The Harder You Fall

by L A Cotton

  “I know.” A full body shiver worked its way through me as the weight of our declaration settled over us. “Just promise me one thing, okay?”

  “Anything.”

  “Promise me, you won’t break my heart.”

  “Never.”

  Our lives were entwined now, the bonds between us weaving tighter and tighter with every moment we spent together. Until I didn’t know where I ended and he began.

  It both terrified and exhilarated me. The way we’d fallen so hard and fast, swept up in the allure of each other.

  But I was no fool.

  Even now, lying there beneath him, his taste on my lips, his love in my heart, I knew that after the fall usually came the crash.

  I only hoped my heart would survive.

  “What time is it?” Ash dragged my body back toward him.

  “Just after nine.”

  “Fuck, my head...”

  “Yeah?” I snorted. “I told you to lay off the shots.” After we’d finally left the limo we had returned to the club and celebrated the new year with our friends. A little too hard if the throb in my skull was anything to go by.

  Leaning over, I grabbed a bottle of water off the nightstand and uncapped it. “Here.” I took a big gulp before passing it to Asher. He peeked an eye open, grinning up at me. “Hi,” he said.

  “Hi.”

  “Last night was kind of crazy, huh?” His heated gaze went right through me and a delicious tingle worked up my spine.

  “It was—”

  “Wakey wakey, lovebirds,” someone hammered on the door. “Breakfast is here.”

  Asher’s stomach rumbled as if on cue.

  “You’re hungry?” I asked incredulously.

  “Yeah, but not for food.” He tried pulling me down on top of him, but I resisted, planting my hands firmly on his chest.

  “We should join them. I don’t want your cousins to think I’m rude.”

  “Fuck my cousins. Did they even come back here with us?”

  “You don’t remember?”

  “I’m not going to lie; everything is a little hazy. Not the limo though. I remember that.” His eyes flared again, and I knew he was thinking about what we did in there.

  “Vaughn dragged some guy back with her. Riley was flying solo though.”

  “Huh.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Guess I drank more than I thought.”

  “At least you didn’t puke this time.” The corner of my mouth tipped as I teased him.

  “I didn’t say anything last night, did I?”

  My heart stopped. Blood pounding between my ears.

  “What do you remember?” It came out strained.

  “I remember some fucker putting his hands on you… the limo… shots. But I definitely have a few black spots.”

  Disappointment and dread sat in the pit of my stomach.

  He didn’t remember.

  Asher didn’t remember our confession to one another.

  “Mya, what is it?” He leaned up, brushing my face.

  “N- nothing. I should get cleaned up.” I began climbing off the bed but before I got a foot on the floor, my body had been yanked back and Asher was looming down over me.

  “I love you,” he said, apology shining in his eyes.

  “You remember?” Confusion swirled in my chest, making it hard to breathe.

  “Of course I remember. I was joking. It was supposed to be a joke to see if you’d own up to it.”

  “A test.” My brow went up. “You mean it was a test?” I batted his chest. Hard.

  “No...” The blood drained from his face. “Shit. I screwed up, babe. Forgive me?” His eyes went soft, his bottom lip sticking out.

  “Don’t do that to me, Asher. Don’t make a game out of how we feel about each other.” My hands glided up his collarbone, looping around his neck. “I might be strong, but it doesn’t mean you can’t break me.”

  “I’m sorry.” He covered my face in closed-mouthed kisses. “I’m a dumbass who doesn’t think. I remember everything about last night. Well, the important bits.” Asher leaned down, running his nose along my cheek, his mouth lingering at my ear. “I remember how it felt being inside you in the limo.”

  His teeth grazed my lobe and I felt him grow hard at my stomach. “Ash...” I licked my lips. “Maybe we have time to—”

  “Rise and shine, lovers. If you’re not out here in five, I’m coming in,” Jason yelled. “Consider yourselves warned.”

  “Ugh.” Asher rolled off me and flopped down on the bed. I giggled into his arm.

