The Harder You Fall

by L A Cotton

  “Asher, if we fall asleep...”

  “We won’t, I promise. I’m just not ready to say goodbye yet.”

  I pulled the blanket over us and wrapped an arm around Mya’s waist, snuggling as close as possible. It was perfect; our legs tangled, our slick bodies meshed together like two pieces of a puzzle.

  “You know,” Mya broke the silence, her voice barely a whisper. “When I first got to Rixon and learned how football obsessed the town was, I was dreading it. I’d left my home, my mom, my friends and...” she trailed off.

  “It’s okay, you can say his name.” As much as I hated it, Jermaine was a part of her past. A part of what made her who she was in this moment. I didn’t ever want to imagine them together. Him loving her, hurting her. But I couldn’t pretend he didn’t exist either.

  It helped knowing I was the one here with her now. Lying beside her, my kisses on her lips, my touch all over her skin.

  “I felt like an outsider. Part of me still does. But right from first moment I met you, you made me feel a part of something.”

  My chest tightened at her words, emotion clogging my throat. I was falling ass over elbow in love with her, but I didn’t want to say the three little words I knew would be too much for her to hear yet. So I swallowed them down, storing them away for another day.

  “Will your parents wonder where you’ve gotten to?” Mya asked, changing the subject.

  “Dad will be slumped over a glass of whisky by now, wondering where he went wrong in life to end up with me for his son, and Mom will be crying over the family albums.”

  She turned in my arms to face me, her hands pressed against my chest as she gazed up at me. “I hate that you’ve carried this for so long.

  “It is what it is.”

  “You deserve more though, Asher. You deserve a father who loves you and sees you for what you are. Not for what he wants you to be.”

  “Yeah, well, we can’t always get what we want.”

  “Sometimes we do.” She smiled, pressing a kiss to my lips. “Sometimes we get given exactly what we need when we didn’t even know it.”

  “Are you saying you need me, Hernandez?”

  “Maybe, just a little.”

  I tucked her against me, determined to make the most of every second we had together. But reality was a cruel bitch and all too soon, Mya was telling me to wake up.

  “I really should go,” she said.

  I hadn’t meant to fall asleep. But everything was so quiet with her. So peaceful.

  Around Mya I could breathe. I could forget about all the other bullshit and imagine a future where I got to choose my own path.

  Reluctantly, I got up, helping Mya to her feet. Dropping a kiss on the end of her nose I told her to wait while I went back downstairs and gathered up our clothes, yanking on my slacks before helping Mya back into her dress. When we were both dressed, I pulled her into my arms. “Best. Christmas. Ever.”

  “I should probably go...”

  “Wait, I have something for you.” I’d almost forgotten the small velvet pouch in my pocket. I dug it out and dropped it into her hand. “Merry Christmas, Mya.”

  Eyeing me carefully, her brows pulled tight, she pulled open the pouch, tipping the contents into the palm of her hand.

  “It’s a bracelet,” I added, nervous energy radiating through me.

  “It’s beautiful.” Delicate leather strands weaved together loosely to create a braid that held in place an oval silver charm. “What does it say?” Mya lifted it to her face to get a better look at the tiny engraving.

  “Forty-two.” We said in unison, our eyes colliding.

  “It’s your number.”

  “You didn’t like the idea of wearing my jersey, so I thought maybe this was a good compromise.” When she didn’t say anything, my chest grew tight. I ran a hand down my face and added, “It was supposed to be an inside joke.”

  “It’s…”

  Fuck. It was too soon.

  “Listen, forget it.” I went to snatch it back, but Mya closed her fingers around it.

  “Asher, it’s perfect. It’s just… well, I feel bad now. I didn’t get you anything.”

  Slipping my arms around her, I pulled her closer. “You gave me everything tonight.” I pecked the end of her nose. “Can I do the honors?” My eyes dropped to the bracelet and she nodded.

  It fit her wrist to perfection. I held her hand, smoothing my thumb over the curve of her hand. “You know what this means, right?”

  “That I owe you a present?”

