My eyes snapped to Asher’s and he cussed under his breath. “Shit, Mya, I didn’t… I mean, I did, but I didn’t. Fuck.”

  “I think you should go,” I said calmly, giving no hint at the band of horses galloping through my chest.

  “It just came out
. I didn’t… Let’s rewind. Pretend I never said it.”

  “Asher.” I gave him a pointed look, fighting a smile. “You don’t think I’m beautiful?”

  “What? No… I do. Of course, I do, but I thought…” Asher cussed again. “You’re fucking with me, aren’t you?”

  My lip curved in a faint smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

  He stood up, an apology dancing in his eyes. “Don’t let this make things weird between us, Hernandez. I can appreciate a beautiful woman even if I know she belongs to someone else.”

  “I don’t—”

  “It’s written all over your face. Besides, Hailee and Flick talk. A lot.”

  “They told you about—”

  “They wouldn’t do that, no. But sometimes I hear things… see things,” he said cryptically. “Whoever he is, he doesn’t deserve you.”

  “Yeah, and what makes you say that?” I lifted my chin ready to defend Jermaine. I guess some habits were harder to kick than others.

  “Because he let you run. And if you were mine, I’d chase you to the ends of the Earth before I ever gave you up.”

  My.

  Heart.

  Stopped.

  Beating.

  “And on that note,” Asher smirked, a trace of vulnerability in his expression. “I’ll see myself out. Until tomorrow, Mya Hernandez.”

  I watched as Asher walked away trying to figure out what I felt most confused about: that Asher had called me beautiful, or that his parting words had sounded a lot like a promise.

  An hour later, I was busy at the stove when the front door rattled. “Mya?” My aunt’s voice drifted down the hall.

  “In the kitchen,” I called back, stirring the pan of tomato sauce.

  “Ooh, something smells good.”

  “It’s just spaghetti.” Glancing back, I smiled. “How was your day?”

  “My feet are ten degrees hotter than hell, but I’ll live. Did you throw in some of those chilies I like?”

  “Yep.”

  “Good girl. I taught you well.”

  Making her extra hot tomato sauce was one of the first things Aunt Ciara taught me when I’d arrived. Everything about my aunt from her five-three stature to her petite frame and sparkling eyes screamed sweet. But Ciara Hernandez liked her food hot. Eyes burning, mouth-watering, get-the-fire-hose hot.

  “I saw Mrs. Clements. She said you had a visitor.”

  My spine stiffened at the disapproval in her voice. “A friend gave me a ride home, yeah.”

  “And did this friend also come inside the house?”

  “Aunt C, I’m eighteen.” I kept my cool, offering her a placating smile. “I didn’t think it would be a problem.”

  “She also said she thought he was a football player.” Her brow lifted, voice drenched in accusation.

  “Asher plays for the team, yes.”

  “Mya, girl, don’t be telling me you brought that Bennet boy into my house.”

  “He’s just a friend.”

  “Yeah, and it was your friendship with Jermaine that landed you here. Do you really want to go—”

  “That’s not fair,” I said, quietly feeling the weight of her words settle heavy on my chest.

  She clucked her tongue. “Those Raiders are bad news. Walk around this town like they own the damn place. Get away with murder too. I’m not sure I like the idea of you taking up with one of them.”

  “I’m not taking up with anyone. There was a storm. He offered me a ride home and it seemed rude to just send him on his way, so I invited him in. It isn’t a big deal.”

  Aunt Ciara’s expression softened as she looked to the ceiling, no doubt silently asking the Lord for guidance. When she settled her big eyes back on me, she said, “I know how hard this is for you, Mya. I’ve been there, remember? I’ve walked the path you walk now, except I had no one to turn to or guide me right. You’re here to finish senior year, to get your diploma, and get into a good school. To put your life in Fallowfield Heights behind you. You are such a bright young girl, and you have such a bright future ahead of you, but you have to stay on course.”

  “It was just a ride home, Auntie.”

  “A ride home with a white athlete who thinks he can take what he wants when he wants without consequence.”

  “Auntie, that’s not—”

  “I know how it sounds.” She sighed. “But it’s the truth, whether you want to hear it or not.”

  There was no use arguing with her. Aunt Ciara was a woman scorned, her heart still wounded by the young man who’d promised her the world and gave her nothing but a broken heart and countless black eyes.

  “I don’t pick my friends based on the color of their skin, Aunt C. That’s not who I am.”

  “And I wouldn’t want you to. You’re better than that. But the lines blur so easily, Mya. And boys like that Asher Bennet and his football friends are used to the people falling at their feet.”