  “We should get dressed.”

  “He’s such a fucking cockblock.”

  “We have time,” I said, stroking my finger up the cut lines of his torso.

  “Time, you think we have time?” His eyes simmered with possessiveness. “I don’t want time, Mya. I want forever.”

  I gulped hard. The weight of his words pressing down on me.

  On us.

  But yet again, I was saved by another knock at the door. “Guys.” It was Hailee this time. “I’m not sure I can keep Jason out any longer.

  “Coming,” I called. “We’ll be right there.”

  Before Asher could grab me again, I slipped off the bed and grabbed some clothes before disappearing into the adjoining bathroom. The door clicked shut, the sound ricocheting through me. It was one thing to declare our feelings for each other... but to want forever... that was something else entirely.

  Part of me wanted to believe Asher was joking; making some flippant spur of the moment comment. But the other part knew better.

  Asher Bennet didn’t let people in. He guarded his heart—his truths—with wit and humor. Even his best friends in the whole world didn’t know about his dad.

  But I did.

  Asher had trusted me with his deepest darkest secrets. So when he looked me in the eye and told me he wanted forever, I believed him.

  Even if it was crazy.

  “Fee, baby, this looks really good, but I’m not sure I can stomach it.” Asher groaned, pushing away the plate of food and dropping his head on the counter.

  “It’s not like I cooked it.” She chuckled. “All I did was serve it.”

  “Still, it looks great,” I said, digging into my plate of bacon and pancakes. A glass of water and a couple of Advil had worked wonders on my hangover.

  “Ash, man, I know you’re hurting right now, but please stop calling my girl ‘Fee, baby’.”

  “Don’t be such a caveman,” Flick rolled her eyes at him.

  “Yeah, Jase,” Asher mumbled from his arm. “Don’t be such a caveman.”

  “Okay, then, let’s see how the fuck you like it.” Jason set his sights on me and I frowned across the counter at him. “Hey, Mya, baby,” he said huskily, “how are your pancakes?”

  “Hmm, good, thanks.” I slid my eyes to Asher who had gone tense.

  Jason smirked. “You’ve got a little syrup right there.” He stood up and leaned over the counter, his arm coming toward me. “Here, let me get—”

  “Don’t even think about it.” Asher wrapped his hand around Jason’s wrist, his eyes narrowed to deadly slits.

  “Now you know how it feels.”

  “Not the same thing at all, and you know it.”

  “Yeah.” Jason grinned. “It was just too tempting to fuck with you. Now eat something, it’ll make you feel better.”

  “He this bossy with you?” Asher glanced at Felicity who blushed a deep shade of red.

  “Oh, you have no idea.”

  “You love it,” Jason said around a mouthful of bacon.

  “Maybe.” My friend was beet red now. “Just a little.”

  “I can’t believe it’s January first,” Hailee said. “Graduation will be here before we know it.”

  “Bring it on if you ask me. I can’t wait to get the fuck out of Rixon.”

  “Jason!” Felicity scolded.

  They started bickering but Asher had my full attention. He was still curled in
on himself, face hidden in the crook of his arm. I rested my hand on his thigh, squeezing gently. It was a show of support; a way to let him know I was here for him.

  I didn’t expect him to straighten, clear his throat, and say, “So I have something to say and I need you to let me get it out, okay?” His eyes flicked to mine and I silently asked him if he was sure.

  “It’s time,” he breathed.

  Anticipation rippled around us, the air thick and heavy.

  “Whatever it is, we’ve got your back,” Cam broke the awkward silence while Asher tried to find the words.

  “Yeah, we’re here, man,” Jase added. “One hundred percent.”

  “I know and I appreciate it. More than you know.” Asher pushed off his stool and stood up, raking a hand through his tousled bed hair. “Fuck, I don’t even know how to say this.”

  “Ash...” I started but his eyes cut to mine, the pain behind them making the words dry on my tongue.

  “Asher, it’s okay,” Felicity said quietly, coming around to me. “We’re all here.”

