The Harder You Fall

by L A Cotton

  Actually, she hadn’t said enough.

  “Listen, you can either help me or I can find out myself.”

  “Why is this so important to you?” Felicity stared up at me as if I’d lost my damn mind.

  And it occurred to me, maybe I had.

  But I saw something in Mya, felt it every time I was around her. I couldn’t explain it, but I couldn’t just ignore it either. Especially not since my two best friends had gone and gotten themselves loved up.

  “Do you actually like her, or is this just some game, because I’m not—”

  “Come on, Flick, you know me better than that. I like her, okay? There’s something in her eyes…” I swallowed the words, realizing how fucking stupid I sounded. “She ever talk about me?”

  “I...”

  “Shit, don’t answer that.” I’d obviously misread the situation. Way to go, jackass.

  “Want my advice?” Felicity asked.

  “Always.”

  “Don’t force it. If it’s meant to be, things will find a way of working themselves out. And if it’s not meant to be, you can still be friends. Besides, it’s not like Mya will be here forever. She’ll have to go home eventually and then there’s college.”

  My chest tightened at that. I hadn’t really given much thought to what happened down the line. Focusing only on what happened now.

  Or what I wanted to happen.

  “You can’t escape destiny,” I said with arrogant conviction, earning me a snicker from Flick.

  “And you and Mya are destiny?”

  “Written in the stars, baby. She’s running from her past. I’m...” Shit. I swallowed the words but there was no avoiding Felicity’s scrutinizing gaze.

  “You’re what?”

  “Nothing. Thanks for the help. I’ll catch you later?”

  “Later?” Her face paled.

  “Yeah, you guys are still coming over, right? I thought we were having a movie night?” And since I was the only one with the home movie theater, we usually crashed at mine.

  “I...”

  “You have other plans.” My chest tightened.

  “It’s just with this exhibition game and Jason walking around like a bear with a sore head, I wanted to do something to cheer him up.”

  “Hey, you can be cheery at my house… aaaand you don’t mean that kind of cheering up. You mean cheer-sex.”

  “Asher!” The skin along her neck flushed pink.

  “Fine. Go cheer-sex your guy. I guess I’ll make do with Hailee and Cameron.”

  “Hmm...” Guilt flashed in her eyes and I groaned.

  “Let me guess. The cheer-sex stuff comes after a double date?”

  “We just didn’t think you’d want to—”

  “I get it. Nobody likes playing third wheel.” Or in this case, fifth. “Well, have fun.” I didn’t mean to sound as bitter as I did. But fuck, if it didn’t sting being dropped by your best friends for couples’ night.

  “I’m sure it would be okay if you came with us.”

  “And cramp your style? Nah, I’m good.” I forced a smile. “You guys go have fun. I’ll be fine.”

  “You’re sure? I made reservations at that new restaurant on the edge of town. Jason’s dad recommended it.”

  “Does Jason know that?”

  “It can be our secret.”

  “Sure.” I had enough of those, what was one more?

  “We’ll all hang out tomorrow?”

  “Yeah, of course.” It came out strained. “Have fun tonight.” I gave her a two-fingered salute and stalked down the hall, wondering when life got so fucking complicated.

  On the face of it, everything had changed at the beginning of senior year, when Hailee and Cameron started eye-fucking each other across the cafeteria. But the truth was, things had felt off for me for a while. Before the girls turned our world upside down.

  Senior year was supposed to be the best time of our lives. But sometimes it felt like a noose around my neck.

  I shouldered the door and stepped out into the murky cold air, when I spotted a blur of spiral curls, ripped jeans, and military boots. “Oh, hell no,” I murmured as I cut across the lot. “Mya, wait up,” I yelled.

  I hadn’t seen her all day, and I was pretty sure it was because she was avoiding me.

  “You need a ride?” I asked, slowing down to her pace.

  “I’m good but thanks for the offer.” She wrapped her arms around her waist, hugging her jacket tight to her body.

  “Come on, it looks like another storm is about to hit and your aunt lives three miles out.”