  I went back to stirring the tomato sauce. “We’re just friends,” I uttered again.

  But every time I said the words, the lie coiled a little tighter around my heart. Because I wasn’t sure me and Asher were just friends. Yet, I knew we could never be more.

  So where the hell did that leave us?

  Asher

  “Fee, baby, can we talk?” I jogged up beside Felicity, laughing when she gave me her deer-caught-in-headlights expression. “Chill, Jase is in the gym. He’ll never have to know.” With a wink, I slung my arm around her shoulder.

  “Asher! You can’t do that. If Jason sees… you know how jealous he gets.” She batted my arm and it fell away, much like my bravado.

  “So it’s like that, huh?” I pouted dramatically. “Fine. I’ll just have to go harass Hailee. At least she won’t—”

  “I didn’t say we couldn’t talk.” Felicity smiled. “It’s just Jason is really wound up about the exhibition game. I’m worried about him.”

  “Thatcher is off the team. There’s nothing to worry about.”

  “I know that, and you know that, but Jason is…”

  “Jason,” I said, needing no further explanation. “I’ll talk to him.”

  “Thanks. I tried to help him last night, but he didn’t want to know.”

  “Are you sure you were doing it right?” I frowned, fighting a smirk. “Because it’s not that difficult, Fee, baby. You just put the p—”

  “Asher, stop!” she shrieked, swatting my chest, her soft laughter washing over me. It wasn’t so long ago I’d work hard to hear that sound. But that was before I realized she was meant to be with my best friend. Now I loved her like a sister.

  And I needed a sisterly favor.

  “What do you want?” she asked, trading out some books in her locker.

  “So this is going to sound weird but I don’t have anyone else to ask.”

  “Okay.” Her brows bunched together as she glanced over at me.

  “It’s about Mya.”

  “Oh no; no you don’t.” She slammed her locker closed. “I’m not getting in the middle of whatever weird thing you two have going on.”

  Weird thing?

  “Did Mya say something to you about me?”

  “I wouldn’t tell you if she did. She’s my friend. And you’re...” Felicity hesitated.

  “Also your friend?” My lip curved.

  “Well, yes, but it’s different. You’re my boyfriend’s best friend. And Mya is one of my best friends. I can’t be in the middle of this. Whatever this is.”

  “I need to know what happened with her ex.”

  “Oh hell no, Asher Bennet,” her voice rose again but Felicity quickly schooled her panic. “You can’t ask me that.” Her hand wrapped around my arm pulling me into the locker, carving out a sliver of privacy in the emptying hall. “What kind of question is that?”

  “Well, I thought it was a perfectly reasonable question until you went all psycho on me.” I grinned because making light of things was my default setting. Even if I wanted to kidnap F
elicity and hold her hostage until she told me every little detail about Mya and her ex.

  She reared back, studying me. “Did something happen between the two of you?”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Asher…”

  “Fine. I may have let it slip out I thought she was beautiful. Yep, I may have said that.”

  Fuck.

  I felt like a giant pussy admitting it. But if anyone would understand it was Felicity Giles.

  “I see.”

  My eyes narrowed. “What the hell does that mean?”

  “I, hmm, nothing. It means nothing.” Her lips thinned and I didn’t like the cautious look in her eyes. “What did she say?”

  “She kicked me out of her aunt’s house quicker than you can say, ‘Go Raider’s’.”

  “That sounds like Mya.”

  “So,” I flounced back against the locker bank. “I need to know what happened between them.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I need to know what I’m up against here.”

  “You like her,” she deadpanned. “You really like her.”

  “You sound surprised?” My brow quirked up.

  “No, I mean Mya’s hot and you’re… well, you’re you.” Felicity’s eyes went wide, darting around us as if she was worried Jase might appear at any second. “But I didn’t think it was anything serious.”

  Ignoring that, I said, “I’m flattered you think I’m hot, Fee, but that ship has sailed.” My smile fell, my heart falling right along with it.

  Jesus, I was confused.

  I liked Mya, there was no denying that.

  But my heart couldn’t forget the first girl it had felt something for.

  Something real.

  “Asher…” Sadness washed over her.

  “Hey, it’s all good, right?” I flashed her a reassuring grin, turning my easy charm back on. “We’re friends and you’re with Jason now. Everything worked out the way it was supposed to, but now I need you to help me.”

  “With Mya.”

  I nodded.

  “I’m not sure she’s looking for anything right now. Things with her ex ended badly and…” Guilt glittered in Flick’s eyes. “I’ve already said too much.”