  “Ah, fuck it,” he expelled a long breath and then fixed his eyes on his two best friends and then he said the words I knew it would kill him to say.

  “I won’t being playing college football next season.”

  Asher

  The two guys who knew me better than anyone stared at me as if they no longer knew who I was.

  “You’re joking,” Jase laughed but it was a strangled kind of sound that made me internally flinch. “It’s a joke.”

  “It’s not a joke, Jase,” I said grimly. “I won’t be playing football for the Panthers.”

  He sat straighter, running a brisk hand down his face. “You’ve lost your goddamn mind.”

  “Jason.” Felicity shot him a harsh look before settling her eyes on me. “But you love football,” she said.

  “Yeah, well, football isn’t going to secure my future. And we can’t all be like you, man, with a shot at going pro.”

  Jason winced at the bitterness in my tone. I wanted to tell him it had nothing to do with him and everything to do with my piece of shit father, but I couldn’t find the words.

  I was still surprised I’d even told them the truth about college.

  “So if you’re not going to play football, what the fuck are you going to do?”

  “You know Pittsburgh is my old man’s alma mater. I’m going to study business and when I graduate...” the words lodged in my throat. “I’m going to help Dad expand his tech business.”

  “If that’s what you want, man.” Cam smiled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Then good for you.”

  “I still don’t get it,” Jase narrowed his gaze, scrutinizing me as if he saw right through my bullshit. “You can study and play football. Why would you—”

  “Gotta grow up one day, right? Figured I might as well get a head start. Besides, it won’t be the same without you guys.”

  “Ash, man, come on, this doesn’t make any sense.” I’d expected this, expected Jase to be the one who wouldn’t let it go. “You’re a Raider,” he said. “The dream was always college football.”

  “Yeah, well, dreams change,” I said, exhaling a shaky breath as I locked eyes on him. Jase didn’t get it. How could he? Football had always been everything to him, the dream and the end goal. And despite his rocky relationship with his dad, at least Mr. Ford understood what it was like to want something so badly it consumed your every waking minute.

  Right from when he first held a football, Jason was a star in his father’s eyes. I was nothing but a bitter disappointment to mine.

  And now I’d disappointed my best friend. The guy who had been my captain and quarterback for as long as I could remember.

  We were locked in an impasse. Jason wanted to say more; it was right there in his eyes. The need to unearth my reasons, to know why it had to be like this. And I was silently pleading with him to let it go.

  In the end, it wasn’t me who walked away like I’d expected. It was Jason.

  “Fuck,” I hissed, clenching a fist against my thigh. Mya got up and came to me, wrapping her arms around my waist.

  “He’ll come around.”

  “Excuse me,” Felicity jumped to her feet. “While I go beat some sense into my boyfriend.”

  “We should probably make a start on getting the bags,” Hailee said to Cameron who was staring at me with an apologetic expression.

  “He’ll cool off. This is your decision, not his.”

  “Thanks.” I gave him a sharp nod, unwilling to offer him any further explanation.

  “I shouldn’t have said anything,” I said the second me and Mya were alone.

  She craned her neck to look at me. “Maybe the whole truth would have been better.”

  “I tried but I’m not ready. If you think this changes things, them knowing the whole story will really screw things up.”

  “They’re your friends, Ash, they’ll understand.”

  Looping my arms around her, I held Mya tight to my chest. “I’m not ready.”

  I didn’t know if I ever would be. I’d lived with this lie for so long it had become an extension of me. A ten-foot wall erected out of lousy jokes and false smiles. Telling them would be like baring myself to the world, the real me. Not the version people knew and loved. But the other version.

  The dark tainted version that had anger simmering in his veins and pain festering in his heart.

  “Okay,” Mya whispered. “We’ll figure it out.”

  “As long as I have you, it’ll be okay.” My lips fixed over hers, finding solace in her softness, the little noises she made as my tongue stroked hers. Being with Mya was going to be complicated. But my whole fucking life was complicated.