  “I don’t know...”

  “I’ll be on my best behavior. Scout’s honor.”

  “You expect me to believe you were a boy scout.”

  “Okay, you got me, but I swear I have no ulterior motive this time.”

  Her dark eyes searched mine, eventually softening around the edges. “I wouldn’t say no to a ride downtown.”

  “You’re not heading home?”

  Mya shrugged. “My aunt has her friends coming over and I don’t much feel like listening to them gossip. And Flick and Hailee are…” she trailed off.

  “It’s cool, I just got the memo. Sucks to be us, huh?”

  “Better than them trying to get us to triple date.”

  “Ouch!” Strangled laughter rumbled in my chest despite how much her words stung.

  “Shit, Asher, I didn’t mean—”

  “Don’t sweat it. I have tough skin, Hernandez. But since we’ve both been blown off by our so-called friends, we could, I don’t know, hang out maybe?” I steeled myself for her rejection.

  So color me surprised when the word, “Okay,” slipped from her soft pink lips.

  “Yeah?” my eyes widened.

  “Yeah, so long as you don’t make a bigger deal out of this than it is.”

  “And what is this?” I teased.

  “Two friends getting milkshakes at The Alley?”

  “You have yourself a deal, friend.”

  Mya rolled her eyes as if she knew exactly what was going through my head. But there was no way she knew.

  Because if she did, I was pretty sure she’d be running for the hills.

  “I used to love this place.” I glanced around The Alley, taking in the familiar Formica tables, clink of the pinball machine, and smell of fried food.

  “Why did you stop coming?”

  “Once we made Varsity, it was just kind of off-limits. Everyone knew Tate, the owner, didn’t stand any football rivalry bullshit so we just avoided it.”

  “Because you wanted to cause trouble?”

  “Not really, but coming here meant shedding our jersey’s and in case you haven’t noticed, we’re not about that.”

  She glanced down at me. I was sure her eyes lingered on my chest a little longer than necessary. “You’re not wearing your jersey today.”

  “Things are different now the season is over.” The words came out strained as I led Mya over to a booth.

  “But there’s the exhibition game.”

  “Yeah, but it’s not like State. There was a lot riding on that. We had a lot to prove. This game is just a way for Principal Finnigan and Principal Castrol to look good in front of the press. Finnigan has been wanting to clean up our reputation since he transferred here and this gives him a platform to do that.”

  “I don’t think I’ll ever understand how one town can be so obsessed with football.” Mya picked up a menu, and I found myself lost in the way she studied it, her big brown eyes sweeping over the laminated card, sparking with interest.

  “Stop,” she let out a small sigh.

  “Stop what? I’m not doing—”

  “I can feel you watching me.” Her eyes flicked to mine. So dark and intense… and pissed.

  “Right. Sorry.”

  “You promised, Asher.” Mya lay the menu flat, pressing her hands against it. “Friends, remember?”

  “Friends, got it… and why is that again?”

&
nbsp; She blew out another exasperated breath. “Because I’m not looking for a relationship. And you’re…” Mya shook her head. “We’re just not compatible.”

  “You haven’t even given me a chance. It makes sense. You’re friends with Hailee and Felicity and we’re all always hanging out anyway.”

  “Which is just another reason it makes no sense. Flick and Hailee are my only…” Mya pressed her lips together.

  “Your only what?”

  Leaning across the table a little, she whispered, “My only friends here. If we did try dating, which we are not doing, and it went wrong, I’d lose them.”

  “They wouldn’t choose me over you.”

  “No but they’d choose their boyfriends.” Something flickered in her eyes.

  “You’re so certain we wouldn’t work out. Why is that?” I scrubbed my jaw, half-surprised, half-relieved she wasn’t just shutting down this line of conversation.

  “Look around you, Asher.”

  Frowning, I glanced around the diner. A few kids watched us, curiosity glittering in their eyes. But it wasn’t anything outside the usual. Kids tended to know when a Raider was around. It’s just how it was in Rixon; came with the responsibility of wearing a blue and white jersey.