  “No.” I smiled. “It means you’re wearing my number, which means you’re mine now.”

  “I guess I’d better not lose it then.” Mya brushed my jaw before kissing me softly. I wanted to deepen it, to push my tongue into her mouth and explore every deep dark place inside her.

  I wanted to stay here forever.

  Because once we walked out of here, our perfect bubble would burst and reality would come crashing down around us.

  Mya

  “I knew it.” Flick screeched down the line. “So how was it? I want details, all the glorious details. Was he hung? I always imagined he was—”

  I cleared my throat. “Are you done discussing the size of my…” I hesitated.

  “I think the word you’re looking for is boyfriend.” She smothered a laugh.

  “My boyfriend… wow, that’s going to take some getting used to.”

  “Yeah, yeah, but back to the size of his—”

  “Felicity!”

  “What?” I could imagine her pouting. “It’s girl talk. I tell you all about Jason’s skills in the bedroom.”

  “I never ask though. You just dump that shit on me without warning.”

  She chuckled at that. “It’s not like I can tell Hailee. She freaks out because he’s family. Anyway, I don’t want to talk about Jason right now. I want to talk about you and Asher. Was it magical? Did he make you see stars?”

  “Who are you right now?” My face scrunched up.

  “A girl in need of details, that’s who. I still can’t believe you did it in their old boathouse.”

  “It’s not like we had options. Besides, there was something thrilling about it.” Knowing we could get caught at any moment.

  “And he gave you a gift. So romantic.” She sighed dreamily and I knew I’d lost her to wedding bells and white dresses.

  “Earth to Felicity, it’s still early days.” My eyes dropped to the bracelet wrapped around my wrist. “He still has to tell his parents and I still need to tell my aunt.”

  “You really think she’ll be upset?”

  “Upset, no. Disappointed, hell yes. She’s warned me off white boys several times since I got here.”

  “But Asher isn’t just any white boy, he’s...”

  “Different,” I said quietly, feeling my heart clench.

  “Have you broken the news about our trip to New York yet?” she asked, and I pressed my lips together, the silence deafening. “Mya, you have to tell her. We leave in two days.”

  “I know, I’m working up to it.” Aunt Ciara and I were in a good place. We’d enjoyed Christmas Day together and I’d even gone to church with her and her friends. I didn’t want to rock the boat, not when things were so good; but Felicity was right, I had to tell her.

  About New York...

  About Asher.

  “Just do it. Quick and to the point, like ripping off a Band-Aid.”

  “Easy for you to say,” I grumbled.

  “You think it was easy announcing to my dad that I was dating Jason Ford? Hell no. But we have to make our own decisions, Mya. Even if they turn out to be mistakes.”

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence.” My stomach twisted.

  “I don’t mean I think Asher is a mistake. If anything, I think you’re finally thinking straight. I meant your aunt has to let you make your own way.”

  “I hope you’re right.” Because I could only imagine how much grief she was going to give me when I broke th
e news to her.

  “Anyway, did you still want to come over later? The guys are having guys night at Bell’s so I thought me, you, and Hailee could have girls night at my house.”

  “Will you stop asking about the size of my boyfriend’s dick?”

  We both exploded with laughter. It felt good, easing the heavy weight that had settled on my chest as we talked about my aunt.

  “Just give me a ballpark figure and we can move on.”

  “I’m hanging up now.”

  “Nine inches,” she snorted down the line. “It’s got to be at least nine—”

  “Goodbye, Felicity.”

  “Nine-and-a-half?”

  Her voice faded away as I hung up, still chuckling at her outburst. Pre-Jason, Felicity had been sexually repressed. Or at least, that’s the impression I’d gotten. But now she was all too willing to share. Still, I loved her in a way I hadn’t anticipated. She would never replace my childhood friends from Fallowfield Heights, but Felicity had done a pretty good job at filling the hole left when I moved to Rixon.

  Against all my better judgment, and my misguided expectations, I was making a life for myself here. I had friends, real tell-it-as-it-is friends. I was making good progress in my classes. And I had Asher.