  At least with her by my side, I didn’t have to face the shitstorm alone.

  After giving everyone a ride home, I returned the minivan to the rental place and picked up my Jeep. Mya had offered to ride with me, but I needed space. Time to clear my head, ready to deal with Dad’s bullshit when I got home.

  Pushing open the door, I steeled myself when his voice drifted down the hall. “Asher, Son, we’re in the kitchen.”

  Waiting to pounce, no doubt.

  I ditched my bags by the staircase and made my way toward the back of the house.

  “Happy New Year, sweetheart,” Mom greeted me first, her smile too wide, her eyes red and swollen.

  She’d been crying.

  Which meant he’d upset her.

  Anger boiled in my blood. “Happy New Year, Mom. Dad.” I gave him a sharp nod while I hugged Mom.

  “Did you have fun?” she asked, her voice significantly lower than usual.

  “New York was great, thanks.” I forced a smile. “Did you have a nice evening?”

  Dad and Mom spent every year at The Danforth, the only five-star hotel and restaurant in a twenty-five-mile radius. They always hosted an extravagant and exclusive dinner. It was the perfect place for Dad to rub shoulders with the other businessmen and wealthy people living in the local area.

  “It was...” She hesitated, telling me all I needed to know, “lovely.”

  Dad grunted. “The Ginly’s were there. Good people. Malcolm and I were hoping that since you and Kellie will be attending Pittsburgh in the fall together, that maybe you could—”

  “The rest of the year is mine,” I ground out. “Isn’t that what you said?”

  “I did. But then I didn’t expect you to be gallivanting around town with the Hernandez girl.”

  “Mya. Her name is Mya.”

  “I know very well what her name is, Son. What I can’t quite understand though is if you’re dating her to make a point or because you genuinely care about the girl?”

  “Care about her?” I spat. “I don’t fucking care about her. I love her. I’m in love with her.” My chest heaved with the weight of the words.

  “Love?” He chuckled darkly, the sound making my muscles tense. “You’re eighteen, Son. Love is for fools.”
<
br />   Mom let out a pained gasp behind me, and then fled from the kitchen.

  “Nice, Dad. Real nice.”

  “Your mother knows how I feel about her.”

  I wasn’t sure being a possessive jealous asshole translated into love, but what the hell did I know?

  “Mya isn’t going anywhere,” I said resolutely. “So you need to get to used to that. I’ve kept my end of the bargain. I’m still going to Pittsburgh; I’m still going to focus on my degree and leave football behind.”

  “Son.” My father rubbed his brow. “Mya is... not suited for our world. I’m sure she’s a lovely girl, but—”

  “Save your condescending racist bullshit for someone who cares. There are still five months until graduation. Five months where I get to say how I live my life.”

  He bristled, irritation flashing in his eyes. “Watch your tone, Asher. You might still have five months, but if you think for a second I’ll just stand by and watch you screw up your life for a girl who probably only sees you as her meal ticket, you’ve got another think coming.”

  He was deluded.

  Completely and utterly deluded.

  Mya didn’t love me because of my family’s wealth. She loved me in spite of that.

  But he saw all relationships as business transactions. What one person could do for another. In fact, I was pretty sure there was a dollar sign right where his heart was supposed to be.

  “I’m done,” I said, moving toward the door.

  “You’re making a terrible mistake, Son. Mark my words, one way or another, that girl will ruin you.”

  With a final shake of my head, I walked away from him. From the one man I should have been able to look up to and go to for advice. But Andrew Bennet was no more of a father to me than Cam’s dad or Jason’s dad had been. It wasn’t any wonder, I craved the affection he’d never afforded me. And now I’d had a taste of it, I wasn’t sure I could ever give it up.

  My father’s warnings be damned.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” Mya asked me for the third time since I’d picked her up. As if my mood wasn’t bad enough after my conversation with Dad, her aunt had scowled at me from the window, her disapproval burning into me.