  “In case you haven’t noticed, having an audience comes with the territory.”

  “Wow, arrogant much?”

  Laughter rumbled in my chest. “Just telling it like it is. I could care less if we have an audience. I only see you, Mya.”

  Her lips parted on a small gasp.

  “What, no sassy comeback?”

  “I do not sass.”

  “Sure you don’t.” I smirked, loving our playful interaction. But it ended all too quickly, when Mya’s smile slipped away.

  “You don’t think they’re looking at us wondering what someone like you is doing here with someone like me?”

  “I don’t give a shit what they think, and you shouldn’t either.”

  “It’s easy for you to say,” she threw back and I tugged my hair in frustration. Mya was a complicated girl. Walls so high and reinforced I wasn’t ever sure I’d get through them. But then, sometimes, she’d give me a look that said, ‘don’t give up’.

  “Come on, Hernandez, work with me here. I won’t let them bother me, if you don’t let them bother you. Or I could go over there and ask them what the fuck their problem is?” I went to get up, but Mya’s hand snagged my wrist over the table.

  “No,” she rushed out. “Don’t, please.”

  “So you’ll ignore them?”

  “Them who?” Her voice dripped sarcasm but I’d take it.

  “That’s my girl,” I said, grinning like the damn Cheshire cat. Mya’s eyes widened in surprise at my slip of the tongue.

  If only she knew the truth. Knew that it wasn’t a slip of the tongue at all. It was a test. A promise of things to come. Because one day, Mya Hernandez would be mine.

  She just didn’t know it yet.

  Mya

  Every Tuesday without fail, I spoke to Mom. Sometimes we’d speak for hours, other times it was shorter, and if she got upset, we usually ended the call and promised to talk again soon. But today, the first time in almost twelve weeks, she didn’t pick up.

  “Come on, Mama,” I muttered, hitting call again. It rang out, the drone of the dial tone echoing through my mind. “Aunt C, have you heard from Mama today?”

  She appeared in the door. “She texted me a couple of days ago. She isn’t answering?” Aunt Ciara eyed the phone in my hand.

  “No. It’s Tuesday. We always talk on Tuesdays.” Panic flooded me. “What if something happ—”

  “Breathe, Mya. Breathe.” My aunt hurried to my side. “I’m sure it’s nothing.”

  Just then, my cell phone blared to life. “See, nothing to worry about.”

  “Mama?”

  “Mya, mi pequeña. I’m sorry I missed your call. I was washing my hair and didn’t hear my cell.”

  “That’s okay.” Relief sank into my bones. Aunt Ciara pressed a kiss to my head before leaving me alone. “How are you?”

  “You know how it is, baby. Gotta keep working.”

  I stiffened. “I know, Mama.”

  “But enough about me, tell me all about you. How is school? Did you pick a college yet?”

  “I’m still weighing up my options, but my guidance counselor is going to help me before school gets out for the holidays.”

  “That’s good, baby, real good. Mi pequeña graduating high school and going off to college. I couldn’t be prouder if I tried.”

  “I haven’t been accepted yet, Mama.”

  She grunted. “They’d be foolish to turn you down, baby. Always were booksmart.”

  “So I was thinking,” I hesitated, bracing myself for her response. “Maybe I could visit over the holidays. Just for a few days?”

  “Mya, baby, you know that isn’t a good idea.”

  “I haven’t spoken to him. I’ve ignored all his texts, just like I promised. But I miss you. I miss you so much, Mama. And Shona and the girls.”

  “He’s still calling you?”

  “Texts mainly.”

  “I don’t like it, Mya. I don’t like it at all. Maybe I should talk to Keelan and—”

  “No, Mama, you can’t. You promised,” I cried, fear edging into my voice.

  “Ssh, baby. You’re right, that wouldn’t end well. But I wish you’d change your number. Be done with him once and for all.”

  “I am done. It’s over.” My chest cracked.

  Silence followed.

  A beat.

  Another.

  Until Mom let out a heavy sigh. “I didn’t want to tell you, but you should know, Jermaine dropped out of school.”