  The boyfriend I never knew I wanted.

  I was falling hard and fast for him. It wasn’t supposed to happen. I wasn’t supposed to let it happen, but I was tired of fighting my feelings. Of always being the tough girl.

  I was tired of letting other people dictate my life.

  So what if me and Asher came from different sides of the tracks? Attraction didn’t discriminate based on color or background or life experience. It wasn’t black or white but various shades of gray; prisms of color. My world had been dark when I’d moved to Rixon; dreary and desolate. All the pain and anger I felt bleeding into a black stain on my soul. But Asher, my girlfriends, even some of my teachers at school, were splashes of vibrancy, refusing to let me live in the shadows.

  And if I admitted it to myself, I kind of liked living in the light again.

  “Mya, it’s so lovely to see you again. Come in.”

  “Thanks, Mrs. Bennet.”

  “Julia, please call me Julia. Asher,” she called out over her shoulder, “your friend is here.”

  Asher rushed into the kitchen, sliding to stop in front of me. “Girlfriend, Mom.” He grinned at me. “Mya is my girlfriend.”

  The word did all kinds of things to my stomach.

  Closing the distance between us, he kissed me softly, not caring his mom was right there, pretending not to watch. I let out a contented sigh and gazed up at him. “Hi.”

  “Hi,” Asher replied. “I’m glad you came.”

  I’d almost told him no when he had invited me over but before I could make my excuses, Asher had dropped it out that his father was on a last-minute business trip. He said his mom was excited to meet me again, in less chaotic circumstances, and I didn’t have the heart to trample over his enthusiasm.

  “I hope you’re hungry, Mya. I took the liberty of making us all some lunch.”

  “Oh, you didn’t have to do that, Mrs.... Julia.”

  Asher moved to my side, taking my hand as we followed his mom further into their huge house. “Thirty minutes,” he whispered against my ear. “She gets you for thirty minutes and then you’re all mine.”

  Desire licked up my spine but it was nothing compared to how my heart went haywire when he kissed the sensitive skin beneath my ear. “Ash...” I breathed, shooting him a look that said, ‘behave’.

  He slowed our pace a little, waiting for his mom to disappear into the kitchen. Then he pressed me against the wall, pinning my hands at either side of my head. “You want me to behave when all I can think about is being inside you again?” Asher’s eyes turned as dark as night. “You drive me crazy, Mya.” He leaned in, flicking his tongue against my damp skin, dragging it up toward my jaw, setting off a flight of butterflies in my stomach.

  “Ash, we should—”

  His mouth crashed down on mine, hard and demanding. I melted against him, my lips parting with surprise, letting his tongue invade my mouth. Asher rolled his hips into me, swallowing my soft moans.

  “Asher, Mya?”

  “Shit,” he rasped as I gently pushed him away, trying to catch my breath.

  “Thirty minutes,” I said, willing my heart to calm down.

  “Thirty minutes,” he repeated, heaving a deep sigh, his eyes still burning into mine. Silently promising me so many things. Things I’d thought I didn’t want but craved so intensely I felt a little lightheaded.

  We could manage thirty minutes without tearing each other’s clothes off, couldn’t we?

  But as Asher took my hand again, his fingers brushing mine, I knew he wasn’t the only one who was going to suffer over lunch.

  I already missed his intense touch.

  “There you two lovebirds are.” Mrs. Bennet gave us a wistful smile as we entered the kitchen. “Sit, sit. This food won’t eat itself.”

  “It looks amazing, thank you so much,” I said, letting Asher pull out my chair and help me get seated. Something I’m not sure had ever happened in my entire life.

  Once we had our plates loaded, Mrs. Bennet started with the questions. “So, Mya, what colleges are you applying to?”

  My eyes flicked to Asher and back again. “I’ve applied to Temple University and two out of state schools. Michigan and Cleveland.” I knew Asher was supposed to be going to Pittsburgh. I also knew Cleveland was only about a two-hour drive from there.

  I also knew it was far too soon to be thinking about any of this.

  “Cleveland, how lovely,” she said, smiling knowingly, as if she knew exactly what I was thinking. “Pittsburgh is only about a two-hour ride from Cleveland, if I’m correct.” Mrs. Bennet gave her son a meaningful glance, but Asher didn’t share her enthusiasm.

  My heart sank.

  “Mom,” he ground out, rubbing a hand over his face. “Can we not do this?”

  “What? I’m just making polite conversation.”

  “I haven’t made any decisions,” I rushed out, no longer hungry. Asher’s eyes burned into the side of my head, but I couldn’t look at him.

  “Of course,” Mrs. Bennet added, sensing the sudden tension settling over us. “It’s a big decision and you have plenty of time. Unlike Asher who’s been destined for Pittsburgh his whole life.”

  Steeling myself, I finally met his eyes. His face was pale, drained of blood and humor. His eyes so full of pain my heart ached for him. “Yep,” defeat clung to his voice, “Pittsburgh here I come. Go Panthers.”

  Mrs. Bennet sniffled, clearing her throat. “Excuse me, I need to use the bathroom.” She hurried away from the table, leaving me and Asher sitting there, staring at each other, neither of us able to find the words to fill the silence.

  “You really applied to Cleveland?” he finally asked, surprising me.

  “It’s one of my choices, yeah.”

  “You never said anything.”

  “You never asked.” We hadn’t gotten that far yet; sharing our hopes and dreams for the future. But I guess that’s what happened when you were so caught up in defending your present to everyone around you; you didn’t think much past tomorrow or the next day or the one after that.

  Silence filled the space between us again. I didn’t really understand what was happening, but everything felt wrong. Reality forcing its way into the cracks of our new relationship, pushing us further apart.

  “I’m sorry,” Asher’s voice punctuated the air. “I didn’t mean… shit, Mya, I don’t know what I’m doing here. I thought we could have lunch with my mom and everything would be okay. But he’s always there, standing over my shoulder, pushing me toward the future he wants for me.”

  “It’s okay.” I reached across the table and held out my hand. Asher slid his palm against mine, exhaling a shaky breath, his eyes shuttering.

  “I should let you go.�
� He might as well have reached inside me and grabbed my heart. “I shouldn’t drag you into this shit with my dad. It’s only going to get worse.” Asher’s eyes flicked to the door his mom had disappeared through.

  “I’m right here,” I said. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Mya, I said I should let you go, not that I will. I’m too selfish to give this thing up. I need you.”

  I need you.

  Three little words I’d heard before. Three little words that, in the end, weren’t enough. This time was different though. I had to believe this time was different. That those three little words were enough.

  That I was enough.

  That how we felt about each other would be enough.

  Asher’s room looked different in daylight. It was as big as I remembered, but now I could take a proper look at his space, while he made himself comfortable on the bed.

  “I’m over here and you’re all the way over there.” Asher stuck his lip out, pouting dramatically.

  “I want to know you.”

  “You can learn everything you need to know about me over here.” His brow waggled suggestively as he patted the space beside him. I ignored him, running my fingers over a shelf full of football trophies and awards.

  “Football really is at the heart of Rixon, isn’t it?” Picking up a small bronze statue, I brought it closer to inspect the engraving plate.

  “MVP for my Pee-Wee team. I was twelve.” His warm breath danced over my skin, making me shiver.

  “I thought you were staying over there?” My gaze went to the bed.

  “Why would I be over there, when you’re over here?” Asher kissed the sliver of bare skin along my shoulder. “Football is my past; I think I’ve finally accepted that.” He took the statue from me. “I’m going to play one last time with my team and then I’m going to focus on other things. Like you.” Leaning around me, he placed the trophy back in its rightful place before turning me in his arms.

  “But you love football,” I said. “Maybe there’s a compromise? Maybe you can have both. Football and—”

  His brows knitted as he scrubbed his jaw. “For someone who didn’t like football a few weeks back, you sure sound disappointed that your boyfriend might never play again.”