  “No!”

  School was his last hope. The one place he had people anchoring him to something more than a life of drugs, gangs, and an early grave.

  Not the only thing. I shut down the little voice. I’d tried… and failed. Walking away from Jermaine was the hardest thing I’d ever done, but it wasn’t only about him anymore. It was about me too. My life, my dreams.

  My safety.

  “He’s running for Diaz officially.”

  That’s what Shona must have called to tell me. Jermaine was in deep with Diaz and his crew now.

  Guilt snaked through me. When I’d left, Jermaine was still in school. He still had a chance. But if he’d initiated into Diaz’s crew, there would be no easy way out now. Tears pooled in my eyes as I remembered our last conversation, right before Mom shipped me off to Rixon.

  “Fuck, Mya, baby, you weren’t supposed to be there… you weren’t supposed to get hurt.” He tried to cradle my face, but I jerked back, shielding my bruised cheek with my hand.

  “Don’t touch me,” I ground out shakily, pain radiating from various parts of my body.

  “But I need you… I need you, Mya. I always need you.”

  “So stop,” I cried. “Walk away before it’s too late. Keelan said he’d give you a job.”

  “Glass collecting at the bar?” He scoffed. “I can’t be collecting no glasses, Mya. I got a rep to protect.”

  “Do it for me, J; for us. I can’t stand by and watch you do this to yourself no more. Look at yourself. Look at me. What happens next time it goes wrong? What happens when it’s not someone’s fist but a bat or… gun.”

  “Nah, baby. This isn’t shit, just a little warning.”

  “A little warning?” I gasped, the air leaving my lungs on a painful breath. “They held me down while they beat you. And then they…”

  * * *

  “Mya, mi pequeña?” Mom’s voice pulled me from my thoughts, and I swiped at my eyes, trying to compose myself.

  “I’m still here.” I forced the memories back into their box, locking it tightly. “Think about the holidays, okay, Mama? I could just come for a couple of days and stay at the house. Shona could visit. Or maybe you could come here?”

  “You know I can’t, baby.” Sadnes
s lingered in her voice.

  “Aunt Ciara wouldn’t mind. In fact, I’m sure she’d love to see—”

  “Mya, enough. Keelan’s calling me on the other line, I gotta go, baby. But be safe, okay? And we’ll talk soon. I love you, Mya.”

  “Love you too, Mama.” Swallowing down the dejection, I ended the call and clutched my cell phone to my chest.

  Everything was a mess. All because I fell in love with the wrong boy. People said all you needed was love. But they were wrong.

  So wrong.

  Love wasn’t always enough to save somebody. Two people could love one another with everything that they were and it might still not be enough to make their relationship work.

  Jermaine Kingston had taken my heart and promised to keep it safe. But he’d failed me. And something told me if I gave Asher a chance, he’d also hurt me. Even if he didn’t mean to.

  My heart had been shattered once.

  I wasn’t sure it would survive another heartbreak.

  “There you are,” Felicity said on Friday morning as I headed into the building. “I was beginning to think you were avoiding me.”

  “I just needed some space.”

  “Anything I can help with because if Asher is—”

  “It’s not Asher,” I said a little too quickly. “I guess I’m just missing home, what with it almost being the holidays.”

  “Are you going to see your mom?”

  “I want to, but she doesn’t want me to go back.”

  “Because of Jermaine?”

  Nodding, I pulled off my hat and stuffed it in my backpack. “She’s worried I’ll fall back into old habits.”

  “But you wouldn’t, right?”

  “Me and Jermaine are over, but feelings don’t just switch off, Flick. I can’t say for sure how I’d act again if I saw him. I found out he dropped out of school.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault. It just means he’s in even deeper with the crew now. I guess I’d hoped me leaving would…” I trailed off, spotting Asher and the guys across the hall.

  “We’ll talk later.” She gave my hand a little squeeze, smiling as Jason stalked toward her.

  “Hey.” He kissed her deeply, pressing her back against the lockers.